Meant To Be Together, Too

And You're Going to Disney!

2010-12-24T22:11:00.002-05:00

Today, you and Mommy flew to Disney World. Mommy and Daddy told you about it at dinner last night. You were excited. But you weren't as excited as you would have been if you actually knew what Disney is.

We took Jetblue. And at check in, we were so nice that the ticket agent gave us premium seats in row 2 without charging us an upgrade fee! She said we were so nice that she wanted to give us a present. That meant we were first on and first off the plane. Wow. Merry Christmas to us!

We checked into the Animal Kingdom Lodge in a Savannah Overlook look. And when we got into our room, there was a big picture glass window. And through it we saw a giraffe, wildebeasts and zebras. We saw animals all along the windows as we roamed the hotel lobby and the hallways!

We took pictures with Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse in front of the big holiday tree. And then you had a picture taken in Santa's big chair. He wasn't there to see it!

We went downstairs to Mara and had some snacks. And when we went upstairs we saw Santa!! Wow! So we stood in line and you had a picture taken with Santa. And you asked him for a race car. Then we took a picture of you, me and Santa all together. It was so much fun! Good thing Mommy got her camera fixed! We won't tell Santa that you sat in his chair, either.

Then we went to the Animal Kingdom to get our tickets to the parks. We went there because it's the closest to our hotel. We also talked to Aunt Mia who had just landed and was headed back to the hotel.

While we waited in line for the hotel bus, you struck up a friendship with the nice lady in line next to us. She told you all about the meerkats that reminded her of ferrets. Of course, you had no idea what she was talking about. Lol. But you told her that your favorite animal was the giraffe, which you saw outside the hotel room window.

The bus was crowded. Standing room only. I put you on my lap and let and older lady take my seat. Halfway to the hotel, Mommy's phone fell out of her pocket and dropped to the floor. And as we looked for it in the dark, a little girl in front of us picked it up by the light of her sister's iPhone and gave it to me.

You looked at me and said, "you help the lady and she (pointing to the little girl) helped you."
I said, "yes she did. So nice, wasn't it?"
And you said, "all the people in the world help each other. No bad people."

We got to the hotel and waited for Aunt Mia. Neither of us were hungry.

Aunt Mia showed up and we went to the room and chatted with her while she unpacked. She gave you a huge, tight hug when she first saw you.

Aunt Mia unpacked and talked to Uncle John on the phone. Then we went back to Mara for a quick bite. I still wasn't hungry. But you decided to get the flat bread pizza which was quite tasty.

Then we sat and talked and waited for Uncle John. Because that's what we always do - wait for Uncle John. And you will find out just how true that is.

And you will also notice that Aunt Mia eats all day long. Tiny little portions. But it's constant. And not exactly nutritious.

Did I mention we waited a long time for Uncle John? Hmm. Yup. We did. Didn't want to leave that out.

So after waiting for Uncle John, we decided to go up to the lobby and call him. At 8:30, he and Aunt Mia went back and forth on the phone for 15 minutes until Aunt Mia hung up on him. He was 30 minutes away still and I was too tired and you had to go to bed because as a morning kid, I knew you'd get up early even if you went to bed late and with the cough you have - well, I wanted you to get some rest!

So round and round went Aunt Mia and Uncle John. Will we meet in a park? Where in the park? In the lobby? Can he come to the lobby because he can't decide which park or where etc etc etc.

After a very deep breath, Aunt Mia went outside to call Uncle John again to get a better cell signal. Oh my goodness. Evidently he'd just been yelling at her telling her he can't hear her and that my phone coverage sucks. Uh...It not MY phone! LOL.

That's the other thing about Uncle John. He is very disorganized and late to everything.

So in the end, Uncle John suggested what Aunt Mia and I were thinking all along, which is that WE'D get up and do whatever. And they can do whatever. And then we can call each other and sync up and meet wherever. Totally casual, which is what Aunt Mia and I like to do.

Needless to say, we all went to bed late.

Tomorrow we will try to visit Magic Kingdom. And if they are at capacity early which is the rumor, then we will got to Hollywood or Epcot. No worries!

Yin Yu Tang House

2010-12-05T13:21:00.002-05:00

Today we visited the Peabody Essex Museum and visited the Yin Yu Tang House.
Aunt Lilly told Mommy about it and then I read about it and wanted to go.
I thought you would enjoy it as well since it was Chinese.

The house had been brought over from China piece by piece and then put together exactly as it had stood in China. In fact, when they first put the courtyard together, the floors were too even so they had to take it all apart and put it back together again with uneven floors. That was very interesting to hear.

We visited the rooms and for the first time, you saw the inside of a Chinese family house. Actually, it was your second Chinese family house because you had been in your second mommy's house in Shanghai when you were adopted there. I haven't asked if that house looked the same as this house we saw.

I explained a lot of things to you and I think you understood most of it.

After seeing the house, we had lunch in the courtyard cafe. We had sandwiches, which you liked.

Then, we saw an exhibit of the artifacts from the Forbidden City brought all the way over from China. You didn't seem that interested in this exhibit. I think it's because everything was behind glass and you like to touch things. In the house, you could actually sit inside the rooms and touch some things so it was more intersting to you. Anyway, I also don't think you could relate to what the artifacts actually represented since you were not told anything about Chinese history, only about Chairman Mao. And even then, it was just a tiny little bit and a song you sang.

Afterwards, you wanted to roam the halls and rooms full of other exhibits. So we pretty much stayed the whole day and saw pretty much everything. You were interested in EVERYTHING. I was facinated with your fascination.

Then we drove home.
And on the way, you told me that it was a very good day.
A very very good day.
And you had a really really good time.

I was so happy.

A Full Day

2010-11-20T21:24:00.000-05:00

Well, we didn't go visit Auntie Amanda after all. Instead we stayed home and did all sorts of stuff together.

We broke down the big cardboard boxes that the shed came in. You watched me for a while and then you proclaimed that you had a better idea and you could do it faster, etc. So I gave you one of the large boxes you went at it.

And at it. And at it. And...

I looked up and you were trying to fold the cardboard into the size of a shopping bag. Uhhhh.... Ummmm.... I don't think that's going to work. We ended up unfolding it and cutting it up the old fashioned way along with the the rest of the boxes that I had done. You learned that Mommy is pretty smart and pretty strong.

We raked the leaves in the driveway by the side of the house and the front lawn. You showed me how to open the far end of the leaf bag by putting it over your head. I showed you how to do it by grabbing the far end and pulling. You thought that was pretty neat.

We got your hair cut. We went to Domani around the corner and when we entered, you said really loudly, "I want a girl." That was pretty funny. We ended up with a 1pm appointment, just enough time for lunch. We went to Anna's for lunch and then back to Domani. And yup. They remembered and gave you a girl. Gula did a great job. Short in the back and sides, a little longer at the top of the head and then longer in front. You looked so handsome! Very fashionable. All the women raved.

You played soccer in the back yard and made a track by raking the leaves into an oval. Then you kicked the ball around and around the track. At one point, you abandoned the soccer ball and ran to all the countries you know about - America, China, Korean, Japan, Canada. The tree was America. And the cincerblocks by the house was Canada. You declared you had to run fast across the ocean (the lawn) to get to Canada. Later, we can talk about how Canada and America are connected and you don't have to cross an ocean!

You said you wanted to do spelling homework. And we sat at the table and went over your spelling list. You have problems with vowels. And I explained that each vowel makes between 3 or 4 sounds. And if you put two vowels together, they sound like one vowel. I told you that every word has at least one vowel so you need to learn them at some point. You said, "oh, maaaannnnnnn." Yup. It was pretty funny. But with practice you will get it. And over time you will memorize all the words. For a kid that is an experiential, tactile learner, I know it will be hard for you. But you will get it.

I made Korean tofu stew for dinner. And you loved it. You sang the song I taught you, "yummy yummy yummy, in my tummy tummy tummy." And then you would rub your belly. You said you love Korean food. And then you remembered the Korean word for "delicious" and said it over and over again. Afterwards, you sat back and proclaimed, "I love Korean food. I am so happy!" That filled my heart and I was so happy, too.

Aunt Anne came to stay for the night with a friend. So you gave her a big hug.
She invited us to dinner but we decided to stay in. Sitting down to dinner, you proclaimed, "so quiet. I don't like so many people. Too much noice." It was pretty funny.

We sat and watched TV before you went to bed. This is becoming a ritual. We snuggle together on one of the couches and we watch a cartoon or a cooking show, your choice, and then you go to bed.

It was really a full day.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

It's You and Me, Kiddo

2010-11-19T19:37:00.001-05:00

Daddy went to Philly to run a race with 30 of his best tri friends. Aunt Judi is also running the marathon there and so Daddy thought he would go and support her. He left this afternoon straight from the office but he said he would call you every night. He is really good like that.

So it's just you and me.
Maybe after we get all our work done tomorrow, we might be able to go to NH and visit with Auntie Amanda and stay over. I think you would like that.

Your first hockey game

2010-11-18T22:27:00.000-05:00

You and I went to our first hockey game together.
Ok.
Not just together but your very first hockey game ever!

The Bruins were playing the Panthers.
Daddy had bought me these tickets many months ago so we could get out of the house and go together for "date nights." But he couldn't go tonight so we agreed that you could stay out a little late to go to the hockey game.

We had really good seats by where the Zamboni’s came out. And during the first intermission, I saw them and thought about the time that your Daddy gave me a ride on a Zamboni as a surprise. I was so happy and so shocked that I cried. Your daddy was wonderful about giving present and surprises.

You saw the cheerleaders and was "meh" about them.
You saw the little kids who skated during intermission and you were sort of "um... they're so little" about them.
Then you saw Blades, the Bear, and you were so excited!!
You said he was soft and cuddly but really strong.

We left during the second intermission so that you wouldn't stay out too late. It is a school night of course.

Oh. On the way into the parking garage, you held the door for a couple, held the elevator door for them, pushed the button and waited for them to leave first.

The guy was amazed. He couldn't believe how polite and caring you were. He kept saying it over and over and then you thanked him which brought on a whole round of more praises.

Who do you think taught you that? Yup. It was Mama. Daddy has something to do about it, too, but I do remember sitting you down and explaining to you why good manners were so important. And you said you understood. And I am sure that Daddy's and my reminders helped along the way.

On the drive home, you talked about family and how important family is and "outside people" are not the same as family. I asked who told you this and you said you just think a lot and you know this from thinking.

We came home and Daddy came down to put you to bed. You had asked me who bought the tickets and I said that Daddy did. So you thanked Daddy. And he told you that I chose you to go with me.

I hoped you like the hockey game because there is another one in December that I have tickets to. You said you would like to come again.

Love,
Mama

Under the Big Oak Tree

2010-11-13T22:15:00.002-05:00

Today we went to the Museum of Science. When I mentioned going, you were so excited. You wanted to go in the afternoon, after lunch.

We went to Spikes for Hot dogs.
That was Daddy's idea.
You and Daddy love hot dogs.

After lunch, Daddy walked home and we went to the museum.
You asked me why Daddy couldn't come.
I said he was busy and had other things to do at home.

At the museum, walked all over the place.
We even went to the 3D Theatre on Sharks.
It was CRAZY!
You and I kept reaching out our hands to touch the fish and the sharks, and we would look at each other and laugh.

After the show, we walked all around again.
And then you said, "I know I know... you have to come. Come."
And you led me into a room with a Big Oak Tree.
You pushed a button and the show started.
It was amazing.

You talked the whole time the recording was in play.
And underneath that Big Oak Tree, you gave me enlightenment and illumination.
Things to think about.
Out of the mouth of babes, as they say.

And I thought to myself... "Budddha reached enlightenment under the Bodhi Tree."
Bodhi Tree sounds a little like Big Oak Tree, doesn't it?

You gave me a gift.
More reason to be present than ever before.

And I love you for it.

Love,
Mama

"You don't have to worry..."

2010-11-13T22:09:00.002-05:00

"Mommy? I know you worry."
Worry? I do?"
"Yes. I know."
How do you know?
"Because you are always thinking. Think think think. In your head."
You think so? How do you know?"
"Because you are my mother. And I love you."
Oh.... okay. I love you too.
"I love you forever. I love until you die. And then until I die. I will love you forever. Because you are my Mother and I love you."
Thank you, JJ. That makes me so happy."

"Can I be a king?"

2010-11-11T15:49:00.002-05:00

Yes, JJ. You can be anything you want to be.
Really?
Yes. Really.

I told you a story.
Of your great great great.....too many greats to count... grandfather who was a king.
He was an orphan.
Found in a box on the grounds of the emperor's palace.
And the queen and her ladies found him.

The king raised him as he did his own two sons.

When the king died, the first son was supposed to inherit the throne.
But he said my middle brother is better fit than I to rule.
And so, your "great great great.....too many greats to count... grandfather" became the emperor.
And was a part of a great revival during the Silla Dynasty in Korea.

And one day I will take you to see his grave.
It's big and round and thousands of visitors come to his grave.

Yes, JJ.
He was an orphan who rose to be king.
And you can be a king too one day.
You can be whatever you want to be.

Love,
Mama

"You are the best mommy."

2010-11-09T21:00:00.003-05:00

Today was a tough day for me. I have been feeling a bit blue and I wasn't doing so well.

You came over and looked up at me.
With those deep, dark brown eyes, wide open, and looked me right in the eyes.
And silently, you leaned into me and gave me a hug.

"I love you, Mommy."
I love you too, JJ.
"You are the best Mommy."
Thank you, JJ. And you are the best son.
"Really?"
Yes.
"I love you, Mommy."

Post Adoption Depression

2010-11-08T12:34:00.004-05:00

I have just finished reading the book "Post Adoption Blues."
I should have read it in January.
Your Daddy tried to tell me.

"When the mother is in crisis, the family is in crisis."

I wish I had listened to your Daddy, too.

Post Adoption Depression is the same as Post-Partum depression. And in some ways, it is much worse. It is a legitimate condition that many adoptive parents go through. And it can either rip apart the family or bring it back together, depending on the path that the parents choose. Wow.

Everything I felt was covered in the first two chapters. It gave legitimacy to the horrible way that I was feeling and my mouth grew wider as I read and I thought, "OMG, they are writing about me!"

I guess it is the unspoken truth about adoption. The thing that no one ever talks about. The prevailing beliefs are many, and usually center around the happy doting parents of a brand new child/baby. This book talks about the dark side, the inability to bond or attach with the child you brought into your life. And the struggles to conform to society, the fear that you can't, the panic you feel, and the shame and fear that is provoked and the ensuing paralysis from being able to take action. It also talks about parenting itself and how overwhelming it can be, especially when society judges you in subtle ways without knowing they are doing it. How it affects the marriage, the child and the parents individually.

I think I was falling into this in january. Until it hit in April. And I kept spiraling every more deeply until all i could think about was getting away from it all. And I spoke these horrible thoughts and fears to you father, who I prayed would take care of them gently.

I also read about men falling into depression as well, and struggling on their own. And how it can be so different from the depression of a mother. And in this time, I am sure that your Daddy struggled as much as I did. And I wasn't there for him. Not one bit. And I am sure that was overwhelming to him. And if he is still struggling, now that I am aware of what is going on, I will be there.

So, I am getting help. Talking to a doctor every week about my feelings of depression. At the end of the book there is an exerpt from a standard set of questions - about half a dozen categories with two questions under each. And I answer "yes" to every single one. Except for the one where it asked whether I had thoughts of suicide. I am a survivor and a fighter if nothing else.

So I want you to know that I am on this journey of healing and that I feeling better. I have down days and up days. In fact, I still have ups and down during a single day. But I want to make it clear that I love you. You are my son. And as I come out of my gray fog, I am seeing the beauty and wonderfulness of you, and all the special things that you bring to my life.

I am learning to parent, as all parents do with their first child. And I will make mistakes. I hope you will forgive me on the days that I am too harsh or too tired. And I may not run as fast as Daddy, or play basketball as well as he does, but we can draw, we can start singing, we have danced, and sit quietly and read.

But I will always be here for you. By your side. I will never ever leave you. You are my son.

Love,
Mama

Nov 2 is Election Day

2010-11-02T19:46:00.000-04:00

Schools had the day off. So today I had Carrie come in in the morning while I worked. And then at 3pm we went to vote.

You voted today with the help of Mommy. And we voted for the R's. I was so proud.

Afterwards we changed and went to the reservoir to run. On the way, we saw a man holding up a Baker sign. You told him how you had just voted for the "R's". His eyes lit up and he said "good job, young man!" And then you told him about why you voted for the R's. Oh my!

We ran around the reservoir. I let you go ahead. You stopped twice to tie your shoes and you walked twice. But you were fast. And I could see you in your red shorts and white shirt all the way around. Then when you got to the entrance you turned around to get me. You ran me in, telling me about how you're gonna win the marathon one day. And we went home.

It was a good day.

Height and Weight

2010-11-01T09:12:00.003-04:00

Today you went to the pulmonary doctor for a brief check up where they weighed and measured you.

So far, you now weigh 59 lbs 5 ounces - 25th percentile. Before you were in the 21st percentile

You are now 4 ft 5 inches tall. this is 41.8th percentile. They didn't tell me where you were before but you were 4ft 4inches before.

Seems like you are catching up and the growth / weight trajectory is on target,

Looks good. :o)
Happy happy!

5K

2010-10-30T07:46:00.001-04:00

This morning, you ran your first 5k Race.
It was a family affair.
Nai Nai and Ye Ye were there.
Daddy ran with his BAA friends.
And I ran too.

You and I started out together for the first .25 miles.
I could tell you were clearly holding back.
And I noticed you would run ahead a little, look back, stop and wait for me.

I couldn't hold you back.
So I caught up with you and I said, "JJ, you run. Run ahead without Mama."
And you looked at me a little worried and said, "you?"
And I said, "you go run as fast you want to. Just stay with all of the running people. And I will see you when I get to the finish line."
He seemed a little worried but I said,"you can do this. Mama would be so proud."

And so he ran. I watched his form ahead of me. So free and so beautiful. And so soon out of sight. And I cried a small tear thinking about it.

My first motherly act.
Amazing.
Letting you go and watching you run ahead.
While worrying about you.
This came out of the blue.
And I thought of the future when I would have to release you to High School, to driving, first dance, first drink, to college, to your bride, and God willing that I should be alive, to your first child. I thought of all the firsts to come and felt a lump in my throat.

You met me at the finish with Nai Nai and Ye Ye.

At the end you won the 19yrs and under age group award for First Place.

I was so proud.

Love,
Mama

Like Brothers

2010-09-29T10:54:00.003-04:00

After an outing with Niles and his family, Nile's mom sent me this:

JJ to Niles: I think we’re like brothers. When I’m 18, I’m going to buy a house and you will buy a house and we’ll be neighbors. We can play games every day then!

So funny.

Do you know what love is?

2010-09-19T21:44:00.002-04:00

I asked you today, if you knew what love was.
You said, "Yes."

When I asked you how you knew, you told me that there was no one to love at the orphanage but you have people to love now.

And you said you know because, "I feel it in my heart."

Love is a universal Language.

First Day at Devotion

2010-09-07T08:10:00.002-04:00

Today you started your first day at a new school, Devotion School, which is four blocks from the house. This summer every time we walked by it, we would both point and talk about how you will be going there. You were looking forward to it.

It has walls, not an open classroom like Pierce.
I am hoping you will thrive in this new environment.

Love,
Mama

Now you're a Complete American

2010-06-22T09:24:00.002-04:00

After two months of documentation flowing back and forth between me and the American Government, proving you are not stolen, illegal or purchased illegally (you were legal :o) ) we received your official American Passport in the mail yesterday.

You are indeed fortunate. This is a document that people have forged, bought, stolen, and begged for, all the world over. Some have died trying to get it while others have killed for it. And for the rest of us who get it the traditional way, they must wait years. Sometimes tens of years. I wanted 15 years.

And you got it for just BEING. Yes. You are truly fortunate.

I hope you respect this right to be an American, treasure it always, never abuse it, and make this country proud. You have a long way to go to earning this gift. And it is a gift. As an immigrant and having visited the country of my birth, as well as other countries where "coming to America" is a goal in and of itself, I am passionate about paying back for this gift every single day.

You are unspeakably fortunate. And one day, you'll understand.
But knowing you, I think you probably already do.

Love,
Mama

Pain Response

2010-06-09T08:26:00.004-04:00

I have noticed that you have a high tolerance for pain. When we first got home, you were pretty much ok being given shots, being poked and prodded and then getting your teeth pulled all of the pain that goes along with that.

You didn't really say much the first few times. You didn't cry, moan or whine, either. But once, Daddy said that you were not crying out but you had a few tears coming down your cheeks when you were given the shot at the dentist. Maybe the need hit a nerve or a bad spot, or maybe the local didn't take effect as well. Who knows. But we knew that you really felt it because you have a high pain tolerance. But is that still the case?

The last time I went with you to the dentist (I think it was your 6th or 7th teeth to be pulled), you moaned and groaned and tensed your shoulders and gripped the dental assistant's hands so tight that your fingers turned white.

All of the prior times, you were pretty stoic about it. I have read that due to the way pain is managed in China when orphanage kids have surgeries (sometimes no pain medications afterward) and the possible cultural differences in pain management, they have to live through the pain of post surgery. So you get used to it and build up a tolerance.

I also imagine that you don't have these emotion-filled Mama's and Baba's who sit next to you massaging your legs and hands, crying along with you. Not that I would do such a thing to begin with. Anyway, I imagine that the Nannies had too many children to be able to sit and coddle any single individual when so many were probably sick at any given time, while other children ran around in mayhem. Of course, that's controlled mayhem because the institution, from my understanding, is a very strict, regimented and militaristic place.

I remember when I was younger, the only thing I got for a stomach ache was a tummy rubbing to calm down the muscles of the abdomen. Other than that? Nothing.

So it was interesting to me that over time, your pain tolerance seems to be decreasing by a notch. And I mean a hair of a notch because it's still pretty high. But then I wonder because the last time you got a scratch on your elbow from fall down at school, you whined and complained enough that I told you to that it is supposed to hurt, and it's good that you have another elbow. You laughed at that idea.

Could it be that the attention you get from the dentist's office, or the touching and hand squeezing you get from the assistant is something that you crave, so physically, your body adapts to that change and it allows you to feel more pain?

Regardless, it will be interesting to see if your pain tolerance continues to go down. I know it will plateau at some point. Probably won't go too low though due to early training and early expectations.

Another Tooth Pull

2010-06-08T12:11:00.003-04:00

Today you went to the dentist for another tooth pull. I think it might be your 6th or 7th. There have been so many, I've lost count.

This one came by order of the Cleft Dentist, Dr. Kennedy.
Turns out that there was an abscess on your tooth and when Dr. Defeo pulled your lip up to show me, there was a white pustule at the fold of your gums where your lip and gums come together. It looked painful. She said that it sometimes happens when the tooth has decay but the adult canines start to push down on the tooth and the roots start to erode (which is normal). That canine had already started to wiggle anyway.

You got a big shot with a big needle and you got all nervous and agitated but afterwards, you laughed about how your mouth felt bit but it didn't look big.

The more language you get, the more you complain, too. Instead of sitting still, you moaned and groaned like this was your first time going through it. The only thing that I can think of is that you are more comfortable with me and are no longer afraid that if you start to make noise that we won't love you or that we will send you back to China. But I did remind you that it was no different than the first few times when you didn't make any noise at all. So, I told you to suck it up or it was gonna hurt worse - which the doctor also confirmed. "Don't move, Jasper..."

After I dropped you off from school, the school nurse called and about 10 minutes later and told me that it was "bleeding considerably." Uh, he got his tooth pulled. Keep the gauze in. She said she had already changed it. So I told her that it was not supposed to be disturbed for 15 minutes and obviously it wasn't 15 minutes and you've changed it so,uh, of course it is bleeding.

So, this time you got two stickers and a toy from the toy drawer for your troubles.
You seemed happy enough about it in the end.

Golf

2010-06-07T16:43:00.001-04:00

I remember once when you wanted to turn the channel because it was on golf and you thought it was boring. Unfortunately, Daddy was watching and you got a pretty good lecture about how just because you thought something was boring didn't mean that everyone else thought so. And of course, I was pretty appalled because you has no respect and because you had forgotten your rank in the family. LOL. At least until another "youngest member" joins the family. LOL. If ever. Haha!

Anyway, you discovered that golf is pretty interesting when you're there watching in person.

We went to Muirfield for The Memorial Tournament. We got there 2 or 3 days later than usual which is a good thing. We basically followed KJ Choi, which meant that you walked all over a very hilly golf course. According to my calculations you walked anywhere between five and seven miles a day. And that doesn't include the running around you did off the course.

And you were well rewarded by getting three balls from KJ Choi and one from DJ Trahan. Ok. So DJ Trahan was way down the list but he made the cut which means something. And KJ? Well he's a great golfer. He won the tournament one year! And of course, Mama and Baba immediately took the ball from you for safe keeping. LOL. And when you said you wanted to play with them, we gave you the hairy eyeball. LOL.

You were also very good during the trip. You played with Alex and told me that you had a classmate named Alex, too. In fact, she liked you so much that she came back the next day because she wanted to "see the little kid.". LOL. Pretty funny.

And you weren't a bratty little kid. Not that you ever are. In fact, you are pretty "invisible" wherever you go since you are so good and well-behaved. Of course, your good manners make Mama VERY happy! :o))

Hopefully you will like watching golf on TV now. If not, too bad. Because we watch a lot of it! Haha.

Random Thought: Game Boy

2010-05-23T15:52:00.002-04:00

Thank God for the Game Boy.
It's 15 years old.
But it still works.
Especially during a long and boring graduation ceremony.
Tough for a 9 year old boy to sit through.

Big problem

2010-05-22T13:44:00.003-04:00

Mama: JJ, we have to stop and get gas.

JJ: Why?

Mama: Because we're running out of gas.

JJ: Ah.

(Pause)

JJ: Car no gas, big problem...

Mama: Yes it is.

(At the gas station, JJ is watching Mama pump gas.)

Mama: Let's see how much gas this thing takes.

(After a while waiting as Mama pumps gas.)

JJ: Wow. Car is empty.

Mama: Yes it is.

JJ: Wow. Car is very very hungry...

Homework? Homework??

2010-05-22T09:38:00.004-04:00

Actually no.

Just trying to remember Him, Her, He, She.
50 times.
Next time, it'll be 100!

So, what's the good news for JJ?
No kid ever died from homework!

Suck it up, kid!
LOL!

Meat

2010-05-19T08:38:00.000-04:00

Daddy: What did you have for dinner tonight?

JJ: [this, that, veggies, blah blah, etc] and meat

Daddy: Meat? What Meat?

JJ: Don't know.

Daddy: [???]

JJ: come come come [goes to the refrigerator with Carrie right behind
him and pulls out a container]

JJ: Meat

Daddy: That's ham, it's pork, comes from pig.

JJ & Carrie: Ohhhhh.....

Birthday Hoop

2010-05-16T16:30:00.002-04:00

Daddy got you a basketball hoop for your birthday. All I have to say is "Thank God for Daddy." It's the perfect gift for a very active little boy.

Thank God.

"Why did my Mama and Baba throw me away?"

2010-05-16T16:12:00.005-04:00

It's been interesting. When you and I draw together, you always tell me something or ask me something that is more emotional than why birds fly.

I supposed that is why art therapy and touch therapy really works - it opens up the side of the brain that is more emotion than analytical. And I actually experience it working when we are drawing.

The first time, you told me about your Mama and Baba who threw you away, like the trash, into a trash can.

The second time, you told me about your friend in China, your best friend, the best number one person you knew in the whole world, who sat in a wheel chair with a curved back, no right leg, and a left leg with the heel of the foot growing out of his calf. I imagine that in China, you mostly saw boys with physical impairments and very few boys that we would call "normal boys." You said in China, this was "bad." And asked me, "in America?" And I said, "It's bad in America, too, JJ but most American Mama and Baba's do not throw their babies away like that." I always felt like he was asking me silently if his friend could come here. And I said nothing. I wish I were a better person than I am. But most importantly, I felt there was a veiled question about us throwing him away if he couldn't be fixed.

The last time it happened was this past weekend. We were drawing together and you asked me, "Why my China Mama, Baba throw me away?" In the past you never looked at me. This time, you asked the question and turned to face me.

What do I say? What can I tell you? And I wonder about the deep pain that you might be in to ask these types of questions. To know and be cognizant enough to equate yourself as trash. And then to know that you are worth enough for someone to want you and adopt you and bring you into abundance. What must you be thinking? How must you be feeling? It does tell me that you are not a shallow little boy and that you have the ability to really and truly think and feel. It was something I was afraid you wouldn't be able to do well, or even, at all. For me, THIS is what is required for bonding...

So when you looked at me, I searched your eyes and I said, "I don't know, JJ."
You turned back to draw, and said, "Why? Why throw me away?"
So, I said, "they didn't know you would be such a good boy. And that you could work so hard. And they didn't have enough money to fix your mouth and nose. But you're here with us now. And we will fix you and we all know you are a very good boy and that you work very very hard."

He got up and asked me for a hug.
I wish I knew what you were thinking and feeling at that moment.
But I bet it was less about love than it was about relief.

No matter where you and I are in life and in our relationship...
You matter.
Yes, you do.

One Step Closer to Understanding

2010-05-16T15:32:00.002-04:00

The Cleft Team doctor's office called the other day and as luck would have it, Mama was home. And after that conversation, I am thankful that I was.

They were basically confirming a doctor's appointment with the Cleft Team Orthodontist. And we basically started chatting.

The bottom line is that on one day you have three doctor's appointments. THREE. Yes. And since Mama will be in Texas for work, your poor, wonderful, long suffering Daddy would once again be taking you to the hospital alone. Again.

The doctor on the phone thought that you would have your bone graft and P-flap surgery all at the same time. But not sure until they could get another set of xrays to determine the growth of your canines. Evidently, they cannot do the bone graft until your canines are budding. If there is nothing to "anchor" the bone into place, the grafted bone will be "reabsorbed" by the body, leaving behind soft tissue. And since teeth will grow where there is bone, it is important to know when you canines are starting to take root. There are reports of children with cleft that have what I call "barracuda teeth" - rows and rows of teeth with some growing though the roof of the mouth!

She also mentioned that it would include removal of the ear tags, the nose revision, lip revision and the hemifacial microsomia - which she informed me was very very rare - and to have it happen along with cleft, was even more rare. I almost felt like I should feel "special" about it because it was so rare. Uh...

But before the bone graft surgery can be done, they may have to put in the palate expanders. And then you will need a retainer and braces until the surgery. And through the surgery. And then after the surgery you will be into teeth braces - none of which is fully covered by insurance. Ahem.

I told the doctor on the phone that I was worried about your surgery being scheduled in two years when you are 11 years old. There was some confusion because she thought it was going to be sometime at the end of this year. Hmmm. Interesting. But it seems that a lot could be up in the air depending on the growth of your bone. Right then and there I decided that you will be drinking A LOT of milk going forward!

I also know that you need to have your tonsils out before the bone graft and P-flap surgery because the surgeons do not want to have to deal with pushing them out of the way. The ENT appointment is later in May so we will know if you will need to have them removed.

So I explained to the doctor on the phone why I felt the urgency. People are starting to make fun of you. She said that you would have to be really outgoing and develop a really great personality because, Yes, kids are cruel and they will tease but you need to grow a great personality to over come it. I think you have a pretty big personality already and you are not shy or retiring so that's good.

I also said I worried about you having swimming because you have air escaping through your mouth and nose. She told me that I should just let you do what you want to do. And if you fail, then we can explain why but that it is important for us to support you in what you want to do. Got it. Check. No issues with this one.

Then I explained about your speech. There was a long pause and she said, you "are never going to be completely normal." And that you "will always have a slight speech impediment." And that you and I "are going to have to accept it and move on." And that how much of an impediment you have will depend on "how hard you are willing to work at speech." I told her that you are not afraid of hard work, and when we correct you, you will repeat it over and over until you get it as right as you possibly. Of course, that is only when you are consciously practicing ONE WORD. When you talk in sentences, you are still taking too fast, and you slur your words, and don't finish or start them correctly. In fact, if my back is to you, I have no idea what you are saying. And when I am facing you I have to read your lips. She understood this and didn't tell me that I was wrong. She understood and said that was expected.

She also told me about a foundation for children that I will be looking into.

It was really good to talk to her. It was not the news I wanted to hear but now I can move past it. You must work very very hard with the speech doctor later. I keep telling you think and now you are repeating it back to me.

Attachment

2010-05-16T14:00:00.004-04:00

It's been an interesting and difficult journey for me in attaching to you. And to think that all I worried about was you attaching to us.

First, I want to say that I am a deeply fallable person. I am also very complex and very contradictory in many ways. I know how deep my imperfection is because I have spent a lifetime trying to get closer to that elusive state of being called "Perfection."

Second, I am writing this down so you can know what your Mama is like. That I am very human and that I was never your saviour or rescuer. And that it's okay to talk about your feelings, no matter how sensitve the topic might be. So that one day when you read this, you will know the journey I went through to reach other side, where one day I do love you with all my heart. And that love will be worth so much more because it took root and clung to the desert of my heart, grew roots and finally bloomed, against all odds.

Third, I will say that right now, I am still on the journey. I am not there yet. And I might be crucified for saying that but the people who throw barbs and stones at this are all liars. They are not brave enough to admit that there are children and babies they don't think are cute, that sometimes they wish they never had their kids, that they wish one day they can just run away from it all. Instead they cover up all this with a blanket of flowers, hiding the worms and bugs that lay beneath. Your Mama is not one of those people.

When we first got you, I think you had decided, "this is it" and you knew you definitely wanted a family. I imagine that you saw all of the little girls in the orgphanage getting adopted and leaving the orphanage. I cannot imagine that when you asked the Nannies why, what they said to you. Because you are not a girl and no one wants boys? Because you are too old and people only want babies? Because you have cleft Lip and Clept Palate and no one wants a "defective child?" I know it sounds harsh but being Chinese isn't far from being Korean in many ways, one of which is that they all want "perfect" children. And in a country where you can only have one child, they will always want that perfect child. In fact, John Andrew, that little boy we saw adopted by another family was given up at the age of two by his family. We assumed because they had a "more perfect and better" little boy.

But you attached to us almost immediately. If you didn't, you put on a good show. You have a great "game face" after all.

I was okay through the first week. Then the second week, and the Honeymoon was definitely over. The ear things started bugging me. I didn't realize that the cleft would be so prominent or that half your nose was smaller than the other. I also didn't realize how you weren't able to talk right. And all of this started to wear on me. In fact, two weeks into it, the the Great Wearing of My Tolerance had started. And I don't have much patience or tolerance to being with.

We got home and things progressively got worse. I was depressed. And I didn't know why I decided to do adoption thing. I was trying to be a better person than I really was. What I really wanted was a little girl. A cute little huggable girl. And I felt cheated because you weren't that. At one point, I told your Daddy that all I wanted was a little girl. And instead, I got an almost-9 year old, not so cute, "defective" boy. And that I was hesitant when we started to adopt you at the age of 5, when you were almost turning 6. But you were cute enough and small enough to tug at my heart. And then two years later at 8 1/2 years old, practically grown, you come into our home, and I felt cheated. I felt cheated out of a little boy, a cute tiny little boy to hold and love. And I was so dejected that I started to question whether I really want to adopt your mei mei. In desperation I had visions of taking you back to China, undoing it all, thinking it was just a bad joke. In fact, I was so doubtful of all of it that I decided not to bring your mei mei home. And so at dinner one night I told you, "maybe we won't go to China to get your mei mei."

"Why??" you asked. You had this confused and plaintive look in your eyes. How could I tell you that I "just wasn't in the mood" for another "kid in the house."

So I said, "because Mama has you. And you are so good that Mama only needs one kid in the family." You thought about that a little bit and I could see your confusion. I don't think you totally bought it. At that point, Daddy walked in and he understood what was going on.

Daddy told me later that we would talk more about it during our vacation in April.
At some point, early into the process, Daddy said to me that maybe all that post partum depression we hear about on the news is something that is real. Something similar to what I was going through. And when I thought about it, the thoughts of escape are real and genuine. I don't condone drowning your babies or "doing away with them" but I could really understand the desperation that some people might go feel and those of a lesser mental state might actually go through with the darkest thoughts. In fact, if I had been a different person, and didn't have someone like your Daddy to blunt the pain, I could actually walk in their shoes and run away. Thoughts of actually packing up and leaving did enter my mind on a couple of ocassions. Thank God I am not that person.

A lot of this also translated to physical pain. The mind body connection is powerful and amazing. I know that my nerves were all frayed, being on end and alert for every little thing, and so that when normal things should be "absorbed" my nerves are totally sensitized and translating it as pain due to all the stress.

What stress?
Truthfully???

Stress of the:

the job
the kid
resentment about all the kids issues, among other things
having to freakin LOVE you even when I did not feel like it
trying to be NICE all the damn time and censoring myself
freaking medical bills (even with the insurance)
the guilt from all of the above
inability to work out
not eating the right foods
gaining all my weight back
not being able to talk about anything to anyone without everyone telling me what and how and when I should be and do and feel and think and live, etc
and a whole host of other things that have been put on hold because, well... basically, because you came home.

You see. No one cares what I think. They only care what they think. And how they feel I should feel about the situation. And people are careless and put themselves on other people without considerations. And it is always so easy to sit in judgment of others. I was so sick and tired of having people say to me:

Isn't it so special? (Uh... actually, no. It's a pain. What is there to be special about?)
Isn't he just the best? (I have no idea what "the best" means. He is just a kid. 8 years old, almost 9.)
Don't you just LOVE HIM? Aren't you JUST in LOVE?? (Actually, No. I do not love him and I am not in love with him either. I am not there yet. I need more time!)

And it wasn't just perople at work but complete strangers and FAMILY. So, at some point, I decided to come out of my personal shame and started talking. Not just to everyone but a few that I know are "specialists" or understand the experience.

All I know is that you are a very lucky boy indeed. And in my mind that was and should really be enough. In China you would have been a ditch digger. In America, we gave you a future. And right now I think that should be enough. And my thinking is that you should be grateful and know how lucky you are. And not waste this opportunity. That is the thinking that I veered toward and it's hard to shake off because it's true. And a tiny piece of me feels that because of the sign you were born under and your personality, that you could very easily wallow in entitlement and taking for granted all the good things that have fallen into your lap.

My friend Maureen, a special ed teacher, told me that she would have been surprised if I had bonded right away. It will take a few years. He is not a young kid and that typically, Mother/Son bonding takes place between the ages of 2 and 4. And that I missed that entire experience and she felt sorry for me.

My doctor, who wasn't surprised said it would take a few years. She couldn't believe that I thought it would be immediate. In fact, it took her about a year with both of her children.

Brian said he has a sister who is very much like me. She didn't adopt; she had her own. And 3 1/2 years later, the bonding is finally happening.

Daddy went to the development doctor with you the other day and told her a little of my issues. She said she wasn't surprised. She told him that this was typical of "extremely successful women..." He took notes and I haven't read them thoroughly yet but I will.

Now there is less stress. I came home from my business trip last week and it finally dawned on me that "JJ is afraid" of me. And I wonder, are you afraid of ME? or are you afraid that you will not be able to make me happy, that you will be returned to the orphanage? In either case, I decided that wasn't a good thing. So I've spent the weekend trying to be more approachable, being more relaxed. And this weekend, you asked me for more hugs than you have in the last 6 months. Yes, you've been here six months.

The next step is to get back to some sort of workout routine so that I stop blaming you for taking away an integral part of who I am. This is vital to controlling my stress and will help keep me from continuing to see you as my jailer.

I think I am starting to come out of the abyss. Realizations are dawning on me. And your Daddy is always there. I can only pray that you will grow up like him. So, I am swimming up through the dark blue waters, and reaching for the glint of sunlight above. I know it's there. I am swmimming toward love and I know I will find it.

April Update

2010-05-16T13:24:00.003-04:00

In April, life continue to evolve for you. The biggest thing that happened was your vacation in the Mountains with Ye Ye and Nai Nai. I continue to hope that you will speak better, and say your words correctly. But I am increasingly frustrated. I know that this is not your fault entirely - it is the product of China and cleft and being an orphan, etc. But my frustrations mount and it's a deep spiral of depression, irritation, sadness, disappointment, indifference - rinse, repeat.

You keep talking about your birthday. Which I found was interested. I know that in China (confirmed by Chinese friends) and Korea, we do not celebrate birthdays. We celebrate the first 100 days and then the first year. After that it's really every 10 years. The biggest thing in Korea is to have Seaweed soup for good health and weath. And in China (again, confirmed by Chinese friends lest anyone thinks cynically that I don't know what I am talking about), you eat longevity noodles (for long life).

So I keep asking you how you know about birthdays and you keep not answering me. So I wrote a note to your teacher and she said that when it is your birthday, the kids sometimes bring in little trinkets to pass out to their classmates - like stickers, pencils, erasers, etc. Not all the children participate but some do. Well... I immeidately thought, "of course, we will participate and we will have the best trinkets to give out!" Yes. Your mom is not a little competitive, is she?? There are 22 kids. Okay. Got it.

So other than that, that is all I heard. But then your Daddy said that the kids probably all talk about their birthdays, what they got, the presents, the parties, and the cake. Interesting.

The other thing that happened is the Carrie sent me an email. Basically she said that you were driving her crazy and that's why she keeps looking for another job. GOOD GOD! We cannot lose Carrie!!

She says that in front of us, you work hard. When we are not there, you just talks, plays and do not listen to her. That is why homework takes so long. I wondered about that one. I wondered why you were always doing homework when I got home from work. Carrie said, "he is lazy, he is smart."

I told her the following:

tell him to be quiet and if he doesn't listen, tell him she will tell mama.
if he misbehaves, send him to his room and shut the door and let him know that he must behave like a big boy and if he is ready, he can come out (of course, tell me when she has to do this).
if she does not want to the above, she can move to another, no TV, etc., until he has done some homework

We cannot afford to have Carrie leave. So when we got home, Daddy and I had a nice little chat with you. Daddy told you that must listen to Carrie and what she says goes. And that if she tells you to sit, you must sit. If she tells you to stand on your head, you must stand on your head. Carrie is the boss when Daddy and Mama are not here. And that you must not spend your time saying "ha ha hee hee" and talking and talking about irrelevant things. All while avoiding doing your homework.

You said you understood it. Well... we will see.

I did tell you that if you did not behave, Carrie will leave and never come back. You looked a little surprised but there is cause and effect and you will eventually learn. I know that it was a tough message but I image that we will be telling you this again and again before it is over.

The other thing that I found out was that you have been asking everyone to buy you things and to give you money. We have been having this discussion since we met you in China and although you have stopped asking Mama and Daddy this, you continue to do this to other people. This tells me that

you know that you shouldn't and still do - because you do it "behind out backs" to put it into a nutshell
you know the there is a consquence
you know that it probably isn't right

This culminated with Carrie telling Mama that she didn't want to say anything but that you asked a complete stranger (her friend) to buy you a toy. And that when Carrie tells you "no" you pout, refuse to move (even when Carrie keeps walking and says she is leaving you), and you get whiny and make pouty faces.

This is not acceptable. Mama had a chat with you about this. I basically told you that in America, good children do not do this. You seemed really surprised that I even knew about it. I told you that it is not acceptable behaviour. You said you would not do it again. We will see. Only because I know that parents need to tell the kids the same things repeatedly. So eventually, you will understand it all.

Mama told you that in a couple of weeks, I have another trip to Texas for work. You seemed to take it in stride. I know. It will be a relief to have Mama gone and not always lecturing you for a while. LOL.

I think I need to take better notes for future updates. All I know is all the bad stuff - the things that bug me. I need to start writing down the funny and good stuff that you do. One day. LOL...

One good thing... Daddy was thinking of getting you a basketball hoop for your birthday. Of course I am resigned to a party but it will be an informal open house type of thing - no cake, no singing, no pin the stupid tale on the damn donkey with 50 kids causing mayhem in the house. I would have to leave the house for the weekend at that point. Instead, we will have neighborhood friends and family. You don't know it but Ye Ye and Nai Nai will be here. Good God, I hope you don't pee in your bed the next day! LOLOL!

Vacation at Ye Ye & Nai Nai's: April 26th

2010-05-16T13:03:00.002-04:00

The delivery

Monday morning, Nai Nai helped JJ wake up about 8 a.m.

JJ has very nice manners. We had a talk about how Pikachu would not change.

Some of the other things we did were:

see in the "bee tree" leaning about bees
patience while fishing
bug bites
in America, eating small pieces
it is wet grass in the morning in the mountains

The End of Nai Nai's Journal for JJ

Daddy and I picked you Cassidy up at the checkpoint in Palmer where Daddy had transferred you to Ye Ye last Sunday. It was a long ride home. I am sure it was a long ride back for you. At one point, Daddy asked me to look back at you because you were intensely quiet. You seemed okay. Then 5 minutes later, we checked again and you were crying.

You were sad to be leaving Ye Ye and Nai Nai. Not to mention that Mama and Daddy don't talk much after they come back from a relaxing vacation or after a stressful work day. Anyway, it must have been difficult to leave behind a whole week of child centric activity and two people who were all about you and nothing about you. It was a fast transition for you into the real, normal world where things move faster than do in The Mountains.

I asked you what was wrong and at first you didn't want to tell me. But I know. You were probably thinking "I can't believe I have to leave the two people in the world who do nothing but do things for me, to go far away with two other people who don't pay much attention to me." First, welcome to Life. Second, I reached out and patted your leg and told him that you can always tell Mama and Daddy anything - why you are mad, sad, tired, afraid. and that you would never ever get into trouble for telling us. And so, you said, you didn't want to leave Ye Ye and Nai Nai. And then you cried and cried, but gulping sobs and the tears came down in big big drops.

And Mama and Daddy realized that well... we kinda do have to talk to you! LOL. So we did and things got better and you cheered up and you talked and talked the whole way home. Sigh...

At one point, you asked why Ye Ye and Nai Nai lived so far away. We said because we live near our work and Ye Ye and Nai Nai live near their work. You didn't really iunderstand and if you had had enough English, I am sure there would have been a lot of other questions about that but thankfully, you have to wait until you can speak enough English to ask complicated questions.

At home, you showed us all the things you bought (actually that Ye Ye and Nai Nai bought you along with the gifts from people) and gave us our presents. I really liked my bracelet. It was very very beautiful. And yes, you definitely have an eye for beautiful things.

We were worried about you wetting the bed from separation from Ye Ye and Nai Nai. But we talked to them on SKYPE and you peed before bed and on Tuesday, there was a dry bed with nary a pee in sight! Yahoo. I think we have the formula. Finally!

And that was about it. You missed Ye Ye and Nai Nai for a few days and you talked about The Moutains a lot. We said you might see them soon and we left it at that.

Vacation at Ye Ye & Nai Nai's: April 25th

2010-05-16T12:55:00.002-04:00

It is a cloudy day. A little rainy in the morning. JJ awoke for find Pikachu's life had not changed... Nai Nai was also called to look upstairs. It was discovered sometime in the the night JJ had a bloody nose! While he slept. He was okay all day, though.

JJ has enjoyed talking and seeing hisMommy and Daddy on the computer. He knows tomorrow he will go home.

For breakfast, we had a delicious waffles with maple syrup.

Indoor play included art projects like a Thank you card-picture to Holly and Great Uncle Dom and Great Aunt Shirley.

JJ added to his window picture. He has been talking about his birthday May 8th. In his creation he put triangle hats on his growing window story. He said it is his birthday party.

A tent house was made over the pub table for play. Pikachu of course enjoyed it. After lunch we all took Cassiday for a walk in the woods. It was fun. We looked for the neighbor boy, Vinny Jr., but his family went out.

JJ got to talk on SKYPE with Aunt Judi, Uncle Paul, and Luke who just came in from his baseball game. He tells everyone about being a NY Yankee fan, and often about his birthday, May 8th.

JJ enjoyed playing a little game cube - Mario baseball. Nai Nai even played with him. JJ always won over Nai Nai.

Earlier in the day, Nai Nai began the teaching of a new card game, BS. To make it interesting with three players, Pikachu had his own hand. We need more practice.

After supper and a walk with Cassiday, it was movie time. Before that, however, we talked on SKYPE with Jordan.

The movie choice was Jungle Book, the story of Moguley who didn't want to go to the Man-Village. Moguley wants to stay in the jungle with Balu. It all works out.

Just at bedtime, JJ starts with another bloody nose. At first it was scary. We also took another trip outside to wish on the night star. No stars, only clouds and the moon.

Nai Nai stayed a while with JJ when he was in bed. He said he was sick. Nai Nai wonders if he is lonesome for Daddy and Mommy. A few checks in the night found JJ sleeping peacefully.

Vacation at Ye Ye & Nai Nai's: April 24th

2010-05-16T12:49:00.002-04:00

After breakfast, we all went out shopping.

JJ found a gift for Mommy. It is a surprise.

The sunshine was calling us all outdoors after lunch. We got ready to fix the garden and plant seeds. But the neighbor family also came out to play. So JJ made a new friend. His name is Vinny Jr. They played out doors, running, sliding, and with boy toys. Later, JJ and Ye Ye finally were ready to come play in the gardens.

Ye Ye dug the garden with the small roto tiller until nice and fluffy. JJ tested it by making hand prints, knees and foot prints. Later, he used the rake to smooth out between the rows.

JJ helped Nai Nai plant many different seeds. Rows of radishes, peas, carrots, and lettuces. The seeds are different shapes. A pea seed is much bigger than a carrot seed.

A nice grilled chicken for dinner finished our outside day.

But before the indoor time, Ye Ye made a small fire in the fire pit circle. We all sat around it. Nai Nai read several stories from a new book of "Toad and Frog are Friends."

The movie pick for tonight is Pinocchio. JJ said many times he has seen this movie in China. He did enjoy it. Then he hadna idea. He wanted to make a wiwsh on the Wishing Star. So Nai Nai and JJ went out after the movie in the fark to make his wish.

The wish: That Pikachu would become real!

Vacation at Ye Ye & Nai Nai's: April 23rd

2010-05-16T12:40:00.003-04:00

Breakfast was a learning for Nai Nai and JJ

He likes egg with a soft yolk. So Nai Nai took out the frying pan for eggs. JJ kept saying 'No." He wanted them cooked in the water.

"I know, I know." Okay. Nai Nai started the poached egg pan pan with its little cups.

JJ frowned, told her "no, no."

"I know, I know," Nai Nai said, "yes." Finally Nai Nai understood boiled eggs. So, JJ had 2 soft yolks of poached eggs. Then he had a boiled egg. It was all good.

After breakfast, we took the car trip to see the Museum, to see and touch the baby animals. And of course, to run outdoors.

We touched many babies! Cows, chickens, bunny, sheep, rabbit, goats. I did not feel the piglets.

JJ fed the cows. The cow's tongue is l-o-n-g! They grab the hay grass with their long tongue, quickly! It was fun!

JJ liked the map, too. Later, at home, JJ played with the same cars and trucks for a long time. And he was singing.

Nai Nai read a story book, "Julius." It had a "J" that Joseph had put there when he was learning to write.

Great Aunt Shirley, Uncle Dom and Holly came to the house. They brought gifts. Holly gave JJ her box of Pokemon cards, with Pikachu. Great Aunt Shirley and Uncle Don gave JJ a soft monkey. The monkey slept with Pikachu at night.

After dinner, JJ picked the Bambi movie.

Dear JJ has bug bites. They itch. We think he got them fishing. He is not used to the American bugs... We put stop itching medicine on them.

We also played with bubbles. That is an outside time.

In bed for the night time, he talked about "bad people." Nai Nai told him he was safe here.

Vacation at Ye Ye & Nai Nai's: April 22nd

2010-05-16T12:34:00.004-04:00

In the morning, JJ used shapes of "colorforms" to make a great window art picture. It has people, a house with a symbol "Happy New Year". Also, it has a French window with a cow.

We walked Cassidy outside early and late.

JJ worked outside in the sunshine with Ye Ye. They gave the grapevine a branch cutting! JJ helped put the pieces it the wagon. When all done, JJ helped Ye Ye drive the tractor.

After a good lunch of hot dogs plus, JJ went to a truck ride and met Nai Nai to say hello to her firends at work. He listened not to run at work. JJ does a lot of fun running outside.

He played with the cars and truck waiting for Nai Nai to come from work. JJ had also played came cube for a little while. Then we did a quick shopping for oots beause the grass is wet in the mornings in the mountains. We got nice black and blue ones.

We all went to dinner at a restaurant. We met Great Uncle Mike ("GUM"), Great Aunt Leslie, Great Uncle John, and Great Aunt Sylvia. We had a lot of fun.

At home, JJ talked again with Mom and Daddy with the computer.

JJ's pick for the movie was Peter Pan. He liked it. JJ still is singing.

During the day, he observed a lttle chiadee building a nest in the birdhouse at the garden as he played. The bird worked for hours.

With Nai Nai in the morning we made food for the hummingbirds, and put up the feeder outside the kitchen window.

Vacation at Ye Ye and Nai Nai's: April 21st

2010-05-16T12:29:00.002-04:00

A very nice sunny day
Nai Nai went to work.
Ye Ye and JJ went outdoors to play.

Nai Nai and JJ used bubbles for fun.

Ye Ye and JJ raked, put sticks in the wagon and used the tractor. After lunch with Nai Nai, the boys found more worms for fishing. JJ took a l-o-n-g worm from the garden.

Fishing takes waiting, waiting! Finally, a fish pulled on the line! Ye Ye said, "careful, careful" wheeling in. The fish was wiggly in JJ's hand. JJ played in the lake water, near the edge. It was fun. Ye Ye told JJ to let the fish go back into the water. JJ said, "Why? I want to eat him." But he very slowly placed the fish in the water. He swam away.

After dinner we had a movie JJ chose: "Mickey Mouse and Friends at Christmas."

Vacation at Ye Ye & Nai Nai's: April 20th

2010-05-15T16:56:00.002-04:00

After breakfast, we went shopping

JJ found a Pikachu to bring home! And a book with toys from Toy Story.

We found sunglasses for JJ with Spiderman on them.

JJ learned to know his address, where he lives. He can say it and write it by himself.

After lunch, we went fishing. But first we had to find worms. We took a shovel down to the leaves compost. Many worms live there. Ye Ye and JJ put them in the worm box.

We went fishing at the lake. On the fishing pole a reel and a bobber and a fishing line. Fishing was good, but no fish! :o( We will go fishing again.

We went to Ye Ye's sister's home. Aunt Shirleyran around with JJ. She used to run around with JJ's Daddy.

Uncle Dom said he likes the Red Sox and got his hat. He saw JJ's NY Yankees hat. Uncle Dom told JJ ghe had heart surgery. He said the doctors gave him a chicken heart.

We had a "worm race." JJ's worm won the race in the garden.

At home JJ played with toys, and Pikachu went everywhere. So Nai Nai made a pocket for Pikachu to travel in.

JJ loves to be on the gliding swing. He goes high. He even jumps off. It is very good for a wiggley jiggley boy.

After dinner, a shower and a move with Curious George. Mommy and Daddy called on the computer. They took an airplane trip. We saw where they were. We talked. Then bedtime.

Vacation at Ye Ye and Nai Nai's: April 19th

2010-05-15T16:44:00.003-04:00

Patriot's Day: Boston Marathon **
We, Nai Nai and JJ, made a LEGO's helicopter.

We all watched the race. We looked for Daddy on the TV, and his running time with the computer. Ye Ye found for us.

JJ learned Daddy's telephone number.

He helped Ye Ye crack eggs for breakfast. JJ sings after. He is happy and content, shows in his songs.

We the blue tents on the TV where Mommy was helping.
We saw the fast runners working hard. We saw the winners/. We saw how tired and hot and working so hard,, really hard work the wheel chair people. Daddy runs really hard.

We went in the afternoon to the museum called MOCA. At MOCA,in the "Kidspace" we had so much fun. JJ created using recycleables a 3D monkey. Everyone was very impressed with his creative thought.

Ye Ye and Nai Nai followed JJ's instructions, helping with the "cutting, hot glue." He saw the melting (and heat) of the plastic water bottles. The bottles were the bases for the monkey's body.

And Jasper made lovely drawing of his home for Mama and Baba.

We then went into the big part of the museum.

JJ was asked by an artist named Steve to help with his museum exhibit. JJ twisted and signed paper, he twisted into a long root.

We saw and liked art made from food. We saw a big cealing to floor art using candy wrappers. We saw a picture of a lion made out of broccoli. Nai Nai took a photo of JJ wiuth it. JJ did not want to leave "Kidspace." But the place was closing!

JJ really liked the big museum areas. He could run! He also saw the upside down growing trees.

We also went out to dinner at the Chinese restaurant, Chopstix. He enjoyed his supper, sushi salmon, plus, half of Ye Ye and some of Nai Nai's. He saidfortune cookies are Chinese.

On the way home, we drove over to see small planes at the airport. There were no helicopters.

Every night before bed (after we are ready) it is movie time. We have been watching Curious George. The cartoons are about planting, worms, composting, and recycling. We like it.

Vacation at Ye Ye and Nai Nai's: April 18th

2010-05-15T16:40:00.002-04:00

Sunday: The Ride to Ye Ye & Nai Nai's house was l-o-n-g.

"Nai Nai and JJ baked up some muffins (pumpkin with red currants). JJ really liked breaking eggs into a bowl --- and, the electric mixer.

Jasper & ye Ye enjoyed the game cube.

We all took Cassidy walking. It was cold and rainy.

We made ice pops also called popscicles because JJ likes ice.

Yet he often wants his milk warmed."

Vacation at Ye Ye and Nai Nai's

2010-05-15T16:32:00.002-04:00

During the week of April 19th, you spent a week at Ye Ye and Nai Nai's house. As luck would have it, it was not only your school vacation week, but Monday was Patriot's Day, which is also Boston Marathon day. Not to mention that on Saturday, it was our 6th wedding anniversary. And to celebrate, Baba decided that we would go to St. Lucia to Ladera Resort - not exactly a kid friendly place. And quite frankly, I needed some downtime away from the low-grade stress of dealing with a child all the time. Although one would argue I dealt less with you than Baba did.

I had also volunteered to do Elite Security detail again at the marathon - something I usually do when I am not running. And Lauren and Brian were also here to volunteer with me. And Baba was running. So we didn't know what exactly we were going to do with you. But it all worked out. All I have to say is Thank God for Ye Ye and Nai Nai!

Marathon weekend is a crazy weekend for us. We usually have about 13-15 people stay at the house, most of them runners. This was a light year - we had only 2 runners (Mary and Baba) and about 7 other people who were their to just volunteer.

Saturday night, we went to Big City for the Annual Marathon Dinner Encounter. You met a lot of Mama and Baba's friends, and Carrie also came with us. I made it clear to you that on this particular night, Carrie was not working. She was there as Mama's friend and to meet people. So, you happily occupied yourself with Little John (son of our friend John Young) and the two of you played pool together. It was fabulous.

Sunday Morning, Baba took you to Palmer, an hour away, where Ye Ye and Nai Nai met you to take you to The Mountains. And then he came back home.

When we picked you up a week later, Nai Nai handed me a diary of all the things you did while you were visiting them. And the next few entries are from the diary.

March Report: Still more catching up to do

2010-04-23T22:09:00.012-04:00

Speech study:

We got the report back from the speech study. I was really disheartened about it. In a nutshell there are a couple of things happening:
you have a short palette - this means the back of the roof of your mouth doesn't go back far enough for the back of your tongue to hit. This is vital in making certain sounds. That is why you use the glottal stops. Anything that starts with the letter "g" sounds alike with funny "throat noises."

You have no pharangeal flap - this is vital to close of the nasal passage way when you swim so water doesn't go up your sinuses, and when you say certain letters that are aspirants, especially the "hard" aspirants or the "plosives" - that is about half of the alphabet. And this is also why you sound like your are holding your nose when you talk. The pharangeal flap you need is very wide. This is very disheartening.

Speech Therapy:

When we went to the cleft team appointment at the December, one of the people we met with was a speech pathologist. And the general belief was that at that time if we start speech therapy soon, you would be able to learn to talk generally "normal" as in "non-cleft affected" speech. She said that it might be 90% because of your age, meaning older. The younger you start with speech therapy the better.

I wanted to start speech therapy right away but the general concensus was to wait for the speech study and for you to acquire some language skills - hard to be directed on how to place your tongue to make certain sounds if you can't understand or speak English.

There are a few things going on:
you have sounds you can say well
There are sounds you cannot make at all because of your physical abnormalities, which include the hard sounds or the aspirants or "plosives" which include about half the alphabet
sounds you started to say when you were first learning to talk before your surgery to close the palette. These carried over even after the first sets of surgeries because no one bothered to correct you or help you say it correctly. I call these the bad habits. It's like when you say "hun mah" instead of "Shenma" which I KNOW YOU CAN SAY when I make you say it right. It totally has started to piss me off. I call this laziness and "not finishing your words"
There is also the issue of you learning English and the resulting "Chinese accent"
So there are a lot of things going on and only a speech therapist can help decipher all of it.

Also, during the surgery, Dr. Mulliken is going to fix a few things:
cut off the skin tags around your ears
enlarge your right nostril so your pictures end up looking good and you can actully breathe.
correct whatever is it that causes your "nose noises" and the inability to breathe right
fix the pinched lip right under that tiny little nostril
So, after the speech study, Baba called the doctor's office to find out when your p-flap surgery will be. They sort of schedule in - like a waiting line. Turns out that you are not scheduled until 2011. 2011!!! You will be 11.5 years old. ELEVEN AND A HALF!! If they think that you can get to 90% "normal speeach" at 8.5 years (and only if you work really really hard), then do you THINK that you will be able to talk right if you start at 11.5 years???

Also, there is the issue of those aesthetic things - like the skin flaps around the ears, the right nostril that is half the size of the left nostril, your deviated septum or whatever it is that causes you to make those "nose noises" when you breathe, and the scar on your upper lip, that gathers and pinches together right underneath your tiny nostril on the right side.

I know you do not notice any of it. I also know that you thought at one point that the ear skin was "cute." And that you looked "cute" with it. And that China told you at some point that you are special and cute and will have good luck as a result of it. Ok. Let me tell you this right now. It is NOT CUTE. It's not. They lied to you. And it is not special and not a sign of good luck. In fact you are already feeling the effects of it. You came home one day and told me you didn't like it and that you wanted to have it cut off. And when I asked if your friends said something you said, "yes." And yes, they will continue to tease you as long as you have these issues that are out of the so-called norm. I hated hearing that they teased you.

If you think that is bad, wait til they ask you about your little nostril, and why you talk funny, and why you have that funky scar on your upper lip. There are a lot of "upper lip" jokes and it will make you feel bad. And if we wait, until pre-adolesence, it will become worse. 11.5 years old? That is too late. Needless to say, I am NOT HAPPY about this.

Stress Response:

So far, uou have peed in bed three times. The first time, Baba found your underwear in the hamper. You got a scolding for that one. The key is to tell Baba and Mama what is happening right when it happens. It is not acceptable for us to find it a day or two days later. And it is good for you to remember that Baba and Mama will always find out. Better to come clearn right away.

Baba talked to Aunt Judi and it turns out that it could be a stress response. So we watched it. The first time it happened, we had had a lot of people at the house and Ye Ye and Nai Nai were also there. Then they left.

The second time it happened, it was when Ye Ye and Nai Nai had come to the house and then left.

The third time it happened, we had visited the Ye Ye and Nai Nai in the mountains and had come home. The next morning, you were awaken by your peeing in bed.

At least you knew it wasn't a "good" thing because you were appropriately upset.

Baba did some research and it seems that this is a common stress response more often in boys than girls and it is genetic. If your parents wet their beds, then you will too. Interesting. You will grow out of it but there is no telling when. Could be a year or two, could be until you are a teenager. Fabulous. Baba immediately went out and bought a plastic barrier and a plastic coated mattress pad. And Mama is working hard at keeping her opinions to herself.
I did ask you at one point whether China ever told you that you "talked funny." And you said "no." This was after your teacher told me that you asked a fluent mandarin speaker whether she understood Chinese or really spoke it because she kept asking to repeat yourself. Uh... we had a chat after that. First, because I thought it was disrespectful to say that to a teacher who is trying to help you. Secondly, you need to learn that sometimes we ourselves are half of the equation. And that not everyone else is at fault but that we might contribute to it ourselves in some way. We must learn to look inward sometimes. After they start talking to you and understanding your speech patterns, that goes up to about 60%. And within the context, they fill in the blanks.
School and Socialization:

Generally you are well liked and have friends. You were assigned to Gabriel to act as your intermediator since he was also an ELL student (2 or 3 years I think) and it was his job to translate and make sure that you got acclimated.

That must be a tough job. Every kid at some point gets "tired of babysitting the new kid." And there were brief times when you and Gabriel didn't get along, and you came home to say that Gabriel was "mean to" you. Well. It happens. But afterwards you generally made up and things moved along fine.

At one point, a group of kids had built an igloo and you basically smashed it. They told the teacher on you. That is definitely unacceptable behaviour, but I know that at some point, kids get tired of taking breaks in natural play to "wait for the slow one" or they get so focused on what they are doing that they forget to include you, which was made doubly harder because you couldn't speak the language and you couldn't understantd

Then there was Ling. You found her two days in a row to throw snowballs at her. Busted, again. Baba and I think you might have liked her a little or you might have liked the negative attention you received from her. It was attention, after all, better than nothing.

And then there was the picking up of things that didn't belong to you. And refusing to give it back to the little girl who said it was hers because, well, you had found it on the ground. Yes. We had a little chat about that too.

And then there was the wandering off. There was a lot of it. But so much to see, so many things to touch, things you never had in China - you didn't even have a basic ball and bat so these things in America were not only foreign but also a luxury. And the open classroom? Well... it just meant that you could wander farther and wider. Unacceptable.

And then you would go into the bathroom for 20 minutes. When the teacher sent someone in to find you, you were playing in the water. Not acceptable.
I also have a sneaking suspicion that although you are smart and quick to learn, you are a little bit behind socially. Especially in terms of playground politics. This is not surprising because you lived in an institution with a strict code of behaviour and definitions of good and bad. It's not that simple in America. But time will tell if your social cue-ing skills are any more developed - which I suspect they are.

But the good news is that you are doing better. Not wandering as much, not touching and taking as much. You are no longer destructive to get attention. And your English is steadily improving.

New Nanny

The first nanny, Ms Chen, decided to get a job at an MIT lab where her husband was doing a post doc. It was just as well. You could tell that she wasn't a "kid person" and I got the sense that although she liked you, she didn't entirely approve of you. And her liking you was sort of against her will. And having someone who could barely understand or speak English try to review your English homework with you was not entirely successful.

So Baba started looking for another nanny and told Li Laoshi that we did not care if this new Nanny was an American or if she could speak Chinese. Well... his message had the desired effect. Next thing we knew, Li Laoshi had interview 15 people and settled on 3 for us to talk to.

And thus entered Carrie. 25 years old. Student at Bunker Hill. Living with her Aunt and high-school aged nephew. With a 12 year old brother in China. And she could speak much better English, more flexible, personable, friendly, smiling, and liked kids. Perfct.

Baba and Mama interviewed her at the Starbucks around the corner. After the talk, she asked us "why a little boy from China?" And we didn't really know what to say except that Baba said, "it was meant to be." I didn't know at that point. I thought I knew but I wasn't sure any more so I let your Baba do all the talking.

Carrie then told me that she "didn't think that [she] could do this..." and that "we much be very good people" and that you "must be a very lucky little boy." She said this a few times to me when she first started and that she didn't understand your "fortune." How can you explain it?

I think it was love at first sight with you. Your first certifiable crush. You smiled and blushed and said that she was beautiful. Then after a week, you got brave and told her that you thought she was very beautiful. That would have been fine had you not then kept talking and told her that Baba agreeed with you that she was very beautiful. Uh... yes... we had a chat about tact and how in America we do not say things like tht to people, especially about Baba's and Mama's. You will also realize soon enough that Mama is extremely private. And we do not BLAB our private thoughts and business the people outside of the three of us.

Tantrums and Discipline:

Generally you have been pretty good. There have been a few tears, to which I didn't respond. Once I walked out of the room. And I think you got it pretty clearly that I am not a squishy, let-me-hug-you-and-spoli-you mom. I am more of a "yeah, kid, life sucks, buck up, and quit whining" kind of mom. For all your fortune in arriving in America, something had to go wrong right? Well, that is it.

In our house, we have 3 rules:
no whining
life is not fair
Mama/Baba is always right
I think you are starting to understand what that means.

One day, you and Baba were playing a game. And something happened. Maybe you cheated? You have been doing that. They say it happens around the age of 6 or 7 but since you are 8.5, I would think you are over it. But given that you like to WIN and you are SUPER COMPETITIVE and that you hate to LOSE, you like cheat and stack the deck and make up your own rules. I am wondering if this is the first clue as to whether you are somewhat developmentally delayed. I am sure in China, you didn't have much of an opportunity to play the Wii and win a lot. Anyway...

Mama was getting ready for a dinner we were all going to in celebration of Uncle Wayne's first grandson. And your Baba came up and said, "your son is on the couch balling his eyes out." And I thought, "huh, not MY son..." So I went down and there you were, fetal position on the couch, balling your eyes out.

You were crying. One of the things I cannot abide - crying children. I know. You're a kid and I have to put up with it. But you wouldn't stop. I felt so helpless and so did you Baba. Nice words didn't work. It was your first major meltdown. We should have given you time out, taken you to your room and shut the door, told you to come out when you decided to stop crying and join the family and talk to us. But we didn't have hours and day for you to decide to be good. We had to go to this dinner for Uncle Wayne. Uncle Wayne who met you in China and paid for that cup you dropped on the ground. Uncle Wayne you wiped up the hot tea and applied ice when you decided to goof off and threw hot tea on you as a result. The Uncle Wayne who is like a father to me. So we forced the issue and Mama blew her stack and Baba was also a bit upset.

Afterwards, you said you were frustrated because you couldn't say what you wanted to in English. Was that true? Maybe. Maybe not. I seriously think that is less true than the fact that for four months you lived with complete strangers, overrun by stimulation, constant movement of places and people, no stability or routine really, and for a kid that lines up his toys, folds his clothes, lines up our shoes in a row even when i don't want you to... all of that stimulation must have been devastating. I think the truth of it, if you could actually talk, is that you couldn't take the stress anymore.

So I am waiting for the next blow up. We will just take you to your room, a "safe place", shut the door, and wait until you are ready to come out. We will tell you that this is okay and that you can even do it yourself if you think you need a quiet place.

Bonding & Attachment:

I am not sure if you have really bonded. I know that Baba spends a lot of time with you and that you love being with him.

I know that you have bonded with the animals and that you love Boris the best.

I know that you have bonded with Ye Ye and Nai Nai to the point that you pee your pants with happiness and anxiety after they are gone.

Have you bonded with me? I am not sure. I think you are trying. And that you are probably trying a lot harder than I am trying. It's been hard and I am conflicted. I am finally admitting this to myself.

The Adoption Review

2010-04-23T21:44:00.005-04:00

I received a questionnaire from the Agency a month ago regarding our adoption experience. It was interesting that they sent it four months after we got back and had a chance to settle in.

My view of the adoption was widely different from the time we first arrived back home until the time I filled out the questionaire.

In addition to the many questions about our review of the agency (stellar), there were a couple of other questions. My answers surprised me:

Please describe your doctor’s evaluation of your child’s physical and developmental condition upon arrival in the U.S.

Cleft Lip and Palate and VSD as described.

Upon examination:
- VSD was fully repaired. Slight heart murmur which means check ups every 2 years for the foreseeable future
- Ear tags – skin around the ears – could have signified kidney disease – China told us they thought it was LUCKY! HELLLOOOO. Surgeon will cut it off. No evidence of kidney disease
- Fluid in the ears and too much ear wax – requires ear tubes – loss of hearing in the right ear – left ear was almost 100% after they cleaned out the earwax. Right ear was not any better. Hopefully will be better once the ear tubes are put in.
- Undescended left testicle – could lead to cancer and infertility in the future – this was fixed by us surgically - I supposed China doesn't really care if their orphans are infertile.
- Tight foreskin – not circumcised – this was fixed and now he can urinate without issue
- Short palate – needs to get P-Flap surgery
- Bone-graft is required – orthodontia is needed before doing this to spread out the palate more
- Hemifacial microsomia – this is about 10% and minor for him. It is affecting only his lower right jaw. Dr. will fix when he does the bone graft
- No tip on the right side of the nose – flattened due to cleft along with a crooked or deviated septum – doctor will fix when he does the p-flap surgery
- Lack of dental care – he has had 5 teeth pulled, baby teeth did not fall out when adult teeth came in – needed 2 baby teeth root canals until the cleft dentist said to pull them to prepare for surgery. He has had 6 fillings for baby teeth as well.
No Speech therapy at all. China did not bother to correct his bad talking habits even after he received his surgery. Found how that his Chinese is pretty bad. native Chinese can understand him about 40%. When they get used to him, they fill in the context and can understand him better. But that is not to say that his speech improves, they are just good at interpreting what he is saying. His bad habits are carrying over into English as well. Some of the issues are not bad habits but due to the short palate and lack of a p-flap.

Also, he was considered developmentally aware – mostly because he watched faces and could understand cause and effect. Dr. also thought he was adjusting and bonding well.

Socially slightly delayed due to having only kids at the orphanage to play with – unable to play politics in the school yard; children baiting him or setting him up either intentionally or unintentionally, etc. This is a personal observation and not from the doctor
Please describe any feelings you have regarding how your child might have been cared for in China
Whatever they did was cosmetic. This little boy is so smart and had he been normal, he would have been so successful in China being raised with his bio family. It would have been a shame to have left him there because he would not have amounted to a lot societally.

I think after the surgeries, that is all they would have done. I think that he would have had a speech impediment for the rest of his life. He would have had issues with his urination and could have not been able to have children – given his facial issues and his bad speech, he may not have gotten married anyway. He also could not have talked and his scars on his face as well as his speech issues would have caused him to live in the shadows of society.

He also would not have any teeth eventually due to cavities. But this is only after he had TOO MANY teeth in his head because the baby teeth would not have fallen out on their own. And his teeth would have been very crooked.

He is very lucky to be in America. I think he knows that too because he thanks us very single day. I hope he never forgets how fortunate he is. I used to bristle when people told me how lucky he was. I would say "no, we are the lucky ones." But after all of his pain and aggravation, yes, I will now say that he is "VERY VERY FORTUNATE."

I think that more information on Cleft should be given – as it relates to all of the issues and medical care that is required and how long that it takes. We did not know much about it from the research we did. China also needs to document every single little thing. It would not have changed our decision to adopt JJ but it would have been less frustrating and irritating if we had gone into it knowing that he will have 12 specialists, most of them for non-cleft related things.

I think that talking to other adoptive families of cleft would have been very helpful.

At this point, you have had a total of 6 teeth pulled.
You are using flouride every single day after brushing and flossing your teeth in the morning and at night. And this will probably continue for the next 6-12 months. All of the dental appointments are done until the 6-month checkup which is coming up in June.

Your skin is also getting better but it is still scaly and looks very very dry. I am surprised that they did not bleed in the winter. The eczema is stubborn and we are treating it off and on. The first full round of steroids helped somewhat but now we are giving you some ointment that the doctor prescribed to Mama. Maybe it is too strong for you? Who knows. It is only helping a little anyway.

You are trying to say your words more. You have a tendency to speak really fast and that makes you totally babble and I cannot understand you. Baba does a better job at listening than I do. But when reminded you do slow down.

You are starting to learn about past tense and every one in a while you do say it the right way. You are still struggling to break your bad habits of not completing your words. But you still have no issue with repeating the word 3 or 4 times to get it right. And I am very very happy about that.

And you also are trying to figure out gender. In America, not everyone is "he." You are understanding this. Sometimes you get it right, other times you get it wrong.
But I am not worried about this one; you will get it right eventually.

02/13/2010: Happy Chinese Valentines New Year!

2010-04-23T21:41:00.002-04:00

Ok. So we are sooo confused.

All week, all I heard from JJ is, "Happy New Year. Happy New Year."
Uh... yah. Right. I hate to tell him that no one really cares. At least, I don't.

And it's been getting more frequent as we get closer to tomorrow.
I don't even know when it really is...

It really sucks having Chinese New Year and Valentines Day in the same weekend.
For me and Joseph, it's all about Valentines Day.
And this year, we have a little someone and he happens to be from China so, he is all about Chinese New Year.
So...
Ok kid. Whatever...
I am a bit annoyed and resentful at this intrusion, though.
And I can't help it.
As I said before, I am a flawed individual.
Anyway, Joseph is cooking dinner. A special dinner. For me....
Happy happy.

We have had appetizers.
And to JJ, we are having the special dinner because it's Chinese New Year.
Too funny.

All I know is that there is some very lucky girl out there.
Whoever JJ marries is going to be a very lucky girl.
Because he is being trained by Joseph on what men do - cook, clean, make Mama happy... LOL.

01/05/2010: First New Years and First Surgery

2010-04-23T21:32:00.003-04:00

So, I thought I'd go ahead and talk about New Years since it's fading from my mind and I don't want to lose the experience.

Just so that the non-Chinese among us don't start thinking it was wonderful for JJ, don't forget the our New Year isn't JJ's New Year. And his New Year celebration is, frankly speaking, more spectacular than ours. That is, if you like LOTS O' FOOD, fire crackers. Lion Dances, in addition to fireworks. JJ's New Year arrives on February 14th this year. On Valentine's Day.

And No, he did not stay up and watch the fireworks. He was sound asleep.

And No, having a large group of people over to the house wasn't much new for him since we have lots of people at our house for much of the year.

And No, he didn't know how special it was to have Peter and Elizabeth together, and Aunt Karen and Uncle Dave and Lauren and Brian and Jordan because he has met so many new people, and I am sure it's all blurred together for him.

The most significant moment was when we returned from shopping two days before New Years. We parked across the street from the house because we were expecting a lot of cars to get into the driveway. We got out, JJ looked up, and he saw Aunt Amanda on the porch. OMG. You could have put out a fire with his gasp. His eyes lit up and filled with love (seriously), and he smiled, and jogged off to greet her. Of course, giving Mama a heart attack because he had to cross the street.

Anyway, I think that at this point Aunt Amanda is his most significant playmate. She is like ... Ummmm... 4 years old when they get together. Ok. Maybe not 4. I'll be generous. 6. She turns into a 6 year old and I find myself scolding her as much as JJ when they are together. And her reaction just makes JJ laugh and laugh.

Anyway, on New Years Eve, we had the requisite boiled lobster dinner as we always do. Not sure if JJ liked it. But he did eat it. He said he liked it. But he didn't emit the usual "hao chi, hao chi, hao chi" or "yummy yummy yummy" followed by a spontaneous "um um um". This is what he does when he brushes his teeth with bubble gum flavored toothpaste or drinks bubble gum flavored medicine. Yup. Every night before bed ... "Hao chi hao chi hao chi" (delicious delicious delicious) with a toothbrush in his mouth. Anyway, once he understands how expensive lobster can be, he will be enthralled with it, I'm sure. :o)

The same day that Amanda arrived, we went by the agency to deliver a donation for their good work to help the orphanages in China. The Agency director talked to JJ a lot. I had tried to tell him before we went who Auntie Lillian was. It took about 30 minutes and I am not sure it was adequate enough for the message to stick because of my limited Chinese.

I told him that Auntie Lillian was important. She did very good work. And she told Mama and Baba that he was in China. She showed us his picture and said do we want to get him from China and we said yes. And then Aunt Lillian helped us go to China on the fei ji (flying chicken aka airplane) to go to him and then come back to America, JJ, Mama and Baba all together with all the Mama and Baba's and Mei Mei's he saw. This took about 30 minutes. Searching for words I knew, putting it together so he understood. And in the end his eyes lit up, and he recounted it back to me to show he understood.

Aunt Lillian explained to him what the donation was. And did he want to help his friends in his orphanage (he did) and what should she buy the orphanage to help? His answer? Winter coats. Not the latest toys but winter coats.

He seems so much older than his 8 1/2 years sometimes. And sometime when I look at him, I can see flickers of what I think is required to gain "wisdom" in one's life. It will be interesting to see what unfolds. For me, it is less about providing a good home and raising a child. It is more about raising a self-less being who can know empathy and compassion, who can give back to the world, in a karmic and universal way. To make the world a little bit better for future generations and for the sake of our humanity, through the "power or one." And to make sure that the strength of his character along with his sense of humor can help him find the right path to his destiny.

On Monday, Jan 4th, JJ went in for his first procedure. It was day surgery to correct his undescended testical and to get him circumcised. How can China overlook something like this?? Anyway, JJ was pretty good through the no food time zone, the waiting, the prep, the waiting, the operation, the recovery, etc. We again had an interpreter but she was more instructional than comforting since he seemed to be ok. As ok as one can be when nervous about an operation.

The doctor asked if we wanted to be in the operating room with him. Joseph and I looked at each other and said, "uhh... no." Our thinking is that he will be out, won't know we are there, we will meet him out in recovery when he opens his eyes and the thought of being trapped inside of an OR for an hour or two was not doing it for either of us.

We met him in recovery. And the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes were Mama and Baba. Such a tiny little thing. He looked vulnerable and for a moment, my heart melted just a little. It's been difficult with all of the doctor's appointments and the time out of the office. We had been warned that he would be nauseous from the anesthesia and most kids get sick. JJ? He stuck it through. He turned green and gray, alternating with a dull, pale flesh tone. He breathed through an oxygen mask when he needed to. Drank tiny bits of water and managed his nausea. I will say it was quite impressive. He puts most of us to shame. I think it also helps that he seems to have a higher pain threshold than most kids and it might be due to early training from going to through heart surgery and having his palette and lip closed. We knew he was turning the corner when the green started disappearing from the gray pall.

We were also warned that he would not want to eat, that he would get car sick on the way home, not to start solid food for two days.

Ok. JJ missed that bulletin. Seriously. Car ride was a piece o' cake. He wanted solid food almost immediately so we started him with a banana and some rice concoction I made up. Then it was onto noodles and noodle soup. And he never got sick once.

He recovered on the couch during the day and we put him to bed upstairs as always. The first few days, walking was a mess! Forget the stairs!! At one point Mama carried him up the stairs and put him in bed. And boy, was he impressed!! Baba just laughed. And I told JJ "Mama is not only smart, she is very very strong." It's important that he knows women are not weaklings. And it is a good start to him realizing that Mama is not going to tolerate him bringing home some simpy, lame, life-sucking, weakling of a girl in the future. Ahem.

JJ is such a funny kid. He always had his happy face on. Even when in pain and the medication wore off. He would start laughing, and then cover his mouth to suppress it because it made him hurt. And then I would look at him and laugh and he'd laugh harder. Then he point to me to stop and keep laughing until I left the room. 5 minutes later, I'd poke my head in and the same thing would happen.

He also learned that when he cried a little because of the pain, something which he can't help, Mama's heart opened and I would hug him and kiss his face and tell him "I know I know." And boy does he love those kisses!

And I will say that he does pee a whole lot better.

By Thursday, JJ was able to walk from the living room to the bathroom unassisted. It was painfully slow but it was a huge success. Ms Chen the Nanny started coming from Tuesday and JJ did some studying while lying on the couch.

Then Thursday afternoon, I leave for a 2-week business trip to India. Which will lead us to yet another post called "First Mama's Out of Country Business Trip" which I am sure will be short since I am not there, while I am here, to capture all the moments that I cannot observe since I am not there. Got that? You have to read it slowly.

Ok. That's it for now.

12/30/2009: First Christmas

2010-04-23T21:24:00.003-04:00

Well. Christmas came and Christmas went.

So before we start, let me tell you about all the people who came bounding up to me to ask "what is special???"
Uh... special? What do you mean?
You know... so special, having JJ here... to celebrate Christmas...

Truthfully? There are Christmas People and there are "christmas people". I am a "christmas people" and Joseph is a Christmas People. So for me, other than not having to travel for the holidays, it was just another Christmas or another holiday to deal with. It is never that special for me. Joseph makes it special because we have a tree with lights. And it is small and round, just like Joseph and me. And that is it.

Was it "special?" Actually, no. It was more "different" than anything else.

And does this one day have special meaning? Ummm... I'm going to take the liberty to disappoint everyone and say, it was not The Most Special Day of the Year for me. Sorry.

I think if we could communicate with JJ, explain to him the symbolism and magic of the day, and what it means, it might have been more special at least for me anyway. But JJ had a great time opening gifts and playing with all his new toys! And THAT was fun to see.

So, someone asked what JJ thought about Christmas. I'm a little flummoxed by this question. Hmmm. Well... Not sure. He doesn't speak English! How do I know what he thought? I don't think he thought anything. Nothing at all. Just another day with a tree in the house. I don't think he really understands presents either. He has no religion, doesn't know about Jesus, and we already know that I ruined Santa Make Believe for him. He doesn't know what a church is and has never been inside one.

What I do know, direct from his mouth to me through Chinese Nanny is that he has only heard something "little" about Christmas but he has never seen nor experienced it. Not surprising. And when I told a few people that last week, their excited faces fell and they seemed disappointed. Uhhhh.... Ok. Is it just me? Or does it seem like people have weird expectations about a boy from China, who didn't have religion, or celebrate Christmas, or any other American / Christian holiday for that matter?? So, Uh... No. He doesn't know what it is, and he probably doesn't care. Or even that he SHOULD care. And I personally think that is NORMAL!

Oh, and JJ doesn't know about Baby Jesus, either, so don't ask me if he knows it's Jesus's birthday (which really isn't his birthday but was picked as The Day for whatever reason that escapes me right now). And we're not going to tell him until he is older. He barely knew about Santa - from what I could see it was mostly from the kids at school. I did tell him that Santa was make believe and that he is Magic. Whether he understands that or not, he can't accuse of me lying later. Hah!

In my broken Chinese, I tried to tell him that "Santa knows ALL! And he is Magic. And he appears once a year if you are good." And that is why he got stuff in his stocking. Now, THIS is a story I can build on! It will be interesting to see later if he wondered about all the kids in China who Santa never came to. Yup. Flaws in the story everywhere!

Since we can't communicate, I'm not sure what JJ thought about the day specifically. He said he liked it and he was happy. But being happy is a continual state of being for him. He wakes up happy and goes to bed happy. And what's not to like when people shower you with Pez candy, spiderman stuff, motorized remote control helicopters and Ferarri's (courtesy of his "big brother" Peng Cheng who was Joseph's Chinese language partner and is now here going to UMass - a story for another day). Of course he got books and flash cards, too.

From what I could tell, I think he thinks it's just a day to get stuff. And it's a special day somehow because this time, Mama and Baba also got stuff and there was all that business with the stocking. He had a good time handing us our presents, too. He was concerned when we didn't have enough to take turns opening. LOL. We told him it was fine!

I also think that he was told about school vacation and he probably enjoyed not having to go to School. LOL. But I'm not really sure because he usually is happy to go to school. Anyway, imagine his surprise yesterday when the nanny came and he found out he had to study! Hah!!

I do know one thing without a doubt. He loves the Santa hat. Good grief! He wears it everywhere. He loves it. What's not to love? It's red (his favorite color), it's warm, it's soft, and it's pretty. I think he thinks it's "just a hat" albeit a different sort of hat. He will be disappointed when Baba puts it away tomorrow until next Christmas. Baba did mention that it is Baba's hat, not JJ's. LOL. We'll have to get JJ his own next year. But for now, we enjoy watching him enjoy the hat.

Ok. That's it for First Christmas. Next up...First American New Year (yes, there is a Chinese one, too, which Koreans also celebrate only we call it New Year).

12/22/2009: First Cranial Facial Team Visit and other stuff

2010-04-23T21:11:00.003-04:00

I thought that we'd be winding down on "Firsts" for a while, but I was wrong.

On the 18th, JJ experienced his First Research/Teaching Hospital Experience when we visited the Cranial Facial Team at Childrens. Last week's dentist visit was a cinch in comparison.

First we met with the Speech Pathologist. She said a lot of things which already lived through or noticed ourselves. She had him talk in Chinese (along with the Chinese interpreter) and then in English sounds. She noted that the lack of clarity between the interpreter and JJ was apparent. She also noted that he had lots of glottal sounds(substituting the back of the throat clicking for hard sounds like the K, T, SH, G, etc) and lots of hypernasality which means he sounded like he was talking through his nose - my definition of hypernasality, not hers, but you definitely know it when you hear it (like blowing through his nose instead of blocking the nasal passage like when we say the word "see", for example. Say it while you are blowing through your nose and you know what it sounds like. Yah. I know. Not pretty. And if that doesn't work, try holding your nose while talking. Yah. It sounds like that. I hate it. HATE IT.) And some facial grimacing with certain sounds. (I also HATE THAT TOO! Yes. I am a flawed individual. So what.)

Basically these are common "short cuts" that cleft kids learn to take at a young age because of the palate and lip issues. She said these were more behavioral than physical impairments that he learned early on. He can and should be able to correct them but he will have to work hard to break these habits. Oh great. You mean you can't just FIX it FOR HIM??? She also noted a short palate. It was bad enough to need correction but not bad enough that he couldn't start speech therapy before the palate was fixed. And it pointed to his bad speech habits as opposed to a physical accommodation. She also said that maybe not everything would be 100% fixable depending on when he started speech therapy.

She also did not think tongue exercises would do much. Since he is 8. The way to work on speech is to ... get this ... SPEAK! Gee, who knew. :o/ I liked that advice.

She wasn't sure about speech therapy since he can't speak or understand English. The issue is telling him how to place his tongue a certain way if he can't understand. So there again, the whole language issue rears it's ugly head. ARG!!! She is going to try to get info on a bilingual speech therapist she knows of. Either way, we would need to do a speech study. And we would wait to see what the doctors said. But we need to wait at least 3 months before starting any kind of speech therapy due to his language issues. In the meantime, time is just ticking away for Impatient Mama.

After that we went into a room to wait. Not long. And someone came in to warn us about what we would see when we walked in. Well, I knew exactly what was going to happen but JJ didn't know what was about to hit him.

They opened the door to another room across the hall. First thing I saw were 3 chairs in a row. We filed in and sat. In front of us was a long table with 5 or 6 people who I assumed were primary doctors on the Cranial Facial Team. And behind them were about 20 other doctors/students lining the wall, sitting on the counter that ran the length of that wall. JJ looked up with wide eyes, smiled, waved and slowly sat down. He realized it was all for him. He was very well behaved.

Then the discussions ensued. The lead surgeon could be pointed out right away. An older gentleman who commanded authority. And the Dental surgeon was the second person you noticed.

The Lead surgeon looked first. Asked me why China didn't take "that skin thing off his ears?" I said, "uhh because it's China?" How the hell would I know?? Of course I had been told that the Chinese think it's for good luck but I think that's a crock. of BS. Just an excuse for stupid Americans who think that is another thing wrong with the kid. I can't imagine walking around with extra skin that looks like it's a tiny budding ear would bring you any kind of societal good luck. Anyway, it could also signal kidney issues. Just what I needed to hear...

Anyway, the lead surgeonlooked for about 30 seconds - ears, nose, mouth. The oral surgeon followed. Another minute. "Yup yup ... I see ..hmmm... Short palate..." And then sat down.

Then another doctor and the hoards of Doctors Lining The Walls came up. That took a little longer. Good grief. Again, ears, nose, throat... Explanations, people taking turns looking. Needless to say, this took a little longer. But JJ loves being the center of attention so he smiled the whole time, cooperated willingly, and was happy to accommodate. Unbelievable.

The oral surgeon also looked at the dental xrays we brought with us from two days prior. They all knew JJ's dentist, JJ's dentist, and said she was very good. Phew. He said they would need more xrays, though. Fine. Figures.

So after much discussion, it was decided to do two things in parallel, which I have separated into Soft Tissue and Hard Tissue (bone).

Soft Tissue would be faster - if you can call a year or more "fast.". He needs to get the Speech study done. Then he will get the P-flap surgery for his palate issues. While in there, Dr. Mulliken will also "fix" his nose, and take "those ear things off". I think there may be a deviated septum issue but hopefully he will even out the crooked nostrils as well. And he did mention that China did a better job than he thought on the lip but I hope he will get in there fix that too.

They also noted that JJ has a syndrome called hemifacial microsomia where the lower half of one side of the face is smaller than the other and doesn't grow normally. This is more than the usual "my right foot is a half size bigger than my left" issue. This is a syndrome with a real name that causes real issues if it is more than just "slight." they thought that JJ's was slight - maybe 10% or less. The lead surgeon said he would be fixing that as well when he goes in to do the bone graft. Thank God.

In the meantime, we are scheduled for an Orthodontic Records appointment. More xrays. Great. I hope they don't make him choke again like the hygenist did. Afterwards he will get some type of orthodontics that will stretch out his palate because it is small. After that will come the bone graft surgery. That could be about 18 months away.

Afterwards, we saw the audiologist. And sure enough, he failed the test just like he did at school. He right ear is worse than his left and it's at certain pitches and sound levels. She said it was "a little odd." She noted the ear wax. Anyway, we will need to make an appointment with the ENT doctor and most likely they will have to put ear tubes in. This could also be a reason why he produces sounds differently if it is impacting his ability to hear, especially the fine gradiants in sounds like the B and the P. Of course, air coming through your nose and leaking all over the place doesn't help either. But they will take care of the Big Ball O' Wax and check for fluid in his ears before putting the tubes in.

All in all, we are talking about a 1 year to 18 month process. By that time, he will be older than 10 years old. Hopefully, his speech will have been improved somewhat with Speech Therapy and better hearing. And he doesn't need other therapy because he's been poked and prodded for the entire better part of his life.

Everyone agreed he seemed bright. Which will help him mentally process and rationalize what is going on. He has been through the drill so many times that I know he is used to a lot of the process but it's going to get even more intense and more painful.

We do not tell him much of anything until a day or two before the doctor's appointment.

Well, JJ has a long road ahead of him. But he is very cheerful and very happy and I think that will serve him well. I hope he looks back on all this and understands when he is older.

On another front, Joseph and I had our first Parent Teacher Conference. It wasn't too bad but I could tell that JJ was really worried. He stuck by us the whole time we were talking to his teacher. When I looked up at him, he was looking intensely at my face and he was NOT smiling. Well, that was a First for JJ. LOL. Now he knows that Mama and Baba have free access to his teacher. She said that his behavior has been better since we caught him the Big Fib about his friend not being at school. Anyway, she also said he was more attentive. And we told her that she should be giving him math and that he shouldn't be taking Spanish!!! She agreed.

And I also had to tell him that Santa Claus is make believe.

Ok. Let that one sink in.

And I told him not to tell the kids at school.

I'm just saying this because there are some people who will unknowing talk on and on about Santa and he will wonder what's going on....he is either gonna think that Santa only shows up for Non-asian americans or someone is not telling the truth or some people are wrong or whatever.

So. He says to me the other day that Santa is going to give him stuff.
Uhhhh..... Who says?
His friends said.
Oh. Why?
Well, he doesn't know why.
Oh, really.

So... the next part of the conversation.
ME: He gives toys to all the kids?
JJ: Yes
ME: Really
JJ: Yes
ME: ALL the kids?
JJ: Yes
ME: Did he give the kids in China toys?
JJ: ????
ME: Did he give you presents when you were in the orphanage in China?
JJ: No.
ME: You said he gives ALL the children toys.
JJ: Yes.
ME: But you didn't get any in the orphanage.
JJ: [pause...] No.
ME: That's because there is no such thing as Santa.
JJ: ????
ME: He is make believe
JJ: [looks crestfallen]
ME: Yup. Not. Real.

And that ended that little conversation.
He is 8 1/2 years old. He is not a Christian, doesn't know God, or Santa, or anything else for that matter. We are NOT going to start his religious education about some fat guy in a red suit giving our free toys to all the kids when that blatantly did NOT happen to him in China at the Orphanage.

Coming on the heels of chastisement about fibbing (LYING), I could LIE to him about Santa, have him come back in 6 months to a year and ask me why I LIED to him, or tell him the truth. So I chose to tell him that Santa is make believe. I know that he had told his Nanny that he only had heard about Christmas but didn't ever experience or know anything about it.

Soooo...now I am thinking of telling him that Santa only comes alive once a year by magic. I think that will lead into other discussions later about what that means. The spirit of Christmas, Karma, Giving all year, etc. It's something that I can wholeheartedly explain and believe in from a symbolic perspective.

When Joseph came home later, he was a bit chagrined by the whole turn of events but I know he KIND OF understood.

12/17/2009: First Race, First Doctor, First Dentist, etc etc etc

2010-04-23T20:55:00.003-04:00

Well, it's almost Christmas and before you ask, "no, I am not particularly looking forward to it. I do not particularly look forward to any Christmas much less holidays in general."

First of all, let me say that he has stopped saying "HI" and "NI HAO" to every Tom, Dick and Harry Stranger on the street. Thank GOODNESS! I had to explain to him that in America that is not so cute after the first day. Seriously. And I do believe that he thought he was being really cute. Sorry kid. After the age of about 6, it's not that cute in general. People were actually not even smiling at him. A few would but most of them looked down at him in surprise or confusion and then sort of looked at me. It was getting tiresome. I am also worried about him doing this with the wrong person and then getting himself into some trouble. Coming from an institution, I don't want him approaching strangers and I am afraid that he doesn't know any better.

So, JJ had his First Race last week at the Walter's Run that our running club puts on every December. The proceeds go to Charity and scholarships. Joseph and I volunteer every year. And Joseph runs the race, finishes, and then finishes his volunteer assignment all while cheering people on. But this year was a little different. He volunteered for the kid's race. It was divided into two heats - one for 7 year olds and under, and a second one for 8 and above. Not sure what they did with the 7-8 'tweeners but no one else seemed to mind this omission so I didn't say anything.

JJ was with the big kids since he is 8 years old. They had to run up the street to the orange cone, do a u-ey and run back. Well, I had to explain this to JJ in broken Chinese with lots of gesticulations, facial movements and general charades. He did this all with me. We must have been a sight! But he totally understood.

The race was about 200 yards. And as soon as they said "GO" he ran with all his might. But he couldn't muster up the power of the bigger kids and ended up being 4th from the back. The determination on his face was incredible. He did great. After, he was all smiles. Now he knows what a RACE is! I bet he starts training. LOL. I know I couldn't keep up with him.

JJ has also been going to a series of doctor appointments. So far in December, he has a total of 6 scheduled (2 more to go) and another 5 in January.

All of the doctors are at Children's Hospital. The pediatrician is wonderful. And there was a Chinese translator there who would also be at subsequent appointments. The doctor did a complete check up, reviewed his xrays and said he was generally healthy, considering. He had ear wax - which she deferred to the Cleft Team we are seeing on the 18th. And she referred him to a cardiologist and a urologist.

The next appointment was the following week with the urologist (they work fast at Children's), followed by the International Development Doctor. I was away on a business trip so I couldn't make these appointments but I wrote up a lot of questions. Joseph took a lot of notes and told the Dr that I come from a family of physicians. And he said the Dr gave him a knowing look. Jeez.

Anyway, JJ can't pee right. He either has not been circumcised or had a botched circumcision (I think it's the former). He has a tiny little tip and can't pee straight. And Good God, it takes him FOREVER to pee. He also has an undescended testical. WHAT??? Joe said he noticed it while in China. JJ's had a lump in his groin and only one testical so Joseph assumed this to be the case and he was right. So, JJ will have his first surgery - a circumcision and lowering of the testical - on January 4. What a way to start the new year.

After urology, Joseph and JJ met with the Adoption Development Doctor. She is supposed to be one of the best and this is one appointment I was very disappointed to have missed. The Doctor didn't want to classify him as normal or not normal since there isn't a control group of kids from Beijing, orphaned, adopted at 8, with Cleft Lip and Palette III with VSD, post op. Good grief. So clinical! Is he NORMAL or NOT? Not complicated is that??

Anyway, he seemed bright, is in the 5th percentile for weight (skinny), and the 30th percentile for height (not as tall as I like but it'll do). Question is, is this for Chinese kids or American kids? Or Kids adopted from China? He has ear tags and she said that could indicate kidney issues - deferring to the Cleft Team. Speech, language, audio - deferring to the Cleft Team. Jeez. And the hearing test he failed at school two days earlier? Yup. Deferring to the cleft team. Ok. So WHAT DO YOU DO EXACTLY???

At one point, the doctor asked him what he found the most shocking or surprising about America and he said, "...that mama and baba love him so much." The doctor said, not about people. What else? So he said, "the house is very beautiful and there are a lot of lights."

This was interesting. He probably lived in a very institutional style setting and our house is brightly colored Victorian. And he has a fascination with lights. He has a little flashlight he carries around and he loves anything that emits some type of light. I imagine they didn't have a lot of light in the orphanage. Ok. "A Lot" is relative but I doubt they had 8 recessed lights in a single room with a chandelier to boot.

We also found out that he knows he was abandoned by his mama and that he was living in an institution, didn't have a family, and that he now has Mama and Baba and a family. This kind of freaked me out. I can't imagine how I would feel as an 8 year old to know all this. I know I would not be as well adjusted as JJ is. I'd probably be depressed and in therapy!

The doctor said the kids know the difference between family and no family between the ages of 4 and 7. The light slowly dawns and they start to ask questions. Well, I certainly didn't know that!

He also has some eczema which could signal asthma - which we will watch for, and dry skin issues which could be the environment, water, air, etc - all of which is different from China (aka cleaner or more antiseptic). Or not. We will watch what happens. It could take 6 months to clear up. SIX MONTHS?? Lord.

So nothing more until the Cleft Team evaluation. But we have a Develpment followup in May to see where he is so we can do a plan for the summer while school is out.

Yesterday, we had JJ's First Dental Appointment. Ok. Can I just say, "GOOD GRIEF!!! WHAT A SEWER MOUTH!!!!!!" Everything was so dirty! GAH. They cleaned his mouth. Lots of blood. We were told it's the water (again) here, the lack of flouride in China, etc and general getting used to the environment (again). Can take SIX MONTHS! It's a pattern.

He had tons of xrays taken. The bottom line, baby teeth with cavities, baby teeth that had fillings with more cavities, cavities on top of cavities, cavities under fillings, inflamed roots, baby teeth that didn't fall out, teeth growing behind teeth. Ok. So, can I just say what a fanatic I am about teeth? I like them white, clean, straight... The first thing I look at are people's mouths (or smiles and their teeth), second to their eyes! At least JJ has beautiful eyes so no issues there. I guess a mouthful of teeth is an understatement. And typical for Cleft kids. So for the Major Work (huh?) aka Orthodontia aka LOTS O' MONEY we will need to wait for the Cleft Team. But in February, he has four dental appointments for teeth extraction, fillings and root canals. Yeah. ROOT CANALS. For baby teeth that won't fall out until he's older. Good GOD! They are sectioning his mouth into four quadrants and tackle each a week, four weeks in a row.

So, I told Joseph, well if JJ bitches about flossing, I'm gonna remind him about this! No problem!

And at one point I said to Joseph, "ya know... I get a kid that pushes my two pet peeve buttons - he has BAD TEETH and he babbles when he talks (unclear because of his cleft issues)." And then in the same breath, Joseph and I both said "God gave him to us to teach me patience!" LOL. Whatever. Believe me. I know, it could be infinitely worse!

JJ was a trooper. He hung in there for a 2 hour dental appointment. At one point I could see what this cleft/mouth weakness does to him. He has no control over his tongue. Almost none. He can stick it out but when it closes his mouth, it goes back in and only with great effort, can he maintain the stuck out tongue while closing his mouth. The last xray was really bad. Deep in his mouth and he couldn't keep his tongue out of the way. And he could just breath through his nose. And so he gagged. What should have taken 30 seconds took 10 minutes. I went in to help. I told him to say Ahhhhh the whole time and it worked by moving his tongue out of the way. What an ordeal. But when he refuses to do his tongue exercises in future speech therapy, I can remind him of this. LOL. Ok. Bad Mama. LOLOLOL.

Oh. And at one point we looked up and saw something about the tooth fairy. We both looked at each other and shook our heads. We are soooo not going to do any "tooth fairy" stuff. No Santa either. We can't even explain the Christmas tree as it is! Poor kid. When he's older, he can go to therapy and talk about how not knowing the tooth fairy and santa ruined his life. LOL. I know I know. Heartless!

JJ also endured Mama's first Domestic Business Trip during the week of the Development Doctor appointment. We talked on the phone every night after his dinner. At one point, he kept saying I was coming home earlier than I was. Joseph said he was worried about the doctor. Anyway, what this taught us is that the phone is ineffective! You can't talk to a kid who can't speak English over the phone! And one that babbles when he talks fast! ARG! So, next trip we agreed I am taking my home laptop that has Skype on it. TWO LAPTOPS! Like I don't have enough to carry. Whatever. Anyway. I'm going to wait to tell him that Mama is going to Indu (India) for two weeks in January.

JJ also survived Li Laoshi's Chinese class with Mama and Baba. It's been fun so far. She calls him her TA (short for Teacher's Assistant)! It also slows the class down for which Joe and I are infinitely grateful! Laoshi did a little "testing" and he is at second grade Chinese level and his stroke order for characters is a MESS!!! A MESSSS!! Good Grief. At one point, she had him watch Mama because Mama's characters are Piaoliang (beautiful). LOL.

We were not too worried about the grade level because he finished second grade and had third grade for only a month before we pulled him out. On top of that, we are realizing that he probably did not go to a Chinese public school but a school at the orphanage. Now it made sense. She The Nanny asked him where he lived in China, he told her that he lived at his school. Ahhhhh. that means he probably got sub par education according to Chinese educational standards. We are talking about a country where the orphanages wouldn't hold the babies or talk to them because they felt that the babies were going to American families so they woudln't need to learn to talk before they were adopted. Seriously. Of course that has been slowly changing.

Now I am thinking he is enrolled in the wrong grade level here. I was unsure when we enrolled him in Third Grade and thought that maybe 2nd grade might be better for him. But we'll see what happens.

The doctor said first and foremost, he must learn the language. She said it would take him 4-6 years to fully integrate. FOUR TO SIX YEARS??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I assume, it takes longer the older you are. We know he can understand the American teacher during any classes, like math. They are using this touchy feely method of boxes instead of equations. What the...??? So I have started asking him to do some grade three math in a book I bought after he does his American homework.

JJ and I continue to battle over appropriate homework behavior, diligence, character, and a lie (he was totally busted). He's 8. I know I know. And I think he is a little socially delayed and when I tell Joseph that he bristles a little. He hates labels for me, I have to call it the way I see it so that I can address it. Anyway, JJ needs a good foundation of discipline and character in thought! He knows Mama hates crocodile tears. It's one of my character flaws - I know. He knows Mama likes good studying and working hard. He knows Mama hates cover ups and evasiveness. And Mama likes sitting and discussing instead of crying.

Thank goodness we have the Nanny to explain to him that what he does and says or doesn't do, reflects on Mama and Baba. And that it's not all about him. And if he doesn't do homework, teacher will think he can't do it when we know that he can.

Overall he is doing well. He is adjusting to the routine and seems to be attaching ok for now (Mama the pessimist is looking for the other shoe). And he continues to gauge his progress by my facial expressions and body language. He does grab my hand when we are walking (a good sign). But I am not sure it's totally dawned on him that we're IT. That this is as good as it's gonna get. That there is no back door, no safety net in the stranger's smile (I think we're over this one) or a friend of Mama and Baba, many who drop in to visit (not sure we're over this one yet). Attachment is a whole other topic but it's seems to be progressing ok for now.

Anyway, JJ had is First Realization about Mama and Baba. We work. Sometimes we work a lot. I explained to him a little of what we do. He was VERY impressed that Mama manages a lot of people. And that Baba does too. VERY. IMPRESSED. He was so impressed , he clapped and jumped up and down and made up a little song. He even said that we were "principals." We thought he meant at school but when we looked it up, it was Principal of a school, a group of people, a company... And he was very impressed. So much that if one of us isn't home, he says, we are at work, working, with lots of people. LOL. Not bad for an 8 year old.

One last thing. He keeps talking about his mei mei. His little sister. He is increasingly comfortable with the idea of going to China next year and talks about it with his teachers and with some Chinese friends we have had at the house. And with me. Last night he brought out the photo album we sent him and he said he would give it to mei mei. When I said we would put in his pictures he counted out three empty slots, said he wants a picture of himself in front of school in his running clothes with his race number from the race he ran. And he would put that into the photo album and send it to mei mei.

I guess he figures he is here for the long haul. Or at least until mei mei gets home!

Ok. That's it.

Onto the first Christmas, which is pretty unspectacular for him now. And the First Parent Teacher Conference on Monday.

11/30/2009: Second First Week

2010-04-23T20:34:00.004-04:00

I would like to make a note that this is Joseph's Birthday and well... we haven't done much. I am a little annoyed at that since he is my most important person.

Anyway, we have another week of First Things.

Last Saturday, JJ had his First Play Date. Our dear friends Yongmei and Richard offered to meet us for lunch at JoJo Tapei and then take JJ to the Children's Museum along with her son Niles (JJ's First Friend, although JJ doesn't know it yet) and Selena (Niles' mei mei - aka little sister). It was a very nice family lunch and Joe and I got to try a new restaurant. You know a place is pretty close to authentic if 80% of the clientele is Chinese!

On Sunday, we had another First. The First Playground Play Date. We met up with the Lost Family from the China trip. They live a few blocks from us so we met at their place, then walked to one of the many wonderful Brookline playgrounds and the fun ensued. Ok. So. JJ will never be a batter or a pitcher. Forget baseball. Ahem. he didn't know how to throw a baseball and he had never seen a bat. Uh... he's CHINESE. I thought they played baseball in China. What kinda orphanage doesn't teach you about baseball??

But he's awesome at sliding down slides in all manner of contortions along with 4 other boys. Good grief! I never saw such a thing. Up the tube, down the tube, on the outside of the tube, inside the tube ... at the same time and in opposite directions. All I have to say is "it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye...". Thankfully, everyone's eyes were intact.

Then onto JJ's First Birthday Party of our dear friend Jane's who turned 50. And there, JJ had his First Birthday Cake! Not sure how he liked it. Didn't seem too terribly enthused but he ate the whole piece.

Monday was JJ's First Field Trip with his class to the Boston Skywalk at the Pru. Don't really know how he liked it since I couldn't ask and he couldn't say.

And then we had JJ's First School Bus Ride. Man. Were they off schedule!! The mentioned 7:30 am pick up was more like 7:37am. I rode the bus to school with him and went for a run from there. 4.1 miles felt great. Then in the afternoon, I walked to the school and got on the bus and rode it home. Interestingly, I thought the bus would be late for it's 2:40 pick up time. Especially since I passed it on my way to JJ's school. It was waiting at the Devotion School up the street from us. But it arrived right on time!

So, the bus was supposed to let us off at Devotion around 3:00. I had told Ms Chen to meet us at 2:50. Boy was I wrong. It was more like 3:15. We made 3 stops before we got there, all on the other side of Brookline! And then onto a fourth stop that was in another different area! ARG!!! This really cuts into JJ's homework time. Serious homework time! It seemed they were dropping kids off right around their homes. For crying out loud!!!

Ok. We survived the bus. JJ was major-league bored. Of course not having someone explain to him what's happening probably made it worse for him.

And on Tuesday, JJ rode the bus alone. He rode it to school and from school and Ms Chen met him at the bus stop. He is also more willingly doing homework. Positive reinforcement and a constant reminder from his Mama on why he needs to learn English seems to be working. He also has no choice and he is smart enough to know that.

Tuesday afternoon, JJ brought home his First Project. He brought home Happy Thanksgiving cards he had made for me and Joseph. Mine said "thank you for taking good care of me" and under the English were the Chinese characters that said the same thing. Joseph's said something about talking to him every night. I assume that Ms Tang, the ELL teacher, helped him with the translation but it was all in his own handwriting. Even Ms Chen was touched. I am more skeptical than anything else. But I about almost everything.

Wednesday Morning, we experienced the First Third Grade Event - a breakfast for students, teachers, parents, etc etc etc. I had made banana bread the night before but it broke. GAH! So I made apple bread and promptly forgot the butter. It turned out surprisingly good! So I'm leaving butter out from now on. Less caloric! And afterwards, I went over to collect the carcass and it was gone. Not a single crumb was left! Anyway, we met some parents and JJ's teacher sat with us. He is still wandering around the classroom. I was a bit annoyed because it's not just about JJ. It's about disruption to the class! We are going to have a discussion about how it's not all about him, yes I know he is bored, well, maybe he wouldn't be if he would practice his English, blah blah blah general-nagging-mama-stuff...

We did have this discussion before. So I guess we need repetition. So while she was talking, I got annoyed. And I looked to see him staring at me, charting the course of the conversation through my face and he knew I wasn't happy. Interesting. So afterwards, I told him that he cannot walk or wander in class when the teacher is talking or when kids are doing a group project etc. And when he got home after school, he proudly told me how he "listened to the teacher, didn't walk around, wander or roam!" I told him that I was proud. But was thinking, he better not forget about it. But I do know that he doesn't even know about half the things in that classroom that every other kid probably grew up with. He is so behind in terms of things.

Wednesday afternoon, we took the First Long Car Ride to the Mountains. We went to the Berkshires to spend Thanksgiving with Ye Ye and Nai Nai. JJ sat in the back with the Dingle Doggie. LOL. It was truly uneventful until the dog decided to stretch out across the back seat. And of course, on top of JJ! LOLOL

Thursday was the First Thanksgiving. It was filled with lots o' food, lots o' family, lots o' fun, and of course, the First Cough and First Sore Throat followed by the First Cold. I was glad it wasn't the First Flu or the First H1N1. That would have been very bad. I don't know about you but sometimes too much food, family, and fun equals a lot of stress! It was also the first time JJ had no Asian food or noodles in 5 or more days. I don't know if it was the cold or too much unfamiliar food, but we also had the First Refusal to Eat which led to the First Desire to Go To Bed Really Early. Especially since it was shower night and he wanted to. Must have been sick.

It was a very stressful weekend. It started out all right but I am not a crowd person. Anyway, things got worse from bad. Luke kept arguing with his mother. JJ looked at me and had a look in his eyes - eyes wide open. I kept a stern face, looked at him and slightly shook my head for him not to say anything.

it culminated with an argument with Joseph's mother. She got upset and cried, I was pissed, Joe was pissed, JJ was bewildered, and tired. I do not know what it was about. We were supposed to go to a reunion that Joseph had been looking forward to going to. Joseph's parents was supposed to baby sit. JJ didn't want to eat dinner. I mean, he was tired, sick, and he had been eating weird food for DAYS. And if he was like me, the food did not taste good either. Anyway, he did't want to eat, so Joseph asked JJ if he wanted to go to bed and JJ said yes. At that point, his mother started getting mad and yelling (in her own quiet way) that she was not going to carry out a punishment when she disagreed and we foisted our kid onto her for her to punish.

Huh??
WTF???

So, Joe and I basically, said, forget it, we are not going to the reunion. If you do not want to babysit then fine. And they didn't even know what the issue was.

I think that the stress was also getting to them. We talked it out for hours. Joseph probably saw different things but what I saw was that they wanted to have weekly phone calls, which Joseph calls them almost daily, so it could only apply to me. I did that with my father. And he died. And with him, my heart and soul almost died. I never had a relationship with my mother. So I do not even know what it feels like to have one with a mother figure other than irritation, and the constant feeling of suffocation. Joseph's mom was also annoyed that I didn't ask for help. What?? I will ask if I need it. And right now, I do not even know if I need it. Or WHAT help I actually need.

We told him Saturday we were going home "tomorrow" and he seemed happy about that. He asked me again, "tomorrow, go home?" I said yes. And he smiled and said it again. I think he was very tired and over stimulated. He came from an institution. Based on what Heidi (mother of the Lost Family) told me, they had four walls and a bulb that was on only a certain number of hours. And they went out to play which meant no props but a buncha running around.

So that was it. He is still learning his ABC's and is vocalizing more English on his own.

Joe's mom is great. She gave me advice on learning to read books and how to keep it simple for him. She is also a great observer and she's given me a lot of insights into how he is doing. One thing she said was he may not want to say a word in English because he knows it's not perfect. I've been correcting his speech. But based on that info, I'll correct him less and only when I don't understand what he's saying.

And of course Joe's dad and JJ just get along great. Just like 2 peas on a pod. I can't even describe it.

Oh. On Thanksgiving morning, Joe, his sister Judy and I ran a race. JJ and Ye Ye came out to watch and support. And I guess that is JJ's First Race Spectating Event.
I thought that was worth mentioning. :o))

Onto the First Race, First Christmas and First New Years.

Talk to you in a few weeks.
If I don't die first.

11/21/2009: The First Full Week

2010-04-23T20:23:00.003-04:00

We are moving along the "First List."

The good news is that the First Thanksgiving and the First Christmas will be lumped in early with the First Month. HAH! The bad news is that we have the First Month, the First "other holidays", the First Birthday, the First Quarter, the First Half Year, the First Year, and the First Day of School...etc etc etc. Ok. You get the picture! I imagine that I will get tired of all the firsts long before they run out so I doubt it will go that far, really.

Ms Chen the Nanny started on Monday afternoon. Ok. Can we talk about Asians and DOGS? Our dog is on the large side. I have seen grown men cross the street to avoid her. Little do they know that all Cass wants to do is sniff you and then ignore you. Of course, you do have to get over the fact that the first time she meets you, she comes up running, barking and snarling like she's going to tear you from limb to limb. Hmmm. Ok. She pretty much does that every time she sees you. And it can last for years. All I gotta to say is "poor Ms Chen." LOL. Took about 10 minutes for everyone to calm down. I did warn her that Cass will pretty much bark every time she comes over. LOL.

Anyway, Ms Chen started and I have to say, "thank God for Ms. Chen." She is a PhD University professor from Beijing who is here with her husband, who is getting a post doc at MIT. The minute she came in JJ started talking and pretty much didn't stop until she left. Ok. He pretty much talks from the time he gets up until the time he goes to bed in general but while she was here, he sped up. She was a bit startled. She is the mousy type with pulled back hair, wire rim glasses, stern face, and not a lot of humor in it to begin with but JJ didn't notice much of it. I think that at this age, boys are pretty self-centered anyway. He must have been starved for conversation. Imagine being plopped into a strange place where no one looks like you, nothing looks like your home, and no one can understand you. I think it was a good outlet for him and I knew the first hour in that it is worth every penny to bring her in. His language will advance by talking to her in Chinese. As opposed to his Mama who talks in short idiotic sentences that isn't even par with a 1st grader. I also got a bit of a mental reprieve and managed to go to the store, finish up some phone calls, etc.

JJ took this opportunity to ask me questions. He had Ms Chen write them down and he marked them off as I answered. He asked a lot of questions about school. Do they have chess class, basketball class, ping pong class, gym class, etc... He asked about the "curriculum." Seriously. That's the word he used in Chinese. Hmmm.

He kept saying he should go into the first level. Finally, we pulled it out of him that he thinks he belongs there because he doesn't know English. I might have to agree with him but placing him two to three years backwards is out of the question. He is just going to have to work harder is all.

When we ask a question, sometimes he says he doesn't know. So Ms Chen and I looked at each other with the "well, that is not acceptable" look. So she told him if he knows the answer, he must say it. If he doesn't know the answer, then he must ask. It could be that it's too hard for him to communicate. But that is still not acceptable.

He asked about going to a place to pick veggies and fruits (a farm). Next year. Check.

How about "wet mud?" Can he get some? Uhhh... Clay?? Eureka! Yes but it's play dough. It's not like we have a pottery shed out back. Ok. Check.

How about watching cartoon movies like Calabash Baby? Uhhh... No. Of course I was informed we can watch it from the internet. Sigh. Ok. Maybe. Check.

How about bubble sugar? Huh?? Oh. Bubble gum. Uh... He had never had bubble gum and would like to try it. Hmmm... maybe it will help strengthen his jaw. Ok. Maybe. If you are good. Check.

And a couple of other things I said "no" to. LOL.

Tuesday we went to the Pierce School for ELL testing. This is the first thing required before we can enroll JJ in school. Brookline schools are wonderful. Basically, Brookline is an education-centric town. All teachers and aids must have a masters degree. At first, we thought he would be going to Devotion which is in our district and 3 blocks away. No. Ms Tang (the ELL teacher) had different ideas. Each of the five elementary schools has a nationality. Devotion is the Hebrew School. Pierce is the Chinese School. There is also a Russian School, a Korean school and two Japanese schools. Two. For Japanese. Huh.

Each school has an ELL program - goes to show what the student population is like around here. But each school is geared toward a certain population. Ms Tang said something about how she could help him with homework if he went to Pierce but Devotion doesn't have Mandarin speaking teachers so they can't. Hmm. Ok. And her recommendation was to send him to Pierce. Hmmm. And there is a bus for ELL students. Really! A BUS?? Oh! Well.... So it's ben five minutes, what is your decision? Oh. Well, it guess it's Pierce! Why do we all cower in front of teachers? Must be early training when we were kids.

Anyway, the bus is a lifesaver. It picks him up in front of Devotion and drops him off every day.

He will be taking ELL classes twice a day until he reaches a certain level of proficiency. Then they go to once a day, then weekly, etc, until he is fluent. The range of time is 1-3 years with some taking longer but the average is 2-3 years. After that point he can't take the bus. They kick him off! LOL. And we can move him to Devotion. But he will be in the 6th or 7th grade so we'll see what happens. I would hate to move him away from his friends but...

JJ met his teacher, the guidance counselor, the nurse, and he saw the classroom, the cafeteria. And he also met some ELL students from China who could speak English really well. He is so excited about going to school.

The Guidance counselor is responsible for JJ's educational health and welfare. She will make sure that he gets total coordinated services geared toward enabling his learning. When he is ready for speech therapy, she will get the special ed teacher involved, etc. And it was decided to wait on speech therapy until all his medical evals and procedures are done and he learns English.

The classroom is open. There are no walls. Classrooms are separated by cubbies and shelves. There were less than 20 desks in JJ's class. It will be interesting how the open concept works for JJ since he is so linearly organized. I have a lot of doubts on this one. Combine a smart kid who is a sponge, who lived in a cleansed institutional environment with no unusual stimulation, put him in a class without walls and LOTS O'DISTRACTIONS... we will see what we will see...

And we noticed that he is taller than other 3rd graders and some of the 4th graders we saw in the cafeteria.

So we went shopping for school supplies. And that was that. Now I am on the hunt for chinese workbooks and Math and English Spelling books. And I'd like to get him into a weekly Chinese program. I need to talk to Li Laoshi.

Thursday, JJ started first day of school. Joe and I delivered him and I had a hard time saying good bye - ohhh... for about a minute. He met a teacher in the classroom next door who teaches 7th grade and Mandarin. Of course she is fluent and talked to JJ for about 10 minutes. He just looked up in awe for a long while but then loosened up. Of course it could be that her blond hair and blue eyes threw him off!

After school, I picked him up along with all the soccer moms. I waited on the sidewalk with a lot of other parents as kids streamed out of the building. He saw me and I saw him, he came running up and just flew into my arms. He was so excited to tell me about the class and the big lunch and how delicious it was and he was so full (3 times) and how he liked school and now he has friends.

We got home and the First Homework Battle took place. I have a sneaking suspicion as to why the orphanage said he is "not student material" or "isn't a 'good' student". He wrote the alphabet the first time through. Gawd! The talking, the distractions - how many times do you re-write the letter "m"?? And then the two or three sentences. So I told him he needed to do the alphabet again, this time faster. Hmm. Didn't seem to like that. I went back to the kitchen to keep cooking dinner while Ms. Chen helped him. I heard a lot of chatter, then quiet and about 20 minutes later I go back in and he is sitting there.

Alrightee... He basically didn't want to do it. And he started crying. Ms Chen pointed it out and I shook my head. We had a brief lecture about why he needs to do this, and more crying. Good grief. I am NOT a crying-child-break-my-heart-let-me-hug-you-and-give-you-what-you-want kinda mom. In fact it downright pisses me off. There will be NO WIMPS IN THIS FAMILY!!! LOL. Not to mention stupid people!! Haha! I think he got the picture. Then Joe walked in from work, took in the situation, and he told JJ to keep writing. He should know that studying is not negotiable. Ever. Welcome to America, kid.

And so, JJ did his homework. And there was success, a better looking alphabet, a sense of accomplishment, knowledge that Mama and Baba stand together, and the I am serious when I tell him that "his only job is to be a student" and that I will not cave into histrionics. Ever. After hugs and kisses for a job well-done, I presented him with a "bubble sugar" (bubble gum) for all efforts, something he has never had before in his life. And that caused jubilation and dancing.

I hate to tell him that Mama bought 3rd and 4th grade math practice books and 1st-3rd grade spelling and writing books. I think I'll wait for the weekend! Gotta stock up on bubble sugars! LOL!

So, Friday's homework was better. I picked him up from school and we started right after we got home and Ms Chen arrived. He wrote his assignment. And then he had to say the alphabet at least once. Well, he didn't make it past the letter "e" and got stuck on f, g, h, I, j, l, m, q, u, v, w, y, z. That's a lot. So I told him he had to do it over and over again until he got it right. At first there was some pouting. But this was tangible. He could SEE that he needed to practice so there was less pouting. I told him how this was vital. "If you don't know the alphabet, you can't read. If you can't read, then..." And I gave him a look that said, "it's hopeless if you can't read.". So he started again. He marked the ones he didn't know and kept at it for 2 hours getting down to only 4 letters he didn't know. He did so well and I was so proud! I mean, it's only the second day of learning!

Then Ms Chen started on Chinese homework! Yeah! He definitely needs to keep up his Chinese. I think Ms Chen is getting more relieved with this whole thing as we get into some sort of routine. She is helping him refine his pronunciation as much as possible given his palate and lisp. This is good. I doubt that anyone has ever given him this type of attention so we don't know what he can do. And it will also help exercise his mouth and tongue. I notice that when he forms words, his tongue doesn't hit the back of his teeth I don't this that is a palate issue!

Anyway, I walked Ms Chen to the bus stop where she will be picking him up. She said that she thought he was really really smart. And that he will learn quickly. We both notice he is a perfectionist. This is really good but it can be really bad, too.

Today, we will go over the alphabet again. Kids forget over the weekend! Then we have a play date with his friend Niles that he doesn't know about. We will tell him that it's because he studied his alphabet or hard.

That's it for the First Week.

Get ready for The First Thanksgiving.

11/16/2009: The First Weekend

2010-04-23T18:18:00.003-04:00

Looks like we are gonna have a lot of "firsts."

The First Weekend with JJ is over. And we all survived it intact. And believe me... jet lag was the least of it.

We had a lot of visitors. Joseph's parents stayed over (Thank God!) and left yesterday afternoon. We didn't know how JJ would take the news that Nai Nai and Yeh Yeh didn't live with us. But we explained right before they left and he took the news well. I thought he was a bit surprised at first, though. Yup, kid. You're stuck with just Mama and Baba. I think the fact that he is a "only" will hit him hard later.

My friend Harriet left yesterday morning. I told her that my calls to her will be shifting from my having a brain tumor to JJ getting Ebola or something equally impossible to get in Boston. She said she expected that. LOL.

Judy, Paul, and Luke came over for lunch. We had an American cook out with burgers and hot dogs and potato chips. JJ had a hot dog and fell in love with potato chips. Which is great because we're a potato-chip-kinda-family! In fact, I order them in bulk from far away places. LOL!

Judy also finished up the curtains in JJ's bedroom and now JJ's room is complete. Luke made a Lego car for JJ and JJ helped. It was nice to see Luke take JJ in hand and help him out. Luke's comment was that JJ is tall! Caroline couldn't join us because of her speech event. But it won't be soon until we see her at Thanksgiving.

[We now pause briefly for this service announcement : "Thank God for Judy."]

Our friend Nicole came to visit as did our friend Jacqui, who lives down the street. Nicole came bearing gifts and I understand that JJ got to talk to Jason on the phone. I had to go into work for a few hours so I missed this part. But Joseph said that JJ had a good time with Aunt Nik.

JJ also got a phone call from his First Friend Niles. I looked up at one point and JJ was on the phone. So I ran upstairs to Joseph to find out what was going on and Niles had called. Nai Nai said she handed him the phone and he didn't know what to do! LOL. But he seemed to settle in because they had a long conversation! Something about ping pong.

After a weekend of American food, we showed JJ the art of Thai Takeout. We called it in, walked up to get it as a family. At dinner, he ate a lot. We got his favorite - noodles (pad thai) - and he even wanted some rice! I bet he thought he was never going to get Chinese (or Asian) food ever again. The difference in food was startling. I never really consciously noticed it before but the Thai food was all veggies. And he LOVED it. I mean, he CHOWED. He acted like he never ate like that before. It was funny and odd and scary at the same time. He patted his belly and kept saying "delicious, delicious." Poor kid. All I could think about was "didn't they freekin' feed you in China??" I was worried about his digestion going to a high white-carb American diet with comparatively little veggies after a high fiber veggie diet. We will get him Thai take out regularly or we will make a lot of stir fry. Until, of course, making him special meals gets tiresome and the cuteness wears off. LOL!

JJ has issues with his jaw and lack of development/strength. It could also be that his teeth are not aligned right. Or the fact that he has so many teeth that I don't know what is going on in his mouth - I keep thinking that it's not really nice to think that it's all pretty disgusting but I keep coming back to that one. And if you add the fact that he probably ended up getting mostly "softer" foods in China, he has a tough time chewing any piece of meat that is not super softened. Forget about steak! Jeez. I hate to tell him that's one of Mama and Baba's favorite foods! The great news is that he continues to try everything I put on his plate at least once. And he repeats words over and over to try and say them right. And he is very disciplined. If he is full, he stops eating. It doesn't matter how much he likes the food. What a concept!

JJ continues to teach us Chinese. I find I have to really FOCUS on what he is saying. Last night, he taught me to say "lamb" in Chinese. He asked if we were having lamb for dinner. I told him it was chicken and he seemed very satisfied with that answer. That's good because Mama is allergic and there will never be lamb in this house! He can order it for himself in a restaurant.

JJ has an array of toys from all his aunts and uncles and cousins and friends. He is amazingly NOT selfish. Unless we give him a present, he ignores it. There was a gift on the front foyer all weekend (still there) and he hasn't given it a second look. Of course, I am not sure he knows what "present" and "gift wrap" and "gift giving" is all about. I think the whole intense concept of "gift giving" and "all about the child" so openly is not that Asian or Chinese and certainly not at the orphanage most likely. We are holding back on all gifts and rationing them.

JJ also talked to our Chinese teacher, Li Laoshi, through Skype. Again, I was at the office so I'm just getting this second hand. He basically said that he has a lot of toys and we can't understand him (or that he can't understand us - Joseph wasn't sure). I think he really needs someone to talk to that he can have free dialog with. It's made worse because he is smart and quick thinking. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for him to be plopped into a place where no one looks or talks like him. Not to mention not having control of your own destiny. I know all that is not lost on JJ. And he is smart enough to know that he has no choice in the matter really. I mean, what's he gonna?? Anyway, Ms Chen the Nanny is coming this afternoon for much needed talking in Chinese!

JJ also discovered the Pleasure of a Plush Robe, courtesy of his Aunt Abby. Joseph had shower duty last night and Joseph showed him the robe. He put it on and was so excited. He came running downstairs yelling for me, and show me how soft and warm and wonderful it is! OMG. It was hilarious watching him model it! He is a bit of a ham. I have no idea where that comes from.

Joseph also took him to a local half marathon where he saw all the runners. After a while, JJ stood out there slapping the hands of the runners and cheering them on. Joseph also said that when they were driving back in the car, JJ saw the last runners and he was clapping for them in the car.

Speaking of running, he runs everywhere. In the house. Up and down the stairs. On the way to Thai takeout. We watched him from the back. He has a big back kick and these long legs that go forever. He will definitely join the high school cross country team one day! He is made for running.

We basically didn't leave the house much to speak of. As far as JJ knows, America looks like our house, our neighborhood, our cars, and our yard. After visiting the stores in China, we decided that Target was NOT a good introduction to America and that Good Old Fashioned American Consumerism can wait. Especially since he seems to have gotten over the "hand out, gimme money" thing he did in China. So we left him home with Nai Nai and Yeh Yeh while we picked up clothes for him.

This week he will leave the house to get tested at the school to determine placement.

Joseph and I managed to get out to Joseph's tri team's social event for an hour after Target since it was so close. Much needed social time with adults! I think if we had to, JJ is so well-behaved that we could have brought him with us if we had to.

This week we have a lot of other cleaning up to do - more doctor's appointments, finish JJ's closet, etc.

I will send out updates as we experience "firsts.". Then I expect the emails to peter out. Let me know if you want off the list. Seriously. I know it sounds funny but I really don't care if you don't care at this point. LOL. I mean, I do not know what I'd do if someone sent me emails about every little development step for their baby! I'd be like "uh... And WHY do you think I care about baby's first poop?!!".

11/14/2009: Home at Last

2010-04-11T12:17:00.002-04:00

We are home. Finally. We are so tired.

The flight from Guangzhou to San Francisco was basically a "puddle jumper." The flight attendents barely had time to get drinks out and then we were landing. No, problem, we thought. But then we only had a couple of hours and the gate attendent from Dragon Air in Guangzhou said we would have to check in once we got to Hong Kong even though our bags were checked to San Francisco.

Joseph and I gathered our gear and headed for the transfer desk. Basically, they had to check us in for the remaining two legs to Boston. And then they had to find our bags so they could check out bags to Boston, too. We would be picking them up at San Francisco to take them through customs but then putting them right back on the belt for the next flight home. We had to catch our flight and there was a long line behind us, so they said they would find the bags, and deliver the new baggage claim checks to us on the plain. Uh... Ok. Door to door, hand to hand service? Uh... Hmmm... I was dubious but true to their word, right before the door shut, the guy comes walking up the aisle with all the claim checks. Definitely NOT Logan Airport!

In Hong Kong, we had to go through Security again. It was a LONG line and there were a few hair raising moments.

The flight to San Francisco was not bad for us. JJ just played and then he finally managed to get some sleep. Welcome to jet lag, kid! You will never know what hit you tomorrow. Of course, with my luck, you will not feel a thing and be raring to go tomorrrow! It could have been worse. We didn't have to worry about a feeding schedule since JJ could feed himself, no wetting of the diaper, diaper changes, crying and screaming at take off - like the infants and toddlers in the group. Compared to the other families, our trip was a dream. So easy. And JJ made it so easy for us. What a happy go lucky kid!

We landed in San Francisco and collected our bags and went through customs. At that moment, the officers opened up the sealed packages, stamped an A-number on JJ's passport, and now he was free to travel in an out of the country as a green card alien. But I think it should also let us get him an American passport immediately since he is now considered an instant citizen. We have to apply for a birth certificate locally, and then apply for the passport. I think. Must talk to the Agency about that one. The Consulate had said that the social security card would be sent to us in about 2 months. Good. Get him used to the idea of being a fully taxable citizen! LOL!

JJ wore his Tom Brady jersey from Aunt Judy, Uncle Paul, Cousins Caroline and Luke. Everyone was giving him the high-five and shaking his hand. He was loving all the attention.

The flight from San Francisco to Boston was interesting. This is where we encountered the Nazi Stewardess. Man.... she was a miserable old bitty. It started because there were three of us seated in the back - myself, Joseph and another guy we didn't know flying on businss - who had our Blackberries and she had to yell at us to turn them off. Whatever. You would think she'd forgive and forget. Uh... Noooo... She was a bitty the whole time - yelling at everyone. "No Soup for You." "No Bathroom for you." In fact, at one point, she locked the bathroom and wouldn't let anyone go in. Now, we are all adults. If you have to get up to go to the bathroom, you weigh the risks and you do what you need to. Instead, she insisted on treating us like 2 year olds. And then later, people just ignored her. The other stewardess was nice but you could tell that she was on pins and needles the whole flight because of the old-bitty-ness of the old-bitty. PFFFT!

Regardless, we made it in once piece. There was a fair bit of turbulence from Iowa to Boston - we were flying right below the jet stream. It actually felt like the top of the plane was scraping the bottom of the jet stream instead! It was that rough. And of course, that made the old bitty happier so she could yell at everyone to take cover. Whatever.

We had a lot of carry on luggage so we waited almost until the end to dis-embark. And we made our, finally, comfortable walk to baggage claim. GOOD LORD!!! The people that were there. First, there was Ye Ye... JJ's face lit up when he saw his grandfather. They had been singing songs to each other via Skype every night. Yah. Pretty funny. :o\ And there was instant recognition. And of course, there was Aunt Judy who came in from Plymouth! It was o nice to see her enthusiastic face. And Aunt Amanda and Aunt Jenn. Amanda had stayed at our place to two weeks to take care of the house and the dog and the two cats... and a whole lot of other things, I discovered when I got home. Then up walked Yongmei and Richard and Niles. Niles is JJ's first friend. The first one friend to actually talk to JJ when he was in China and had sent along gifts with us when we left the USA. And Nicole and Jason. Oh my! And Jenn and Andy! They are tall. Like REALLY TALL. JJ just looked up the whole height of both of them, his mouth agape... the first time I've seen him with his mouth open and nothing coming out of it for the last two weeks! LOL! I think Jenn and Andy were the tallest people JJ has probably ever seen! And then Brian and Kara - good grief, they were a huge surprise!! Everyone brought JJ a gift, and hugs, and smiles, and a huge sense of love and family. He was in his element and so excited about it all.

And a shout out to our Agency and the director, Lillian. She was there. She appeared by our sides with smiles and hugs, encouraging words of support, and of course, observation. Her husband was also there. We love her dearly and all the work that she and her team at China Adoption with Love does on behalf of the families and the children. And as quietly as she came, she left. It was so special to see her.

We went home in two cars with all our stuff. And JJ finally met the 70 lb dog and the 20 kitty.

More surprises were there for us. Amanda had cleaned the house. Ummm. Actually, she had cleaned the kitchen. And my refrigerator. I have never seen it so, ummm... empty. And so clean! LOL! And it was refilled. With food! Not just spices and leftovers!

Judy had brought muffins and fruit and plates and food!! Oh. And there was beer in the fridge downstairs. So happy!

The biggest surprise was JJ's room. Ok. Call me a bad mommy but uh... I had done nothing about his room. I figured we would come home and buy stuff. Of course I didn't think about WHEN I would be able to do that. But I thought, it has a bed and a dresser. Good enough. But Judy had different ideas. The whole room was decorated. With rugs and matching spreads, and toys and all manner of things. GOOD GRIEF! Judy puts into action what I am thinking without me having to say it out loud. One less thing to worry about and I am soooo grateful. If JJ knew better, he'd be so relieved too because he'd probably have to live with paper shades for another month or two. Ok. Maybe another year. Until Daddy got tired of them.

Then we slept. And we woke up and a new day dawned.

JJ is running around and he is already becoming a part of the fabric of this family. My father once told me "you are never fully human until you raise a child." I don't know what that means yet since I have just started this part of the my life's journey. But I will find out soon enough. I have a feeling that there will be a lot of surprises, some good, some not so good. We will see what we will see.

11/12/2009: The Last Day

2010-04-11T12:16:00.000-04:00

Today was the last day in China. We came two weeks ago and we will go back with a Child. EGADS!

When he got up this morning, we told JJ that tomorrow morning we are going to Meiguo (America). We are going to the feijichang (airport) and take the plane to America. And he smiled his big smile and laughed his high laughed, crawled back into bed, pulled the covers over his head, and said, "shui jiao" (go to sleep). He wants tomorrow to come quickly. He has been singing a little song he made up about going to America. Neil Diamond would have been proud. And he's been telling everyone about his trip.

We spent a lazy morning, talking, watching the heavy rain, wondering occasionally if a swim was in order (it was not) and started packing.

After lunch at the local Chinese/European style deli, we did more shopping, including the purchase of a couple of suitcases needed to bring back some additional purchases. The extra suitcase we brought from home packed with things for JJ has multiplied and we were overflowing.

Then we went to a Thai restaurant - one of the best dinners so far - on Shamian (the Land of Idyllic Ambiance lest anyone forget). And this time, we saw no wedding photographers! The interesting thing was that Harriet noticed napkins were on the menu for a charge. The Chinese have this thing about doling out single ply dribs and drabs of paper, whether it is tissue or napkins or paper towels or whatever. And so we decided to splurge and order napkins with dinner. They brought us a packet of handy pack kleenex. I hate to think what that cost.

We came back and waited for our guide to come bring us paperwork for immigration. She got here just before 7pm. And we are now in possession of the infamous Brown Envelope which contains all the paperwork for American Customs, copies of JJ's Chinese passport and a receipt for payment, and another sealed gray-brown envelope with JJ's American passport and visa, which has his Chinese passport stapled to the outside

Tomorrow, breakfast is at 6. Bags put outside our rooms before 6:20. On the bus to leave by 6:40. Onto Hong Kong, then to San Francisco. Where JJ will go through customs and become a newly adopted son of the United States of America with all the unalienable rights bestowed upon him as citizen.

It is a momentus occasion as more than one Chinese in China and the USA have told me. They cite his good fortune and tell us how lucky he is. But when good Karma is generated and flows through the whole world, it brings good fortune to us all. I hope what we are doing will multiply and bear lots of fruit, not for me and Joseph, but for JJ and the world in general.

We are waiting to talk to Ye Ye in American before going to bed. And we will tell him that we will meet him in the middle. He'll come forward in time to us and we will go back to our future. And we will see him tomorrow.

I hope we can get some sleep!!

11/11/2009: Little things

2010-04-11T12:07:00.003-04:00

So, I am noticing a few things.

First, you have to boil water in China before you drink it. Yes. The CHINESE people boil the water. As tourists, we have been advised to not drink the hotel water and to drink only bottled water. I am used to this since I have to do the same thing in India. This goes to brushing my teeth and rising my mouth out - all with bottled water.

When I watch JJ brush his teeth, and I am struck by how JJ just drinks the water right from the faucet, without having it boiled first. He is swishing it around and laughing and drinking and spitting and looking at himself in the mirror ... and I just sort of watch and he looks up at me and laughs and acts "Cute." Whatever. He doesn't realize that I am watching in horror, not at his supposed cuteness.

I am also struck at how he looks at himself in the mirror and how he poses for the camera. Lots of vanity in this one, I am thinking. Something to watch for. He is Year of the Snake after all.

I also notice how he has such bad teeth. Crooked, back to back, three front teeth (yes THREE) and I don't know what. And I notice he has had a filling or two. I am just thinking about the dental bills.

I am pragmatic. So shoot me.

I notice that he has very high arches. We will need to get him supportive and cushioned shoes.

He also has a lot of eczema all over his back and legs and arms. Which isn't good because it could be tied to Asthma. At least he is not allergic to peanuts.

And he has those skin things around his ears. I wonder if he think they are normal.

And his RIBS! He eats a lot but the ribs are still there.

At this point, I don't really know what to thing. I am just taking it all in and taking mental notes to myself. China didn't tell us about any of these things. Just that he had repaired Cleft and VSD. And I am wondering what else they didn't tell us and what they think "repaired" means.

11/11/2009: And Whose Kid is This?

2010-04-11T12:05:00.001-04:00

Like clockwork.
6:30 am.
Head pops up.
Out of bed.
Into the bathroom.
Back into bed.
Sits up smiling
Starts talking and vroom vroom vroom, he's off!

I knew this would happen.
Another morning person.
Just like Joseph.

:o/

Now I have TWO of them in the house.
My days of peace and tranquility are gone gone gone.

:o//

Have I mentioned I'm not a morning person?
Maybe after we get home, he'll be so jet lagged he'll turn into a night person.

Hmmm...he has school in the morning... Ok. So maybe Morning Person is a good thing.

Whatever.

11/11/2009: A Superlative Day

2010-04-11T11:57:00.002-04:00

Today was better than an excellent day. It was another free day. We had a choice of going to see a buddhist temple and some mountain with the group and we opted out. My opinion is: see one temple, see them all. It's more about spirituality then the temple itself. I already offered up prayers at the first temple so I was done. And mountain? Hmmm. Probably not.

First Joseph went for a run early - around 6. Then we went to breakfast. And after relaxing for a while back at the room, Joseph and JJ went swimming and I went to run on the treadmill at the fitness center. They swam in the pool by the fitness center so I could see them. We waved to each other. It was so wonderful.

After I was done running, I went down to sit by the pool while JJ finished his swim. He showed me all his tricks. Too bad he would kick and float in the same place. What a riot!

Then we went to lunch at the local Subway - on Shamian Island - the land of Idyllic Ambiance. We had a nice picnic on a couple of benches in one of the Idyllic Gardens before the rains started and watched more wedding dress models get their picture taken. My favorite dress today was white with black worn by a chubbier female model who was also very beautiful in the face.

This is the second day we've had Subway and my stomach loved me! I was giving it food that it recognized. I don't go to Subways at home but I now have newfound respect for the quality of chain restaurants when traveling to foreign lands!

Speaking of Chain restaurants, we went to the local Starbucks around the corner. YUMMY!! It rained, so JJ and I sat under one umbrella sharing our lemon cake while Joseph, his Mom and Harriet shared another umbrella.

Afterwards, we went to another store, Andy's Place, where we bought so much stuff and Joseph masterfully bargained them down. So much so that it took 6 people from the store to gather around collaborate and agree! LOL. I told JJ to sit back and be quiet. All I know is we will need two more piece of luggage.

Then we went into another store where a teacher from one of the Orphanages were selling scrolls and teas and all manner of unique items that are created by the students at the orphanage. All proceeds go to help the orphanage under the organization of Rise Up. We bought some things but didn't bargain too much since it was benefiting the orphanage.

We found out some things. There are two sides to the orphanage. One side is State and one side is Adoption. You do not cross over once you are assigned. Adoption side can go to state it they age out without being adopted. On the State side, the kids age out at 16 when they must leave the Orphanage and make their own way. I saw a photo albums of beautiful older children who have little future. Actually, they pretty much have NO future especially if you are special needs - like Cleft. And the scrolls and artwork I saw made by these kids were amazing. It's unfortunate that we can't save the world. I causes pain in my heart. And when the teacher mentioned how fortunate JJ was, I KNEW what he was saying. It hit home.

I remembered back to the time we were at the zoo. There were a few Chinese people who were staring at JJ slightly. And there was one man who was staring so long and hard that if he had had lazers in his eyes, he would have burned a hole through JJ and set him on fire. JJ was "kaburah-ing" in front of these people a little bit but I didn't feel right about it. I guess he thought he was cute. But felt that something was wrong - these people were not smiling like you would if a kid is cute. And in China, there is a lot of cute children so JJ is pretty much average. And I said something to Lilly and she said that in China, kids like JJ do not get let out much. No one sees them. They were staring because he has Cleft, because he was "let out" and this was all very unusual. These kids are "hidden." The fact that he was with Americans was not the reason they stared. It was because could still see that he has cleft from the scar on his lip and his pulled in nose. It doesn't matter how "mild" it is. It's like that in Korea, too. I understood and related to it immediately. Physical perfection is much sought after. JJ is very very lucky. He would have very little future in China had he not been adopted. I hope that one day he knows just how lucky he is and that he can pay it forward and save another child from a life of meaningless drudgery at the bottom of society.

We came back to the hotel and rested. Joseph's sister sent us an email with a song attached and we played it. JJ and I danced to the music. It was our first Mother / Son dance. Pretty funny.

And then we went to dinner at the Silk Road Grill room. It is on the top 3 restaurants I've ever been too in all my travels. They started us off with a chef's first course of seared tuna slice on top of a frisee salad - just a mouthful to whet the appetite. Then we started off with Escargot followed by a lobster bisque that was thin and had chunks of lobster. Superb! Joseph also ordered caviar - my favorite!! Then onto a chef's choice palate cleanser of lichee sherbert.

And then the main course was served on plates with stainless steel covers served by waiters in tuxedos and white gloves. They brought the main course over, set it down in front of each person and then lifted the lids in unison. I've never seen this executed this well. I had beef tenderloin with pepper gravy, small veggies, and a square of gratineed potato. We then finished with a crepe suzette which was made tableside. H and I shared. JJ got a frothy egg meringue floating on truffle vanilla custard. Terrific. Then the chef brought cookies and cinnamon cookies - indescribable.

Before we left they presented the women with real red roses. Beautiful. It sits in a glass now on our night stand. This restaurant is definitely one of the top 3 I've been too. Amazing. Service, quality, everything.

Before we went to dinner, JJ and I had had a chat. I told him that this dinner was special. It was a special restaurant, very grown up and very expensive. And when he went in there he had to be quiet, stay sitting up straight in his chair and not move around too much. He said he understood and I said if he did this for me, Mama would be so proud.

We went in and he did great. He slouched only a couple of times and when I reminded him, he sat up straight. When we got there we were the only ones with the attention of 4 or 5 wait staff. So I leaned over and said to him, they are all watching us. He can turn and see them. And then he turned around and saw the wait staff's attentiveness. So I leaned over and said, they are all watching so he must be good to show them how wonderful he is and he nodded and agreed. I told him how proud I was of him.

I have never seen an eight year old sit through a formal 3 hour dinner the way that JJ did. And by formal, I mean one of the most formal that Joseph and I have been to! JJ didn't just sit, he enjoyed and fully participated. I am grateful for his character and thankful that he lived a regimented life in the orphanage that catered to that personality.

We came back to the room and while Joseph and Nai Nai were on Skype talking to America, JJ put himself to bed and to sleep.

It was a superlative day.

11/10/2009: A Very Good Day

2010-04-11T11:54:00.002-04:00

Well, after the debacle of yesterday, today was a very good day. No spillage, no breakage and the blue skies fulfilled their promise of a very good day.

After my run this morning, Joseph and JJ went to the pool. But right before they left the room, he presented JJ with one of those circle floatie things. JJ was psyched! I stayed in the hotel room and did some work, got some really important down time away from people and mayhem. When they got back to the room, JJ was so excited and demonstrated for me how he used the float and how he kicked and kicked and swam with Baba. It was awesome!

Then we went to a Subway for lunch. I never thought that a Subway would be sooooo good!! We took it to go and had a picnic on the bed after baba spread out a huge towel to protect the bed.

Afterwards, we went downstairs for pictures on the Red Couch. Wensi the Guide was there waiting for us. And she even found a photographer! Of course he had a film camera instead of digital but in the end it worked out. We'll wait and see what the pictures are like. I look a ton of pictures, too, and so did the Doctor traveling with us.

Then we went to our rooms to put away our cameras, got on the bus to go to the American Consulate. We were led into a room to sit and wait as each family was called up to a window. We handed our passports over which they compared with the original paperwork, we signed a form and was ask to sit and wait.

When all the families were finished being called up, an American woman came out and spoke with us. Told us about the consulate and what they do and why we should enroll with the consulate when we travel. She asked how many went out to the website to sign up. And of course no one did. And of course I will going forward after hearing about why we should!

My friend Harriet had brought JJ a little American flag. And when it was time to swear in, the parents raised their right hands to swear allegiance on behalf of the children, JJ raised his right hand, too, with the little American flag from Harriet. It will be added to his memory book.

After the ceremony, we came back to the hotel until dinner. We all went back to the Petrus restaurant we went to for lunch yesterday for one of the best dinners we've had since we've been in China. And a nice bottle of Bordeaux. And Auntie Harriet did the honors as landlord and treated us. We didn't have the heart to tell her that she only paid for llike a THIRD of the dinner not including the wine! Anyway... It was all very special. Especially if you consider that this was the FIRST TIME on the trip that she paid for ANYTHING. Not that I am complaining. It's the princple of the thing but she is very very cheap.

JJ had a very good time. He was on his best behavior and best humor.

Tomorrow we will have a free day. And maybe I'll go for another run to look at the blue skies again.

JJ has already announced that we will go swimming again! LOL. I think we will have a little triathlete. He is a great runner and has a terrific kick. We'll have to get him a bike soon.

JJ said that tonight he is going to talk to Yeh Yeh before he goes to bed. At dinner he said, "Mama, we eat dinner, then we go to the room, and then we talk to Yeh Yeh, and then we sleep!" He cracks me up!! Of course, all of that was in Chinese. It would have really cracked me up if he had said it in English! LOL!

Ok. That's all.

So. Tired.

11/10/2009: Observation of the Day: Sunbrella

2010-04-11T11:53:00.002-04:00

So, today we were on the bus going to the American Consulate and we looked out the window and lo and behold, what did we see?

A woman riding a bicycle with extraordinary skill. She was riding it with an open umbrella to shade herself from the sun. It was blue and it was largish. Quite substantial, actually.

All I could think of was we just needed a stiff wind to make it more extraordinary.

Yup. Yup yup yup.

11/09/2009: Fitness Notes

2010-04-11T11:53:00.001-04:00

Ok. Travel is starting to wear on me. After the meltdown day of yesterday, Joseph kicked me out of the room this morning and told me to go run. So I went to the fitness room to get on the treadmill, dragging my butt and then realized that I had forgotten my Body Bugg.

Ok. Maybe I'm a little obsessed but seriously. Ya know? A girl has to keep up with her steps and calories and fitness time - none of the targets of which I've met but once while on this trip. So I schlepped by butt back to the room to get it.

When I arrived back at the fitness room, the treadmills were full. PFFT!!! So I planted my butt on a platform (no idea what it's for) and waited for 10 minutes. I managed to wake up enough to start getting irritated at having to wait.

Finally a guy started walking. I assumed it was a cool down. But good grief! How long does a cool down take?? For him about 7 minutes. Not that I timed him or anything. Whatever.

Then I get on the treadmill and it's covered in sweat. I don't get it. This is a universal phenomenon the whole world over. And usually the byproduct of males. They sling sweat all over the equipment and walk away as if they have just laid before you a golden egg - like the bacteria of their body fluid secretions are gold guilded or something. GAHHHH!!! Drives me crazy.

So I got off the treadmill, stomp over to the water and towel stand where the Golden Egg Layer was standing, wetted a towel with hot water, gave him the hairy eyeball, all while muttering under my breath, and stomped loudly to the treadmill and wiped it all down with great flourish! And then I marched over to the towel basket, where he was standing, and threw the towel into the bin. All the while giving him a hairier eyeball than before. I think he got the message. I was getting ready to smack him with the wet dirty towel!

The run felt good until the asthma hit. GOOD GOD!!!

The treadmill overlooks the pool and someone was doing the breast stroke. This must a unique Chinese phenomenon. Everyone we saw at the pool here and in Beijing does the breast stroke. That's it. No other stroke. Me? I'd sink and drown.

Anyway, in the middle of my asthma stress, I looked out over the river and saw blue skies and puffy clouds. And I thought, today is going to be a good day. The skies say so.

And sure enough, with only 3 hours to go, I hit my calorie output, walking, and activity time targets.

Life is definitely good!

11/09/2009: Wensie ... Or Murphy's Law

2010-04-11T11:40:00.002-04:00

So, Wensie is our guide. And she is NO Susan - our guide back in Beijing. We went from dull to hair-raising in a matter of hours.

Today was paperwork day. Our guide was going to the American Consulate to apply for the passports and visas with the paperwork we filled out. We were supposed to wait in our rooms until she called to release us in case there were questions.

Ever get locked in a room with an energetic 8 year old? It's vujade all over again. Joseph ended up playing ball in the hallway with him until they got yelled at by a hotel staff that play facilities are in the Swan Room. LOL. I figured someone was going to get annoyed.

At 12:05 we heard a knock on the door, thinking it was Wensie. Nope. I was Jay - another parent. He said "Hi, Wensie here..." He seemed a bit annoyed. Wensie had sent him to tell all the parents to meet up on the 11th floor. So off we went.

We arrived and families slowly gathered, including the Annoying Chinese Woman traveling alone - who yet again talked through THIS meeting too. Pffft!!! We waited for about 20 minutes and then Wensie appeared. Apparently one of the forms were wrong. We were to sign it all at the American Consulate in front of the clerk or whomever. So we had to redo that one form. She kept saying rules changed but everyone was skeptical. Anyway, we did what she said - what we didn't get was why we just didn't do the last page since that was the only one that was wrong?

I was one of the first two people to finish. As I handed mine in, she was having a conversation with someone, stopped to tell me something about tomorrow, and another person came up and she stopped in the middle with me to tell that person the same thing ... Uh, she was having 3 conversations! No wonder things were chaotic.

So I basically said, "no no no.... Just wait and tell us all at once." She said she didn't want us to wait, and I told her it was confusing and this is why we are here!!! So she looked dubious so other families who heard loudly agreed.

So 10 minutes later, she addressed us all (finally) and we heard the same thing at the same time and we could have all our questions answered. Tomorrow we are going to the consulate. She was trying to cherry pick what each person should bring, so I just interrupted and said, "bring everything, why is that a problem? If you don't have what they need, you will be screwed." And everyone agreed.

Some of us got xrays and she didn't tell everyone not to open it. So one family went off and tried. Thank God he couldn't because it's supposed to be opened by customs in the USA!

She then said we would be getting our oath tomorrow which contradicts the schedule we got. And she said only the child and parents need to go. And no cameras or cell phones allowed. Well, I was told that we could take pictures and all our friends who came with us could witness the oath. We all looked at each other skeptically but didn't say anything.

And then the Red Couch discussion started. This is a picture of all the families with their children on the Red Couch. It is a momentous occasion and the color red has a lot of deep meaning in China. So we asked if we would be doing this. She looked as us incredulously and said, "you want to do THAT???" We said yes and told her what it meant to us. She looked absolutely taken aback that we would want to do it. Then she said "ok, bring your cameras." Which got everyone going because we all want to be in the picture. She said she would take it. Then one of the mothers said the pictures she's seen were all professionally done. Well she seemed aggravated about that. And said someone would pay. And so we said we'll all pay. She seemed resigned and said she would ask around for a professional photographer and that we would meet at 1pm.

GOOD GRIEF!!!
Uh, sorry, we didn't mean to inconvenience you!! Oh brother.

Anyway, it was done. At least until tomorrow. All I know is that the parents have banded together now in mutual skepticism. We feel that she just doesn't care. One of the parents jokingly asked her if she was out partying last night instead of working on our applications and she said that, yes, she went out with her friends last night. OK. Whatever.

All I have to say is Thank God our agency is so awesome and so terrific. They are working so damn hard behind the scenes and this just makes it unnecessarily harder on them. The families are very protective of our Agency and the director and all the people who work there. And they have educated us all pretty well. They also do not deserve this type of service. Anyway... Everything will work out. They always do.

Afterwards we had a bite a really nice restaurant - the Rose Garden on Shamian Island - Petrus. The food was awesome and we want to go back for dinner.

Then back to the room, relax for a bit and then go off the Island and do some shopping in Guangzhou "proper." Again. But this time we learned our lesson and took a side road to avoid the animal parts, insects and reptiles. We ended up getting JJ a couple pair of sneakers, a pair of windproof pants and a shirt. Joseph's mom and I each got a pair of shoes.

We had another abundantly copious meal at the Guangzhou, which is in "guangzhou 'proper'", off the Island of Idyllic Ambiance. The first thing JJ does was sit by Nai Nai (grandmother) and Uncle Wayne(my friend from the USA). This was across the table from me and Joseph. My gut said it wasn't good but I let it go. JJ was goofing off, picking up the team, slamming it back like he was srinking a shot of whisky (not that he knows what that is)and doing it over and over. The waitress came by and poured the hot tea and he didn't see it. Next thing you know, JJ had just thrown a cup of hot tea all over himself. Nai Nai immediately took him in hand, Uncle got him ice, and I just sat across the table making eye contact with him. He just stared at me. I was very very annoyed. In fact, I was PISSED. Joe also sat calmly by watching the whole thing unfold.

Joseph's Mom looked at me and I just sort of shrugged. It's done. What was I going to do? Wayne and she had it all in hand and there didn't need to be more "cooks in the kitchen." Anyway, in this case he was "goofing off". In Korean, we call it Gah-bu-ruh". This means you are sassy, naughty, not a gentleman to a lady, too wild. China had tried to tell our Agency this by telling us he was a "Naughty Boy." It could not be translated. But when a Chinese friend told us what it really meant, I knew the Korean counterpart immediately. Children like that in Korea are looked down on and Parents are weary because the thought is that those kids are hard to handle and bring trouble to the family in the end.

Anyway, I am not sure that JJ learned anything from it. Time will tell. But the one thing that Joseph and I did learn is that one of us must ALWAYS sit next to hime.

Even after this, we had a problem. He picked up the cup of tea and the cup slipped through his hand and it broke. Wayne had to pay for this broken cup. I was so pissed off. Why didn't he hold onto the cup?? I asked Wayne "how much?" but he wouldn't tell me. And knowing China, I know it was not cheap. Anway, we couldn't believe he had to pay for it and Wayne couldn't believe it either. I told Wayne to let JJ know and he explained to him that he had to pay for it as a result of his carelessness. Then he went on and Wayne said something else. Joseph's Mom asked what he said, and Wayne told her that he told JJ that if he did not behave "Mama would not love him." To which Joseph's Mom was appalled. But you know what? I get it. I was told that. It is a universal thing that Chinese and Korean children are told. Whether it is right or wrong, who is to pass judgment?? No one's parenting style is perfect and we all do the best we can with what we know. So, I had NO ISSUE with him being told this. He is 8, almost 9. He needs to understand that a single action has consequences that impact those around him.

Action leads to reaction leads to consequences. This he must learn. How much do we react? He will burn his hand, fall down and get cut and bruised a hundred times before adulthood. We must sit by and let him learn every time, removing anything seriously harmful as best we can. This is the most painful thing so far.

We are setting boundaries and he does test us. Sometimes it gets him into trouble and in that way, he will learn. He is a very good child and very smart. Sometimes it's harder to parent a smart child but I'd rather have that difficulty than deal will a dull child for the rest of my life. I know. That sounds harsh and isn't very politically correct but it is what it is. How many of us are saints? No one. And how many would choose the latter over the former? Face our demons and admit it? Very few.

I am not an American parent and I was raised by Koreans. Growing up I knew there were distinct differences in the parenting style. But I will discipline in the Korean way since that is what I know - strict and firm with very high boundaries. I know that people who are not Asian may frown on this. But I do not intend to explain the unexplainable.

There will also be a healthy dose of loving. Indulgences are carefully selected and rewarded when they are earned. And we will try to pass on the lessons I've learned about Karma and the way we are all connected, one and the same, altogether. Joseph and I agree on this. And we will try to raise a child who is filled with spirit and thought, and one who will have a good impact on this life to all he is connected to. This we know we will try to do.

Right now he is in bed having a conversation between JingJing and Panda - two stuffed animals that Lilly Ayi (aunt) and Nai Nai bought him. A healthy imagination. And he doesn't even seem tired or the worse for wear given all he has gone through.

Ok. That's all. What a day.

Tomorrow is American Consulate and Red Couch day. Should be interesting.

11/08/2009: Treasure Day

2010-04-11T11:33:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was Treasure Day. Some we had to hunt for and others fell into our laps.

We went shopping on Shamian Island and I found the joy of bargaining. They give you 20% off. I ask for 50% off and usually settle around 40%. Some people say that you should get 70% off but everything is already so cheap that the additional reduction isn't worth it. It would turn fun into business and become too competitive. The shopkeepers need to feel good that they were able to get more from Americans than locals. We have to feel good that we got more than we would from other shop keepers. No matter how low we go in price, we smile and laugh and say "I'll split you 50:50". Even if we talked them down from 350, after getting them down to 250, I say 200 and they say 220, then we say, "split 50:50" and I get it for 210 Yuan. 6.8 Yuans equal $1USD. And at that point, we're only talk a cupplabucks. So both sides have to walk away feeling as if they bargained well.

JJ is a quick study. After watching me a few times, JJ started bargaining on his own. Except, uhhhh, noooo... We don't really want that fan, now do we??? Nope. Didn't think so. LOL.

We also had 3 outfits hand tailored for about 198USD. We pick it up on Wednesday and if one doesn't turn out right, we're not worried at that price!

We also found red crocs for JJ with Mickey Mouse gibet for around $3USD. He loves red. Totally cracks me up. He also likes pink and purple and yellow and doesn't like green or blue or brown that much. He likes "beautiful" colors. Uh... he will realize in America that boys do not like "beautiful colors."

We had a pouting moment when JJ wanted Pokemon cards. Ok. Let me just say, I do not get it. What is the deal with these cards?? I mean, they are CARDS! They don't move, or talk, or interact. They don't even sing or dance! What is the fascination? So, we said no. Yah. Mean Mama Moment 3 (anyone counting?) and Mean Baba Moment. Glad Joseph finally had a Mean Moment of his own but I'm still ahead. Anyway, there was the stuck out lip, the jutting jaw, the sad eyes and large frown. It totally cracked us up. We just looked at each other and laughed. He's gonna get it real fast the Mama and Baba are not easily manipulated. He's a quick study after all! What struck me is, "did he pout at the orphanage?" I am SURE they gave in right away. To one out of 2000 kids. Uh... Yeah. Right. NOT!

All the way back to the hotel (about 100 meters) he pouted. I hate kids that pout. I have a feeling we are going to go through all of the emotions to see which ones Mama and Baba fall prey to.

Then Baba took him You Yong (swimming) and all was forgotten. JJ also has a short memory. LOL. I didn't go. I stayed in the room because I was so tired and my wrist felt like someone was stabbing it with an ice pick every time I breathed. So I iced it. And then took a percoset because the Naprosen wasn't effective enough, and then I took this and I took that and well... I think I was only missing valium and morphine. And Mom (Joe's) had a wrist brace and that helped mobilize it from painful movement. But the pain was persistent and it didn't subside until after dinner.

Speaking of breathing, in addition to advair, I'm also taking albuterol (inhaler) which I never use bit have for emergencies, and steroids temporarily. Yah. Not good. MGF Lilly's husband says every time he comes to China, he gets 5 years taken off his life. I swear I've had 10.

And don't laugh. Two words. Neti. Pot. Awesome for the sinuses.

Anyway, we've been observing and watching JJ and it's amazing. He is smart. Amazingly smart. Picks things up. Makes his bed with military precision. Teaches us Chinese - correcting our Chinese, even, which amazes me because he can't really talk right due to his cleft issues, but I am letting that one pass. And he is learning English fast. He is now telling us he is hungry in English. He understands more than he can speaks. we think. And that he "needs help". The regret I have is not being able to communicate with him better. I watch my Chinese friends explain things to him, why he should or shouldn't do something and he understands. He is so smart that logic and reason appeal to him. And I have to use English and then ask him "dong bu dong?" (Do you or do you not understand? And he nods his head and say "dong" (I understand). Poor kid. But it shows calm under duress, right? But I seriously doubt he really understands. I think he is just saying that to make us happy and so that he does not appear stupid.

We show him how to do something once and he listens. And sign language is huge. And sometimes it's so funny, like a game of charades and we all fall down laughing!!

Now the usual 8yo boy stuff is a challenge because as Joseph says, "boys will be boys". Some of this stuff, Joseph has had to explain to me. Like playing while peeing. Uh. What??? Joe just laughed. I was dumbfounded. Why would anyone do that?? I guess if you're 8 years old, you do. But Joseph walked him over, showed him, explained and we've had no further episode that I know of. Phew.

JJ is exceptionally neat and clean and washes his hands without being told. When he is tired he always asks to go to sleep. Amazing. A kid who does not force himself to stay awake in case he misses a single moment of the dull sitting around his parents do before bed. Sometimes we have to say no and explain that if he goes to sleep now, he will wake up 2 and Mama and Baba will be sleeping. I guess in a way it shows he is secure with us. That we will still be there when he wakes up.

He loves hugs and kisses, and when you tell him you want a hug, he smiles and come running over to you.

When we arrived in Guangzhou, we gave him a drawer. His face just lit up, as bright as the sun. He put away all his toys and books. Not just put them away but arranged all his toys neatly. All his favorite things - the things we brought from his friends in America and the things we bought are equally well treated. I had to remind him to put his clothes away, too. I think it's the first time he's been able to have a space to call his own.

When we walk around shopping, he talks to everyone. Tells them he is going to America with his Baba and Mama. He is so happy and so proud. This is a kid that's been waiting for a family his entire life. And he is carrying on his own daily celebration of having that dream come true. It's truly marvelous (and sometimes amusing) to watch.

Ok. That's all. Today is another day. It's another paperwork day so we'll see how it goes. One family came rushing up to us at breakfast and said she was having a Guide Problem. LOL! So aren't we all...

11/08/2009: Cha Cha Cha

2010-04-11T11:30:00.002-04:00

Observation of the Week: The ubiquitous cha. Aka tea. And I've discovered that it's not just "tea.". It's Cha with a capital "C".

When you order tea in America, you get Lipton. Or Salada. Or a vast array of herbal teas that have no real resemblance to tea other than the packaging and the label. If you're ordering Tea in an American Chinese restaurant, it's some sort of nameless black tea. If it's Japanese, it's green tea. And if you're in the South, it's sweet tea.

Tea in China is so important that they sell glass double walled tea carriers that look like mini nalgene bottles. I first saw them on the flight to China and then I saw them at a store and they are Not. Cheap. But they are so cool that I wished I drank enough tea to actually justify getting one.

In China, when you order tea, you get a choice. Not between just two teas - black or green - but between an array of black and an array of green. In fact most places bring over a menu. Yah. Just for tea. Usually 2 pages. Categorized by type - jasmine, herb, oolong, green, etc. I never knew there were so many. And they are priced by the pot. And it's not cheap. Anywhere from $2 to $10 a pot! Seriously. And it's served in tiny little cups usually, that you fill over and over again. And if you don't fill it, the wait staff will fill it.

Our tea experience culminated at dinner the other night. Our table had a dedicated tea girl. She comes over to the table, and the Tea Process begins. There is a tea table next to our eating table. There is a silver pot of water on a stand over a burner hot enough to boil the water and keep it hot. Uhhh... Definitely no tea lights here. Then she puts tea in a strainer that sits over a largish cup with a spout. She pours hot water into the strainer, covers it with a cute little lid and steeps it for a minute, takes out the strainer leaving hot tea, then pours that tea into a smallish tea pouring pot. Then she takes that tea pouring pot and pours tea into tiny little cups that hold only an ounce or two. And then we drink it.

Then it happens over again. And she does this all through dinner. Yup. Yup yup yup. And tea pouring is serious business. She was well dressed in a beautiful uniform, was pretty and fair of face and spoke no English. In fact, I'm not sure if she could speak at all because she never uttered a word.

And I also noticed there was no "white" tea at all on any of the menus.

Anyway, this tea drinking is such serious business that I kinda wished I were a serious tea drinker. Not to mention being able to justify buying one of the beautiful tea sets for purchase in all the stores we've been in.

Oh. And on a totally unrelated side note, all those brides we've been seeing on Shamian Island (Land of Idyllic Ambiance) are models on photo shoots. But they're out there every day! How many pictures do they need? I mean, you can only see so many before they all start looking alike!

And now I am all drugged up for my wrist which is swollen. Tendonitis according to my friend Harriet. And the travel doctor also gave me steroids for my asthma. I am a walking pharmacology.

11/07/09: Fat People and Hague Tidbits

2010-04-11T11:22:00.002-04:00

First, I mentioned "Hague" in a prior post. Basically, Hague is a certification, etc, and I am not sure if it has weight requirements with it but I do know that children need more shots as a result. And parents have to do way more paperwork. We are NOT Hague. Thankfully. We are pre-Hague. Along with a lot of other changes, in May of 2007, China put new qualification rules into place. This covers number of years married, health issues and mental "episodes" (eg depression) of the parents.

And... The big thing for supersized Americans is BMI. Body Mass Index. This measures how Fat you are. If you have a BMI of 40%, you are ineligible for adoption. There was a lot of protest around this on the adoption boards from the Americans. Most of the Europeans didn't have much to say about it. Which to me was no surprise. But you have to consider that 30% is over weight and up to 40% is morbidly obese. I don't know what above 40% is but I bet it's near-death's-door-obese. And guess who has an obesity issue? Yah. Americans.

So, given that, it gives you a good perspective of what the Americans on the message boards are protesting. I seriously doubt they know what they are protesting. My perspective is, we are adopting China's children, and China absolutely should have the right to decide who can and cannot adopt. They are protecting their children. We assume that fatter people are unhealthier and can die earlier. Or fat people tend to raise fat children. Etc etc etc.

And the difference in thinking between Americans and Asians was stark. Most of the Asians were "meh... So what... China is right...". The Americans were really indignant about children's rights, parents rights, freedom, how wrong it is to limit adoptive parents, etc etc etc. The divide is pretty big. And neither side could convince the other. Where do I stand? Other than the basic tenets of the right to the pursuit of happiness, as a child, I was told my only rights were conveyed upon me by my parents as long as I lived under their roof and that my only job is to be a good student. Yah. I'm totally Asian. So I kept my mouth shut! LOL!

So yesterday, we were at the clinic and Joseph emails me. "Pre-Hague." And I look around and sure enough, there sat a married couple with their son. Each one was the same size - Large. As in HUGE. Humongoids. Yah. They could fill a piano box. Seriously. They were the biggest adoptive parents that I've seen by a wide margin. The kid looked like he was about 2 years old and very active. In the face, the kid also looked just like the father. It really is amazing how similar the kids look like the parents.

Anyway, I just hope their kid doesn't get fat. If anything, I hope he makes them runs around and lose weight. And maybe, they will live long enough to see their grandchildren.

11/07/2009: Assaulting the Thousand Senses

2010-04-11T11:08:00.003-04:00

So, today was an understatement assault. If were had a thousand senses, they would have died.

Today was Clinic Day. This means JJ got his American Consulate physical. Simple, right? Yah. That shows what I didn't know.

First, we had agreed to meet the Guides on the second floor last night. I repeated it twice. Joseph, JJ and I are there at the appointed time and waited. Wait wait wait. Almost 40 minutes go by. I am frantic. I am looking around while Joseph and JJ stand at the appointed spot. I run too the business center, then I run down stairs into a side entrance which I didn't even know existed if I hadn't see a sign that said, "Tour Bus Entrance." I was slowly getting pissed off. Then Joseph's mom, who was having breakfast, saw one of the guides wandering around the ground floor in the breakfast area and brought her to us! This was after we had checked in the business center, the restaurant, out front down the stairs and around the side, rinse, repeat. Twice. The minute I saw her, I showed her how pissed off I was. I mean, she said to "meet here! Why wasn't she here? On time? " Sorry sorry.... "Yah, right. Whatever."

So finally, we headed out on foot and walked to the clinic. Nice walk. Guangzhou is green, I thought. Lots of small shops and parks and about 10 couples in the same colored, similar styled, wedding dresses with grooms to be and professional photographers in tow, posing in a high style manner that you see in magazines. In fact, that is how all of the Chinese women pose. It's amazing. I was thinking something sarcastic but decided to be kind.

This clinic was... well... a clinic. The kind you think about in some backward, tropical island. A non-descript building with the universal cross sign for medical and a bustling interior.

First, we sat and waited. We watch a lot of things going on while we waited and waited. Then it started. TB test - read the paperwork, oops, next xrays, pay money, then pay more money, ENT, height, weight, check out the scar on his chest, etc etc etc. Through it all, JJ was a trooper. I would say that he actually enjoyed himself. And he kept asking for a shot. We had to tell him, "NO SHOT! GAH!". He got the message after the Mean Mommy Moment Number 2 (not that we are counting or anything, hehe). Jeez. What kinda kid wants a shot? But you could tell he was used to the doctors. He was on the table or had his shirt up without being told. He knew what to do. Maybe he was trying to show how good he was and how brave he is. Bute let me just say that he has to learn when we say something once, I don't expect you to insist just to show how brave you are.

Then we had another slow walk back to the hotel. Right through the greenery and the sea of brides in champagne-colored princess dresses. At least we walked. It was good to get some exercise in.

JJ found a friend. The 9 yo boy from the Lost Family. He is blond and beautiful. Of course every Chinese person wanted to have their picture taken with him. It was a very slow walk back to the hotel. And even though a few times JJ was in the picture, a couple of times, they gently pushed him to the side because they only want the Lost Family Boy. I wonder what JJ thought of that! Never like the present to learn that you are not the center of attention all the time. HAH!

Then it was paperwork time. At 12:30pm we met. We got back to the hotel around noon. Hmm. No lunch. Okie. We didn't get started until around 1pm. In a hotel room 4 doors down from ours. Good grief. Just to set the stage... hypoglycemia .... Yah.

Let met tell you about the cluster that it was. The two guides were there with about 7 families. Instead of going over each paper, filling out each line, the guide just sort of went along, giving us a bit to fill in the blanks and then moved on. Even if we weren't ready. So she would have to go back and repeat herself, thus ensuring that even those who were ahead got confused.

And how many times do they have to say "you're filling this in as if you were your child" before people stop asking whose address they write in or whose birthday?? My patience was running out of battery.

And some of us had downloaded an old form. Do you think they had any spares? Uh. Of course not. That would have made sense!! Anyhow, we managed to get through it. Paperwork is hard and harrying. You have to get it right or the American Consulate is unhappy. And of course, for someone like me, it was a hair-raising experience. I sat with a nuclear science person from MIT and another guy who seemed very organized and we kept giving each other the raised eyebrows.

And at one point there was an Asian woman, who was traveling alone, who was like "blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda" throughout the process. And then she'd ask the same stupid questions and I am thinking "if you just shut the hell up, you'd know where we are! ARG!!!!!"

And of course she was "Hague," which meant a completely different set of paperwork and she says "well, I don't work. And we are adopting based on my husband's salary, and ummm.. How about 450 or 500k? Blah blah blah.". What an eyeroller. The three of us sitting together just rolled our eyes. Does she even realized that some people (possibly in the room) may have had to scrape to be able to adopt? Well, no wonder she doesn't work. She's an idiot. I was so annoyed.

So she didn't shut up and at one point, I looked across the room and said, "I hate to be a downer but, um, can we have one conversation so that it's not confusing and we can move this along?"

Then the paperwork was done and wo tou tong (I had a headache)! Of course it was around 2:15 and I was totally hypoglycemic.

After lunch, Wayne (who had flown in from the States to be with us this week), decided to test our senses. We walked into Guangzhou "proper" where "the regular people live.". Uhhh... Ok. We basically walked off the island. Shamian Island. Land of the greenery, adoption, cute shops and brides. And we walked into a new meaning for "Teeming Masses." In fact, we walked into a market area with shops of all kinds of things that test your imagination and assault your sense of smell. Scorpions, worms, eels, snakes, good god, bunnies, chickens, goats, good grief, sea worms, silk worm larvae, medicinal roots and hers and animal parts... Ok. I've actually had silk worm larvae before but I don't think I'd do it again.

JJ had his mouth and nose covered with his hands and at one point Joseph says "do you see your son?" Huh? "He's getting sick to his stomach.". Well. He's Chinese, why would he get sick? "The smell." Because he is Chinese?? Really?? I mean, this is CHINA for crying out loud. How can he get suck at the stuff in his own country? Has he never been out of the Orphanage? Doesn't he know his own China? Anyway, regardless... How do I know he's getting sick? I'm Korean! And Koreans don't smell so good!! So we hurried back to Shamian Island, Land of Idyllic Ambiance. And everyone was happy.

We rested in the hotel room before dinner and a doctor traveling with the group came by. We had a nice chat and he examined JJ, declaring him to be fine. I learned a few things about the doctors I need to make appointments with when we get back home. Figures. I should have had some made before going to China. And I got a good idea of what a Pain in the Ass it was going to be when I got back.,

Then to dinner at a place that Wayne had picked out that is about a block from our hotel. This was our first normal sized meal since arriving! Fresh steamed fish, tofu and scallions, egg fried rice, chinese broccoli, a nice bottle of wine, deep friend pumpkin and egg custard. YUMMY!!!

So, our thousand senses were assaulted today. And JJ was the only one who scored - pants, a shirt, and Toy Story 2 video in English with Chinese subtitles.

Ok. That's all. More to come.
I wonder if my wrist hurts because of typing so much.

11/07/2009: The Guangzhou Arrival Debacle

2010-04-11T11:07:00.002-04:00

If Beijing was all about the Chinese Government, then Guangzhou is all about the American Government. In Beijing we did paperwork for China. In Guangzhou, we will do paperwork for the American Government and get JJ an American Passport and a visa.

We got into Guangzhou around 1am. If you were to look at a map of China, not that you would want to, but if for some reason you passed one and stopped to look, Beijing is north, Guangzhou is south and a 3 hour plane ride away. We circled for another hour or 5, so it seemed, and at one point I remembered reading "Outliers" and thought in horror that the plane had ASIAN pilots!!!

Anyway, the dis-embarking was a cluster (read prior note about dis-embarking horror) and then we had to take a bus to the terminal and walk and walk... And the heat and humidity, oh my...

First impressions were of heat, smoke, humidity, people people people!! And then baggage claim - I was made to go to Guangzhou because I am a fighter. People just rammed into you, and went through your luggage with their carts, and I was basically yelling at people and you know? They were unfazed. UN. FAZED. Really.

We made it out to the waiting lobby area, looked for the red China Adoption with Love sign, and .... Nothing. Hmmm. So we waited. 10 minutes later, I walked back to "see" and.... Zip. Nothing. Still. Hmmm. Maybe it's not a red sign? So panic started welling up. I do it again. So, what is that definition of stupidity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? Yah. And since it didn't work for me, Joseph decided to try. But this time he took a piece of luggage with the bright yellow tag that signified our travel group. And sure enough, the guide finds us. Actually, Joseph found the guide.

And then we go outside. OMG!!!!! Teaming Mass O' Rude People!!!! And the pickup area was a nightmare. And we had to wait about an HOUR for the driver!!! And then we had to drive another hour to the hotel!! Ok. Maybe it was shorter but at that time of night with total physical exhaustion - 5 minutes... 60 minutes.... Same thing.

On the ride to the White Swan Hotel JJ fell asleep. Poor thing. And when we got to the hotel, we had to wake him up. OMG. I've never seen such disorientation, legs buckling, head wobbling, body crumpling, it was funny and horrifying at the same time in a voyeuristic way. Ok. That's my Horrible Mommy Moment.

In the meantime, the guides were having a mini drama of their own. There was a lost family. Really. As in the Guides couldn't find them. YIKES! They had landed 45 minutes before us. They couldn't be found. Hmmm... This does not conjure up warm and fuzzies. This family was a mom traveling without her husband, a 9 yo son and her friend. We knew she was picking up a 2 1/2 yo. All alone. The guide had waited for her. They were trying to get in touch with the guide where she got on the plane. Here it was after midnight, no family, no Guide on the Other Side of the Flight, and no cell phone, no nothing! We left. And in the middle one of the guides got off at the bus stop to go back to find them. So we went on without her.

At the hotel, right before we checked in, in walked the Lost Family. And they were PISSED! I cannot tell you how happy I was to see them, and I don't even know who they are. They had waited for an hour and no guides showed up. Surprise, surprise. Then they went out into the Teaming Masses of Rude People and waited. In the meantime, the guide had gotten another family onto a bus and had gone inside to look for them. In the end, the Lost Family took a bus, then a taxi and survived. So what do you think happened? Yah. Ships passing in the night. The Lost Family gets the MVP award. Especially because none of them spoke a lick of Chinese.

We made brief arrangements with the guide for the morning and managed to get JJ to brush his teeth and then right into bed.

Oh. And my wrist hurts. I have no idea why.
JJ is fine. Nothing phases him. Not even my wrist.

11/06/2009: Observation of the Day: Stepford Stewardesses

2010-04-10T21:32:00.001-04:00

There are a lot of observations so I'll ration them out in case I run out. Hah!

Last night we took Hainian Airlines from Beijing to Guangzhou. The Hainian Airline stewardesses are like cookies. All identical. They're all uniformly tall - maybe 5'7" or 5'9", and slender, classically beautiful in the face in the Asian sense of "classical." :o). Very smooth skin,very fair coloring, and beautifully made up.

It's like they have a template. If you want the job, you stand behind it. If you fit that template you're hired. If not... "NEXT!"

Sort of like Chinese Stepford Village.

Ok. Since were on the airline theme, another observation. The process of getting OFF the plane was a major cluster. Good GRIEF! People from the back of the plane were climbing over each other in the aisle trying to get out. And the door wasn't even open yet! There was no waiting your turn here. None at all. The men! PFFFFT!!!! They was taking their bags, slinging it around, stepping on people, hitting people with their bag, old, young, children women did not matter. Not. At. All.

I finally had to shove a guy back, stepping into the aisle, and said "step back, bozo."

Not sure if they understood but they stepped back.

11/06/2009: Food, Glorious Food... Endlessly....

2010-04-10T21:29:00.001-04:00

So, let's revisit the smog. Every day the gray shroud becomes darker and thicker and lower to the ground. It's like that movie "The Fog" except we are nowhere near a lagoon. My throat feels like it does right before I get a sinus infection but H, my doctor friend traveling with us, said it's the pollution. Great. It's been progressively worse for the last 3 days and today, I have a headache, exacerbated by travel weariness.

This morning, we had to pick up JJ's Chinese passport. The traffic was good so we made it to the passport office and back to the hotel in about an hour and 15 minutes. Awesome. Susan the Guide said we were fortunate that there were no mistakes. If there had been a mistake, we'd be leaving for Guangzhou tomorrow instead of tonight.

At the hotel, Susan the Guide left and we went to the room and did some packing before lunch. Does anyone notice this food theme? Ok. Not just food, but the eating theme. Because we did that a lot. But that's typically Asian, not just Chinese. At every meal you think about, talk about, and plan the next meal. I think I've gain 5 lbs to far. No exaggeration.

For Lunch, MGF Lilly took us to a restaurant that was supposedly the oldest Moslem restaurant in China or Beijing or wherever. I don't know. I missed that part of the conversation. I found it to be strangely Chinese. The only concession to Moslem seemed to be the Islamic writing under each Chinese item on the menu. Maybe it was the building that was the oldest? Like I said, I missed that part. But it was really delicious! Another meal of about 3 appetizers, soup, rice, 5 or 6 dishes... Etc etc etc.

We went back to the room, packed, Joseph took JJ out to the Old People Exercise park around the corner from the hotel to tire him out... LOL.

Then said goodbye to MGF Lilly and met Susan the Guide who took us to the airport, got us our tickets, did all the talking and left us at the Security Entrance. It's amazing how attached you get to people in such a short time. Susan was fabulous. Kind, caring, funny, sweet, and very professional and efficient. It was very sad to be leaving her and we couldn't thank her enough.

We found our gate and when JJ saw the airplanes, he was just out of control with happiness and excitement. He was counting all the planes out the window and pulling on our hands to see them with him. It would be safe to say he's probably never been on one or been to the airport either.

Since we would not be arriving in Guangzhou until around 10:30 PM, it was time to eat. Again. Just in case famine struck. Yah. So we found the restaurant. The One. Just One. Nothing Else. Yup. Not another one in the whole airport. And so we sat, ordered more noodles, and ate. JJ, who was full and didn't want to eat, ate anyway. Like all good Asians. Early training.

Waiting for the plane now.

That's it for now. Next...Guangzhou!

11/06/2009: Lions and Tigers and Bears... and FISH!!!

2010-04-10T21:23:00.002-04:00

What a day!!!!
I am exhausted! And we are also doing a mighty fine job of exhausting out the young'un too! Hah!

Yesterday was a free day so we went sightseeing. Did I mention that China is Big? We went to 2 places. TWO. All day, it took!

First, Thank God for The Wonderful Driver from MGF Lilly because he was at our beck and call.

First stop was The Temple of Heaven where the Emperor worshiped Heaven and asked for bountiful harvests, complete with gigantic fire burning urn thingies, Buddhist shrines, and an altar for animal sacrifices. Not only did they use a fatted calf, but also a completely shaved and hairless calf. I can't imagine. We are also talking about a time in history where the USA was not even a glint in Columbus's eye - maybe the Vikings but they did know it was the USA.

Anyway, it was Beautiful. The skies were bluer above the Temple of Heaven than the rest of Beijing. In keeping with the BIG theme, these places were always compounds, not a single building. The shape of the grounds, the colors, the plants all have some symbolic meaning. Of course I took about 300+ pictures. There is also the Echo wall. If you stand next to it and talk quietly, you can hear what another person is saying (even if they whispered) at the far end when they speak toward the wall. We know this because we tested it. :o). The wall is a circle and supposedly, the stones are so tightly mortared that a single strand of hair cannot fit into any space. And the water slushes right off like it's almost waterproof. Amazing. And of course, Joseph and JJ did their requisite pao bu (run) around the complex to inaugurate their first visit as Baba and Erzi (father and son).

Then off to Lunch. Noodles!!! YUMMY! Beijing Noodles - King of Noodles was a typical noodle house with lots of tables, everything in Chinese, lots o' smokers, chairs everywhere, and total mayhem. They had the best chajangmyun I've ever had outside of Korea. I am always in search of good chajang. Myun is "noodles" in Korean which is similar to "mein" in Chinese. I have no idea what Chajang means. Joseph also had the best shrimp and peanuts ever. There was also fried eggplant with meat served with a spicy powder for dipping, veggies, chinese plums the size of gingko nuts, cucumber, etc. Let me say that JJ ate A LOT!!! LOTS O' NOODLES! Poor kid. When we get home he will have LOTS O' RICE! Noodles are a pain to make. LOL.

We rolled out of lunch and onto to the zoo. Turned out that JJ has been to the zoo with his school. We saw lots of field trip classes with all the kids in all ages and sizes dressed in matching warm up suits. Pretty funny. It's this way in Korea, too. And more flags and more same-colored hats.

I hate zoos. Hate Them. Animals, cages, imprisonment, all manner of unnatural things. I get so upset! I was doing pretty well until we walked into the lion exhibit and saw the first concrete cell. Back outside in a hurry. I was So. Upset!

Then we found out there was an aquarium!! I love aquariums!!! I love the fishes. But the Coral and Jellyfish exhibits are my favorites. JJ was more interested in the sharks. And Joseph's mother was noticing all the Fish Lips! LOL!!

We saw the dolphin show which was kinda dull because they only spoke Chinese and the animals only did a few tricks. I am sure the moderator was telling jokes because the audience was laughing. Even MGF Lilly. But I didn't think it was so funny.

Then off to the gift shop. Note to self: Never get Green Tea Gelato in China. And there were NO HATS OR T-SHIRTS!!! What kinda aquarium doesn't have hats and shirts??? Whatever. JJ picked out a snow globe with a light for himself. He loves anything that lights up. So funny.

Afterwards we went to some very famous and delicious seafood restaurant with MGF Lilly and her friend Xin, who was a business man, had lots of money, and provided the driver and car. We had the best, most interesting, delicious, formal-ish Chinese dinner ever in the world. How's that for a superlative??

We had a live lobster. Sashimi. Yup. Came to the table wiggling. Got taken back to be put into our soup. Gives new meaning to the word "fresh.". Yup. Yup yup yup. And the look on Joseph's mothers, JJ's and my friend H's face was priceless. PRICE. LESS. That alone made the whole thing worth it. And if the lobster knew, he would have been glad to give his life in such an inhumane and tortured way, just so that we could get the priceless looks on their faces. Ahem. Yup.

We also had fresh steamed fish, lots of veggies - and none of them stir fried! Short ribs. Sashimi. Tofu with crab and corn. (YUMMY). More tofu. More fish. Things you can't get outside of Beijing! Lobster soup. (Poor Lobster.) A Korean-ish salad with some red beans. Eggplant and bokchoy still sizzling. More and more.

At dinner, JJ told us that he smoked, drank, and had all the cola he wanted while he was at the orphanage. Yah. All that just to get a coke with dinner, which he did not!

Ok. That's it for the sightseeing portion. When we got back to the fang jin (room), JJ was trying to tell us something. He kept pointing to the dictionary that Yili (rhymes with Lilly) gave us. He kept repeating, going from me to baba who was at the computer. With his lisp and our limited Chinese, you can just imagine. Anyway, Joe looked up a word, played it on the computer, and JJ started clapping and saying "Dui dui dui" (right right eight). Turns out he was asking "how do you use the dictionary?" It also turns out he was just asking us because MGF Lilly found out he already knows how to use it. Whatever.

The thing we noted was his persistence, his ability to understand and adapt. The way he is so patient without getting frustrated in the least. And his happiness when we, his mama and baba, can understand him. We hit the jackpot, I think.

Oh and it was the day that he told me he loves me.

Tomorrow is another day.

11/05/2009: Frogger

2010-04-10T21:21:00.000-04:00

The Observation of the Day is all about the driving and the roads. First, going through business districts, there are 8-lane roads. On the outside, closest to the sidewalk is a bike lane that is the size of a regular car lane. Next to that is the bus/trolley lane. Everything is great until the bus pulls over at a bus stop , which is in the bike lane, to let people on and off and cuts off all the bikers in the bike lane and all the bikers have to come to a slamming halt. It's a bit hair-raising to the westerner but the Chinese take it in stride. It's kinda funny to watch.

Then next to the bus lane is anywhere from 2 to 4 car lanes. And we are not talking about a highway. We are talking about a downtown street - one of many just like this. Unlike India, all the lanes are clearly marked and in fact, even appear to be freshly painted - that bright white! People in China drive in the lanes better than do in India (an understatement to be sure).

There is a metal fencing barrier that is about 3-ft high in the middle that separates the lanes going in the other direction. This is the median.

There are hardly any cross walks, not even at the traffic corners, and people just walk out in the middle of this traffic and stand on the white line and scurry lane to lane. And even if you were in the cross walk, the cars don't stop; it only means there is an opening through the fencing so you do not have to step over.

Crossing the street is like a game of Frogger. I'm surprised we haven seen anyone squashed! In the US, everyone trying this would be killed and you'd have enough lawsuits to drain the Federal Reserve. But here, common sense seems to be a personal responsibility and lack of judgment is not tolerated. At one point Joe decided to be Chinese, stepped out in front of traffic with our son in tow - *GAH!* - and managed to stop 3 lanes of traffic. I quickly followed. And the cars started honking AT ME!! Jeez!

At another point when we were lost in the taxi going back to the hotel from dinner, the driver sort of pulled over to the side of one of these "super roads" and the cars just went whizzing by us. No one honked and no one slowed down.

Oh and there are no breakdown lanes. The roads are flush with the sidewalk and the metal fencing. Of course in the neighborhoods, there are sidewalks which are surprisingly wide. Wide enough for at least 3 people which goes with my earlier comment about how fit everyone seems to be.
One day we passed by a big accident. No one slowed down to gawk so the traffic kept moving quickly.

The other side observation is that the Chinese here Know. How. To. Drive. Imagine. A country filled with Asian Drivers and they can drive well! Seriously. Not many Americans could drive here. Cars squeeze by with an inch of room on either side. It's so smooth it reminds me of a dance. Makes me wonder where all those Asian driver jokes came from! LOL!

And the bikers give new meaning to "riding in traffic.". They are everywhere. All ages, even very old! Some of the bikes have 3 wheels and a cargo on the pack which usually piled high 6 ft tall with "stuff in sacks." And not a single fancy bike among them - they are all old and gray, which of course, might be attributed to the gray smog that covers everything. And not a single helmet! Cars and bike co-exist quite nicely!

There are also these "sky bridges" for pedestrians along the busiest street so people can safely cross the street. Of course, that doesn't seem to stop the occasional game of Frogger.

11/04/2009: Whoa! What a Whirlwind

2010-04-09T12:50:00.006-04:00

My Good Friend (MGF) Lilly (why are all Chinese women I know named Lilly?) and her friend Xin had arranged a car service to drive us around. What a Godsend! It was large enough to hold all 6 of us comfortably. And since we were the only family adopting from Beijing, we would have had to find our own transportation around anyway. So it all worked out really really well!

Today was sightseeing day. Again. But this time, as a "family" along with Joseph's Mom and Harriet in tow. Let me say once more, having a car and a driver was unsurpassed!

We started out at Olympic Village and had plans to go to the Beijing Zoo in the afternoon. You know. Because I like seeing other creatures in cages. Yah. :o|

Anyway, we arrived a Olympic village about 30 minutes away from the hotel. The traffic in Beijing isn't bad at all. It all sort of moves along and people are pretty good. Anyway, Olympic Village is pretty wild. It was in the making for about 5 or 6 years for the Olympics and just to impress the world. The TV version was much more impressive than in real life, with all the colored lights, etc. In real life, it is just sort of gray. Olympic Village is essentially a big plaza area with the major buildings and a 5-star hotel that looks like a dragon. From the side, it looks like a dragon. It's called 7 Stars for the Big Dipper. Bill Gates stayed there. We are not. :o)

The Bird's Nest was huge. And it really does look like a giant metal nest. We went in and they were getting it ready for a car race that night. It's really very unimpressive in person. With the hype of all the "flying dancers" and the colorful lights and the hoopla on TV, the real thing just paled in comparison. It is definitely B-I-G, I will give you that. The best view is from the 5th floor. The hooks that carried the torch lighter were still there.

We saw the Water Cube. The direct translation of the name in Chinese means Water Beautiful Place - or Beautiful Water Place. Sounds much better than the Water Cube. LOL. We did not go inside. I mean, see one pool, you see them all. Sort of like the Bird's Nest - see one stadium, see them all... And we walked by the Gymnasium where the basketball games, etc., were played. Yet another big cubish building...With the big communist flag and the Olypmics rings.

The plaza that contains all of this is HUGE. But everything here is huge. Everything is incredibly gigantic.

And of course, Joseph and JJ pao bu (ran) around the inside and outside of the Bird's Nest. And just about everywhere else to inaugurate their collaboration as a father-son team. I saw my future before me.

Then onto lunch and the zoo. But when we got to the car, the driver said that Lilly (the other one who was our guide) called and we were to do paperwork in the afternoon. Susan, our original guide would meet us at 1:00 in the hotel lobby. So off we went back to the hotel. It takes about 30-45 minutes to get anywhere in China. This time, it was longer due to a broken down trolley line that blocked 4 lanes of traffic. (Remind me to tell you about the roads here).

We stopped down the road from the hotel for lunch at a steamed dumpling place. OMG. Mayhem. Everything was in Chinese. No one spoke English. Thank God my Good Friend Lilly was there. We were going to order tofu but the fermented egg on top sort of derailed that. But the steamed buns and the wonton soup were some of the best I've had. We were told to eat more because in a while we would be hungry. LOL. And it was so CHEAP!!!

After lunch, Joseph, JJ, and I scooped up our pile o' paperwork and followed Susan the Guide all over town. This meant I missed yet another day of shopping. And MGF Lilly took Mom and Harriet so I could have bought good stuff cheap! :o/ I gave her a list. :o)

Thank goodness we ended up with our driver that Lilly hired for us. There is nothing like having your own droiver. We first went to the ministry office. Oops, wrong place. We did that the other day. Then back to the Marriage Registration office where one of the screaming women was MUCH nicer today. We received our official certification from the government in a red document holder stating that we are approved by China as a family.

Interesting observation: there was only one other couple there, presumably to get a marriage license. He was about 65 yo. She was about 25 yo. Uhhhh... Hmmmmm. They had each hit the Jackpot in their own way.

Then it was off to the notary office where we proofed some document copies and then waited for a while. This was like no other notary I've ever been to! The Notary Official finally came in with 5 copies of 3 separate documents each in binders with the glue still wet. Yup. Glue. Not staples. We proofed each one. Then we were office to the Police and Immigration office.

There we met Teacher Yuan again, JJ's case worker. We got JJ's passport photo made (bypassing the line). And then Joseph and I sat while Teacher Yuan and our Guide ran to and fro, coming back with receipts after we gave them fees, until it was all done. At one point, I said to Susan the Guide how amazing it was to bypass lines and she responded that Teacher Yuan is very good. I said that she must be very important and Susan didn't respond. Which, of course, tells me that, yes, she is VERY important.

Then back to the hotel. The Chinese passport for JJ will be ready Friday morning.

For dinner, we met our friend Yili (sounds like Lilly, doesn't it? Yah.) at the most important, best, and most famous hard-to-get-into Peking Duck restaurant in our very own private room. There was a glass wall that looked out onto a small stage where they had an acrobatic/magic show.

The restaurant is on the edge of a lake that has rows of shops and restaurants around it. The first was a Starbucks. Ahem. Anyway, there was so much delicious food. I had mandarin fish for the first time since I was a small girl in Korea. And a variety of tofu dishes you can't find at home. Veggies and noodles and shrimp... And the Peking Duck - they brought the whole thing and carved it in front of us. And the pancakes were paper thin. 3 of them were the thickness of one at home. Each duck is numbered and they present the number in an official certificate to us. Our duck was number 15,415.

Then back to the hotel in a taxi. We had released the driver so we took two cabs home. Our cab took a wrong turn. ARG! And we were so tired!!! So MGF Lilly scolded the driver, took out a map and we finally got back to the hotel. Chinese women are funny when they are irritated.

The Observation of the Day was all about the air quality. There truly is a gray pall that hangs over the city. It makes everything look gray, even the beautiful buildings. And there are a LOT of smokers. By mid-day, I was having trouble breathing, my throat and sinus was scratchy, and my eyes were burning. The government heats coal. Coal is cheap.

The other thing we learned is that the government shuts off the heat so in the mornings everything is cold. They turn it on during certain times so our hotel is cold in the morning. Amazing.

And every government building has the Chinese flag on it - either as the flag flying in front or on the building itself on a plaque replica. Did not know that.

At one point I asked our guide if JJ knew he was an orphan and what this paperwork means. And so, she asked him. And he nodded his head and said, yes, it means he has a family now. I found that very interesting. I wonder how long he has known this and who told him and how did they tell him?

Today we are going to cram in the Summer Palace, the Zoo, and the Temple of Heaven. MGF Lilly and I think it will take an hour. Yili thought we're crazy. But what is there to see??? A buncha animals in cages! Breaks my heart!!! Of course there are the pandas but they are usually in their den. Huh. Better to see them through the webcam at the National Zoo in DC!

11/03/2009: Double Arch Day in China

2010-04-09T12:36:00.003-04:00

First, let's talk about jet lag. I am feeling a buzzing in my ears and my head feels like it is stuffed with cotton. Or goose down. And I can't shake the feeling of disorientation. In a word, Jet Lag Sucks.

Anyway, yesterday was a sloooooow day. We stayed close to the hotel in case our paperwork was done and we got the phone call to go back to the government office to meet our guide. That's what we were told to do. And so that is what we did. Dull Dull Dull.

Have you sat in a hotel room with a very active, non-couch potato, 8 year old boy for the entire morning? Yah. Okayyyyyyyyy. He was pretty good. He played with some of the toys we brought for him. And he had this constant buzzing talking going on. All in Chinese, low voice, talking to himself, and he didn't stop even to take a breath. The only he shut up was to eat. Anyway.... I find it a bit odd but I chalked it up to nervousness. I am watching him and I know he knows that.

Around noon I called the guide. "Don't worry.". Okayyyyyyy. She had not heard anything yet. "Everything will be fine.". That is the same mantra I hear from almost every Chinese person I've meet, come to think of it. And I've met a LOT of them. It's almost like a universal motto here. I mean, if you take a look at their history, which was totally out of their control... you kinda have to get Zen about the whole thing. All I know is that as bad as Korean history was, I would have hated to be a Chinese female - before the or after the war and the takeover. But I digress.

So after that little bit of that confidence builder, we decided to take JJ to the Double Arches, the Red and Yellow, the Big M. He had asked for it the first day we met him. Joseph and I looked at each other, and immediately fell into our parental role and said "no." He didn't argue. He was sort of like "ok." I wondered if he had been there before but I couldn't imagine that an orphange would take their kids to the MacDonalds. But this was the right day to take him, we decided. And Joseph's Mom and Harriet came with us. As we approached, he was so excited. We had heard that MacDonalds and KFC were THE Places to take kids and if they went, they have "arrived." It was pretty amazing.

It is comforting to know that even in China, you can belly up to a MacDonalds and get nearly the same thing as the USA. My chicken sandwich was nicely spiced and the french fries were the same. And when we asked if they spoke English, all eyes turned to one girl and she helped us. NICE.

We then walked around a long block. We passed by a bank of equipment I first thought was a playground. It was actually exercise equipment, much of it using your body weight. Sort of like circuit training. And there were OLD people using them. OLD as in 80 or 90 -ish old. Not a fat person among them. No walkers or canes either. I think the Chinese are onto something.

In the afternoon, my friend Lilly came in from Shanghai. Thank GOD!!! A day without a guide and our eating was going downhill. We were going to become the fat, ugly Americans while in China! She took us to a hot pot place where we did NOT get hot pot but we did get some very good authentic food! We ordered Orange Juice for JJ and it took about 30 minutes to get to us. Well, as much as I complained, when we each tried a sip, we realized why. It is fresher than the freshest squeezed in front of my eyes that I've ever had. I bet JJ has never had juice like that! Neither had we! LOL. Lilly also has a friend in China and he provided us with a big minivan and a driver to drive us around while are in Beijing. Thank God for Xin! The taxi's here are TINY TINY! And only fits about 3 people - two in the back and one in the front next to the driver. Really. Like I said. No need for big cars. You can only have ONE CHILD and no one is fat. Get it?

We are seeing that JJ asks for things. He actually puts out his hand, palms up and asks for money. Can I just tell you how revolting that is? Not just from him but from anyone - even adults. That is one gesture that I cannot tolerate. Don't know why. Just is. But then, I found it to be sad and distasteful at the same time because he is an orphanage kid and had nothing. And I am not even sure that he knows what money is. I know that at that age they are just starting to learn about money - and that in normal developmental terms, not in Chinese Orphanage Shunted From the World and Exposed to Nothing Terms. So I found it really curious that he would behave that way. So what was he told that he thought this was appropriate behavior? And that he could actually ask? And that it was ok to ask??? I was highly annoyed. But, it turned out that if we say no and he doesn't get it, he doesn't care. He moves onto the next thing. But it would happen time and again. I'm sure he was told by the Nannies he would get everything since he was going to rich Americans. The first three things he asked for, he didn't get. LOL. I think expectations are being set because now he walks around saying, "no no no." He thinks it's cute. Maybe Joseph thinks it is (since he is much more tolerant than I am) but I do not.

Oh, one thing to note was the grayish pall that hovered over the city during mid-day. Smog. I never would have believed it.

That's it for now. JJ will wake up exactly at 6am. He is a morning person it seems. I am going to have to get up earlier than 6 if I want to have quiet time when I get back. But it will be interesting how he adjusts to the time zone change. Maybe he will be turned upside down and become a night person. At this point, I think I'd rather have a kid that wakes up early than a kid that you have to fight with every night to get into bed. We will see...

11/02/2009: Busy Day in China

2010-04-08T20:49:00.006-04:00

Yesterday was a whirlwind. Our first night with an 8 1/2 year old, followed by a day full of paperwork, and riding in cabs, going from one office to another office, signing papers, red index finger prints instead of chops. Not to mention a restless night sharing a small double bed with a very active, moving-around 8 1/2 year old boy. Rolling over, shaking, rocking, turning upside down, sitting up on haunches and collapsing over... all while totally asleep and unconscious. Ok. All romantics of sleeping with him when we get home are OUT THE WINDOW. AIN'T GONNA BE HAPPENING!!! GOOD GRIEF! I need my sleep.

Anyway, during the day of running around, at one point, we had to go to the bank. They counted our money 3 times and inspected each one front and back before they converted it for us. And they used a machine! The level of "money guarding" was really unbelievable.

In the middle of all the paperwork, we managed to go to a mall (very different from Malls at home). They are buildings housing small shops, what would pass as Kiosks at home. Sort of the type you see at marathon expos, if you've ever been to one. Anyway, each kiosk has an owner, no bathroom, and you pay for what you buy at each one. And there are lots and lots of them.

We got swim trunks and goggles for JJ. The trunks were TINY and I was afraid that they would not fit - be too small. But when he tried them on, they were a little big. I think my right calf may have fit into the trunks. And yes, he is THAT SKINNY. In fact, you can count the ribs on the front and on the back. If he had had the distended belly from malnutrition and starvation, he would have looked just like those kids on the "Save the Children Commercials" where they show skeletal children who tug at your heart. Seriously. This is NOT an exaggeration. It was very off-putting to look at and I wondered if China really did care about the kids in the orphanage or if they were just holding them there for convenience.

Later at the hotel, JJ and Baba's first foray into the pool was hilarious. I took lots of pictures of that. At one point, I stopped long before the swimming stopped. I mean, let's get real. After so many pictures of him hanging deperately to a float and trying not to drown, it all looks the same. Right? Anyway, this is especially funny considering JJ bragged about how he liked to swim and he had done it before. Turns out that was a mild exaggerated. MILD being an understatement. And I had my Note to Self moment - uh... the kid sorta lies... maybe not lie but definitely came from La La World...

So back to our Paper Chase...

During the paper chase, we also had to go to the Children's Welfare Institute (the Orphanage) to pick something up. It is in the middle of the city but when you get there it's like another world. You have go off on a side road, then take a right and travel down along the highway and then the high way veers away, and on a giant corner lot is a high concrete fence, a rolling iron gate and a guard with a guard house. Talk about total invisibility in the middle of a bustling city. Talk about being shunted off to the side. As we approached, JJ was very excited and knew the neighborhood as we arrived. The grounds of the orphanage was broad and I noticed a building with a red wall, gold lettering and nothing else. Somewhere behind there is about 2000 children who were unwanted and wards of the Communist Government.

They wouldn't let us inside because of the H1N1 scare. So, we sat outside the fence while Lovely Lilly went to the guard at fence. He called into the Orphanage and Lovely Lilly came back and we sat in the car to wait. Lovely Lilly asked JJ if he wanted to go back to the orphanage. And he said, no, he wanted to go home to America. There. He made his choice. This was very good. But if you think about, he came from this Invisible Environment and then he is off to a hotel - a big one - with LOTS OF FOOD and LOTS OF PRESENTS from COMPLETE STRANGERS WHO SAY THEY LOVE YOU - And WE PAY FOR EVERYTHING with MORE MONEY THAN YOU THE ABILITY TO COMPREHEND... what choice would YOU make? And this is not a stupid kid. That is for sure.

I also had my Mean Mom Moment at the bank. He is so interested in helping. So much so, he got in the way. Everytime Lovely Lilly went the window, he was right there. When Joe was trying to sign paperwork, he was right there. If he had been a cat, he would have sat in the window of the teller and then plopped himself down right on top of the paperwork that Joe had to sign. Joseph was getting a little aggravated and I lost my patience. Especially since I had told JJ about 3 times to give them room and come to me. So I grabbed him by the arm, and literally pulled him over to me and said something in fast English about behaving, not needing your help, and getting in the way, and he isn't doing any good, and when I call him, he needs to come over asap, and when I ask him once he needs to obey asap, etc. And I finished off with "dong bu dong?" In other words, "do you understand?" And he said, "dong." (I understand.). Hmmm. Amazing how an Irritated Mom is a universal language! I don't know what he thought at that point but if he were smart, he should have started getting the idea that there were going to be boundaries.

But in general, he is very good. Very neat. Very helpful. And he is even teaching us Chinese. He slows down when he talks to us, is patient, repeats his sentences and helps us understand. There is also a lot of gesturing. Forget formal good Chinese grammar. Again, his lisp and speech issues are a problem for understanding. I felt like all the Chinese I took was a waste of time.

Another interesting moment was at the Marriage Registration Office where we had to sign more paperwork. The Social Worker, Teacher Yuan, and the woman in the office (she seemed to be higher ranking than the others in the office because she was closer to the head official - the guy who sat in the single office) had a raging argument. GOOD GOD!!! You never heard such screaming and yelling. Never cross an annoyed Chinese woman! I understood a little - it was precipitated by knowing where some paperwork is - which I had in my packet. Anyway, evidently there is some bad blood between them and we just sort of kept our heads down, our eyes low, and kept quiet! Never get between two angry Asian women! JJ just looked up, wide-eyed, at the whole thing. I don't think he has ever seen people, especially adults, yelling and screaming and fighting.

Everywhere we went, people said that JJ was so lucky. But our friend Daniel said it best when he said, he seems smart and active and alert and so we are lucky. This is very true.

That's about it for yesterday.

Today, we wait to hear about the certificate, the passport, etc, and more paperwork and the notary office. No idea. We just do as we are told.

Hopefully, we will meet up with some friends here. And we will look for a small hand held video game for him so that when Joseph and I are on the Blackberry, he can be like Mama and Baba and be on his video game. So far, he puts on his swim goggles when we put on our glasses. I think we have to get him some sunglasses.

And he loves the flashlight that Joseph brought with him. He has also figured out how to work Baba's little digital camera. He must have taken about 300 pictures. In fact he took a picture of him holding every little thing he had from the care package we sent and insisted on taking pictures of us. He is also a little ham and poser. Not sure how I feel about that. Too bad the battery died. LOL.

Anyway, I am definitely in observation mode.

11/01/2009: The Meeting Day

2010-04-08T19:30:00.003-04:00

Today is 1-1-1. As in November 1. It's a snowy day in Beijing. There is significance in all that. The fact that it adds up to 3. And that it's the earliest snowfall that the locals can remember. And that it is clear and crisp. And the gray smog-fog has been cleansed away.

Today all the other families left to go to their provinces where they will be meeting their children tomorrow. We are alone in Beijing since our son is from the Beijing Orphanage.

When everyone left to go to the provinces, we were assigned a new guide. Her name is Lilly. Her email is LovelyLilly@... and she is quite lovely indeed. A definitely Chinese beauty with a personality to go with it.

This morning we met with our new guide, Lilly, in the lobby of the hotel and we chatted about the process while waiting for the Orphanage entourage came to meet us. We had been told that we could get our child early, especially if you are the only family in that region for that travel group. We fit the bill to a T.

Finally, the teacher from the orphanage came. I don't think she was a real teacher but an official. So calling someone "teacher" is a sign of respect for upper level people. We think that she was JJ's case worker who basically prepared him for adoption and for transition into a family.

We started out with doing some question and answers and nice-nice conversation. Then the paperwork checks, which caused some bit of a problem due to my name being different. China had made a mistake on the spelling of my last name. I had pointed it out but the After great chatter, it was agreed that we would continue with the agency told us it would be fixed. We would continue with the process cautiously with the understanding that the paperwork would need to be created in the next day or so. I know that the Agency back home was just gonna love this. We knew it was wrong and I was told that they were "working on it." Obviously, it was going to be down to the wire.

There was a lot of signing of various different paperwork, passing paperwork around, checking for copies, making the right copies etc etc etc. If I had thought that the paperwork was completed when I was in America, I was wrong wrong wrong.

We had to make some copies for The Teacher so we went to the end of lobby to the "business center" where they had a copy machine. And that is where we were when JJ came in. Joseph's Mom brought him to us in the business center, which was all the way on the other side of the hotel lobby. He called for Mama ("Mama, mama, mama...") and then for Baba ("Baba, Baba, Baba") and then Mei Mei... who, uh... didn't really exist so Joseph and I just looked at each other and didn't say anything.

He took us by surprise and we both turned around quickly. We both say "HIIIII!!!" (I am sure he didn't understand that), and then hugged him. He seemed nervous and surprise. He laughed but didn't make a lot of eye contact. I am not sure how I felt at that point. I was happy I think. But I think I was more nervous than anything else.

He is tall. I was shocked. There was a 9 yo boy traveling with us and JJ is 8 1/2 and taller than him! We thought he'd be smaller after hearing the anecdotes from other people who had children much smaller than the standard height and weight charts. He is also very thin. I also noticed he had this cluster of skin around his ears - ear tags of some kind...I was a little perturbed by it... and he has really bad teeth. Sigh. Yes. I notice these things.

He seemed to take to us right away. Harriet told us afterwards said he came in and asked for Mama, then Baba, and then Mei Mei. I think he was looking for my niece Hannah. He had our photo album we sent him and he showed us all the pictures we sent him, naming each of us. It was amazing. And one of them is a picture of Joe with Hannah on his shoulders. I am sure that he thinks that is his Mei Mei (Little Sister). He is going to be sorely disappointed! LOL!

He is already seems to know some English. How much is going to be interesting. And I am wondering if he is just mimicing or understanding. Doubtful. He seems to be really smart. He is very active and has good motor coordination. Harriet said that at first blush, he seemed to be mentally good. That is a huge relief for me.

He is also spending a lot of time talking to himself. Very odd.

For those that do not already know, JJ has corrected cleft lip, palate and VSD (ventricular Septal Defect - which is, simply put, a hole in his heart). Harriet checked his mouth and commented that he has a wide palate. He will definitely have more surgeries when we get him home. He will also need speech therapy. We have a hard time understanding him with our limited Chinese because of his lisp and his inability to say aspirants. But when he says English words I can definitely understand what he is trying to say. And when I correct him, he works very hard at saying the words correctly.

Other than that, he's good. Actually, he is GREAT! Such a happy kid. He was very outgoing and affectionate. He seems to want to be with baba but it very interested in pleasing mama. He also likes transformers, which are age-appropriate according to Harriet. And the toys that Niles (our friend Yongmei's son in the USA) sent with us were a huge hit! He was ecstatic! I had no idea what they were, of course.

He was brave and cried only once when the teacher gave him a lecture (and Asian lectures are always arduous. You have to be Asian to understand that kind of pain.) She told him that he is a very lucky boy and that he is going to America with very nice people and that he must be good. That is what Lilly The Guide told us when she translated the conversation. I think Joseph has it recorded so we will play it back andd find someone to tell us what it really says! LOL! Anyway, that's when he broke down. Small tears, veiled by a smile. It was sad and sweet at the same time. And he knew it.

He walks with us and holds our hand.
It seems he's been waiting for a family for a long time.

We will see how this day holds up.
I find it interesting that he is so... open... hmmm... not shy.... so committed... to this.

10/31/09: The Gray Fog

2010-04-08T19:28:00.000-04:00

I don't know if it is my imagination but there is a gray fog in the air.

Wonder if it is fog or smog...

10/31/2009: China, Day 2

2010-04-08T19:03:00.002-04:00

I am a day behind. Seriously. I hate it when that happens because I am posting in the past and for some reason that really bugs me. Anyway...

Yesterday was a full day of sightseeing. I am happy to say that I know how to get from one end of Tian'anmen Square, through the Forbidden City, and through the maze of vendors and beggars on the other end without mishap. I can also tell you which toilets are where and what they are like. Yes. Too much coffee in the morning.

Susan the Guide was funny. On the way there, she told us about all the street vendors and how they cheat you, pick pockets, and counterfeit change that they give you if you are not careful. She finished off with, "better to save your money and wait until a later stop." LOL. Hmmm. Needless to say, we became experts at saying "Don't want" in Chinese!

Tian'anmen Square is huge. HUGE. And crowded. But it seemed highly organized. We saw a lot of groups, each of them led by a guide. The guides were identifiable because they carried long thin poles with colored flags and the people in the groups they led had wore the same-colored baseball caps. I don't know where they were from but lots of people dressed in black with red, yellow, green-capped heads bobbing along from a distance. And people wore a lot of black. A. LOT. A New Yorker would be comfortable.

And I discovered that a Korean Woman can be universally identified. If you see a tallish, thin, stylishly dressed woman with a Burberry scarf, a Coach pocketbook, a cell phone plastered to her ear, she's Korean. I thought, "good grief, she looks Korean." And sure enough, as I passed her, she was blabbing away on the phone in Korean. Hmmm. I have a perfect record going.

The Forbidden City is HUGE. There are 9000 rooms. 200 acres. And only the emperor and his family lived there. An emperor could have up to 3000 concubines. Hmmm. The Last Emperor was the only movie to ever be made in The Forbidden City. If a baby was placed in one room at birth and taken to every room to spent a day, he would be 26 years old before he made it through all 9000 rooms. I was disappointed we spent so little time there. I would have loved spending time roaming through all the exhibits.

From there we went to The Great Wall. It was about an hour drive. The approach was amazing. A thin line shining bright snaking through the mountains. It became less menacing as we got closer. Let me say that the Wall is steep. With LOTS O' STEPS. LOTS!!! And it's STEEP!!! As in NOSE-BLEED STEEP!!! With lots of steps that are crooked , uneven, and differing heights. OSHA would have a field day. In America, the place would be condemned to save the public, after thousands of families sued the national park system for broken ankles, vertigo, and the occasional idiot falling off the mountain. Of course, the Chinese people put us to shame. I never saw so many senior citizens (and I mean OLD senior citizens) wending their way up and down, laughing, talking, and having a ball. Not a single twisted ankle among them! And yes, they put ME to shame. I didn't make it up too high due to fear of heights. The signs posted were pretty funny. "If you have heart or brain condition....". LOL! Translation is a funny thing.

We had lunch halfway to The Great Wall at a government run tourist stop complete with restaurant and a huge shopping floor. We managed to make it out with full tummies and without going bankrupt.

We got back to the hotel and with no plans for dinner, we decided to venture out. Hmmm... After a U-turn, we entered the first restaurant. No one spoke English. None of us spoke Chinese. Ok. So, maybe we knew enough. I managed to tell them that we didn't speak Chinese. And when one woman asked if I was Chinese, I managed to say that I was Korean. And they said they had a menu board, and I managed to say Photographs! Thank you to our Chinese teacher, Li Laoshi!!!

We ended up at some pseudo questionable Japanese place but ended up ordering Chinese with the help of the only person there that spoke any English! I got soup. Phew!

So today starts a new day in China. And it might be The Day.

10/30/2009: "In China ... Finally"

2010-04-08T18:49:00.002-04:00

There are four of us in this travel party - me, Joseph, his Mom (Mom) and my friend Harriet who is of Chinese descent but born in New Jersey and raised in Ohio by immigrants who fled the Communist tide.

China is 12 hours of ahead of Boston. This weekend, when the clocks are turned back, we will be 13 hours ahead. Which always begs the question of WHY OH WHY do we still manipulate our clock times? Especially when you consider that in spite of having 4 or 6 time zones, China uses only one. Beijing time. But I digress.

The flight to China was uneventful. We landed yesterday and took a long bus ride to the hotel. It looked like we drove on a non-descript highway with non-descript traffic in almost-any-town,USA. A guide named Susan and a driver met us with a chartered bus at the airport. It was a long drive to the hotel.

At the hotel, the guide collected our passports, just like every other tour I've been on, and checked us into our rooms. The Presidential Hotel Beijing is a typically American looking hotel with typically American looking rooms on the small-ish side. I guess it's expected since Chinese people are on the smaller side of the American norm.

The room was good, but no cot! In fact, there was a crib. GAH! 8 year olds do not need cribs. However there was no coffee maker! What the heck?? But there was an array of teas and a hot water boiler pot which boils water in nanoseconds. Amazing! We brought the VIA instant coffee from Starbucks with us. All they have here is Nescafe. I didn't know they even made it still!

Last night after checking in, we were road weary and tired. So, we had dinner at a restaurant called Sophia's here in the hotel. We can tell right away how different Chinese Chinese food is compared to American Chinese food! It was fabulous! Mom (Joe's) did great with the fried rice and an array of vegetable stir fries. :o) That is after my friend H tried to tell her what to order which I could tell annoyed the hell out of Mom. And then we told her to stop and she got all bent out of shape. She got all red in the face and told us that "as a Chinese person, I feel like it is my job to be a host and show you MY CHINA."

Uh... MY CHINA??
Uh... Weren't you born in New Jersey? Raised in Ohio?? And can't speak a lick of Chinese, much less COOK Chinese food??? Alrighteee....

Well, Joe's Mom is a very capable person and she knows what she wants and doesn't want. And No.... she does not come barefoot out of the hills, nor is she ignorant! Anyway, I chocked it up to everyone being tired.

In a single day, I could tell you the party line. The Chinese people look at me and speak Chinese. They all look at Joseph and speak English! LOL! I was very proud to have helped one woman in the group ask the bellboy where the bathroom is. Thanks to Li Laoshi and all her hard work in making us remember our tones! LOL! That "C" sound in Chinese is very hard!

So, the flight was uneventful other than my confirmed suspicion that coach class sucks and next time, were upgrading to business class. :o) Yes. There is going to be a "next time."

Today is sight seeing day.
And I will take lots of pictures!
I love my camera.

10/24/2009: "Bringing Home Baby"

2010-04-08T18:42:00.002-04:00

Ok. Not a baby. He's eight. But might as well be a baby since he will be our first. As in Child. Yup.

We are going to China at the end of the month to bring him home. We've been in the process since 2006, and while we are waiting for a baby girl, we decided to bring home a big brother first.

We had originally identified a cute 6 year old boy who had a cleft lip, cleft palate, and VSD (a hole in his heart) all of which was supposedly repaired. China rejected us based on the fact that we were 10 months short of the 5 year marriage requirement(after telling us that we would be approved). They asked if we wanted them to hold onto him but we told them to go ahead and find another family for him. We didn't want to make him wait for a family. And the longer you have a child in an institution, the more dicey things are in terms of development delays, mental issues, social delays, etc.

Fast forward a year. And it turns out that the orphanage contacted our agency and told them that they had "held him for us." And after much of this and a little of that, it finally is happening and, well, we are bringing him home.

Kinda weird. I haven't had time to anticipate it much. All that waiting and then we were told the date of travel, it was all a bit anti-climatic. And for us, I think that keeping busy with work had a lot to do with not obsessing over every little second that went by. Joseph and I lead a full, rich life so sitting by idly and waiting for something to happen is just not in our genes.

So, we did things while we waited. And when they say you are never ready, they are right.

And this is a brief note to say that we are going to China and we will bring our son home.

A Short Bit of History

2010-04-07T19:56:00.002-04:00

Dear JJ,
I don't know where to start.
A lot of things happened at the end of last year.

Mama's work and your arrival collided in ways that I never could have predicted.
And the after shocks of that collision still remain. I have not caught up on either work or home since last October/November.

At the end of September, Mama's work responsibilities increased two fold.
I ended up doubling the size of my group, workload, ensuing politics along with a new boss and being pushed up to a new level of responsibility and visibility.
I don't expect you to understand this. Not until you are ... oh... about 40 years old?

And then we got word that you were going to be coming home and we had to go to China to get you at the end of October.

Good God.

In the midst of the work chaos, I had to catch up on work, plan for being out for at least 3 weeks, assign people to take over what I was leaving behind at work, transition, deal with HR on leave so that I wouldn't have to dig into my vacation time. But truthfully, I wasn't going to take much time off.

I cannot begin to explain to you the level of anxiety, panic , and pounding in my chest that I felt as a result of all the stress. Through it all your Daddy was the best. He was so patient and understanding. By now you know how understanding and patient he is. You are very lucky to have him as your Daddy. I hope you realize that.

So, I will be posting some of the status updates next week. These are the ones we sent to family and friends while we were in China. And will probably expand on some of them since this is for you and not for an expectant audience of family and friends who were expecting... I don't know what but I am sure it was way more idealized than I had realized.

Gonna try to catch up

2010-04-07T19:20:00.002-04:00

Dear JJ,

It's been a while since I've updated your blog.
Things have been just crazy.
They say that God never gives us more than we can handle, right?
I am starting to think that He just piles things on until we break.

Of course, since you came home I have realized that you don't know anything about God. Or Church or a whole host of other things.

Anyway, before I even try to put my thoughts down, I will be posting the status updates we sent to our friends and family while we were in China to pick you up.

I want you to see the progression of events, from the beginning, in all its starkness, in all its truth, without disguise. It is your life from my perspective. And maybe Daddy will add a comments as well along the way, presumably to temper some of my thoughts.

And the one day, you will read about your life, from the way that I have seen it, and you will add your perspective. And we will have a dialog about the collision between your world and mine.

8 weeks

2009-08-30T16:08:00.002-04:00

Dear JJ,

So, let me make this perfectly clear... your mama is NOT a very patient person. And when she knows that something is pending or looming ahead of her, she is EXCEEDINLY IMPATIENT. And I just want you to know that I have Now. Reached. Beyond. Exceedingly. Seriously.

Anyway... it's been a while since we sent you the care package. By now you know all about us. I hope you are looking at that photo album we sent you and looking at the picture book of your new country and New England area where you will be living.

We are going into the 10th week from the time we got the confirmation of pre-approval from China. We are now waiting for the Letter of Agreement. Every single week, we send an "Anything?" email to our Agency. The last thing we heard almost two weeks ago is that we have moved up another room and this is the room that they review for the LOA. THANK GOD! That is all I have to say. When they talk about a slow boat from China, they were NOT KIDDING!

Anyway, I cannot wait to get you home. I cannot wait to hug you and squeeze and love you to death. I cannot wait to fatten you up! And practice my Chinese with you.

Hmmm... I am sure I am looking more forward to that last one than you are! LOL!

Anyway... I wanted to check in and let you know that we are still thinking of you and where we are with the Agency and China process and to let you know that this SLOW MARCH is NOT MY CHOICE! In fact, I am getting ready to POKE. MY. EYES. OUT!

Of course, I won't do that.

As soon as we hear anything, we will let you know.
Until them, we love you very much and cannot wait for you to come home.
I remember your voice always - "how are you... RIGHT?"
I will NEVER EVER forget it.

Love,
Mama

It's my birthday

2009-08-04T19:10:00.001-04:00

Dear JJ,

Well I am another year older today. That means you will have a really old Mommy relative to your friends. But I bet I look younger or as young as they. So it will be our little secret.

I got your card. Oh, I know. Daddy got it for you for me. :o) and it made me cry. I wish you were here to give me a big hug too. I can't wait for that day.

Oh, and yes. I love you too.
Wo ai ni.

Love,
Mama

Processing Now

2009-07-21T13:00:00.001-04:00

Dear JJ,

We heard back from the Agency this morning.
Supposedly, they are processing our file now.
When I asked what "processing now" meant, I was told, Yes, they are looking at it NOW.
After they are through looking at it, they will issue a Letter of Acceptance (LOA).
We will go into the Agency and sign this LOA right away.
This will get sent back to China.

When China receives it, they will send us the Travel Approval (TA).
While this is happening, we will go ahead and make travel plans.

Right now they are hoping that we will be able to travel during the week of August 16th.
But anytime before the end of August would be considered very fast.
It cannot get here fast enough for me!

We have been in the process of talking to the school district here.
They have a big Chinese program in one of the schools. It's not the one that is two blocks from the house and we will have to drive to it but it is only a mile away. The one that is two blocks away also has a new Chinese program. We will pick whichever one is the best for you.

We are very excited to be seeing you soon and bringing you home.
We can't wait!

Love,
Mama

Package from Home

2009-07-16T17:42:00.001-04:00

Dear JJ,

By now you should have received a package from home. We mailed it last Friday and you should have it by now. I hope you like all the things in it. And I hope you share them with your friends there. And don't worry about bringing the toys home with you because we can always get you more when you get here.

We mailed you two shirts because we don't know your size yet. And I hope you and the nannies there will take a lot of pictures with the camera. We'll develop them once we get the camera back so we can share with you a little bit of your life there.

I hope you enjoy looking through the photo album. Daddy got a good one, didn't he? I hope you can read the labels I made in Chinese identifying your relatives. And then there is that picture book of Massachusetts so you know what thngs might look like around here.

I hope you are happy to be coming home with us, hopefully, soon. Our Chinese teacher said the other kids will be jealous when they find out about your family in America. That they will say, "Meiguo? You're going to Meiguo?". And she said the nannies will tell you that you will live in a hotel. That made me laugh. You will NOT live in a hotel.

I hope you are excited to be with us. I know it will be sad to leave your friends. But you will make new ones. And maybe one day you will be able to see them again. You never know what life will bring.

But most of all I hope you are not afraid.

I love you.
Mama

Your Name

2009-06-21T12:01:00.000-04:00

Dear JJ,

Your Daddy and I picked out a name for you a year ago.

Your first name is Jasper. Jasper was one of the three wise kings who came from the east, bearing gifts for the Baby Jesus, who was born poor, to an unwed mother, and who born in a manger withe ox, cow, sheep and other farm animals. We thought how fitting it is that the name of a king, rich and wise, from the east, should bestow his name on a poor orphan. The gift of a name that has more meaning and irony in it than any other name that we could think of. And we hope that you will have bestowed on you the wisdom, charity, kindness and riches for a king.

Your second name is Joseph. You are named after your Daddy. Your Daddy is funny, fun, full of life, always wondering and questioning, smart and outgoing, caring and thoughtful, and I hope that you can be like him. Joseph was the name of a Carpenter. He was the father of Jesus, who took the Baby Jesus into his family and heart, even though Jesus was not his own son. He was patient, persistent, and worked very hard. He is also the patron saint of China (among other countries) and he prays for families, fathers, travellers, immigrants, craftsmen, and working people in general. I think this name is very fitting for you.

Your Chinese name is Zhong Cai, given to you by the orphanage when they received you. It means Talent or Wise.

Since you are 8 years old, we decided that it was important for you to keep something with you from China when you came to live with us. And the only thing left was your name. And memories of a life that may fade as you get older, and as new memories push out the old. When you are old enough, you can decide what name you want to use. I know lots of boys who have used different names at different places in their lives and finally settle on one name when they have finished school and settled into work.

Names are important to Koreans. And so, I hope we have given you names that will help and support you in your life and your future.

We love you,

Mama

Letter of Approval

2009-06-20T11:18:00.004-04:00

Dear JJ,

We got a little brown envelope in the mail the other day. Daddy told me about it over the phone because Mama was in California for work. And when I got home, Daddy showed it to me.

When Daddy explained to me what was in it, I didn't believe it. A "notice" that had the top half in Chinese characters and the bottom half in English - I think that the English was the translation of the Chinese, and a mailing label and a customs declaration.

Hmmm.
That was it.
No explanation, no letter or note...

So we will wait for Meg the Social Worker to come back next week and she will be able to explain it in great detail.

The notice from China said:

" The Application of [your daddy] and [your mama] for the adoption of YUN ZHONG CAI from Beijing Children's Welfare Institute, Beijing of Beijing province that you submitted was received, It is hereby advised that with a review of the basic family situation and the Rehabilitation and Nurture Plan for the Child made by the family, the China Centre of Adoption Affairs agrees to handle and process the case as an adoption of the special-need child after the application file arrives (deadline September 15, 2009, that day inclusive).

China Centre of Adoptiona Affairs"

The application they approved was our Letter of Intent that outlined your doctors, tutors, special education teachers, etc. and you health insurance information. That was sent to them on June 10th.

Then on the 15th, the approval must of verbally come into our Agency because we were told that they were sending our Dossier - the application file they mention above - was sent on Tuesday, the 16th.

Hopefully, they will review and approve the dossier quickly so we can hear back that we can travel to get you.

Mama's passport also came back in record time. What typically takes 3-6 weeks, took only 2 weeks. Wow. Someone is watching out for us.

So, in the care package, we will definitely be sending you a Life is Good t-shirt, a Yankee baseball hat, maybe a bionical (because your cousin Luke is your age and loves to play with bionicals), and a few other things we can think of in addition to the photo album. We hope to send this to you in the next two weeks.

We are so excited. And every day, the excitement builds. I can't wait to see you.

Love,
Mama

Silence

2009-06-18T19:44:00.002-04:00

JJ,

I am sitting here in the dining room. Mom is on a plane coming back from a business trip. The house is quiet, silence only broken by Boris meowing from time to time. I am listening to the walls. They are full of life and laughter. This is a house that was meant for a family. It was not meant to be silent.

Soon you will be here and the silence will be replaced with laughter and questioning and debates. You are just like me. You will ask mom so many questions she will tell you to go ask your father. I will answer them all. Sometimes with a question back to you. It will help you learn to think, reason and live deliberately. Mom will tell you more about living life this way. Yet I think she will also tell you that it is how daddy lives everyday.

I can't wait. Hang in there a little bit longer.

Care Package

2009-06-18T09:22:00.003-04:00

Dear JJ:

You Daddy forwarded me the following message from the Agency to the families whose LOI (Letter of Intent) were recently approved. This approval also meant that our Dossier of paperwork was going to be sent to China for the final, more detailed review, which it was on Monday. The letter from the Agency said:

For the care package, please decide when is the good time to send it. If you are still early in the process, the wait can feel very long for some children. If you plan to send several packages during the wait time, it may be just fine to send it now.

If you can include a family album in the package, it will prepare the children for placement. Any items you want your kids to hang in with please feel free to send. Just remember, the mailing cost can be huge if you send too many stuff!

I am very excited for the children. Recently I had chance to talk to a boy. Hearing his voice was overwhelming and I lost my sleep that night feeling upset that all these kids started their life this sad. I am happy now they have parents love them.

Our staff will do anything everything to move along as fast as possible. Still it will be a long process. Please understand and help us, too, to reach our children.

Guess who that little boy was?

This means that you will be getting a package from us, your family. When Meg from the Agency comes back from her honeymoon next week, we will call her and ask what we have to do and what this really means.

I am so excited to be sending you pictures of us and your family of aunts and uncles and cousins and friends.

This means we are one step closer to bringing you home.

We love you and we miss you.
We can't wait to have you home with us.
Love,
Mama

I think we're approved

2009-06-17T19:54:00.002-04:00

Dear JJ,

Here is the latest update.
On Tuesday, we were notified by the Agency that our paperwork was being sent to China. This is a large volume of paper called the Dossier that has about hundred different types of paperwork in it. It has been translated into Chinese and it is being sent to China. Once they get it there, they will read the translation, ensure that everything is valid, and then review in detail the information we submitted.

Once ths is done, and they find nothing wrong, they will send us a formal letter of approval.

The good news is that we only sent the Dossier when they have approved our formal letter of intent to adopt you. And that was sent last Wednesday. It's less than a week! So things are definitely chugging along.

Also, since I am in San Francisco for work, Daddy sent me an email telling me that my passport renewal has been returned with my old passport. And that was supposed to take 3-6 weeks. I think it only took a couple of weeks.

I hope this momentum continues.

I wanted to check in let you know where we are with things.

I can't stay and write for too long as I have people waiting in the hotel lobby for me.

I love you.

Mama

Things are Chugging Along

2009-06-11T08:41:00.003-04:00

Dear JJ,

Well, the news is better day by day so I thought I would give you a brief update.
First, China has approved our application to adopt.
Yesterday, the agency sent to China our Letter of Intention, telling them that we wanted to adopt YOU. Haha!

Next they will send us an approval for you and our dossier will go to China.

Then we wil get a formal letter of approval from China for our signatures and we will mail to back to CCAA.

Then they will issue you us a Travel Approval.

Basically....we are full speed ahead!

The agency is rushing us through. No 6 month long process for us. They are trying to right a whole year of delays by pushing China to get everything done in record time. Meg says that we are a HUGE priority for them. And the longest any of this would take is about 6 months. But that is the LONGEST. Ours should take a shorter time than that. The only thing that could delay our travel is the H1N1 flu virus. It's really messing things up!

We have decided not to do anything to your room.
In fact, when you get here, you can decide which room you want.
And when we are in China we will take you shopping for all the things you want to bring back with you.
And when we get here, we will go shopping all over again to get you anything else you might need or want.

I have never felt so hurried. A whole year has gone by and I keep thinking, "What a waste. It's such a shame." But things happen for a reason. And what is meant to be will always be. We have to have faith and make the right decisions and things always work out for the best.

We are coming, JJ.
Hang on tight.

Love,
Mama

If you didn't have us at Ni Hao

2009-06-07T14:42:00.005-04:00

It was all over when you said: Wo xihuan pao bu.

JJ,

You didn't know when you had the phone call from a friend in America that we were finalizing our approval. You spoke to a boy Niles. I hope you become good friends.

You can know we are doing everything we can to get you sooner.

The Fickle Finger of Fate

2009-05-15T16:27:00.004-04:00

I am holding my breath and I dare not think it. I dare not say it out loud, lest you are only a dream.

I dreamt of a child two weeks ago.
A child who was older, who had come to live with us.
Who appeared magically and suddenly.
I remembered telling Daddy, there is a child.
It was new to me. And I wasn't altogether comfortable.
I wondered to myself where this child had come from.
But the child was familiar to me, even though I didn't know him/her (I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl), and I knew they were here to stay forever, that it wasn't going back.

So, when Meg called and asked me if I was sitting down, I thought we had gotten your meimei.

But it was you.
I dare not speak your name out loud.
Lest you disappear once again.

I never said goodbye

2009-05-14T18:45:00.002-04:00

JJ,

You will notice I never said good bye. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it was because I never believed it was good bye. It was the way it ended.

I wondered.

A part of me still believed.

I 'm not sure what or who or why I believed. I am not sure when I thought we would be reconnected. Occasionally, we would hear from Meg at the agency that you never came back into the system. Part of me thought someone in China had wanted you and that was why China said no. I hoped for you it was true.

Part of me thought we would get to China for your mei mei and you would be waiting for us. I guess that might still be true but will you be waiting with us?

Meg called yesterday. China wanted to know if we still wanted you. There was not moment of hesitation. Of course we did. Ma ma and I have been running crazy since the call yesterday. We still don't fully believe it. We are afraid to tell anyone that maybe you will be coming home.

We are waiting until we redo some paperwork and get final approval. However, if Meg and Lillian have their way we might be coming to Beijing this summer. I hope you are ready for a roller coaster, because if it is true. If you are coming. If it is going to be as fast as they think. Hang on because all of us are going to be moving at Boris speed. Boris is our male kitty that goes like 70 miles an hour in everything then crashes and sleep. Kinda sounds like dad.

I think you felt our presence and never let it go and we will never let you go.

Dad.

Final Update

2008-06-13T13:29:00.003-04:00

Dear Jie Jie,

You will always be my special Jie Jie. Always.

It seems that you will not be coming home to us after all.
I have known for a while but I did not have the heart to put down all that is on my mind.

Basically, we had completed our entire paperchasing activities and sent it all to the Agency. They were told by China that everything was in good order. Then, it turned out that it was not.

As it happens, there were internal politics in China.
There was also a rule change in May 2007 where adoptive parents had to be married for 5 years. Your Daddy and I had only been married for 4 years. So we requested an exception which we were told would be granted. However, there were internal politics in China. Someone got promoted. Someone didn't. Someone wanted to do the right thing for you and for us. Someone else wanted to make a statement and a stand of their personal feelings.

In the end, China agreed that we were one of the best, if not The Best, family for Special Needs adoption ever. And they agreed that you should come to us. And that it was the right thing to do. But they couldn't. Instead they wanted to hold you for 10 months.

We had a decision to make. Do we fight this? Do we wait? Your Daddy and I knew ofall the delays you would encounter the longer you languished in an institution so we decided to fight. We have friends who are from China and who have a lot of very highly placed and well-connected people there. We started the process. And as the heat turned up on China by fighting their decision, they started pleading with us to stop.

I do not know if it is the Olympics or the hint of special treatment or scandal. In the end, I really do not know why they fought so hard against us. But we believe that the universe was speaking and we were not listening... just fighting and trying to make everyone bend to our will.

So we took a break from it all... and decided not to fight. You see... our belief is that we have already won. For a brief moment, you gave us hope and a chance to envision the family that we could be. You entered our lives for a reason and one day we will know it. I don't know if any of this will make sense but if you came to us and we had won our fight, your birth into our family would come out of the ashes of ruined relationships and reputations. China being communist, I don't know what would have happened to the officials that dealt with the situation. How would their lives be changed because we had won? And since your Mommy and Daddy are faceless to them, they would have no one else to spit and curse their venom at, except for you. And being born out of hate and spite is not a good way to start a new life.

We have already won. You have the positive energy of our ongoing love and prayers. And so, goodness has already triumphed. As you grow older, and have a family, get a job and go wherever life's journey takes you, our continuing love for you and thoughts of you may have a postive impact on your life. We will not know where you are physically but we are connected. Every life is connected to the other. And we will know that we are somewhere together on this rock, this planet, this world, revolving around the same sun, looking at the same moon, the same wind cooling us on hot nights.

And if you feel someone looking at you and you turn around only to see ... no one... it could be me. Or your Daddy.

You are my Jie Jie.
Our Jie Jie.
And I will always love you.
Always.

Love,
Mama

April Update

2008-04-08T12:45:00.002-04:00

Dear Big Smiley,

It's been a while since we have checked in.
It's not because we are not thinking about you. It's because we are holding our breaths.

We received a note from the Agency a week ago telling us that we are DTC to China on April 1. April Fool's Day. But it was no joke. Our Dossier had been translated and was on it's way to China for logging and review.

We thought we were clear. And then we received another note from the Agency. China was planning to meet on Monday (that is this PAST Monday) to discuss ours and one other family's situation. You see, Mommy and Daddy have only been married about 4 years and the requirement is to be nmarried for 5. They were meeting to discuss a possible exception for us. We have not heard anything from them yet. We think that they wanted to see our Dossier and other eligibility requirements before making a decision on whether to let us adopt you.

If they do not, this journal will end. And I will worry that no one else will be able to love you as much as we already love you today. Sight unseen. The Director of the agency has assured us that she is advocating for us and that she is hopeful for good news so that we can be a forever family. I told her that there is no one else on this earth that we trust more than we trust her right now. And that is the truth.

So that is where we are. As soon as we know something, one way or the other we will let you know.

This weekend, we went to visit your Aunt Judi who is moving her house. She is packing and has decided to give a small sofa for your bedroom. It was your cousin Luke's and it's a perfect size for a 7 year old boy! It comes complete with cushions and it's blue! So it fits your bedroom perfectly! Cousin Luke also decided to give you a toy made up of plastic clips that collapse and expand. Cousin Luke used to stand inside of it when he was little! It will be fun to watch you do the same thing!

Nothing much else is going on right now.
We think of you every single day and we are on the edge of our seat, trying to be patient to hear the answer from China.

We love you very much.

Love,
Mommy

Happy Easter

2008-03-23T20:32:00.003-04:00

Dear Big Smiley,

Happy Easter.
I wondered today if you have Easter in China.
And if you know about the Easter Bunny and the basket of goodies that he brings to children.
And the eggs. Colored eggs. Your Baba made me some colored eggs when I wasn't looking yesterday! I hope you like colored eggs.

Hmmm... Goodness... I hope you like eggs!

Your room is completely done.
Right now there is a big bed in your room. We might leave it there. We might move it and get you a cozier, smaller bed. But either way, your room is done. The windows just need shades and the floor could use a rug. But most of all, it needs you in it. Then it will be complete.

I thought about you all day today. I thought about your mei mei, too, but more about you. It might be because you are older. Or since we have known of you for shorter time, I feel a need to catch up the time so that I have thought of you as often and as much as I have thought of your mei mei.

It's different with you because I know who you are. I know what you look like, and I see the happiness on your face in the pictures. I hope you are as happy being with us as you seem to be in the pictures. I worry about that - that you will not be happy with us. I also worry that you will feel the loss of your current life acutely.

We love you.

Love,
Mama

Ni Hao, Jei Jei

2008-03-21T11:24:00.004-04:00

Dear Big Smiley,

I guess I am going to call you Big Smiley until I can come up with a more appropriate nickname for you. We call your mei mei Little Dumpling, but I am getting ahead of myself. And I see that your Baba has already written you a letter. I should have known he'd sneak in here first! But, I am getting ahead of myself yet again.

First, I want you to know that we have your pictures in our living room. I also have the same pictures of you at my office, on the bulletin board, in front and behind my monitor so that when I look up, I can see your smiling face.

And that is the defining feature - your Big Smile. Hence, the name Big Smiley. Your smile is like your Baba's. He also has a very big smile and everyone has commented on how similar you two look.

I don't know where to start really, so we will take this one day at a time.

We have been waiting for your mei mei to come home since June of 2006. The wait has been long and it will get longer. Your Baba and I have talked about maybe getting another child after your mei mei comes home. Maybe one that is older and a son. But the wait was so long! So we decided to look into other countries to see if mei mei's big brother was to be found outside of China. The more we researched and look, the more we became convinced that the agency helping us to bring home your mei mei was the right one for us. And that China was the country where are hearts lay - in you and in your mei mei.

And so, in late December, after searching for 3 months, we sat down and talked to the agency that is helping us bring home mei mei. And we asked them, "Why is it that China allows concurrent adoptions from other countries but not from China? Especially if we wanted to go through the Special Needs/Waiting Child route?"

Our agency said, "we don't know. We will ask."

And they did. Turns out that China would allows us to pursue this and the very next day the Agency found us two little boys, one of which we felt was right for us. But fate works in very strange ways. That little boy wasn't meant to be our son when we found out that China would let us switch to the SN/WC avenue but it meant that we would have to lose our place in line for your mei mei.

But you see, that was out of the question for us. At the end of our place in line is your mei mei. The little girl that is meant for us. If we left the line... well... we felt we would be abandoning her. We would be testing fate and asking for another little girl that was perfect for us. Who knows what fate would have said after all these many months of being in line and waiting patiently. So leaving line was bad for all of us. And most importantly for your sister. You see, she was abandoned at birth. And if we left our place in line, we felt that she would be abandoned a second time. It's hard to explain. I hope you understand as you get older.

Anyway, your Baba and I are funny people. Your Baba especially always wants to know "why" and "why not." It makes me crazy but it's a part of who your Baba is and his curiosity is to be cherished! So, Baba asked, "Why can't we stay in line for Little Dumpling while starting over in a new line for Our Little Fortune Cookie, whoever he may be?"

So the agency said, "we never thought of asking that question." And they went back to China and asked them "why not?"

China said, "well, we have never done that before and we must think about it and talk to many people to see if we should do this."

So we waited. The days passed with no contact from China and I was losing hope. Your Baba and I decided if it was not meant to be, we should not feel badly. But a month later, we heard from the Agency. China called. They said, "ok. Let's give this a try. If you are in line for a Non-Special Needs Child, and would like to adopt from the Special Needs/Waiting Child List then we will let you do that without losing your place in line." And they went one step further. They said, "if you want to only adopt from the SN/Special Needs List then you can adopt TWO children at the same time."

Wow. The agency thought that we would be the first family to be doing this. They said that we helped change the course of Chinese adoption in the United States. But all we know is that Fate intervened and decided that our way to you was destiny.

And the next day, the agency looked through the lists of children and they came upon your file. They called and described you. They sent us your file and your pictures. And your pictures were beautiful. You have the biggest smile on your face. And there is a less smiley one but your face is just as beautiful to me.

You were born in Beijing at the Beijing Hospital in 2001. You see, you had a cleft lip, cleft palate, and a hole in your heart. And your family decided that they could not take care of your properly so they left you at the hospital where they thought you would be in good hands. There is so much more to this story but we believe that you were loved by your foster family and the orphange and that they took very very good care of you. And your Baba and I are forever grateful for that.

You also had surgery on the cleft lip, palate and hole in your heart. Your Aunt Harriet, who is a pediatric neurologist, took a look at your file first, then told us that your development is on track. She especially loved the smile and the twinkle in your eye. She also commented on how I have to work to put some meat on your bones! Well, Aunt Harriet loves to eat! You will love her. She loves children.

We also talked to your Uncle John, who is a pediatric anesthesiologist. He reviewed your file on your heart surgery and said that you were perfect! He is also very very excited to have you home.

It turns out that Beijing Hospital is one of the best in the world, and The Best in China. The children's hospital there is supposed to be world reknown.

And so, we told the agency, you are our son and that we want you home with us.

And they put your file on "hold" in the system so you wouldn't go to some other family. And we hurried up and sent a letter to China of our intention to adopt you. Then we applied formally to the agency. After that the home study was completed and we sent off all the forms for the background and criminal checks which were sent back to the agency in record time. Next we had to gather all of the other paperwork that could NOT be reused. The agency is reusing some of the paperwork we filed for your mei mei. Some had to be redone. And then we had to ask USCIS - the immigration people - to add you to our approval in addition to your mei mei. And that was also done in record time. Now all of the information has been compiled into a Dossier which has been sent to NYC to be translated into Chinese. All of that, which usually takes about 3-6 months, took us four weeks. FOURS WEEKS! Of course, I am not holding my breath because the same thing happened with your mei mei but here we are STILL in line! Sigh...

After the Dossier is translated (about 3-4 weeks), it will be sent to China. This is our Dossier to China date (DTC) (about a week).
After China gets the Dossier, they will review it and log it in. This is called the Log In Date (LID) - about another 3-4 weeks.
Then they will send us a Letter of Acceptance (LOA) telling us that they accept us as your parents - about 3-4 months).
Then they will send us a travel authorization (TA) which is another 3-4 weeks.
Then in about 2-8 weeks, we will be traveling.

The best case is July, sometime, but that very optimistic.
The average case will be around September or October.
The worst case is any time after that.
Now, we wait. When things progress, I will report it to you.
And while we wait, we will write things down that we can't say to you yet.

Anyway, that is the story of your birth into our family.
We know that you have lost so much in your young life already.
And by coming home to us, we know that you will once again lose so much and the life you have come to know.
I hope that one day you will be able to forgive us for taking you away from your life and giving you a new one.

Well, there is more to come.
Remember that we love you and I can't wait to hold you in my arms.

Love,
Mama

Hi there

2008-03-20T21:01:00.003-04:00

JJ,

You will find that mom posts much more than dad but don't think that dad is not thinking about you. He is, often. Come quickly, there is so much I have to show you.

Dad