Final Update

Dear Jie Jie,

You will always be my special Jie Jie. Always.

It seems that you will not be coming home to us after all.
I have known for a while but I did not have the heart to put down all that is on my mind.

Basically, we had completed our entire paperchasing activities and sent it all to the Agency. They were told by China that everything was in good order. Then, it turned out that it was not.

As it happens, there were internal politics in China.
There was also a rule change in May 2007 where adoptive parents had to be married for 5 years. Your Daddy and I had only been married for 4 years. So we requested an exception which we were told would be granted. However, there were internal politics in China. Someone got promoted. Someone didn't. Someone wanted to do the right thing for you and for us. Someone else wanted to make a statement and a stand of their personal feelings.

In the end, China agreed that we were one of the best, if not The Best, family for Special Needs adoption ever. And they agreed that you should come to us. And that it was the right thing to do. But they couldn't. Instead they wanted to hold you for 10 months.

We had a decision to make. Do we fight this? Do we wait? Your Daddy and I knew ofall the delays you would encounter the longer you languished in an institution so we decided to fight. We have friends who are from China and who have a lot of very highly placed and well-connected people there. We started the process. And as the heat turned up on China by fighting their decision, they started pleading with us to stop.

I do not know if it is the Olympics or the hint of special treatment or scandal. In the end, I really do not know why they fought so hard against us. But we believe that the universe was speaking and we were not listening... just fighting and trying to make everyone bend to our will.

So we took a break from it all... and decided not to fight. You see... our belief is that we have already won. For a brief moment, you gave us hope and a chance to envision the family that we could be. You entered our lives for a reason and one day we will know it. I don't know if any of this will make sense but if you came to us and we had won our fight, your birth into our family would come out of the ashes of ruined relationships and reputations. China being communist, I don't know what would have happened to the officials that dealt with the situation. How would their lives be changed because we had won? And since your Mommy and Daddy are faceless to them, they would have no one else to spit and curse their venom at, except for you. And being born out of hate and spite is not a good way to start a new life.

We have already won. You have the positive energy of our ongoing love and prayers. And so, goodness has already triumphed. As you grow older, and have a family, get a job and go wherever life's journey takes you, our continuing love for you and thoughts of you may have a postive impact on your life. We will not know where you are physically but we are connected. Every life is connected to the other. And we will know that we are somewhere together on this rock, this planet, this world, revolving around the same sun, looking at the same moon, the same wind cooling us on hot nights.

And if you feel someone looking at you and you turn around only to see ... no one... it could be me. Or your Daddy.

You are my Jie Jie.
Our Jie Jie.
And I will always love you.
Always.

Love,
Mama