March Report: Still more catching up to do

Speech study:

We got the report back from the speech study. I was really disheartened about it. In a nutshell there are a couple of things happening:

1. you have a short palette - this means the back of the roof of your mouth doesn't go back far enough for the back of your tongue to hit. This is vital in making certain sounds. That is why you use the glottal stops. Anything that starts with the letter "g" sounds alike with funny "throat noises."


2. You have no pharangeal flap - this is vital to close of the nasal passage way when you swim so water doesn't go up your sinuses, and when you say certain letters that are aspirants, especially the "hard" aspirants or the "plosives" - that is about half of the alphabet. And this is also why you sound like your are holding your nose when you talk. The pharangeal flap you need is very wide. This is very disheartening.

Speech Therapy:

When we went to the cleft team appointment at the December, one of the people we met with was a speech pathologist. And the general belief was that at that time if we start speech therapy soon, you would be able to learn to talk generally "normal" as in "non-cleft affected" speech. She said that it might be 90% because of your age, meaning older. The younger you start with speech therapy the better.

I wanted to start speech therapy right away but the general concensus was to wait for the speech study and for you to acquire some language skills - hard to be directed on how to place your tongue to make certain sounds if you can't understand or speak English.

There are a few things going on:

1. you have sounds you can say well
2. There are sounds you cannot make at all because of your physical abnormalities, which include the hard sounds or the aspirants or "plosives" which include about half the alphabet
3. sounds you started to say when you were first learning to talk before your surgery to close the palette. These carried over even after the first sets of surgeries because no one bothered to correct you or help you say it correctly. I call these the bad habits. It's like when you say "hun mah" instead of "Shenma" which I KNOW YOU CAN SAY when I make you say it right. It totally has started to piss me off. I call this laziness and "not finishing your words"
4. There is also the issue of you learning English and the resulting "Chinese accent"

So there are a lot of things going on and only a speech therapist can help decipher all of it.

Also, during the surgery, Dr. Mulliken is going to fix a few things:

1. cut off the skin tags around your ears
2. enlarge your right nostril so your pictures end up looking good and you can actully breathe.
3. correct whatever is it that causes your "nose noises" and the inability to breathe right
4. fix the pinched lip right under that tiny little nostril

So, after the speech study, Baba called the doctor's office to find out when your p-flap surgery will be. They sort of schedule in - like a waiting line. Turns out that you are not scheduled until 2011. 2011!!! You will be 11.5 years old. ELEVEN AND A HALF!! If they think that you can get to 90% "normal speeach" at 8.5 years (and only if you work really really hard), then do you THINK that you will be able to talk right if you start at 11.5 years???

Also, there is the issue of those aesthetic things - like the skin flaps around the ears, the right nostril that is half the size of the left nostril, your deviated septum or whatever it is that causes you to make those "nose noises" when you breathe, and the scar on your upper lip, that gathers and pinches together right underneath your tiny nostril on the right side.

I know you do not notice any of it. I also know that you thought at one point that the ear skin was "cute." And that you looked "cute" with it. And that China told you at some point that you are special and cute and will have good luck as a result of it. Ok. Let me tell you this right now. It is NOT CUTE. It's not. They lied to you. And it is not special and not a sign of good luck. In fact you are already feeling the effects of it. You came home one day and told me you didn't like it and that you wanted to have it cut off. And when I asked if your friends said something you said, "yes." And yes, they will continue to tease you as long as you have these issues that are out of the so-called norm. I hated hearing that they teased you.

If you think that is bad, wait til they ask you about your little nostril, and why you talk funny, and why you have that funky scar on your upper lip. There are a lot of "upper lip" jokes and it will make you feel bad. And if we wait, until pre-adolesence, it will become worse. 11.5 years old? That is too late. Needless to say, I am NOT HAPPY about this.

Stress Response:

So far, uou have peed in bed three times. The first time, Baba found your underwear in the hamper. You got a scolding for that one. The key is to tell Baba and Mama what is happening right when it happens. It is not acceptable for us to find it a day or two days later. And it is good for you to remember that Baba and Mama will always find out. Better to come clearn right away.

Baba talked to Aunt Judi and it turns out that it could be a stress response. So we watched it. The first time it happened, we had had a lot of people at the house and Ye Ye and Nai Nai were also there. Then they left.

The second time it happened, it was when Ye Ye and Nai Nai had come to the house and then left.

The third time it happened, we had visited the Ye Ye and Nai Nai in the mountains and had come home. The next morning, you were awaken by your peeing in bed.

At least you knew it wasn't a "good" thing because you were appropriately upset.

Baba did some research and it seems that this is a common stress response more often in boys than girls and it is genetic. If your parents wet their beds, then you will too. Interesting. You will grow out of it but there is no telling when. Could be a year or two, could be until you are a teenager. Fabulous. Baba immediately went out and bought a plastic barrier and a plastic coated mattress pad. And Mama is working hard at keeping her opinions to herself.

I did ask you at one point whether China ever told you that you "talked funny." And you said "no." This was after your teacher told me that you asked a fluent mandarin speaker whether she understood Chinese or really spoke it because she kept asking to repeat yourself. Uh... we had a chat after that. First, because I thought it was disrespectful to say that to a teacher who is trying to help you. Secondly, you need to learn that sometimes we ourselves are half of the equation. And that not everyone else is at fault but that we might contribute to it ourselves in some way. We must learn to look inward sometimes. After they start talking to you and understanding your speech patterns, that goes up to about 60%. And within the context, they fill in the blanks.

School and Socialization:

Generally you are well liked and have friends. You were assigned to Gabriel to act as your intermediator since he was also an ELL student (2 or 3 years I think) and it was his job to translate and make sure that you got acclimated.

That must be a tough job. Every kid at some point gets "tired of babysitting the new kid." And there were brief times when you and Gabriel didn't get along, and you came home to say that Gabriel was "mean to" you. Well. It happens. But afterwards you generally made up and things moved along fine.

At one point, a group of kids had built an igloo and you basically smashed it. They told the teacher on you. That is definitely unacceptable behaviour, but I know that at some point, kids get tired of taking breaks in natural play to "wait for the slow one" or they get so focused on what they are doing that they forget to include you, which was made doubly harder because you couldn't speak the language and you couldn't understantd

Then there was Ling. You found her two days in a row to throw snowballs at her. Busted, again. Baba and I think you might have liked her a little or you might have liked the negative attention you received from her. It was attention, after all, better than nothing.

And then there was the picking up of things that didn't belong to you. And refusing to give it back to the little girl who said it was hers because, well, you had found it on the ground. Yes. We had a little chat about that too.

And then there was the wandering off. There was a lot of it. But so much to see, so many things to touch, things you never had in China - you didn't even have a basic ball and bat so these things in America were not only foreign but also a luxury. And the open classroom? Well... it just meant that you could wander farther and wider. Unacceptable.

And then you would go into the bathroom for 20 minutes. When the teacher sent someone in to find you, you were playing in the water. Not acceptable.

I also have a sneaking suspicion that although you are smart and quick to learn, you are a little bit behind socially. Especially in terms of playground politics. This is not surprising because you lived in an institution with a strict code of behaviour and definitions of good and bad. It's not that simple in America. But time will tell if your social cue-ing skills are any more developed - which I suspect they are.

But the good news is that you are doing better. Not wandering as much, not touching and taking as much. You are no longer destructive to get attention. And your English is steadily improving.

New Nanny

The first nanny, Ms Chen, decided to get a job at an MIT lab where her husband was doing a post doc. It was just as well. You could tell that she wasn't a "kid person" and I got the sense that although she liked you, she didn't entirely approve of you. And her liking you was sort of against her will. And having someone who could barely understand or speak English try to review your English homework with you was not entirely successful.

So Baba started looking for another nanny and told Li Laoshi that we did not care if this new Nanny was an American or if she could speak Chinese. Well... his message had the desired effect. Next thing we knew, Li Laoshi had interview 15 people and settled on 3 for us to talk to.

And thus entered Carrie. 25 years old. Student at Bunker Hill. Living with her Aunt and high-school aged nephew. With a 12 year old brother in China. And she could speak much better English, more flexible, personable, friendly, smiling, and liked kids. Perfct.

Baba and Mama interviewed her at the Starbucks around the corner. After the talk, she asked us "why a little boy from China?" And we didn't really know what to say except that Baba said, "it was meant to be." I didn't know at that point. I thought I knew but I wasn't sure any more so I let your Baba do all the talking.

Carrie then told me that she "didn't think that [she] could do this..." and that "we much be very good people" and that you "must be a very lucky little boy." She said this a few times to me when she first started and that she didn't understand your "fortune." How can you explain it?

I think it was love at first sight with you. Your first certifiable crush. You smiled and blushed and said that she was beautiful. Then after a week, you got brave and told her that you thought she was very beautiful. That would have been fine had you not then kept talking and told her that Baba agreeed with you that she was very beautiful. Uh... yes... we had a chat about tact and how in America we do not say things like tht to people, especially about Baba's and Mama's. You will also realize soon enough that Mama is extremely private. And we do not BLAB our private thoughts and business the people outside of the three of us.

Tantrums and Discipline:

Generally you have been pretty good. There have been a few tears, to which I didn't respond. Once I walked out of the room. And I think you got it pretty clearly that I am not a squishy, let-me-hug-you-and-spoli-you mom. I am more of a "yeah, kid, life sucks, buck up, and quit whining" kind of mom. For all your fortune in arriving in America, something had to go wrong right? Well, that is it.

In our house, we have 3 rules:

1. no whining
2. life is not fair
3. Mama/Baba is always right

I think you are starting to understand what that means.

One day, you and Baba were playing a game. And something happened. Maybe you cheated? You have been doing that. They say it happens around the age of 6 or 7 but since you are 8.5, I would think you are over it. But given that you like to WIN and you are SUPER COMPETITIVE and that you hate to LOSE, you like cheat and stack the deck and make up your own rules. I am wondering if this is the first clue as to whether you are somewhat developmentally delayed. I am sure in China, you didn't have much of an opportunity to play the Wii and win a lot. Anyway...

Mama was getting ready for a dinner we were all going to in celebration of Uncle Wayne's first grandson. And your Baba came up and said, "your son is on the couch balling his eyes out." And I thought, "huh, not MY son..." So I went down and there you were, fetal position on the couch, balling your eyes out.

You were crying. One of the things I cannot abide - crying children. I know. You're a kid and I have to put up with it. But you wouldn't stop. I felt so helpless and so did you Baba. Nice words didn't work. It was your first major meltdown. We should have given you time out, taken you to your room and shut the door, told you to come out when you decided to stop crying and join the family and talk to us. But we didn't have hours and day for you to decide to be good. We had to go to this dinner for Uncle Wayne. Uncle Wayne who met you in China and paid for that cup you dropped on the ground. Uncle Wayne you wiped up the hot tea and applied ice when you decided to goof off and threw hot tea on you as a result. The Uncle Wayne who is like a father to me. So we forced the issue and Mama blew her stack and Baba was also a bit upset.

Afterwards, you said you were frustrated because you couldn't say what you wanted to in English. Was that true? Maybe. Maybe not. I seriously think that is less true than the fact that for four months you lived with complete strangers, overrun by stimulation, constant movement of places and people, no stability or routine really, and for a kid that lines up his toys, folds his clothes, lines up our shoes in a row even when i don't want you to... all of that stimulation must have been devastating. I think the truth of it, if you could actually talk, is that you couldn't take the stress anymore.

So I am waiting for the next blow up. We will just take you to your room, a "safe place", shut the door, and wait until you are ready to come out. We will tell you that this is okay and that you can even do it yourself if you think you need a quiet place.

Bonding & Attachment:

I am not sure if you have really bonded. I know that Baba spends a lot of time with you and that you love being with him.

I know that you have bonded with the animals and that you love Boris the best.

I know that you have bonded with Ye Ye and Nai Nai to the point that you pee your pants with happiness and anxiety after they are gone.

Have you bonded with me? I am not sure. I think you are trying. And that you are probably trying a lot harder than I am trying. It's been hard and I am conflicted. I am finally admitting this to myself.

The Adoption Review

I received a questionnaire from the Agency a month ago regarding our adoption experience. It was interesting that they sent it four months after we got back and had a chance to settle in.

My view of the adoption was widely different from the time we first arrived back home until the time I filled out the questionaire.

In addition to the many questions about our review of the agency (stellar), there were a couple of other questions. My answers surprised me:

1. Please describe your doctor’s evaluation of your child’s physical and developmental condition upon arrival in the U.S.
   
   Cleft Lip and Palate and VSD as described.
   
   Upon examination:
   - VSD was fully repaired. Slight heart murmur which means check ups every 2 years for the foreseeable future
   - Ear tags – skin around the ears – could have signified kidney disease – China told us they thought it was LUCKY! HELLLOOOO. Surgeon will cut it off. No evidence of kidney disease
   - Fluid in the ears and too much ear wax – requires ear tubes – loss of hearing in the right ear – left ear was almost 100% after they cleaned out the earwax. Right ear was not any better. Hopefully will be better once the ear tubes are put in.
   - Undescended left testicle – could lead to cancer and infertility in the future – this was fixed by us surgically - I supposed China doesn't really care if their orphans are infertile.
   - Tight foreskin – not circumcised – this was fixed and now he can urinate without issue
   - Short palate – needs to get P-Flap surgery
   - Bone-graft is required – orthodontia is needed before doing this to spread out the palate more
   - Hemifacial microsomia – this is about 10% and minor for him. It is affecting only his lower right jaw. Dr. will fix when he does the bone graft
   - No tip on the right side of the nose – flattened due to cleft along with a crooked or deviated septum – doctor will fix when he does the p-flap surgery
   - Lack of dental care – he has had 5 teeth pulled, baby teeth did not fall out when adult teeth came in – needed 2 baby teeth root canals until the cleft dentist said to pull them to prepare for surgery. He has had 6 fillings for baby teeth as well.
2. No Speech therapy at all. China did not bother to correct his bad talking habits even after he received his surgery. Found how that his Chinese is pretty bad. native Chinese can understand him about 40%. When they get used to him, they fill in the context and can understand him better. But that is not to say that his speech improves, they are just good at interpreting what he is saying. His bad habits are carrying over into English as well. Some of the issues are not bad habits but due to the short palate and lack of a p-flap.
   
   Also, he was considered developmentally aware – mostly because he watched faces and could understand cause and effect. Dr. also thought he was adjusting and bonding well.
   
   Socially slightly delayed due to having only kids at the orphanage to play with – unable to play politics in the school yard; children baiting him or setting him up either intentionally or unintentionally, etc. This is a personal observation and not from the doctor
3. Please describe any feelings you have regarding how your child might have been cared for in China
   Whatever they did was cosmetic. This little boy is so smart and had he been normal, he would have been so successful in China being raised with his bio family. It would have been a shame to have left him there because he would not have amounted to a lot societally.
   
   I think after the surgeries, that is all they would have done. I think that he would have had a speech impediment for the rest of his life. He would have had issues with his urination and could have not been able to have children – given his facial issues and his bad speech, he may not have gotten married anyway. He also could not have talked and his scars on his face as well as his speech issues would have caused him to live in the shadows of society.
   
   He also would not have any teeth eventually due to cavities. But this is only after he had TOO MANY teeth in his head because the baby teeth would not have fallen out on their own. And his teeth would have been very crooked.
   
   He is very lucky to be in America. I think he knows that too because he thanks us very single day. I hope he never forgets how fortunate he is. I used to bristle when people told me how lucky he was. I would say "no, we are the lucky ones." But after all of his pain and aggravation, yes, I will now say that he is "VERY VERY FORTUNATE."
   
   I think that more information on Cleft should be given – as it relates to all of the issues and medical care that is required and how long that it takes. We did not know much about it from the research we did. China also needs to document every single little thing. It would not have changed our decision to adopt JJ but it would have been less frustrating and irritating if we had gone into it knowing that he will have 12 specialists, most of them for non-cleft related things.
   
   I think that talking to other adoptive families of cleft would have been very helpful.

At this point, you have had a total of 6 teeth pulled.
You are using flouride every single day after brushing and flossing your teeth in the morning and at night. And this will probably continue for the next 6-12 months. All of the dental appointments are done until the 6-month checkup which is coming up in June.

Your skin is also getting better but it is still scaly and looks very very dry. I am surprised that they did not bleed in the winter. The eczema is stubborn and we are treating it off and on. The first full round of steroids helped somewhat but now we are giving you some ointment that the doctor prescribed to Mama. Maybe it is too strong for you? Who knows. It is only helping a little anyway.

You are trying to say your words more. You have a tendency to speak really fast and that makes you totally babble and I cannot understand you. Baba does a better job at listening than I do. But when reminded you do slow down.

You are starting to learn about past tense and every one in a while you do say it the right way. You are still struggling to break your bad habits of not completing your words. But you still have no issue with repeating the word 3 or 4 times to get it right. And I am very very happy about that.

And you also are trying to figure out gender. In America, not everyone is "he." You are understanding this. Sometimes you get it right, other times you get it wrong.
But I am not worried about this one; you will get it right eventually.

02/13/2010: Happy Chinese Valentines New Year!

Ok. So we are sooo confused.

All week, all I heard from JJ is, "Happy New Year. Happy New Year."
Uh... yah. Right. I hate to tell him that no one really cares. At least, I don't.

And it's been getting more frequent as we get closer to tomorrow.
I don't even know when it really is...

It really sucks having Chinese New Year and Valentines Day in the same weekend.
For me and Joseph, it's all about Valentines Day.
And this year, we have a little someone and he happens to be from China so, he is all about Chinese New Year.
So...
Ok kid. Whatever...
I am a bit annoyed and resentful at this intrusion, though.
And I can't help it.
As I said before, I am a flawed individual.
Anyway, Joseph is cooking dinner. A special dinner. For me....
Happy happy.

We have had appetizers.
And to JJ, we are having the special dinner because it's Chinese New Year.
Too funny.

All I know is that there is some very lucky girl out there.
Whoever JJ marries is going to be a very lucky girl.
Because he is being trained by Joseph on what men do - cook, clean, make Mama happy... LOL.

01/05/2010: First New Years and First Surgery

So, I thought I'd go ahead and talk about New Years since it's fading from my mind and I don't want to lose the experience.

Just so that the non-Chinese among us don't start thinking it was wonderful for JJ, don't forget the our New Year isn't JJ's New Year. And his New Year celebration is, frankly speaking, more spectacular than ours. That is, if you like LOTS O' FOOD, fire crackers. Lion Dances, in addition to fireworks. JJ's New Year arrives on February 14th this year. On Valentine's Day.

And No, he did not stay up and watch the fireworks. He was sound asleep.

And No, having a large group of people over to the house wasn't much new for him since we have lots of people at our house for much of the year.

And No, he didn't know how special it was to have Peter and Elizabeth together, and Aunt Karen and Uncle Dave and Lauren and Brian and Jordan because he has met so many new people, and I am sure it's all blurred together for him.

The most significant moment was when we returned from shopping two days before New Years. We parked across the street from the house because we were expecting a lot of cars to get into the driveway. We got out, JJ looked up, and he saw Aunt Amanda on the porch. OMG. You could have put out a fire with his gasp. His eyes lit up and filled with love (seriously), and he smiled, and jogged off to greet her. Of course, giving Mama a heart attack because he had to cross the street.

Anyway, I think that at this point Aunt Amanda is his most significant playmate. She is like ... Ummmm... 4 years old when they get together. Ok. Maybe not 4. I'll be generous. 6. She turns into a 6 year old and I find myself scolding her as much as JJ when they are together. And her reaction just makes JJ laugh and laugh.

Anyway, on New Years Eve, we had the requisite boiled lobster dinner as we always do. Not sure if JJ liked it. But he did eat it. He said he liked it. But he didn't emit the usual "hao chi, hao chi, hao chi" or "yummy yummy yummy" followed by a spontaneous "um um um". This is what he does when he brushes his teeth with bubble gum flavored toothpaste or drinks bubble gum flavored medicine. Yup. Every night before bed ... "Hao chi hao chi hao chi" (delicious delicious delicious) with a toothbrush in his mouth. Anyway, once he understands how expensive lobster can be, he will be enthralled with it, I'm sure. :o)

The same day that Amanda arrived, we went by the agency to deliver a donation for their good work to help the orphanages in China. The Agency director talked to JJ a lot. I had tried to tell him before we went who Auntie Lillian was. It took about 30 minutes and I am not sure it was adequate enough for the message to stick because of my limited Chinese.

I told him that Auntie Lillian was important. She did very good work. And she told Mama and Baba that he was in China. She showed us his picture and said do we want to get him from China and we said yes. And then Aunt Lillian helped us go to China on the fei ji (flying chicken aka airplane) to go to him and then come back to America, JJ, Mama and Baba all together with all the Mama and Baba's and Mei Mei's he saw. This took about 30 minutes. Searching for words I knew, putting it together so he understood. And in the end his eyes lit up, and he recounted it back to me to show he understood.

Aunt Lillian explained to him what the donation was. And did he want to help his friends in his orphanage (he did) and what should she buy the orphanage to help? His answer? Winter coats. Not the latest toys but winter coats.

He seems so much older than his 8 1/2 years sometimes. And sometime when I look at him, I can see flickers of what I think is required to gain "wisdom" in one's life. It will be interesting to see what unfolds. For me, it is less about providing a good home and raising a child. It is more about raising a self-less being who can know empathy and compassion, who can give back to the world, in a karmic and universal way. To make the world a little bit better for future generations and for the sake of our humanity, through the "power or one." And to make sure that the strength of his character along with his sense of humor can help him find the right path to his destiny.

On Monday, Jan 4th, JJ went in for his first procedure. It was day surgery to correct his undescended testical and to get him circumcised. How can China overlook something like this?? Anyway, JJ was pretty good through the no food time zone, the waiting, the prep, the waiting, the operation, the recovery, etc. We again had an interpreter but she was more instructional than comforting since he seemed to be ok. As ok as one can be when nervous about an operation.

The doctor asked if we wanted to be in the operating room with him. Joseph and I looked at each other and said, "uhh... no." Our thinking is that he will be out, won't know we are there, we will meet him out in recovery when he opens his eyes and the thought of being trapped inside of an OR for an hour or two was not doing it for either of us.

We met him in recovery. And the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes were Mama and Baba. Such a tiny little thing. He looked vulnerable and for a moment, my heart melted just a little. It's been difficult with all of the doctor's appointments and the time out of the office. We had been warned that he would be nauseous from the anesthesia and most kids get sick. JJ? He stuck it through. He turned green and gray, alternating with a dull, pale flesh tone. He breathed through an oxygen mask when he needed to. Drank tiny bits of water and managed his nausea. I will say it was quite impressive. He puts most of us to shame. I think it also helps that he seems to have a higher pain threshold than most kids and it might be due to early training from going to through heart surgery and having his palette and lip closed. We knew he was turning the corner when the green started disappearing from the gray pall.

We were also warned that he would not want to eat, that he would get car sick on the way home, not to start solid food for two days.

Ok. JJ missed that bulletin. Seriously. Car ride was a piece o' cake. He wanted solid food almost immediately so we started him with a banana and some rice concoction I made up. Then it was onto noodles and noodle soup. And he never got sick once.

He recovered on the couch during the day and we put him to bed upstairs as always. The first few days, walking was a mess! Forget the stairs!! At one point Mama carried him up the stairs and put him in bed. And boy, was he impressed!! Baba just laughed. And I told JJ "Mama is not only smart, she is very very strong." It's important that he knows women are not weaklings. And it is a good start to him realizing that Mama is not going to tolerate him bringing home some simpy, lame, life-sucking, weakling of a girl in the future. Ahem.

JJ is such a funny kid. He always had his happy face on. Even when in pain and the medication wore off. He would start laughing, and then cover his mouth to suppress it because it made him hurt. And then I would look at him and laugh and he'd laugh harder. Then he point to me to stop and keep laughing until I left the room. 5 minutes later, I'd poke my head in and the same thing would happen.

He also learned that when he cried a little because of the pain, something which he can't help, Mama's heart opened and I would hug him and kiss his face and tell him "I know I know." And boy does he love those kisses!

And I will say that he does pee a whole lot better.

By Thursday, JJ was able to walk from the living room to the bathroom unassisted. It was painfully slow but it was a huge success. Ms Chen the Nanny started coming from Tuesday and JJ did some studying while lying on the couch.

Then Thursday afternoon, I leave for a 2-week business trip to India. Which will lead us to yet another post called "First Mama's Out of Country Business Trip" which I am sure will be short since I am not there, while I am here, to capture all the moments that I cannot observe since I am not there. Got that? You have to read it slowly.

Ok. That's it for now.

12/30/2009: First Christmas

Well. Christmas came and Christmas went.

So before we start, let me tell you about all the people who came bounding up to me to ask "what is special???"
Uh... special? What do you mean?
You know... so special, having JJ here... to celebrate Christmas...

Truthfully? There are Christmas People and there are "christmas people". I am a "christmas people" and Joseph is a Christmas People. So for me, other than not having to travel for the holidays, it was just another Christmas or another holiday to deal with. It is never that special for me. Joseph makes it special because we have a tree with lights. And it is small and round, just like Joseph and me. And that is it.

Was it "special?" Actually, no. It was more "different" than anything else.

And does this one day have special meaning? Ummm... I'm going to take the liberty to disappoint everyone and say, it was not The Most Special Day of the Year for me. Sorry.

I think if we could communicate with JJ, explain to him the symbolism and magic of the day, and what it means, it might have been more special at least for me anyway. But JJ had a great time opening gifts and playing with all his new toys! And THAT was fun to see.

So, someone asked what JJ thought about Christmas. I'm a little flummoxed by this question. Hmmm. Well... Not sure. He doesn't speak English! How do I know what he thought? I don't think he thought anything. Nothing at all. Just another day with a tree in the house. I don't think he really understands presents either. He has no religion, doesn't know about Jesus, and we already know that I ruined Santa Make Believe for him. He doesn't know what a church is and has never been inside one.

What I do know, direct from his mouth to me through Chinese Nanny is that he has only heard something "little" about Christmas but he has never seen nor experienced it. Not surprising. And when I told a few people that last week, their excited faces fell and they seemed disappointed. Uhhhh.... Ok. Is it just me? Or does it seem like people have weird expectations about a boy from China, who didn't have religion, or celebrate Christmas, or any other American / Christian holiday for that matter?? So, Uh... No. He doesn't know what it is, and he probably doesn't care. Or even that he SHOULD care. And I personally think that is NORMAL!

Oh, and JJ doesn't know about Baby Jesus, either, so don't ask me if he knows it's Jesus's birthday (which really isn't his birthday but was picked as The Day for whatever reason that escapes me right now). And we're not going to tell him until he is older. He barely knew about Santa - from what I could see it was mostly from the kids at school. I did tell him that Santa was make believe and that he is Magic. Whether he understands that or not, he can't accuse of me lying later. Hah!

In my broken Chinese, I tried to tell him that "Santa knows ALL! And he is Magic. And he appears once a year if you are good." And that is why he got stuff in his stocking. Now, THIS is a story I can build on! It will be interesting to see later if he wondered about all the kids in China who Santa never came to. Yup. Flaws in the story everywhere!

Since we can't communicate, I'm not sure what JJ thought about the day specifically. He said he liked it and he was happy. But being happy is a continual state of being for him. He wakes up happy and goes to bed happy. And what's not to like when people shower you with Pez candy, spiderman stuff, motorized remote control helicopters and Ferarri's (courtesy of his "big brother" Peng Cheng who was Joseph's Chinese language partner and is now here going to UMass - a story for another day). Of course he got books and flash cards, too.

From what I could tell, I think he thinks it's just a day to get stuff. And it's a special day somehow because this time, Mama and Baba also got stuff and there was all that business with the stocking. He had a good time handing us our presents, too. He was concerned when we didn't have enough to take turns opening. LOL. We told him it was fine!

I also think that he was told about school vacation and he probably enjoyed not having to go to School. LOL. But I'm not really sure because he usually is happy to go to school. Anyway, imagine his surprise yesterday when the nanny came and he found out he had to study! Hah!!

I do know one thing without a doubt. He loves the Santa hat. Good grief! He wears it everywhere. He loves it. What's not to love? It's red (his favorite color), it's warm, it's soft, and it's pretty. I think he thinks it's "just a hat" albeit a different sort of hat. He will be disappointed when Baba puts it away tomorrow until next Christmas. Baba did mention that it is Baba's hat, not JJ's. LOL. We'll have to get JJ his own next year. But for now, we enjoy watching him enjoy the hat.

Ok. That's it for First Christmas. Next up...First American New Year (yes, there is a Chinese one, too, which Koreans also celebrate only we call it New Year).

12/22/2009: First Cranial Facial Team Visit and other stuff

I thought that we'd be winding down on "Firsts" for a while, but I was wrong.

On the 18th, JJ experienced his First Research/Teaching Hospital Experience when we visited the Cranial Facial Team at Childrens. Last week's dentist visit was a cinch in comparison.

First we met with the Speech Pathologist. She said a lot of things which already lived through or noticed ourselves. She had him talk in Chinese (along with the Chinese interpreter) and then in English sounds. She noted that the lack of clarity between the interpreter and JJ was apparent. She also noted that he had lots of glottal sounds(substituting the back of the throat clicking for hard sounds like the K, T, SH, G, etc) and lots of hypernasality which means he sounded like he was talking through his nose - my definition of hypernasality, not hers, but you definitely know it when you hear it (like blowing through his nose instead of blocking the nasal passage like when we say the word "see", for example. Say it while you are blowing through your nose and you know what it sounds like. Yah. I know. Not pretty. And if that doesn't work, try holding your nose while talking. Yah. It sounds like that. I hate it. HATE IT.) And some facial grimacing with certain sounds. (I also HATE THAT TOO! Yes. I am a flawed individual. So what.)

Basically these are common "short cuts" that cleft kids learn to take at a young age because of the palate and lip issues. She said these were more behavioral than physical impairments that he learned early on. He can and should be able to correct them but he will have to work hard to break these habits. Oh great. You mean you can't just FIX it FOR HIM??? She also noted a short palate. It was bad enough to need correction but not bad enough that he couldn't start speech therapy before the palate was fixed. And it pointed to his bad speech habits as opposed to a physical accommodation. She also said that maybe not everything would be 100% fixable depending on when he started speech therapy.

She also did not think tongue exercises would do much. Since he is 8. The way to work on speech is to ... get this ... SPEAK! Gee, who knew. :o/ I liked that advice.

She wasn't sure about speech therapy since he can't speak or understand English. The issue is telling him how to place his tongue a certain way if he can't understand. So there again, the whole language issue rears it's ugly head. ARG!!! She is going to try to get info on a bilingual speech therapist she knows of. Either way, we would need to do a speech study. And we would wait to see what the doctors said. But we need to wait at least 3 months before starting any kind of speech therapy due to his language issues. In the meantime, time is just ticking away for Impatient Mama.

After that we went into a room to wait. Not long. And someone came in to warn us about what we would see when we walked in. Well, I knew exactly what was going to happen but JJ didn't know what was about to hit him.

They opened the door to another room across the hall. First thing I saw were 3 chairs in a row. We filed in and sat. In front of us was a long table with 5 or 6 people who I assumed were primary doctors on the Cranial Facial Team. And behind them were about 20 other doctors/students lining the wall, sitting on the counter that ran the length of that wall. JJ looked up with wide eyes, smiled, waved and slowly sat down. He realized it was all for him. He was very well behaved.

Then the discussions ensued. The lead surgeon could be pointed out right away. An older gentleman who commanded authority. And the Dental surgeon was the second person you noticed.

The Lead surgeon looked first. Asked me why China didn't take "that skin thing off his ears?" I said, "uhh because it's China?" How the hell would I know?? Of course I had been told that the Chinese think it's for good luck but I think that's a crock. of BS. Just an excuse for stupid Americans who think that is another thing wrong with the kid. I can't imagine walking around with extra skin that looks like it's a tiny budding ear would bring you any kind of societal good luck. Anyway, it could also signal kidney issues. Just what I needed to hear...

Anyway, the lead surgeonlooked for about 30 seconds - ears, nose, mouth. The oral surgeon followed. Another minute. "Yup yup ... I see ..hmmm... Short palate..." And then sat down.

Then another doctor and the hoards of Doctors Lining The Walls came up. That took a little longer. Good grief. Again, ears, nose, throat... Explanations, people taking turns looking. Needless to say, this took a little longer. But JJ loves being the center of attention so he smiled the whole time, cooperated willingly, and was happy to accommodate. Unbelievable.

The oral surgeon also looked at the dental xrays we brought with us from two days prior. They all knew JJ's dentist, JJ's dentist, and said she was very good. Phew. He said they would need more xrays, though. Fine. Figures.

So after much discussion, it was decided to do two things in parallel, which I have separated into Soft Tissue and Hard Tissue (bone).

Soft Tissue would be faster - if you can call a year or more "fast.". He needs to get the Speech study done. Then he will get the P-flap surgery for his palate issues. While in there, Dr. Mulliken will also "fix" his nose, and take "those ear things off". I think there may be a deviated septum issue but hopefully he will even out the crooked nostrils as well. And he did mention that China did a better job than he thought on the lip but I hope he will get in there fix that too.

They also noted that JJ has a syndrome called hemifacial microsomia where the lower half of one side of the face is smaller than the other and doesn't grow normally. This is more than the usual "my right foot is a half size bigger than my left" issue. This is a syndrome with a real name that causes real issues if it is more than just "slight." they thought that JJ's was slight - maybe 10% or less. The lead surgeon said he would be fixing that as well when he goes in to do the bone graft. Thank God.

In the meantime, we are scheduled for an Orthodontic Records appointment. More xrays. Great. I hope they don't make him choke again like the hygenist did. Afterwards he will get some type of orthodontics that will stretch out his palate because it is small. After that will come the bone graft surgery. That could be about 18 months away.

Afterwards, we saw the audiologist. And sure enough, he failed the test just like he did at school. He right ear is worse than his left and it's at certain pitches and sound levels. She said it was "a little odd." She noted the ear wax. Anyway, we will need to make an appointment with the ENT doctor and most likely they will have to put ear tubes in. This could also be a reason why he produces sounds differently if it is impacting his ability to hear, especially the fine gradiants in sounds like the B and the P. Of course, air coming through your nose and leaking all over the place doesn't help either. But they will take care of the Big Ball O' Wax and check for fluid in his ears before putting the tubes in.

All in all, we are talking about a 1 year to 18 month process. By that time, he will be older than 10 years old. Hopefully, his speech will have been improved somewhat with Speech Therapy and better hearing. And he doesn't need other therapy because he's been poked and prodded for the entire better part of his life.

Everyone agreed he seemed bright. Which will help him mentally process and rationalize what is going on. He has been through the drill so many times that I know he is used to a lot of the process but it's going to get even more intense and more painful.

We do not tell him much of anything until a day or two before the doctor's appointment.

Well, JJ has a long road ahead of him. But he is very cheerful and very happy and I think that will serve him well. I hope he looks back on all this and understands when he is older.

On another front, Joseph and I had our first Parent Teacher Conference. It wasn't too bad but I could tell that JJ was really worried. He stuck by us the whole time we were talking to his teacher. When I looked up at him, he was looking intensely at my face and he was NOT smiling. Well, that was a First for JJ. LOL. Now he knows that Mama and Baba have free access to his teacher. She said that his behavior has been better since we caught him the Big Fib about his friend not being at school. Anyway, she also said he was more attentive. And we told her that she should be giving him math and that he shouldn't be taking Spanish!!! She agreed.

And I also had to tell him that Santa Claus is make believe.

Ok. Let that one sink in.

And I told him not to tell the kids at school.

I'm just saying this because there are some people who will unknowing talk on and on about Santa and he will wonder what's going on....he is either gonna think that Santa only shows up for Non-asian americans or someone is not telling the truth or some people are wrong or whatever.

So. He says to me the other day that Santa is going to give him stuff.
Uhhhh..... Who says?
His friends said.
Oh. Why?
Well, he doesn't know why.
Oh, really.

So... the next part of the conversation.
ME: He gives toys to all the kids?
JJ: Yes
ME: Really
JJ: Yes
ME: ALL the kids?
JJ: Yes
ME: Did he give the kids in China toys?
JJ: ????
ME: Did he give you presents when you were in the orphanage in China?
JJ: No.
ME: You said he gives ALL the children toys.
JJ: Yes.
ME: But you didn't get any in the orphanage.
JJ: [pause...] No.
ME: That's because there is no such thing as Santa.
JJ: ????
ME: He is make believe
JJ: [looks crestfallen]
ME: Yup. Not. Real.

And that ended that little conversation.
He is 8 1/2 years old. He is not a Christian, doesn't know God, or Santa, or anything else for that matter. We are NOT going to start his religious education about some fat guy in a red suit giving our free toys to all the kids when that blatantly did NOT happen to him in China at the Orphanage.

Coming on the heels of chastisement about fibbing (LYING), I could LIE to him about Santa, have him come back in 6 months to a year and ask me why I LIED to him, or tell him the truth. So I chose to tell him that Santa is make believe. I know that he had told his Nanny that he only had heard about Christmas but didn't ever experience or know anything about it.

Soooo...now I am thinking of telling him that Santa only comes alive once a year by magic. I think that will lead into other discussions later about what that means. The spirit of Christmas, Karma, Giving all year, etc. It's something that I can wholeheartedly explain and believe in from a symbolic perspective.

When Joseph came home later, he was a bit chagrined by the whole turn of events but I know he KIND OF understood.

12/17/2009: First Race, First Doctor, First Dentist, etc etc etc

Well, it's almost Christmas and before you ask, "no, I am not particularly looking forward to it. I do not particularly look forward to any Christmas much less holidays in general."

First of all, let me say that he has stopped saying "HI" and "NI HAO" to every Tom, Dick and Harry Stranger on the street. Thank GOODNESS! I had to explain to him that in America that is not so cute after the first day. Seriously. And I do believe that he thought he was being really cute. Sorry kid. After the age of about 6, it's not that cute in general. People were actually not even smiling at him. A few would but most of them looked down at him in surprise or confusion and then sort of looked at me. It was getting tiresome. I am also worried about him doing this with the wrong person and then getting himself into some trouble. Coming from an institution, I don't want him approaching strangers and I am afraid that he doesn't know any better.

So, JJ had his First Race last week at the Walter's Run that our running club puts on every December. The proceeds go to Charity and scholarships. Joseph and I volunteer every year. And Joseph runs the race, finishes, and then finishes his volunteer assignment all while cheering people on. But this year was a little different. He volunteered for the kid's race. It was divided into two heats - one for 7 year olds and under, and a second one for 8 and above. Not sure what they did with the 7-8 'tweeners but no one else seemed to mind this omission so I didn't say anything.

JJ was with the big kids since he is 8 years old. They had to run up the street to the orange cone, do a u-ey and run back. Well, I had to explain this to JJ in broken Chinese with lots of gesticulations, facial movements and general charades. He did this all with me. We must have been a sight! But he totally understood.

The race was about 200 yards. And as soon as they said "GO" he ran with all his might. But he couldn't muster up the power of the bigger kids and ended up being 4th from the back. The determination on his face was incredible. He did great. After, he was all smiles. Now he knows what a RACE is! I bet he starts training. LOL. I know I couldn't keep up with him.

JJ has also been going to a series of doctor appointments. So far in December, he has a total of 6 scheduled (2 more to go) and another 5 in January.

All of the doctors are at Children's Hospital. The pediatrician is wonderful. And there was a Chinese translator there who would also be at subsequent appointments. The doctor did a complete check up, reviewed his xrays and said he was generally healthy, considering. He had ear wax - which she deferred to the Cleft Team we are seeing on the 18th. And she referred him to a cardiologist and a urologist.

The next appointment was the following week with the urologist (they work fast at Children's), followed by the International Development Doctor. I was away on a business trip so I couldn't make these appointments but I wrote up a lot of questions. Joseph took a lot of notes and told the Dr that I come from a family of physicians. And he said the Dr gave him a knowing look. Jeez.

Anyway, JJ can't pee right. He either has not been circumcised or had a botched circumcision (I think it's the former). He has a tiny little tip and can't pee straight. And Good God, it takes him FOREVER to pee. He also has an undescended testical. WHAT??? Joe said he noticed it while in China. JJ's had a lump in his groin and only one testical so Joseph assumed this to be the case and he was right. So, JJ will have his first surgery - a circumcision and lowering of the testical - on January 4. What a way to start the new year.

After urology, Joseph and JJ met with the Adoption Development Doctor. She is supposed to be one of the best and this is one appointment I was very disappointed to have missed. The Doctor didn't want to classify him as normal or not normal since there isn't a control group of kids from Beijing, orphaned, adopted at 8, with Cleft Lip and Palette III with VSD, post op. Good grief. So clinical! Is he NORMAL or NOT? Not complicated is that??

Anyway, he seemed bright, is in the 5th percentile for weight (skinny), and the 30th percentile for height (not as tall as I like but it'll do). Question is, is this for Chinese kids or American kids? Or Kids adopted from China? He has ear tags and she said that could indicate kidney issues - deferring to the Cleft Team. Speech, language, audio - deferring to the Cleft Team. Jeez. And the hearing test he failed at school two days earlier? Yup. Deferring to the cleft team. Ok. So WHAT DO YOU DO EXACTLY???

At one point, the doctor asked him what he found the most shocking or surprising about America and he said, "...that mama and baba love him so much." The doctor said, not about people. What else? So he said, "the house is very beautiful and there are a lot of lights."

This was interesting. He probably lived in a very institutional style setting and our house is brightly colored Victorian. And he has a fascination with lights. He has a little flashlight he carries around and he loves anything that emits some type of light. I imagine they didn't have a lot of light in the orphanage. Ok. "A Lot" is relative but I doubt they had 8 recessed lights in a single room with a chandelier to boot.

We also found out that he knows he was abandoned by his mama and that he was living in an institution, didn't have a family, and that he now has Mama and Baba and a family. This kind of freaked me out. I can't imagine how I would feel as an 8 year old to know all this. I know I would not be as well adjusted as JJ is. I'd probably be depressed and in therapy!

The doctor said the kids know the difference between family and no family between the ages of 4 and 7. The light slowly dawns and they start to ask questions. Well, I certainly didn't know that!

He also has some eczema which could signal asthma - which we will watch for, and dry skin issues which could be the environment, water, air, etc - all of which is different from China (aka cleaner or more antiseptic). Or not. We will watch what happens. It could take 6 months to clear up. SIX MONTHS?? Lord.

So nothing more until the Cleft Team evaluation. But we have a Develpment followup in May to see where he is so we can do a plan for the summer while school is out.

Yesterday, we had JJ's First Dental Appointment. Ok. Can I just say, "GOOD GRIEF!!! WHAT A SEWER MOUTH!!!!!!" Everything was so dirty! GAH. They cleaned his mouth. Lots of blood. We were told it's the water (again) here, the lack of flouride in China, etc and general getting used to the environment (again). Can take SIX MONTHS! It's a pattern.

He had tons of xrays taken. The bottom line, baby teeth with cavities, baby teeth that had fillings with more cavities, cavities on top of cavities, cavities under fillings, inflamed roots, baby teeth that didn't fall out, teeth growing behind teeth. Ok. So, can I just say what a fanatic I am about teeth? I like them white, clean, straight... The first thing I look at are people's mouths (or smiles and their teeth), second to their eyes! At least JJ has beautiful eyes so no issues there. I guess a mouthful of teeth is an understatement. And typical for Cleft kids. So for the Major Work (huh?) aka Orthodontia aka LOTS O' MONEY we will need to wait for the Cleft Team. But in February, he has four dental appointments for teeth extraction, fillings and root canals. Yeah. ROOT CANALS. For baby teeth that won't fall out until he's older. Good GOD! They are sectioning his mouth into four quadrants and tackle each a week, four weeks in a row.

So, I told Joseph, well if JJ bitches about flossing, I'm gonna remind him about this! No problem!

And at one point I said to Joseph, "ya know... I get a kid that pushes my two pet peeve buttons - he has BAD TEETH and he babbles when he talks (unclear because of his cleft issues)." And then in the same breath, Joseph and I both said "God gave him to us to teach me patience!" LOL. Whatever. Believe me. I know, it could be infinitely worse!

JJ was a trooper. He hung in there for a 2 hour dental appointment. At one point I could see what this cleft/mouth weakness does to him. He has no control over his tongue. Almost none. He can stick it out but when it closes his mouth, it goes back in and only with great effort, can he maintain the stuck out tongue while closing his mouth. The last xray was really bad. Deep in his mouth and he couldn't keep his tongue out of the way. And he could just breath through his nose. And so he gagged. What should have taken 30 seconds took 10 minutes. I went in to help. I told him to say Ahhhhh the whole time and it worked by moving his tongue out of the way. What an ordeal. But when he refuses to do his tongue exercises in future speech therapy, I can remind him of this. LOL. Ok. Bad Mama. LOLOLOL.

Oh. And at one point we looked up and saw something about the tooth fairy. We both looked at each other and shook our heads. We are soooo not going to do any "tooth fairy" stuff. No Santa either. We can't even explain the Christmas tree as it is! Poor kid. When he's older, he can go to therapy and talk about how not knowing the tooth fairy and santa ruined his life. LOL. I know I know. Heartless!

JJ also endured Mama's first Domestic Business Trip during the week of the Development Doctor appointment. We talked on the phone every night after his dinner. At one point, he kept saying I was coming home earlier than I was. Joseph said he was worried about the doctor. Anyway, what this taught us is that the phone is ineffective! You can't talk to a kid who can't speak English over the phone! And one that babbles when he talks fast! ARG! So, next trip we agreed I am taking my home laptop that has Skype on it. TWO LAPTOPS! Like I don't have enough to carry. Whatever. Anyway. I'm going to wait to tell him that Mama is going to Indu (India) for two weeks in January.

JJ also survived Li Laoshi's Chinese class with Mama and Baba. It's been fun so far. She calls him her TA (short for Teacher's Assistant)! It also slows the class down for which Joe and I are infinitely grateful! Laoshi did a little "testing" and he is at second grade Chinese level and his stroke order for characters is a MESS!!! A MESSSS!! Good Grief. At one point, she had him watch Mama because Mama's characters are Piaoliang (beautiful). LOL.

We were not too worried about the grade level because he finished second grade and had third grade for only a month before we pulled him out. On top of that, we are realizing that he probably did not go to a Chinese public school but a school at the orphanage. Now it made sense. She The Nanny asked him where he lived in China, he told her that he lived at his school. Ahhhhh. that means he probably got sub par education according to Chinese educational standards. We are talking about a country where the orphanages wouldn't hold the babies or talk to them because they felt that the babies were going to American families so they woudln't need to learn to talk before they were adopted. Seriously. Of course that has been slowly changing.

Now I am thinking he is enrolled in the wrong grade level here. I was unsure when we enrolled him in Third Grade and thought that maybe 2nd grade might be better for him. But we'll see what happens.

The doctor said first and foremost, he must learn the language. She said it would take him 4-6 years to fully integrate. FOUR TO SIX YEARS??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I assume, it takes longer the older you are. We know he can understand the American teacher during any classes, like math. They are using this touchy feely method of boxes instead of equations. What the...??? So I have started asking him to do some grade three math in a book I bought after he does his American homework.

JJ and I continue to battle over appropriate homework behavior, diligence, character, and a lie (he was totally busted). He's 8. I know I know. And I think he is a little socially delayed and when I tell Joseph that he bristles a little. He hates labels for me, I have to call it the way I see it so that I can address it. Anyway, JJ needs a good foundation of discipline and character in thought! He knows Mama hates crocodile tears. It's one of my character flaws - I know. He knows Mama likes good studying and working hard. He knows Mama hates cover ups and evasiveness. And Mama likes sitting and discussing instead of crying.

Thank goodness we have the Nanny to explain to him that what he does and says or doesn't do, reflects on Mama and Baba. And that it's not all about him. And if he doesn't do homework, teacher will think he can't do it when we know that he can.

Overall he is doing well. He is adjusting to the routine and seems to be attaching ok for now (Mama the pessimist is looking for the other shoe). And he continues to gauge his progress by my facial expressions and body language. He does grab my hand when we are walking (a good sign). But I am not sure it's totally dawned on him that we're IT. That this is as good as it's gonna get. That there is no back door, no safety net in the stranger's smile (I think we're over this one) or a friend of Mama and Baba, many who drop in to visit (not sure we're over this one yet). Attachment is a whole other topic but it's seems to be progressing ok for now.

Anyway, JJ had is First Realization about Mama and Baba. We work. Sometimes we work a lot. I explained to him a little of what we do. He was VERY impressed that Mama manages a lot of people. And that Baba does too. VERY. IMPRESSED. He was so impressed , he clapped and jumped up and down and made up a little song. He even said that we were "principals." We thought he meant at school but when we looked it up, it was Principal of a school, a group of people, a company... And he was very impressed. So much that if one of us isn't home, he says, we are at work, working, with lots of people. LOL. Not bad for an 8 year old.

One last thing. He keeps talking about his mei mei. His little sister. He is increasingly comfortable with the idea of going to China next year and talks about it with his teachers and with some Chinese friends we have had at the house. And with me. Last night he brought out the photo album we sent him and he said he would give it to mei mei. When I said we would put in his pictures he counted out three empty slots, said he wants a picture of himself in front of school in his running clothes with his race number from the race he ran. And he would put that into the photo album and send it to mei mei.

I guess he figures he is here for the long haul. Or at least until mei mei gets home!

Ok. That's it.

Onto the first Christmas, which is pretty unspectacular for him now. And the First Parent Teacher Conference on Monday.

11/30/2009: Second First Week

I would like to make a note that this is Joseph's Birthday and well... we haven't done much. I am a little annoyed at that since he is my most important person.

Anyway, we have another week of First Things.

Last Saturday, JJ had his First Play Date. Our dear friends Yongmei and Richard offered to meet us for lunch at JoJo Tapei and then take JJ to the Children's Museum along with her son Niles (JJ's First Friend, although JJ doesn't know it yet) and Selena (Niles' mei mei - aka little sister). It was a very nice family lunch and Joe and I got to try a new restaurant. You know a place is pretty close to authentic if 80% of the clientele is Chinese!

On Sunday, we had another First. The First Playground Play Date. We met up with the Lost Family from the China trip. They live a few blocks from us so we met at their place, then walked to one of the many wonderful Brookline playgrounds and the fun ensued. Ok. So. JJ will never be a batter or a pitcher. Forget baseball. Ahem. he didn't know how to throw a baseball and he had never seen a bat. Uh... he's CHINESE. I thought they played baseball in China. What kinda orphanage doesn't teach you about baseball??

But he's awesome at sliding down slides in all manner of contortions along with 4 other boys. Good grief! I never saw such a thing. Up the tube, down the tube, on the outside of the tube, inside the tube ... at the same time and in opposite directions. All I have to say is "it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye...". Thankfully, everyone's eyes were intact.

Then onto JJ's First Birthday Party of our dear friend Jane's who turned 50. And there, JJ had his First Birthday Cake! Not sure how he liked it. Didn't seem too terribly enthused but he ate the whole piece.

Monday was JJ's First Field Trip with his class to the Boston Skywalk at the Pru. Don't really know how he liked it since I couldn't ask and he couldn't say.

And then we had JJ's First School Bus Ride. Man. Were they off schedule!! The mentioned 7:30 am pick up was more like 7:37am. I rode the bus to school with him and went for a run from there. 4.1 miles felt great. Then in the afternoon, I walked to the school and got on the bus and rode it home. Interestingly, I thought the bus would be late for it's 2:40 pick up time. Especially since I passed it on my way to JJ's school. It was waiting at the Devotion School up the street from us. But it arrived right on time!

So, the bus was supposed to let us off at Devotion around 3:00. I had told Ms Chen to meet us at 2:50. Boy was I wrong. It was more like 3:15. We made 3 stops before we got there, all on the other side of Brookline! And then onto a fourth stop that was in another different area! ARG!!! This really cuts into JJ's homework time. Serious homework time! It seemed they were dropping kids off right around their homes. For crying out loud!!!

Ok. We survived the bus. JJ was major-league bored. Of course not having someone explain to him what's happening probably made it worse for him.

And on Tuesday, JJ rode the bus alone. He rode it to school and from school and Ms Chen met him at the bus stop. He is also more willingly doing homework. Positive reinforcement and a constant reminder from his Mama on why he needs to learn English seems to be working. He also has no choice and he is smart enough to know that.

Tuesday afternoon, JJ brought home his First Project. He brought home Happy Thanksgiving cards he had made for me and Joseph. Mine said "thank you for taking good care of me" and under the English were the Chinese characters that said the same thing. Joseph's said something about talking to him every night. I assume that Ms Tang, the ELL teacher, helped him with the translation but it was all in his own handwriting. Even Ms Chen was touched. I am more skeptical than anything else. But I about almost everything.

Wednesday Morning, we experienced the First Third Grade Event - a breakfast for students, teachers, parents, etc etc etc. I had made banana bread the night before but it broke. GAH! So I made apple bread and promptly forgot the butter. It turned out surprisingly good! So I'm leaving butter out from now on. Less caloric! And afterwards, I went over to collect the carcass and it was gone. Not a single crumb was left! Anyway, we met some parents and JJ's teacher sat with us. He is still wandering around the classroom. I was a bit annoyed because it's not just about JJ. It's about disruption to the class! We are going to have a discussion about how it's not all about him, yes I know he is bored, well, maybe he wouldn't be if he would practice his English, blah blah blah general-nagging-mama-stuff...

We did have this discussion before. So I guess we need repetition. So while she was talking, I got annoyed. And I looked to see him staring at me, charting the course of the conversation through my face and he knew I wasn't happy. Interesting. So afterwards, I told him that he cannot walk or wander in class when the teacher is talking or when kids are doing a group project etc. And when he got home after school, he proudly told me how he "listened to the teacher, didn't walk around, wander or roam!" I told him that I was proud. But was thinking, he better not forget about it. But I do know that he doesn't even know about half the things in that classroom that every other kid probably grew up with. He is so behind in terms of things.

Wednesday afternoon, we took the First Long Car Ride to the Mountains. We went to the Berkshires to spend Thanksgiving with Ye Ye and Nai Nai. JJ sat in the back with the Dingle Doggie. LOL. It was truly uneventful until the dog decided to stretch out across the back seat. And of course, on top of JJ! LOLOL

Thursday was the First Thanksgiving. It was filled with lots o' food, lots o' family, lots o' fun, and of course, the First Cough and First Sore Throat followed by the First Cold. I was glad it wasn't the First Flu or the First H1N1. That would have been very bad. I don't know about you but sometimes too much food, family, and fun equals a lot of stress! It was also the first time JJ had no Asian food or noodles in 5 or more days. I don't know if it was the cold or too much unfamiliar food, but we also had the First Refusal to Eat which led to the First Desire to Go To Bed Really Early. Especially since it was shower night and he wanted to. Must have been sick.

It was a very stressful weekend. It started out all right but I am not a crowd person. Anyway, things got worse from bad. Luke kept arguing with his mother. JJ looked at me and had a look in his eyes - eyes wide open. I kept a stern face, looked at him and slightly shook my head for him not to say anything.

it culminated with an argument with Joseph's mother. She got upset and cried, I was pissed, Joe was pissed, JJ was bewildered, and tired. I do not know what it was about. We were supposed to go to a reunion that Joseph had been looking forward to going to. Joseph's parents was supposed to baby sit. JJ didn't want to eat dinner. I mean, he was tired, sick, and he had been eating weird food for DAYS. And if he was like me, the food did not taste good either. Anyway, he did't want to eat, so Joseph asked JJ if he wanted to go to bed and JJ said yes. At that point, his mother started getting mad and yelling (in her own quiet way) that she was not going to carry out a punishment when she disagreed and we foisted our kid onto her for her to punish.

Huh??
WTF???

So, Joe and I basically, said, forget it, we are not going to the reunion. If you do not want to babysit then fine. And they didn't even know what the issue was.

I think that the stress was also getting to them. We talked it out for hours. Joseph probably saw different things but what I saw was that they wanted to have weekly phone calls, which Joseph calls them almost daily, so it could only apply to me. I did that with my father. And he died. And with him, my heart and soul almost died. I never had a relationship with my mother. So I do not even know what it feels like to have one with a mother figure other than irritation, and the constant feeling of suffocation. Joseph's mom was also annoyed that I didn't ask for help. What?? I will ask if I need it. And right now, I do not even know if I need it. Or WHAT help I actually need.

We told him Saturday we were going home "tomorrow" and he seemed happy about that. He asked me again, "tomorrow, go home?" I said yes. And he smiled and said it again. I think he was very tired and over stimulated. He came from an institution. Based on what Heidi (mother of the Lost Family) told me, they had four walls and a bulb that was on only a certain number of hours. And they went out to play which meant no props but a buncha running around.

So that was it. He is still learning his ABC's and is vocalizing more English on his own.

Joe's mom is great. She gave me advice on learning to read books and how to keep it simple for him. She is also a great observer and she's given me a lot of insights into how he is doing. One thing she said was he may not want to say a word in English because he knows it's not perfect. I've been correcting his speech. But based on that info, I'll correct him less and only when I don't understand what he's saying.

And of course Joe's dad and JJ just get along great. Just like 2 peas on a pod. I can't even describe it.

Oh. On Thanksgiving morning, Joe, his sister Judy and I ran a race. JJ and Ye Ye came out to watch and support. And I guess that is JJ's First Race Spectating Event.
I thought that was worth mentioning. :o))

Onto the First Race, First Christmas and First New Years.

Talk to you in a few weeks.
If I don't die first.

11/21/2009: The First Full Week

We are moving along the "First List."

The good news is that the First Thanksgiving and the First Christmas will be lumped in early with the First Month. HAH! The bad news is that we have the First Month, the First "other holidays", the First Birthday, the First Quarter, the First Half Year, the First Year, and the First Day of School...etc etc etc. Ok. You get the picture! I imagine that I will get tired of all the firsts long before they run out so I doubt it will go that far, really.

Ms Chen the Nanny started on Monday afternoon. Ok. Can we talk about Asians and DOGS? Our dog is on the large side. I have seen grown men cross the street to avoid her. Little do they know that all Cass wants to do is sniff you and then ignore you. Of course, you do have to get over the fact that the first time she meets you, she comes up running, barking and snarling like she's going to tear you from limb to limb. Hmmm. Ok. She pretty much does that every time she sees you. And it can last for years. All I gotta to say is "poor Ms Chen." LOL. Took about 10 minutes for everyone to calm down. I did warn her that Cass will pretty much bark every time she comes over. LOL.

Anyway, Ms Chen started and I have to say, "thank God for Ms. Chen." She is a PhD University professor from Beijing who is here with her husband, who is getting a post doc at MIT. The minute she came in JJ started talking and pretty much didn't stop until she left. Ok. He pretty much talks from the time he gets up until the time he goes to bed in general but while she was here, he sped up. She was a bit startled. She is the mousy type with pulled back hair, wire rim glasses, stern face, and not a lot of humor in it to begin with but JJ didn't notice much of it. I think that at this age, boys are pretty self-centered anyway. He must have been starved for conversation. Imagine being plopped into a strange place where no one looks like you, nothing looks like your home, and no one can understand you. I think it was a good outlet for him and I knew the first hour in that it is worth every penny to bring her in. His language will advance by talking to her in Chinese. As opposed to his Mama who talks in short idiotic sentences that isn't even par with a 1st grader. I also got a bit of a mental reprieve and managed to go to the store, finish up some phone calls, etc.

JJ took this opportunity to ask me questions. He had Ms Chen write them down and he marked them off as I answered. He asked a lot of questions about school. Do they have chess class, basketball class, ping pong class, gym class, etc... He asked about the "curriculum." Seriously. That's the word he used in Chinese. Hmmm.

He kept saying he should go into the first level. Finally, we pulled it out of him that he thinks he belongs there because he doesn't know English. I might have to agree with him but placing him two to three years backwards is out of the question. He is just going to have to work harder is all.

When we ask a question, sometimes he says he doesn't know. So Ms Chen and I looked at each other with the "well, that is not acceptable" look. So she told him if he knows the answer, he must say it. If he doesn't know the answer, then he must ask. It could be that it's too hard for him to communicate. But that is still not acceptable.

He asked about going to a place to pick veggies and fruits (a farm). Next year. Check.

How about "wet mud?" Can he get some? Uhhh... Clay?? Eureka! Yes but it's play dough. It's not like we have a pottery shed out back. Ok. Check.

How about watching cartoon movies like Calabash Baby? Uhhh... No. Of course I was informed we can watch it from the internet. Sigh. Ok. Maybe. Check.

How about bubble sugar? Huh?? Oh. Bubble gum. Uh... He had never had bubble gum and would like to try it. Hmmm... maybe it will help strengthen his jaw. Ok. Maybe. If you are good. Check.

And a couple of other things I said "no" to. LOL.

Tuesday we went to the Pierce School for ELL testing. This is the first thing required before we can enroll JJ in school. Brookline schools are wonderful. Basically, Brookline is an education-centric town. All teachers and aids must have a masters degree. At first, we thought he would be going to Devotion which is in our district and 3 blocks away. No. Ms Tang (the ELL teacher) had different ideas. Each of the five elementary schools has a nationality. Devotion is the Hebrew School. Pierce is the Chinese School. There is also a Russian School, a Korean school and two Japanese schools. Two. For Japanese. Huh.

Each school has an ELL program - goes to show what the student population is like around here. But each school is geared toward a certain population. Ms Tang said something about how she could help him with homework if he went to Pierce but Devotion doesn't have Mandarin speaking teachers so they can't. Hmm. Ok. And her recommendation was to send him to Pierce. Hmmm. And there is a bus for ELL students. Really! A BUS?? Oh! Well.... So it's ben five minutes, what is your decision? Oh. Well, it guess it's Pierce! Why do we all cower in front of teachers? Must be early training when we were kids.

Anyway, the bus is a lifesaver. It picks him up in front of Devotion and drops him off every day.

He will be taking ELL classes twice a day until he reaches a certain level of proficiency. Then they go to once a day, then weekly, etc, until he is fluent. The range of time is 1-3 years with some taking longer but the average is 2-3 years. After that point he can't take the bus. They kick him off! LOL. And we can move him to Devotion. But he will be in the 6th or 7th grade so we'll see what happens. I would hate to move him away from his friends but...

JJ met his teacher, the guidance counselor, the nurse, and he saw the classroom, the cafeteria. And he also met some ELL students from China who could speak English really well. He is so excited about going to school.

The Guidance counselor is responsible for JJ's educational health and welfare. She will make sure that he gets total coordinated services geared toward enabling his learning. When he is ready for speech therapy, she will get the special ed teacher involved, etc. And it was decided to wait on speech therapy until all his medical evals and procedures are done and he learns English.

The classroom is open. There are no walls. Classrooms are separated by cubbies and shelves. There were less than 20 desks in JJ's class. It will be interesting how the open concept works for JJ since he is so linearly organized. I have a lot of doubts on this one. Combine a smart kid who is a sponge, who lived in a cleansed institutional environment with no unusual stimulation, put him in a class without walls and LOTS O'DISTRACTIONS... we will see what we will see...

And we noticed that he is taller than other 3rd graders and some of the 4th graders we saw in the cafeteria.

So we went shopping for school supplies. And that was that. Now I am on the hunt for chinese workbooks and Math and English Spelling books. And I'd like to get him into a weekly Chinese program. I need to talk to Li Laoshi.

Thursday, JJ started first day of school. Joe and I delivered him and I had a hard time saying good bye - ohhh... for about a minute. He met a teacher in the classroom next door who teaches 7th grade and Mandarin. Of course she is fluent and talked to JJ for about 10 minutes. He just looked up in awe for a long while but then loosened up. Of course it could be that her blond hair and blue eyes threw him off!

After school, I picked him up along with all the soccer moms. I waited on the sidewalk with a lot of other parents as kids streamed out of the building. He saw me and I saw him, he came running up and just flew into my arms. He was so excited to tell me about the class and the big lunch and how delicious it was and he was so full (3 times) and how he liked school and now he has friends.

We got home and the First Homework Battle took place. I have a sneaking suspicion as to why the orphanage said he is "not student material" or "isn't a 'good' student". He wrote the alphabet the first time through. Gawd! The talking, the distractions - how many times do you re-write the letter "m"?? And then the two or three sentences. So I told him he needed to do the alphabet again, this time faster. Hmm. Didn't seem to like that. I went back to the kitchen to keep cooking dinner while Ms. Chen helped him. I heard a lot of chatter, then quiet and about 20 minutes later I go back in and he is sitting there.

Alrightee... He basically didn't want to do it. And he started crying. Ms Chen pointed it out and I shook my head. We had a brief lecture about why he needs to do this, and more crying. Good grief. I am NOT a crying-child-break-my-heart-let-me-hug-you-and-give-you-what-you-want kinda mom. In fact it downright pisses me off. There will be NO WIMPS IN THIS FAMILY!!! LOL. Not to mention stupid people!! Haha! I think he got the picture. Then Joe walked in from work, took in the situation, and he told JJ to keep writing. He should know that studying is not negotiable. Ever. Welcome to America, kid.

And so, JJ did his homework. And there was success, a better looking alphabet, a sense of accomplishment, knowledge that Mama and Baba stand together, and the I am serious when I tell him that "his only job is to be a student" and that I will not cave into histrionics. Ever. After hugs and kisses for a job well-done, I presented him with a "bubble sugar" (bubble gum) for all efforts, something he has never had before in his life. And that caused jubilation and dancing.

I hate to tell him that Mama bought 3rd and 4th grade math practice books and 1st-3rd grade spelling and writing books. I think I'll wait for the weekend! Gotta stock up on bubble sugars! LOL!

So, Friday's homework was better. I picked him up from school and we started right after we got home and Ms Chen arrived. He wrote his assignment. And then he had to say the alphabet at least once. Well, he didn't make it past the letter "e" and got stuck on f, g, h, I, j, l, m, q, u, v, w, y, z. That's a lot. So I told him he had to do it over and over again until he got it right. At first there was some pouting. But this was tangible. He could SEE that he needed to practice so there was less pouting. I told him how this was vital. "If you don't know the alphabet, you can't read. If you can't read, then..." And I gave him a look that said, "it's hopeless if you can't read.". So he started again. He marked the ones he didn't know and kept at it for 2 hours getting down to only 4 letters he didn't know. He did so well and I was so proud! I mean, it's only the second day of learning!

Then Ms Chen started on Chinese homework! Yeah! He definitely needs to keep up his Chinese. I think Ms Chen is getting more relieved with this whole thing as we get into some sort of routine. She is helping him refine his pronunciation as much as possible given his palate and lisp. This is good. I doubt that anyone has ever given him this type of attention so we don't know what he can do. And it will also help exercise his mouth and tongue. I notice that when he forms words, his tongue doesn't hit the back of his teeth I don't this that is a palate issue!

Anyway, I walked Ms Chen to the bus stop where she will be picking him up. She said that she thought he was really really smart. And that he will learn quickly. We both notice he is a perfectionist. This is really good but it can be really bad, too.

Today, we will go over the alphabet again. Kids forget over the weekend! Then we have a play date with his friend Niles that he doesn't know about. We will tell him that it's because he studied his alphabet or hard.

That's it for the First Week.

Get ready for The First Thanksgiving.

11/16/2009: The First Weekend

Looks like we are gonna have a lot of "firsts."

The First Weekend with JJ is over. And we all survived it intact. And believe me... jet lag was the least of it.

We had a lot of visitors. Joseph's parents stayed over (Thank God!) and left yesterday afternoon. We didn't know how JJ would take the news that Nai Nai and Yeh Yeh didn't live with us. But we explained right before they left and he took the news well. I thought he was a bit surprised at first, though. Yup, kid. You're stuck with just Mama and Baba. I think the fact that he is a "only" will hit him hard later.

My friend Harriet left yesterday morning. I told her that my calls to her will be shifting from my having a brain tumor to JJ getting Ebola or something equally impossible to get in Boston. She said she expected that. LOL.

Judy, Paul, and Luke came over for lunch. We had an American cook out with burgers and hot dogs and potato chips. JJ had a hot dog and fell in love with potato chips. Which is great because we're a potato-chip-kinda-family! In fact, I order them in bulk from far away places. LOL!

Judy also finished up the curtains in JJ's bedroom and now JJ's room is complete. Luke made a Lego car for JJ and JJ helped. It was nice to see Luke take JJ in hand and help him out. Luke's comment was that JJ is tall! Caroline couldn't join us because of her speech event. But it won't be soon until we see her at Thanksgiving.

[We now pause briefly for this service announcement : "Thank God for Judy."]

Our friend Nicole came to visit as did our friend Jacqui, who lives down the street. Nicole came bearing gifts and I understand that JJ got to talk to Jason on the phone. I had to go into work for a few hours so I missed this part. But Joseph said that JJ had a good time with Aunt Nik.

JJ also got a phone call from his First Friend Niles. I looked up at one point and JJ was on the phone. So I ran upstairs to Joseph to find out what was going on and Niles had called. Nai Nai said she handed him the phone and he didn't know what to do! LOL. But he seemed to settle in because they had a long conversation! Something about ping pong.

After a weekend of American food, we showed JJ the art of Thai Takeout. We called it in, walked up to get it as a family. At dinner, he ate a lot. We got his favorite - noodles (pad thai) - and he even wanted some rice! I bet he thought he was never going to get Chinese (or Asian) food ever again. The difference in food was startling. I never really consciously noticed it before but the Thai food was all veggies. And he LOVED it. I mean, he CHOWED. He acted like he never ate like that before. It was funny and odd and scary at the same time. He patted his belly and kept saying "delicious, delicious." Poor kid. All I could think about was "didn't they freekin' feed you in China??" I was worried about his digestion going to a high white-carb American diet with comparatively little veggies after a high fiber veggie diet. We will get him Thai take out regularly or we will make a lot of stir fry. Until, of course, making him special meals gets tiresome and the cuteness wears off. LOL!

JJ has issues with his jaw and lack of development/strength. It could also be that his teeth are not aligned right. Or the fact that he has so many teeth that I don't know what is going on in his mouth - I keep thinking that it's not really nice to think that it's all pretty disgusting but I keep coming back to that one. And if you add the fact that he probably ended up getting mostly "softer" foods in China, he has a tough time chewing any piece of meat that is not super softened. Forget about steak! Jeez. I hate to tell him that's one of Mama and Baba's favorite foods! The great news is that he continues to try everything I put on his plate at least once. And he repeats words over and over to try and say them right. And he is very disciplined. If he is full, he stops eating. It doesn't matter how much he likes the food. What a concept!

JJ continues to teach us Chinese. I find I have to really FOCUS on what he is saying. Last night, he taught me to say "lamb" in Chinese. He asked if we were having lamb for dinner. I told him it was chicken and he seemed very satisfied with that answer. That's good because Mama is allergic and there will never be lamb in this house! He can order it for himself in a restaurant.

JJ has an array of toys from all his aunts and uncles and cousins and friends. He is amazingly NOT selfish. Unless we give him a present, he ignores it. There was a gift on the front foyer all weekend (still there) and he hasn't given it a second look. Of course, I am not sure he knows what "present" and "gift wrap" and "gift giving" is all about. I think the whole intense concept of "gift giving" and "all about the child" so openly is not that Asian or Chinese and certainly not at the orphanage most likely. We are holding back on all gifts and rationing them.

JJ also talked to our Chinese teacher, Li Laoshi, through Skype. Again, I was at the office so I'm just getting this second hand. He basically said that he has a lot of toys and we can't understand him (or that he can't understand us - Joseph wasn't sure). I think he really needs someone to talk to that he can have free dialog with. It's made worse because he is smart and quick thinking. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for him to be plopped into a place where no one looks or talks like him. Not to mention not having control of your own destiny. I know all that is not lost on JJ. And he is smart enough to know that he has no choice in the matter really. I mean, what's he gonna?? Anyway, Ms Chen the Nanny is coming this afternoon for much needed talking in Chinese!

JJ also discovered the Pleasure of a Plush Robe, courtesy of his Aunt Abby. Joseph had shower duty last night and Joseph showed him the robe. He put it on and was so excited. He came running downstairs yelling for me, and show me how soft and warm and wonderful it is! OMG. It was hilarious watching him model it! He is a bit of a ham. I have no idea where that comes from.

Joseph also took him to a local half marathon where he saw all the runners. After a while, JJ stood out there slapping the hands of the runners and cheering them on. Joseph also said that when they were driving back in the car, JJ saw the last runners and he was clapping for them in the car.

Speaking of running, he runs everywhere. In the house. Up and down the stairs. On the way to Thai takeout. We watched him from the back. He has a big back kick and these long legs that go forever. He will definitely join the high school cross country team one day! He is made for running.

We basically didn't leave the house much to speak of. As far as JJ knows, America looks like our house, our neighborhood, our cars, and our yard. After visiting the stores in China, we decided that Target was NOT a good introduction to America and that Good Old Fashioned American Consumerism can wait. Especially since he seems to have gotten over the "hand out, gimme money" thing he did in China. So we left him home with Nai Nai and Yeh Yeh while we picked up clothes for him.

This week he will leave the house to get tested at the school to determine placement.

Joseph and I managed to get out to Joseph's tri team's social event for an hour after Target since it was so close. Much needed social time with adults! I think if we had to, JJ is so well-behaved that we could have brought him with us if we had to.

This week we have a lot of other cleaning up to do - more doctor's appointments, finish JJ's closet, etc.

I will send out updates as we experience "firsts.". Then I expect the emails to peter out. Let me know if you want off the list. Seriously. I know it sounds funny but I really don't care if you don't care at this point. LOL. I mean, I do not know what I'd do if someone sent me emails about every little development step for their baby! I'd be like "uh... And WHY do you think I care about baby's first poop?!!".

11/14/2009: Home at Last

We are home. Finally. We are so tired.

The flight from Guangzhou to San Francisco was basically a "puddle jumper." The flight attendents barely had time to get drinks out and then we were landing. No, problem, we thought. But then we only had a couple of hours and the gate attendent from Dragon Air in Guangzhou said we would have to check in once we got to Hong Kong even though our bags were checked to San Francisco.

Joseph and I gathered our gear and headed for the transfer desk. Basically, they had to check us in for the remaining two legs to Boston. And then they had to find our bags so they could check out bags to Boston, too. We would be picking them up at San Francisco to take them through customs but then putting them right back on the belt for the next flight home. We had to catch our flight and there was a long line behind us, so they said they would find the bags, and deliver the new baggage claim checks to us on the plain. Uh... Ok. Door to door, hand to hand service? Uh... Hmmm... I was dubious but true to their word, right before the door shut, the guy comes walking up the aisle with all the claim checks. Definitely NOT Logan Airport!

In Hong Kong, we had to go through Security again. It was a LONG line and there were a few hair raising moments.

The flight to San Francisco was not bad for us. JJ just played and then he finally managed to get some sleep. Welcome to jet lag, kid! You will never know what hit you tomorrow. Of course, with my luck, you will not feel a thing and be raring to go tomorrrow! It could have been worse. We didn't have to worry about a feeding schedule since JJ could feed himself, no wetting of the diaper, diaper changes, crying and screaming at take off - like the infants and toddlers in the group. Compared to the other families, our trip was a dream. So easy. And JJ made it so easy for us. What a happy go lucky kid!

We landed in San Francisco and collected our bags and went through customs. At that moment, the officers opened up the sealed packages, stamped an A-number on JJ's passport, and now he was free to travel in an out of the country as a green card alien. But I think it should also let us get him an American passport immediately since he is now considered an instant citizen. We have to apply for a birth certificate locally, and then apply for the passport. I think. Must talk to the Agency about that one. The Consulate had said that the social security card would be sent to us in about 2 months. Good. Get him used to the idea of being a fully taxable citizen! LOL!

JJ wore his Tom Brady jersey from Aunt Judy, Uncle Paul, Cousins Caroline and Luke. Everyone was giving him the high-five and shaking his hand. He was loving all the attention.

The flight from San Francisco to Boston was interesting. This is where we encountered the Nazi Stewardess. Man.... she was a miserable old bitty. It started because there were three of us seated in the back - myself, Joseph and another guy we didn't know flying on businss - who had our Blackberries and she had to yell at us to turn them off. Whatever. You would think she'd forgive and forget. Uh... Noooo... She was a bitty the whole time - yelling at everyone. "No Soup for You." "No Bathroom for you." In fact, at one point, she locked the bathroom and wouldn't let anyone go in. Now, we are all adults. If you have to get up to go to the bathroom, you weigh the risks and you do what you need to. Instead, she insisted on treating us like 2 year olds. And then later, people just ignored her. The other stewardess was nice but you could tell that she was on pins and needles the whole flight because of the old-bitty-ness of the old-bitty. PFFFT!

Regardless, we made it in once piece. There was a fair bit of turbulence from Iowa to Boston - we were flying right below the jet stream. It actually felt like the top of the plane was scraping the bottom of the jet stream instead! It was that rough. And of course, that made the old bitty happier so she could yell at everyone to take cover. Whatever.

We had a lot of carry on luggage so we waited almost until the end to dis-embark. And we made our, finally, comfortable walk to baggage claim. GOOD LORD!!! The people that were there. First, there was Ye Ye... JJ's face lit up when he saw his grandfather. They had been singing songs to each other via Skype every night. Yah. Pretty funny. :o\ And there was instant recognition. And of course, there was Aunt Judy who came in from Plymouth! It was o nice to see her enthusiastic face. And Aunt Amanda and Aunt Jenn. Amanda had stayed at our place to two weeks to take care of the house and the dog and the two cats... and a whole lot of other things, I discovered when I got home. Then up walked Yongmei and Richard and Niles. Niles is JJ's first friend. The first one friend to actually talk to JJ when he was in China and had sent along gifts with us when we left the USA. And Nicole and Jason. Oh my! And Jenn and Andy! They are tall. Like REALLY TALL. JJ just looked up the whole height of both of them, his mouth agape... the first time I've seen him with his mouth open and nothing coming out of it for the last two weeks! LOL! I think Jenn and Andy were the tallest people JJ has probably ever seen! And then Brian and Kara - good grief, they were a huge surprise!! Everyone brought JJ a gift, and hugs, and smiles, and a huge sense of love and family. He was in his element and so excited about it all.

And a shout out to our Agency and the director, Lillian. She was there. She appeared by our sides with smiles and hugs, encouraging words of support, and of course, observation. Her husband was also there. We love her dearly and all the work that she and her team at China Adoption with Love does on behalf of the families and the children. And as quietly as she came, she left. It was so special to see her.

We went home in two cars with all our stuff. And JJ finally met the 70 lb dog and the 20 kitty.

More surprises were there for us. Amanda had cleaned the house. Ummm. Actually, she had cleaned the kitchen. And my refrigerator. I have never seen it so, ummm... empty. And so clean! LOL! And it was refilled. With food! Not just spices and leftovers!

Judy had brought muffins and fruit and plates and food!! Oh. And there was beer in the fridge downstairs. So happy!

The biggest surprise was JJ's room. Ok. Call me a bad mommy but uh... I had done nothing about his room. I figured we would come home and buy stuff. Of course I didn't think about WHEN I would be able to do that. But I thought, it has a bed and a dresser. Good enough. But Judy had different ideas. The whole room was decorated. With rugs and matching spreads, and toys and all manner of things. GOOD GRIEF! Judy puts into action what I am thinking without me having to say it out loud. One less thing to worry about and I am soooo grateful. If JJ knew better, he'd be so relieved too because he'd probably have to live with paper shades for another month or two. Ok. Maybe another year. Until Daddy got tired of them.

Then we slept. And we woke up and a new day dawned.

JJ is running around and he is already becoming a part of the fabric of this family. My father once told me "you are never fully human until you raise a child." I don't know what that means yet since I have just started this part of the my life's journey. But I will find out soon enough. I have a feeling that there will be a lot of surprises, some good, some not so good. We will see what we will see.