This morning, you ran your first 5k Race.
It was a family affair.
Nai Nai and Ye Ye were there.
Daddy ran with his BAA friends.
And I ran too.
You and I started out together for the first .25 miles.
I could tell you were clearly holding back.
And I noticed you would run ahead a little, look back, stop and wait for me.
I couldn't hold you back.
So I caught up with you and I said, "JJ, you run. Run ahead without Mama."
And you looked at me a little worried and said, "you?"
And I said, "you go run as fast you want to. Just stay with all of the running people. And I will see you when I get to the finish line."
He seemed a little worried but I said,"you can do this. Mama would be so proud."
And so he ran. I watched his form ahead of me. So free and so beautiful. And so soon out of sight. And I cried a small tear thinking about it.
My first motherly act.
Amazing.
Letting you go and watching you run ahead.
While worrying about you.
This came out of the blue.
And I thought of the future when I would have to release you to High School, to driving, first dance, first drink, to college, to your bride, and God willing that I should be alive, to your first child. I thought of all the firsts to come and felt a lump in my throat.
You met me at the finish with Nai Nai and Ye Ye.
At the end you won the 19yrs and under age group award for First Place.
I was so proud.
Love,
Mama
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Like Brothers
After an outing with Niles and his family, Nile's mom sent me this:
JJ to Niles: I think we’re like brothers. When I’m 18, I’m going to buy a house and you will buy a house and we’ll be neighbors. We can play games every day then!
So funny.
JJ to Niles: I think we’re like brothers. When I’m 18, I’m going to buy a house and you will buy a house and we’ll be neighbors. We can play games every day then!
So funny.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Do you know what love is?
I asked you today, if you knew what love was.
You said, "Yes."
When I asked you how you knew, you told me that there was no one to love at the orphanage but you have people to love now.
And you said you know because, "I feel it in my heart."
Love is a universal Language.
You said, "Yes."
When I asked you how you knew, you told me that there was no one to love at the orphanage but you have people to love now.
And you said you know because, "I feel it in my heart."
Love is a universal Language.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
First Day at Devotion
Today you started your first day at a new school, Devotion School, which is four blocks from the house. This summer every time we walked by it, we would both point and talk about how you will be going there. You were looking forward to it.
It has walls, not an open classroom like Pierce.
I am hoping you will thrive in this new environment.
Love,
Mama
It has walls, not an open classroom like Pierce.
I am hoping you will thrive in this new environment.
Love,
Mama
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Now you're a Complete American
After two months of documentation flowing back and forth between me and the American Government, proving you are not stolen, illegal or purchased illegally (you were legal :o) ) we received your official American Passport in the mail yesterday.
You are indeed fortunate. This is a document that people have forged, bought, stolen, and begged for, all the world over. Some have died trying to get it while others have killed for it. And for the rest of us who get it the traditional way, they must wait years. Sometimes tens of years. I wanted 15 years.
And you got it for just BEING. Yes. You are truly fortunate.
I hope you respect this right to be an American, treasure it always, never abuse it, and make this country proud. You have a long way to go to earning this gift. And it is a gift. As an immigrant and having visited the country of my birth, as well as other countries where "coming to America" is a goal in and of itself, I am passionate about paying back for this gift every single day.
You are unspeakably fortunate. And one day, you'll understand.
But knowing you, I think you probably already do.
Love,
Mama
You are indeed fortunate. This is a document that people have forged, bought, stolen, and begged for, all the world over. Some have died trying to get it while others have killed for it. And for the rest of us who get it the traditional way, they must wait years. Sometimes tens of years. I wanted 15 years.
And you got it for just BEING. Yes. You are truly fortunate.
I hope you respect this right to be an American, treasure it always, never abuse it, and make this country proud. You have a long way to go to earning this gift. And it is a gift. As an immigrant and having visited the country of my birth, as well as other countries where "coming to America" is a goal in and of itself, I am passionate about paying back for this gift every single day.
You are unspeakably fortunate. And one day, you'll understand.
But knowing you, I think you probably already do.
Love,
Mama
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Pain Response
I have noticed that you have a high tolerance for pain. When we first got home, you were pretty much ok being given shots, being poked and prodded and then getting your teeth pulled all of the pain that goes along with that.
You didn't really say much the first few times. You didn't cry, moan or whine, either. But once, Daddy said that you were not crying out but you had a few tears coming down your cheeks when you were given the shot at the dentist. Maybe the need hit a nerve or a bad spot, or maybe the local didn't take effect as well. Who knows. But we knew that you really felt it because you have a high pain tolerance. But is that still the case?
The last time I went with you to the dentist (I think it was your 6th or 7th teeth to be pulled), you moaned and groaned and tensed your shoulders and gripped the dental assistant's hands so tight that your fingers turned white.
All of the prior times, you were pretty stoic about it. I have read that due to the way pain is managed in China when orphanage kids have surgeries (sometimes no pain medications afterward) and the possible cultural differences in pain management, they have to live through the pain of post surgery. So you get used to it and build up a tolerance.
I also imagine that you don't have these emotion-filled Mama's and Baba's who sit next to you massaging your legs and hands, crying along with you. Not that I would do such a thing to begin with. Anyway, I imagine that the Nannies had too many children to be able to sit and coddle any single individual when so many were probably sick at any given time, while other children ran around in mayhem. Of course, that's controlled mayhem because the institution, from my understanding, is a very strict, regimented and militaristic place.
I remember when I was younger, the only thing I got for a stomach ache was a tummy rubbing to calm down the muscles of the abdomen. Other than that? Nothing.
So it was interesting to me that over time, your pain tolerance seems to be decreasing by a notch. And I mean a hair of a notch because it's still pretty high. But then I wonder because the last time you got a scratch on your elbow from fall down at school, you whined and complained enough that I told you to that it is supposed to hurt, and it's good that you have another elbow. You laughed at that idea.
Could it be that the attention you get from the dentist's office, or the touching and hand squeezing you get from the assistant is something that you crave, so physically, your body adapts to that change and it allows you to feel more pain?
Regardless, it will be interesting to see if your pain tolerance continues to go down. I know it will plateau at some point. Probably won't go too low though due to early training and early expectations.
You didn't really say much the first few times. You didn't cry, moan or whine, either. But once, Daddy said that you were not crying out but you had a few tears coming down your cheeks when you were given the shot at the dentist. Maybe the need hit a nerve or a bad spot, or maybe the local didn't take effect as well. Who knows. But we knew that you really felt it because you have a high pain tolerance. But is that still the case?
The last time I went with you to the dentist (I think it was your 6th or 7th teeth to be pulled), you moaned and groaned and tensed your shoulders and gripped the dental assistant's hands so tight that your fingers turned white.
All of the prior times, you were pretty stoic about it. I have read that due to the way pain is managed in China when orphanage kids have surgeries (sometimes no pain medications afterward) and the possible cultural differences in pain management, they have to live through the pain of post surgery. So you get used to it and build up a tolerance.
I also imagine that you don't have these emotion-filled Mama's and Baba's who sit next to you massaging your legs and hands, crying along with you. Not that I would do such a thing to begin with. Anyway, I imagine that the Nannies had too many children to be able to sit and coddle any single individual when so many were probably sick at any given time, while other children ran around in mayhem. Of course, that's controlled mayhem because the institution, from my understanding, is a very strict, regimented and militaristic place.
I remember when I was younger, the only thing I got for a stomach ache was a tummy rubbing to calm down the muscles of the abdomen. Other than that? Nothing.
So it was interesting to me that over time, your pain tolerance seems to be decreasing by a notch. And I mean a hair of a notch because it's still pretty high. But then I wonder because the last time you got a scratch on your elbow from fall down at school, you whined and complained enough that I told you to that it is supposed to hurt, and it's good that you have another elbow. You laughed at that idea.
Could it be that the attention you get from the dentist's office, or the touching and hand squeezing you get from the assistant is something that you crave, so physically, your body adapts to that change and it allows you to feel more pain?
Regardless, it will be interesting to see if your pain tolerance continues to go down. I know it will plateau at some point. Probably won't go too low though due to early training and early expectations.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Another Tooth Pull
Today you went to the dentist for another tooth pull. I think it might be your 6th or 7th. There have been so many, I've lost count.
This one came by order of the Cleft Dentist, Dr. Kennedy.
Turns out that there was an abscess on your tooth and when Dr. Defeo pulled your lip up to show me, there was a white pustule at the fold of your gums where your lip and gums come together. It looked painful. She said that it sometimes happens when the tooth has decay but the adult canines start to push down on the tooth and the roots start to erode (which is normal). That canine had already started to wiggle anyway.
You got a big shot with a big needle and you got all nervous and agitated but afterwards, you laughed about how your mouth felt bit but it didn't look big.
The more language you get, the more you complain, too. Instead of sitting still, you moaned and groaned like this was your first time going through it. The only thing that I can think of is that you are more comfortable with me and are no longer afraid that if you start to make noise that we won't love you or that we will send you back to China. But I did remind you that it was no different than the first few times when you didn't make any noise at all. So, I told you to suck it up or it was gonna hurt worse - which the doctor also confirmed. "Don't move, Jasper..."
After I dropped you off from school, the school nurse called and about 10 minutes later and told me that it was "bleeding considerably." Uh, he got his tooth pulled. Keep the gauze in. She said she had already changed it. So I told her that it was not supposed to be disturbed for 15 minutes and obviously it wasn't 15 minutes and you've changed it so,uh, of course it is bleeding.
So, this time you got two stickers and a toy from the toy drawer for your troubles.
You seemed happy enough about it in the end.
This one came by order of the Cleft Dentist, Dr. Kennedy.
Turns out that there was an abscess on your tooth and when Dr. Defeo pulled your lip up to show me, there was a white pustule at the fold of your gums where your lip and gums come together. It looked painful. She said that it sometimes happens when the tooth has decay but the adult canines start to push down on the tooth and the roots start to erode (which is normal). That canine had already started to wiggle anyway.
You got a big shot with a big needle and you got all nervous and agitated but afterwards, you laughed about how your mouth felt bit but it didn't look big.
The more language you get, the more you complain, too. Instead of sitting still, you moaned and groaned like this was your first time going through it. The only thing that I can think of is that you are more comfortable with me and are no longer afraid that if you start to make noise that we won't love you or that we will send you back to China. But I did remind you that it was no different than the first few times when you didn't make any noise at all. So, I told you to suck it up or it was gonna hurt worse - which the doctor also confirmed. "Don't move, Jasper..."
After I dropped you off from school, the school nurse called and about 10 minutes later and told me that it was "bleeding considerably." Uh, he got his tooth pulled. Keep the gauze in. She said she had already changed it. So I told her that it was not supposed to be disturbed for 15 minutes and obviously it wasn't 15 minutes and you've changed it so,uh, of course it is bleeding.
So, this time you got two stickers and a toy from the toy drawer for your troubles.
You seemed happy enough about it in the end.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Golf
I remember once when you wanted to turn the channel because it was on golf and you thought it was boring. Unfortunately, Daddy was watching and you got a pretty good lecture about how just because you thought something was boring didn't mean that everyone else thought so. And of course, I was pretty appalled because you has no respect and because you had forgotten your rank in the family. LOL. At least until another "youngest member" joins the family. LOL. If ever. Haha!
Anyway, you discovered that golf is pretty interesting when you're there watching in person.
We went to Muirfield for The Memorial Tournament. We got there 2 or 3 days later than usual which is a good thing. We basically followed KJ Choi, which meant that you walked all over a very hilly golf course. According to my calculations you walked anywhere between five and seven miles a day. And that doesn't include the running around you did off the course.
And you were well rewarded by getting three balls from KJ Choi and one from DJ Trahan. Ok. So DJ Trahan was way down the list but he made the cut which means something. And KJ? Well he's a great golfer. He won the tournament one year! And of course, Mama and Baba immediately took the ball from you for safe keeping. LOL. And when you said you wanted to play with them, we gave you the hairy eyeball. LOL.
You were also very good during the trip. You played with Alex and told me that you had a classmate named Alex, too. In fact, she liked you so much that she came back the next day because she wanted to "see the little kid.". LOL. Pretty funny.
And you weren't a bratty little kid. Not that you ever are. In fact, you are pretty "invisible" wherever you go since you are so good and well-behaved. Of course, your good manners make Mama VERY happy! :o))
Hopefully you will like watching golf on TV now. If not, too bad. Because we watch a lot of it! Haha.
Anyway, you discovered that golf is pretty interesting when you're there watching in person.
We went to Muirfield for The Memorial Tournament. We got there 2 or 3 days later than usual which is a good thing. We basically followed KJ Choi, which meant that you walked all over a very hilly golf course. According to my calculations you walked anywhere between five and seven miles a day. And that doesn't include the running around you did off the course.
And you were well rewarded by getting three balls from KJ Choi and one from DJ Trahan. Ok. So DJ Trahan was way down the list but he made the cut which means something. And KJ? Well he's a great golfer. He won the tournament one year! And of course, Mama and Baba immediately took the ball from you for safe keeping. LOL. And when you said you wanted to play with them, we gave you the hairy eyeball. LOL.
You were also very good during the trip. You played with Alex and told me that you had a classmate named Alex, too. In fact, she liked you so much that she came back the next day because she wanted to "see the little kid.". LOL. Pretty funny.
And you weren't a bratty little kid. Not that you ever are. In fact, you are pretty "invisible" wherever you go since you are so good and well-behaved. Of course, your good manners make Mama VERY happy! :o))
Hopefully you will like watching golf on TV now. If not, too bad. Because we watch a lot of it! Haha.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Random Thought: Game Boy
Thank God for the Game Boy.
It's 15 years old.
But it still works.
Especially during a long and boring graduation ceremony.
Tough for a 9 year old boy to sit through.
It's 15 years old.
But it still works.
Especially during a long and boring graduation ceremony.
Tough for a 9 year old boy to sit through.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Big problem
Mama: JJ, we have to stop and get gas.
JJ: Why?
Mama: Because we're running out of gas.
JJ: Ah.
(Pause)
JJ: Car no gas, big problem...
Mama: Yes it is.
(At the gas station, JJ is watching Mama pump gas.)
Mama: Let's see how much gas this thing takes.
(After a while waiting as Mama pumps gas.)
JJ: Wow. Car is empty.
Mama: Yes it is.
JJ: Wow. Car is very very hungry...
JJ: Why?
Mama: Because we're running out of gas.
JJ: Ah.
(Pause)
JJ: Car no gas, big problem...
Mama: Yes it is.
(At the gas station, JJ is watching Mama pump gas.)
Mama: Let's see how much gas this thing takes.
(After a while waiting as Mama pumps gas.)
JJ: Wow. Car is empty.
Mama: Yes it is.
JJ: Wow. Car is very very hungry...
Homework? Homework??
Actually no.
Just trying to remember Him, Her, He, She.
50 times.
Next time, it'll be 100!
So, what's the good news for JJ?
No kid ever died from homework!
Suck it up, kid!
LOL!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Meat
Daddy: What did you have for dinner tonight?
JJ: [this, that, veggies, blah blah, etc] and meat
Daddy: Meat? What Meat?
JJ: Don't know.
Daddy: [???]
JJ: come come come [goes to the refrigerator with Carrie right behind
him and pulls out a container]
JJ: Meat
Daddy: That's ham, it's pork, comes from pig.
JJ & Carrie: Ohhhhh.....
JJ: [this, that, veggies, blah blah, etc] and meat
Daddy: Meat? What Meat?
JJ: Don't know.
Daddy: [???]
JJ: come come come [goes to the refrigerator with Carrie right behind
him and pulls out a container]
JJ: Meat
Daddy: That's ham, it's pork, comes from pig.
JJ & Carrie: Ohhhhh.....
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Birthday Hoop
Daddy got you a basketball hoop for your birthday. All I have to say is "Thank God for Daddy." It's the perfect gift for a very active little boy.
Thank God.
Thank God.
"Why did my Mama and Baba throw me away?"
It's been interesting. When you and I draw together, you always tell me something or ask me something that is more emotional than why birds fly.
I supposed that is why art therapy and touch therapy really works - it opens up the side of the brain that is more emotion than analytical. And I actually experience it working when we are drawing.
The first time, you told me about your Mama and Baba who threw you away, like the trash, into a trash can.
The second time, you told me about your friend in China, your best friend, the best number one person you knew in the whole world, who sat in a wheel chair with a curved back, no right leg, and a left leg with the heel of the foot growing out of his calf. I imagine that in China, you mostly saw boys with physical impairments and very few boys that we would call "normal boys." You said in China, this was "bad." And asked me, "in America?" And I said, "It's bad in America, too, JJ but most American Mama and Baba's do not throw their babies away like that." I always felt like he was asking me silently if his friend could come here. And I said nothing. I wish I were a better person than I am. But most importantly, I felt there was a veiled question about us throwing him away if he couldn't be fixed.
The last time it happened was this past weekend. We were drawing together and you asked me, "Why my China Mama, Baba throw me away?" In the past you never looked at me. This time, you asked the question and turned to face me.
What do I say? What can I tell you? And I wonder about the deep pain that you might be in to ask these types of questions. To know and be cognizant enough to equate yourself as trash. And then to know that you are worth enough for someone to want you and adopt you and bring you into abundance. What must you be thinking? How must you be feeling? It does tell me that you are not a shallow little boy and that you have the ability to really and truly think and feel. It was something I was afraid you wouldn't be able to do well, or even, at all. For me, THIS is what is required for bonding...
So when you looked at me, I searched your eyes and I said, "I don't know, JJ."
You turned back to draw, and said, "Why? Why throw me away?"
So, I said, "they didn't know you would be such a good boy. And that you could work so hard. And they didn't have enough money to fix your mouth and nose. But you're here with us now. And we will fix you and we all know you are a very good boy and that you work very very hard."
He got up and asked me for a hug.
I wish I knew what you were thinking and feeling at that moment.
But I bet it was less about love than it was about relief.
No matter where you and I are in life and in our relationship...
You matter.
Yes, you do.
I supposed that is why art therapy and touch therapy really works - it opens up the side of the brain that is more emotion than analytical. And I actually experience it working when we are drawing.
The first time, you told me about your Mama and Baba who threw you away, like the trash, into a trash can.
The second time, you told me about your friend in China, your best friend, the best number one person you knew in the whole world, who sat in a wheel chair with a curved back, no right leg, and a left leg with the heel of the foot growing out of his calf. I imagine that in China, you mostly saw boys with physical impairments and very few boys that we would call "normal boys." You said in China, this was "bad." And asked me, "in America?" And I said, "It's bad in America, too, JJ but most American Mama and Baba's do not throw their babies away like that." I always felt like he was asking me silently if his friend could come here. And I said nothing. I wish I were a better person than I am. But most importantly, I felt there was a veiled question about us throwing him away if he couldn't be fixed.
The last time it happened was this past weekend. We were drawing together and you asked me, "Why my China Mama, Baba throw me away?" In the past you never looked at me. This time, you asked the question and turned to face me.
What do I say? What can I tell you? And I wonder about the deep pain that you might be in to ask these types of questions. To know and be cognizant enough to equate yourself as trash. And then to know that you are worth enough for someone to want you and adopt you and bring you into abundance. What must you be thinking? How must you be feeling? It does tell me that you are not a shallow little boy and that you have the ability to really and truly think and feel. It was something I was afraid you wouldn't be able to do well, or even, at all. For me, THIS is what is required for bonding...
So when you looked at me, I searched your eyes and I said, "I don't know, JJ."
You turned back to draw, and said, "Why? Why throw me away?"
So, I said, "they didn't know you would be such a good boy. And that you could work so hard. And they didn't have enough money to fix your mouth and nose. But you're here with us now. And we will fix you and we all know you are a very good boy and that you work very very hard."
He got up and asked me for a hug.
I wish I knew what you were thinking and feeling at that moment.
But I bet it was less about love than it was about relief.
No matter where you and I are in life and in our relationship...
You matter.
Yes, you do.
One Step Closer to Understanding
The Cleft Team doctor's office called the other day and as luck would have it, Mama was home. And after that conversation, I am thankful that I was.
They were basically confirming a doctor's appointment with the Cleft Team Orthodontist. And we basically started chatting.
The bottom line is that on one day you have three doctor's appointments. THREE. Yes. And since Mama will be in Texas for work, your poor, wonderful, long suffering Daddy would once again be taking you to the hospital alone. Again.
The doctor on the phone thought that you would have your bone graft and P-flap surgery all at the same time. But not sure until they could get another set of xrays to determine the growth of your canines. Evidently, they cannot do the bone graft until your canines are budding. If there is nothing to "anchor" the bone into place, the grafted bone will be "reabsorbed" by the body, leaving behind soft tissue. And since teeth will grow where there is bone, it is important to know when you canines are starting to take root. There are reports of children with cleft that have what I call "barracuda teeth" - rows and rows of teeth with some growing though the roof of the mouth!
She also mentioned that it would include removal of the ear tags, the nose revision, lip revision and the hemifacial microsomia - which she informed me was very very rare - and to have it happen along with cleft, was even more rare. I almost felt like I should feel "special" about it because it was so rare. Uh...
But before the bone graft surgery can be done, they may have to put in the palate expanders. And then you will need a retainer and braces until the surgery. And through the surgery. And then after the surgery you will be into teeth braces - none of which is fully covered by insurance. Ahem.
I told the doctor on the phone that I was worried about your surgery being scheduled in two years when you are 11 years old. There was some confusion because she thought it was going to be sometime at the end of this year. Hmmm. Interesting. But it seems that a lot could be up in the air depending on the growth of your bone. Right then and there I decided that you will be drinking A LOT of milk going forward!
I also know that you need to have your tonsils out before the bone graft and P-flap surgery because the surgeons do not want to have to deal with pushing them out of the way. The ENT appointment is later in May so we will know if you will need to have them removed.
So I explained to the doctor on the phone why I felt the urgency. People are starting to make fun of you. She said that you would have to be really outgoing and develop a really great personality because, Yes, kids are cruel and they will tease but you need to grow a great personality to over come it. I think you have a pretty big personality already and you are not shy or retiring so that's good.
I also said I worried about you having swimming because you have air escaping through your mouth and nose. She told me that I should just let you do what you want to do. And if you fail, then we can explain why but that it is important for us to support you in what you want to do. Got it. Check. No issues with this one.
Then I explained about your speech. There was a long pause and she said, you "are never going to be completely normal." And that you "will always have a slight speech impediment." And that you and I "are going to have to accept it and move on." And that how much of an impediment you have will depend on "how hard you are willing to work at speech." I told her that you are not afraid of hard work, and when we correct you, you will repeat it over and over until you get it as right as you possibly. Of course, that is only when you are consciously practicing ONE WORD. When you talk in sentences, you are still taking too fast, and you slur your words, and don't finish or start them correctly. In fact, if my back is to you, I have no idea what you are saying. And when I am facing you I have to read your lips. She understood this and didn't tell me that I was wrong. She understood and said that was expected.
She also told me about a foundation for children that I will be looking into.
It was really good to talk to her. It was not the news I wanted to hear but now I can move past it. You must work very very hard with the speech doctor later. I keep telling you think and now you are repeating it back to me.
They were basically confirming a doctor's appointment with the Cleft Team Orthodontist. And we basically started chatting.
The bottom line is that on one day you have three doctor's appointments. THREE. Yes. And since Mama will be in Texas for work, your poor, wonderful, long suffering Daddy would once again be taking you to the hospital alone. Again.
The doctor on the phone thought that you would have your bone graft and P-flap surgery all at the same time. But not sure until they could get another set of xrays to determine the growth of your canines. Evidently, they cannot do the bone graft until your canines are budding. If there is nothing to "anchor" the bone into place, the grafted bone will be "reabsorbed" by the body, leaving behind soft tissue. And since teeth will grow where there is bone, it is important to know when you canines are starting to take root. There are reports of children with cleft that have what I call "barracuda teeth" - rows and rows of teeth with some growing though the roof of the mouth!
She also mentioned that it would include removal of the ear tags, the nose revision, lip revision and the hemifacial microsomia - which she informed me was very very rare - and to have it happen along with cleft, was even more rare. I almost felt like I should feel "special" about it because it was so rare. Uh...
But before the bone graft surgery can be done, they may have to put in the palate expanders. And then you will need a retainer and braces until the surgery. And through the surgery. And then after the surgery you will be into teeth braces - none of which is fully covered by insurance. Ahem.
I told the doctor on the phone that I was worried about your surgery being scheduled in two years when you are 11 years old. There was some confusion because she thought it was going to be sometime at the end of this year. Hmmm. Interesting. But it seems that a lot could be up in the air depending on the growth of your bone. Right then and there I decided that you will be drinking A LOT of milk going forward!
I also know that you need to have your tonsils out before the bone graft and P-flap surgery because the surgeons do not want to have to deal with pushing them out of the way. The ENT appointment is later in May so we will know if you will need to have them removed.
So I explained to the doctor on the phone why I felt the urgency. People are starting to make fun of you. She said that you would have to be really outgoing and develop a really great personality because, Yes, kids are cruel and they will tease but you need to grow a great personality to over come it. I think you have a pretty big personality already and you are not shy or retiring so that's good.
I also said I worried about you having swimming because you have air escaping through your mouth and nose. She told me that I should just let you do what you want to do. And if you fail, then we can explain why but that it is important for us to support you in what you want to do. Got it. Check. No issues with this one.
Then I explained about your speech. There was a long pause and she said, you "are never going to be completely normal." And that you "will always have a slight speech impediment." And that you and I "are going to have to accept it and move on." And that how much of an impediment you have will depend on "how hard you are willing to work at speech." I told her that you are not afraid of hard work, and when we correct you, you will repeat it over and over until you get it as right as you possibly. Of course, that is only when you are consciously practicing ONE WORD. When you talk in sentences, you are still taking too fast, and you slur your words, and don't finish or start them correctly. In fact, if my back is to you, I have no idea what you are saying. And when I am facing you I have to read your lips. She understood this and didn't tell me that I was wrong. She understood and said that was expected.
She also told me about a foundation for children that I will be looking into.
It was really good to talk to her. It was not the news I wanted to hear but now I can move past it. You must work very very hard with the speech doctor later. I keep telling you think and now you are repeating it back to me.
Attachment
It's been an interesting and difficult journey for me in attaching to you. And to think that all I worried about was you attaching to us.
First, I want to say that I am a deeply fallable person. I am also very complex and very contradictory in many ways. I know how deep my imperfection is because I have spent a lifetime trying to get closer to that elusive state of being called "Perfection."
Second, I am writing this down so you can know what your Mama is like. That I am very human and that I was never your saviour or rescuer. And that it's okay to talk about your feelings, no matter how sensitve the topic might be. So that one day when you read this, you will know the journey I went through to reach other side, where one day I do love you with all my heart. And that love will be worth so much more because it took root and clung to the desert of my heart, grew roots and finally bloomed, against all odds.
Third, I will say that right now, I am still on the journey. I am not there yet. And I might be crucified for saying that but the people who throw barbs and stones at this are all liars. They are not brave enough to admit that there are children and babies they don't think are cute, that sometimes they wish they never had their kids, that they wish one day they can just run away from it all. Instead they cover up all this with a blanket of flowers, hiding the worms and bugs that lay beneath. Your Mama is not one of those people.
When we first got you, I think you had decided, "this is it" and you knew you definitely wanted a family. I imagine that you saw all of the little girls in the orgphanage getting adopted and leaving the orphanage. I cannot imagine that when you asked the Nannies why, what they said to you. Because you are not a girl and no one wants boys? Because you are too old and people only want babies? Because you have cleft Lip and Clept Palate and no one wants a "defective child?" I know it sounds harsh but being Chinese isn't far from being Korean in many ways, one of which is that they all want "perfect" children. And in a country where you can only have one child, they will always want that perfect child. In fact, John Andrew, that little boy we saw adopted by another family was given up at the age of two by his family. We assumed because they had a "more perfect and better" little boy.
But you attached to us almost immediately. If you didn't, you put on a good show. You have a great "game face" after all.
I was okay through the first week. Then the second week, and the Honeymoon was definitely over. The ear things started bugging me. I didn't realize that the cleft would be so prominent or that half your nose was smaller than the other. I also didn't realize how you weren't able to talk right. And all of this started to wear on me. In fact, two weeks into it, the the Great Wearing of My Tolerance had started. And I don't have much patience or tolerance to being with.
We got home and things progressively got worse. I was depressed. And I didn't know why I decided to do adoption thing. I was trying to be a better person than I really was. What I really wanted was a little girl. A cute little huggable girl. And I felt cheated because you weren't that. At one point, I told your Daddy that all I wanted was a little girl. And instead, I got an almost-9 year old, not so cute, "defective" boy. And that I was hesitant when we started to adopt you at the age of 5, when you were almost turning 6. But you were cute enough and small enough to tug at my heart. And then two years later at 8 1/2 years old, practically grown, you come into our home, and I felt cheated. I felt cheated out of a little boy, a cute tiny little boy to hold and love. And I was so dejected that I started to question whether I really want to adopt your mei mei. In desperation I had visions of taking you back to China, undoing it all, thinking it was just a bad joke. In fact, I was so doubtful of all of it that I decided not to bring your mei mei home. And so at dinner one night I told you, "maybe we won't go to China to get your mei mei."
"Why??" you asked. You had this confused and plaintive look in your eyes. How could I tell you that I "just wasn't in the mood" for another "kid in the house."
So I said, "because Mama has you. And you are so good that Mama only needs one kid in the family." You thought about that a little bit and I could see your confusion. I don't think you totally bought it. At that point, Daddy walked in and he understood what was going on.
Daddy told me later that we would talk more about it during our vacation in April.
At some point, early into the process, Daddy said to me that maybe all that post partum depression we hear about on the news is something that is real. Something similar to what I was going through. And when I thought about it, the thoughts of escape are real and genuine. I don't condone drowning your babies or "doing away with them" but I could really understand the desperation that some people might go feel and those of a lesser mental state might actually go through with the darkest thoughts. In fact, if I had been a different person, and didn't have someone like your Daddy to blunt the pain, I could actually walk in their shoes and run away. Thoughts of actually packing up and leaving did enter my mind on a couple of ocassions. Thank God I am not that person.
A lot of this also translated to physical pain. The mind body connection is powerful and amazing. I know that my nerves were all frayed, being on end and alert for every little thing, and so that when normal things should be "absorbed" my nerves are totally sensitized and translating it as pain due to all the stress.
What stress?
Truthfully???
Stress of the:
All I know is that you are a very lucky boy indeed. And in my mind that was and should really be enough. In China you would have been a ditch digger. In America, we gave you a future. And right now I think that should be enough. And my thinking is that you should be grateful and know how lucky you are. And not waste this opportunity. That is the thinking that I veered toward and it's hard to shake off because it's true. And a tiny piece of me feels that because of the sign you were born under and your personality, that you could very easily wallow in entitlement and taking for granted all the good things that have fallen into your lap.
My friend Maureen, a special ed teacher, told me that she would have been surprised if I had bonded right away. It will take a few years. He is not a young kid and that typically, Mother/Son bonding takes place between the ages of 2 and 4. And that I missed that entire experience and she felt sorry for me.
My doctor, who wasn't surprised said it would take a few years. She couldn't believe that I thought it would be immediate. In fact, it took her about a year with both of her children.
Brian said he has a sister who is very much like me. She didn't adopt; she had her own. And 3 1/2 years later, the bonding is finally happening.
Daddy went to the development doctor with you the other day and told her a little of my issues. She said she wasn't surprised. She told him that this was typical of "extremely successful women..." He took notes and I haven't read them thoroughly yet but I will.
Now there is less stress. I came home from my business trip last week and it finally dawned on me that "JJ is afraid" of me. And I wonder, are you afraid of ME? or are you afraid that you will not be able to make me happy, that you will be returned to the orphanage? In either case, I decided that wasn't a good thing. So I've spent the weekend trying to be more approachable, being more relaxed. And this weekend, you asked me for more hugs than you have in the last 6 months. Yes, you've been here six months.
The next step is to get back to some sort of workout routine so that I stop blaming you for taking away an integral part of who I am. This is vital to controlling my stress and will help keep me from continuing to see you as my jailer.
I think I am starting to come out of the abyss. Realizations are dawning on me. And your Daddy is always there. I can only pray that you will grow up like him. So, I am swimming up through the dark blue waters, and reaching for the glint of sunlight above. I know it's there. I am swmimming toward love and I know I will find it.
First, I want to say that I am a deeply fallable person. I am also very complex and very contradictory in many ways. I know how deep my imperfection is because I have spent a lifetime trying to get closer to that elusive state of being called "Perfection."
Second, I am writing this down so you can know what your Mama is like. That I am very human and that I was never your saviour or rescuer. And that it's okay to talk about your feelings, no matter how sensitve the topic might be. So that one day when you read this, you will know the journey I went through to reach other side, where one day I do love you with all my heart. And that love will be worth so much more because it took root and clung to the desert of my heart, grew roots and finally bloomed, against all odds.
Third, I will say that right now, I am still on the journey. I am not there yet. And I might be crucified for saying that but the people who throw barbs and stones at this are all liars. They are not brave enough to admit that there are children and babies they don't think are cute, that sometimes they wish they never had their kids, that they wish one day they can just run away from it all. Instead they cover up all this with a blanket of flowers, hiding the worms and bugs that lay beneath. Your Mama is not one of those people.
When we first got you, I think you had decided, "this is it" and you knew you definitely wanted a family. I imagine that you saw all of the little girls in the orgphanage getting adopted and leaving the orphanage. I cannot imagine that when you asked the Nannies why, what they said to you. Because you are not a girl and no one wants boys? Because you are too old and people only want babies? Because you have cleft Lip and Clept Palate and no one wants a "defective child?" I know it sounds harsh but being Chinese isn't far from being Korean in many ways, one of which is that they all want "perfect" children. And in a country where you can only have one child, they will always want that perfect child. In fact, John Andrew, that little boy we saw adopted by another family was given up at the age of two by his family. We assumed because they had a "more perfect and better" little boy.
But you attached to us almost immediately. If you didn't, you put on a good show. You have a great "game face" after all.
I was okay through the first week. Then the second week, and the Honeymoon was definitely over. The ear things started bugging me. I didn't realize that the cleft would be so prominent or that half your nose was smaller than the other. I also didn't realize how you weren't able to talk right. And all of this started to wear on me. In fact, two weeks into it, the the Great Wearing of My Tolerance had started. And I don't have much patience or tolerance to being with.
We got home and things progressively got worse. I was depressed. And I didn't know why I decided to do adoption thing. I was trying to be a better person than I really was. What I really wanted was a little girl. A cute little huggable girl. And I felt cheated because you weren't that. At one point, I told your Daddy that all I wanted was a little girl. And instead, I got an almost-9 year old, not so cute, "defective" boy. And that I was hesitant when we started to adopt you at the age of 5, when you were almost turning 6. But you were cute enough and small enough to tug at my heart. And then two years later at 8 1/2 years old, practically grown, you come into our home, and I felt cheated. I felt cheated out of a little boy, a cute tiny little boy to hold and love. And I was so dejected that I started to question whether I really want to adopt your mei mei. In desperation I had visions of taking you back to China, undoing it all, thinking it was just a bad joke. In fact, I was so doubtful of all of it that I decided not to bring your mei mei home. And so at dinner one night I told you, "maybe we won't go to China to get your mei mei."
"Why??" you asked. You had this confused and plaintive look in your eyes. How could I tell you that I "just wasn't in the mood" for another "kid in the house."
So I said, "because Mama has you. And you are so good that Mama only needs one kid in the family." You thought about that a little bit and I could see your confusion. I don't think you totally bought it. At that point, Daddy walked in and he understood what was going on.
Daddy told me later that we would talk more about it during our vacation in April.
At some point, early into the process, Daddy said to me that maybe all that post partum depression we hear about on the news is something that is real. Something similar to what I was going through. And when I thought about it, the thoughts of escape are real and genuine. I don't condone drowning your babies or "doing away with them" but I could really understand the desperation that some people might go feel and those of a lesser mental state might actually go through with the darkest thoughts. In fact, if I had been a different person, and didn't have someone like your Daddy to blunt the pain, I could actually walk in their shoes and run away. Thoughts of actually packing up and leaving did enter my mind on a couple of ocassions. Thank God I am not that person.
A lot of this also translated to physical pain. The mind body connection is powerful and amazing. I know that my nerves were all frayed, being on end and alert for every little thing, and so that when normal things should be "absorbed" my nerves are totally sensitized and translating it as pain due to all the stress.
What stress?
Truthfully???
Stress of the:
- the job
- the kid
- resentment about all the kids issues, among other things
- having to freakin LOVE you even when I did not feel like it
- trying to be NICE all the damn time and censoring myself
- freaking medical bills (even with the insurance)
- the guilt from all of the above
- inability to work out
- not eating the right foods
- gaining all my weight back
- not being able to talk about anything to anyone without everyone telling me what and how and when I should be and do and feel and think and live, etc
- and a whole host of other things that have been put on hold because, well... basically, because you came home.
- Isn't it so special? (Uh... actually, no. It's a pain. What is there to be special about?)
- Isn't he just the best? (I have no idea what "the best" means. He is just a kid. 8 years old, almost 9.)
- Don't you just LOVE HIM? Aren't you JUST in LOVE?? (Actually, No. I do not love him and I am not in love with him either. I am not there yet. I need more time!)
All I know is that you are a very lucky boy indeed. And in my mind that was and should really be enough. In China you would have been a ditch digger. In America, we gave you a future. And right now I think that should be enough. And my thinking is that you should be grateful and know how lucky you are. And not waste this opportunity. That is the thinking that I veered toward and it's hard to shake off because it's true. And a tiny piece of me feels that because of the sign you were born under and your personality, that you could very easily wallow in entitlement and taking for granted all the good things that have fallen into your lap.
My friend Maureen, a special ed teacher, told me that she would have been surprised if I had bonded right away. It will take a few years. He is not a young kid and that typically, Mother/Son bonding takes place between the ages of 2 and 4. And that I missed that entire experience and she felt sorry for me.
My doctor, who wasn't surprised said it would take a few years. She couldn't believe that I thought it would be immediate. In fact, it took her about a year with both of her children.
Brian said he has a sister who is very much like me. She didn't adopt; she had her own. And 3 1/2 years later, the bonding is finally happening.
Daddy went to the development doctor with you the other day and told her a little of my issues. She said she wasn't surprised. She told him that this was typical of "extremely successful women..." He took notes and I haven't read them thoroughly yet but I will.
Now there is less stress. I came home from my business trip last week and it finally dawned on me that "JJ is afraid" of me. And I wonder, are you afraid of ME? or are you afraid that you will not be able to make me happy, that you will be returned to the orphanage? In either case, I decided that wasn't a good thing. So I've spent the weekend trying to be more approachable, being more relaxed. And this weekend, you asked me for more hugs than you have in the last 6 months. Yes, you've been here six months.
The next step is to get back to some sort of workout routine so that I stop blaming you for taking away an integral part of who I am. This is vital to controlling my stress and will help keep me from continuing to see you as my jailer.
I think I am starting to come out of the abyss. Realizations are dawning on me. And your Daddy is always there. I can only pray that you will grow up like him. So, I am swimming up through the dark blue waters, and reaching for the glint of sunlight above. I know it's there. I am swmimming toward love and I know I will find it.
April Update
In April, life continue to evolve for you. The biggest thing that happened was your vacation in the Mountains with Ye Ye and Nai Nai. I continue to hope that you will speak better, and say your words correctly. But I am increasingly frustrated. I know that this is not your fault entirely - it is the product of China and cleft and being an orphan, etc. But my frustrations mount and it's a deep spiral of depression, irritation, sadness, disappointment, indifference - rinse, repeat.
You keep talking about your birthday. Which I found was interested. I know that in China (confirmed by Chinese friends) and Korea, we do not celebrate birthdays. We celebrate the first 100 days and then the first year. After that it's really every 10 years. The biggest thing in Korea is to have Seaweed soup for good health and weath. And in China (again, confirmed by Chinese friends lest anyone thinks cynically that I don't know what I am talking about), you eat longevity noodles (for long life).
So I keep asking you how you know about birthdays and you keep not answering me. So I wrote a note to your teacher and she said that when it is your birthday, the kids sometimes bring in little trinkets to pass out to their classmates - like stickers, pencils, erasers, etc. Not all the children participate but some do. Well... I immeidately thought, "of course, we will participate and we will have the best trinkets to give out!" Yes. Your mom is not a little competitive, is she?? There are 22 kids. Okay. Got it.
So other than that, that is all I heard. But then your Daddy said that the kids probably all talk about their birthdays, what they got, the presents, the parties, and the cake. Interesting.
The other thing that happened is the Carrie sent me an email. Basically she said that you were driving her crazy and that's why she keeps looking for another job. GOOD GOD! We cannot lose Carrie!!
She says that in front of us, you work hard. When we are not there, you just talks, plays and do not listen to her. That is why homework takes so long. I wondered about that one. I wondered why you were always doing homework when I got home from work. Carrie said, "he is lazy, he is smart."
I told her the following:
We cannot afford to have Carrie leave. So when we got home, Daddy and I had a nice little chat with you. Daddy told you that must listen to Carrie and what she says goes. And that if she tells you to sit, you must sit. If she tells you to stand on your head, you must stand on your head. Carrie is the boss when Daddy and Mama are not here. And that you must not spend your time saying "ha ha hee hee" and talking and talking about irrelevant things. All while avoiding doing your homework.
You said you understood it. Well... we will see.
I did tell you that if you did not behave, Carrie will leave and never come back. You looked a little surprised but there is cause and effect and you will eventually learn. I know that it was a tough message but I image that we will be telling you this again and again before it is over.
The other thing that I found out was that you have been asking everyone to buy you things and to give you money. We have been having this discussion since we met you in China and although you have stopped asking Mama and Daddy this, you continue to do this to other people. This tells me that
This is not acceptable. Mama had a chat with you about this. I basically told you that in America, good children do not do this. You seemed really surprised that I even knew about it. I told you that it is not acceptable behaviour. You said you would not do it again. We will see. Only because I know that parents need to tell the kids the same things repeatedly. So eventually, you will understand it all.
Mama told you that in a couple of weeks, I have another trip to Texas for work. You seemed to take it in stride. I know. It will be a relief to have Mama gone and not always lecturing you for a while. LOL.
I think I need to take better notes for future updates. All I know is all the bad stuff - the things that bug me. I need to start writing down the funny and good stuff that you do. One day. LOL...
One good thing... Daddy was thinking of getting you a basketball hoop for your birthday. Of course I am resigned to a party but it will be an informal open house type of thing - no cake, no singing, no pin the stupid tale on the damn donkey with 50 kids causing mayhem in the house. I would have to leave the house for the weekend at that point. Instead, we will have neighborhood friends and family. You don't know it but Ye Ye and Nai Nai will be here. Good God, I hope you don't pee in your bed the next day! LOLOL!
You keep talking about your birthday. Which I found was interested. I know that in China (confirmed by Chinese friends) and Korea, we do not celebrate birthdays. We celebrate the first 100 days and then the first year. After that it's really every 10 years. The biggest thing in Korea is to have Seaweed soup for good health and weath. And in China (again, confirmed by Chinese friends lest anyone thinks cynically that I don't know what I am talking about), you eat longevity noodles (for long life).
So I keep asking you how you know about birthdays and you keep not answering me. So I wrote a note to your teacher and she said that when it is your birthday, the kids sometimes bring in little trinkets to pass out to their classmates - like stickers, pencils, erasers, etc. Not all the children participate but some do. Well... I immeidately thought, "of course, we will participate and we will have the best trinkets to give out!" Yes. Your mom is not a little competitive, is she?? There are 22 kids. Okay. Got it.
So other than that, that is all I heard. But then your Daddy said that the kids probably all talk about their birthdays, what they got, the presents, the parties, and the cake. Interesting.
The other thing that happened is the Carrie sent me an email. Basically she said that you were driving her crazy and that's why she keeps looking for another job. GOOD GOD! We cannot lose Carrie!!
She says that in front of us, you work hard. When we are not there, you just talks, plays and do not listen to her. That is why homework takes so long. I wondered about that one. I wondered why you were always doing homework when I got home from work. Carrie said, "he is lazy, he is smart."
I told her the following:
- tell him to be quiet and if he doesn't listen, tell him she will tell mama.
- if he misbehaves, send him to his room and shut the door and let him know that he must behave like a big boy and if he is ready, he can come out (of course, tell me when she has to do this).
- if she does not want to the above, she can move to another, no TV, etc., until he has done some homework
We cannot afford to have Carrie leave. So when we got home, Daddy and I had a nice little chat with you. Daddy told you that must listen to Carrie and what she says goes. And that if she tells you to sit, you must sit. If she tells you to stand on your head, you must stand on your head. Carrie is the boss when Daddy and Mama are not here. And that you must not spend your time saying "ha ha hee hee" and talking and talking about irrelevant things. All while avoiding doing your homework.
You said you understood it. Well... we will see.
I did tell you that if you did not behave, Carrie will leave and never come back. You looked a little surprised but there is cause and effect and you will eventually learn. I know that it was a tough message but I image that we will be telling you this again and again before it is over.
The other thing that I found out was that you have been asking everyone to buy you things and to give you money. We have been having this discussion since we met you in China and although you have stopped asking Mama and Daddy this, you continue to do this to other people. This tells me that
- you know that you shouldn't and still do - because you do it "behind out backs" to put it into a nutshell
- you know the there is a consquence
- you know that it probably isn't right
This is not acceptable. Mama had a chat with you about this. I basically told you that in America, good children do not do this. You seemed really surprised that I even knew about it. I told you that it is not acceptable behaviour. You said you would not do it again. We will see. Only because I know that parents need to tell the kids the same things repeatedly. So eventually, you will understand it all.
Mama told you that in a couple of weeks, I have another trip to Texas for work. You seemed to take it in stride. I know. It will be a relief to have Mama gone and not always lecturing you for a while. LOL.
I think I need to take better notes for future updates. All I know is all the bad stuff - the things that bug me. I need to start writing down the funny and good stuff that you do. One day. LOL...
One good thing... Daddy was thinking of getting you a basketball hoop for your birthday. Of course I am resigned to a party but it will be an informal open house type of thing - no cake, no singing, no pin the stupid tale on the damn donkey with 50 kids causing mayhem in the house. I would have to leave the house for the weekend at that point. Instead, we will have neighborhood friends and family. You don't know it but Ye Ye and Nai Nai will be here. Good God, I hope you don't pee in your bed the next day! LOLOL!
Vacation at Ye Ye & Nai Nai's: April 26th
The delivery
Monday morning, Nai Nai helped JJ wake up about 8 a.m.
JJ has very nice manners. We had a talk about how Pikachu would not change.
Some of the other things we did were:
Daddy and I picked you Cassidy up at the checkpoint in Palmer where Daddy had transferred you to Ye Ye last Sunday. It was a long ride home. I am sure it was a long ride back for you. At one point, Daddy asked me to look back at you because you were intensely quiet. You seemed okay. Then 5 minutes later, we checked again and you were crying.
You were sad to be leaving Ye Ye and Nai Nai. Not to mention that Mama and Daddy don't talk much after they come back from a relaxing vacation or after a stressful work day. Anyway, it must have been difficult to leave behind a whole week of child centric activity and two people who were all about you and nothing about you. It was a fast transition for you into the real, normal world where things move faster than do in The Mountains.
I asked you what was wrong and at first you didn't want to tell me. But I know. You were probably thinking "I can't believe I have to leave the two people in the world who do nothing but do things for me, to go far away with two other people who don't pay much attention to me." First, welcome to Life. Second, I reached out and patted your leg and told him that you can always tell Mama and Daddy anything - why you are mad, sad, tired, afraid. and that you would never ever get into trouble for telling us. And so, you said, you didn't want to leave Ye Ye and Nai Nai. And then you cried and cried, but gulping sobs and the tears came down in big big drops.
And Mama and Daddy realized that well... we kinda do have to talk to you! LOL. So we did and things got better and you cheered up and you talked and talked the whole way home. Sigh...
At one point, you asked why Ye Ye and Nai Nai lived so far away. We said because we live near our work and Ye Ye and Nai Nai live near their work. You didn't really iunderstand and if you had had enough English, I am sure there would have been a lot of other questions about that but thankfully, you have to wait until you can speak enough English to ask complicated questions.
At home, you showed us all the things you bought (actually that Ye Ye and Nai Nai bought you along with the gifts from people) and gave us our presents. I really liked my bracelet. It was very very beautiful. And yes, you definitely have an eye for beautiful things.
We were worried about you wetting the bed from separation from Ye Ye and Nai Nai. But we talked to them on SKYPE and you peed before bed and on Tuesday, there was a dry bed with nary a pee in sight! Yahoo. I think we have the formula. Finally!
And that was about it. You missed Ye Ye and Nai Nai for a few days and you talked about The Moutains a lot. We said you might see them soon and we left it at that.
Monday morning, Nai Nai helped JJ wake up about 8 a.m.
JJ has very nice manners. We had a talk about how Pikachu would not change.
Some of the other things we did were:
- see in the "bee tree" leaning about bees
- patience while fishing
- bug bites
- in America, eating small pieces
- it is wet grass in the morning in the mountains
Daddy and I picked you Cassidy up at the checkpoint in Palmer where Daddy had transferred you to Ye Ye last Sunday. It was a long ride home. I am sure it was a long ride back for you. At one point, Daddy asked me to look back at you because you were intensely quiet. You seemed okay. Then 5 minutes later, we checked again and you were crying.
You were sad to be leaving Ye Ye and Nai Nai. Not to mention that Mama and Daddy don't talk much after they come back from a relaxing vacation or after a stressful work day. Anyway, it must have been difficult to leave behind a whole week of child centric activity and two people who were all about you and nothing about you. It was a fast transition for you into the real, normal world where things move faster than do in The Mountains.
I asked you what was wrong and at first you didn't want to tell me. But I know. You were probably thinking "I can't believe I have to leave the two people in the world who do nothing but do things for me, to go far away with two other people who don't pay much attention to me." First, welcome to Life. Second, I reached out and patted your leg and told him that you can always tell Mama and Daddy anything - why you are mad, sad, tired, afraid. and that you would never ever get into trouble for telling us. And so, you said, you didn't want to leave Ye Ye and Nai Nai. And then you cried and cried, but gulping sobs and the tears came down in big big drops.
And Mama and Daddy realized that well... we kinda do have to talk to you! LOL. So we did and things got better and you cheered up and you talked and talked the whole way home. Sigh...
At one point, you asked why Ye Ye and Nai Nai lived so far away. We said because we live near our work and Ye Ye and Nai Nai live near their work. You didn't really iunderstand and if you had had enough English, I am sure there would have been a lot of other questions about that but thankfully, you have to wait until you can speak enough English to ask complicated questions.
At home, you showed us all the things you bought (actually that Ye Ye and Nai Nai bought you along with the gifts from people) and gave us our presents. I really liked my bracelet. It was very very beautiful. And yes, you definitely have an eye for beautiful things.
We were worried about you wetting the bed from separation from Ye Ye and Nai Nai. But we talked to them on SKYPE and you peed before bed and on Tuesday, there was a dry bed with nary a pee in sight! Yahoo. I think we have the formula. Finally!
And that was about it. You missed Ye Ye and Nai Nai for a few days and you talked about The Moutains a lot. We said you might see them soon and we left it at that.
Vacation at Ye Ye & Nai Nai's: April 25th
It is a cloudy day. A little rainy in the morning. JJ awoke for find Pikachu's life had not changed... Nai Nai was also called to look upstairs. It was discovered sometime in the the night JJ had a bloody nose! While he slept. He was okay all day, though.
JJ has enjoyed talking and seeing hisMommy and Daddy on the computer. He knows tomorrow he will go home.
For breakfast, we had a delicious waffles with maple syrup.
Indoor play included art projects like a Thank you card-picture to Holly and Great Uncle Dom and Great Aunt Shirley.
JJ added to his window picture. He has been talking about his birthday May 8th. In his creation he put triangle hats on his growing window story. He said it is his birthday party.
A tent house was made over the pub table for play. Pikachu of course enjoyed it. After lunch we all took Cassiday for a walk in the woods. It was fun. We looked for the neighbor boy, Vinny Jr., but his family went out.
JJ got to talk on SKYPE with Aunt Judi, Uncle Paul, and Luke who just came in from his baseball game. He tells everyone about being a NY Yankee fan, and often about his birthday, May 8th.
JJ enjoyed playing a little game cube - Mario baseball. Nai Nai even played with him. JJ always won over Nai Nai.
Earlier in the day, Nai Nai began the teaching of a new card game, BS. To make it interesting with three players, Pikachu had his own hand. We need more practice.
After supper and a walk with Cassiday, it was movie time. Before that, however, we talked on SKYPE with Jordan.
The movie choice was Jungle Book, the story of Moguley who didn't want to go to the Man-Village. Moguley wants to stay in the jungle with Balu. It all works out.
Just at bedtime, JJ starts with another bloody nose. At first it was scary. We also took another trip outside to wish on the night star. No stars, only clouds and the moon.
Nai Nai stayed a while with JJ when he was in bed. He said he was sick. Nai Nai wonders if he is lonesome for Daddy and Mommy. A few checks in the night found JJ sleeping peacefully.
JJ has enjoyed talking and seeing hisMommy and Daddy on the computer. He knows tomorrow he will go home.
For breakfast, we had a delicious waffles with maple syrup.
Indoor play included art projects like a Thank you card-picture to Holly and Great Uncle Dom and Great Aunt Shirley.
JJ added to his window picture. He has been talking about his birthday May 8th. In his creation he put triangle hats on his growing window story. He said it is his birthday party.
A tent house was made over the pub table for play. Pikachu of course enjoyed it. After lunch we all took Cassiday for a walk in the woods. It was fun. We looked for the neighbor boy, Vinny Jr., but his family went out.
JJ got to talk on SKYPE with Aunt Judi, Uncle Paul, and Luke who just came in from his baseball game. He tells everyone about being a NY Yankee fan, and often about his birthday, May 8th.
JJ enjoyed playing a little game cube - Mario baseball. Nai Nai even played with him. JJ always won over Nai Nai.
Earlier in the day, Nai Nai began the teaching of a new card game, BS. To make it interesting with three players, Pikachu had his own hand. We need more practice.
After supper and a walk with Cassiday, it was movie time. Before that, however, we talked on SKYPE with Jordan.
The movie choice was Jungle Book, the story of Moguley who didn't want to go to the Man-Village. Moguley wants to stay in the jungle with Balu. It all works out.
Just at bedtime, JJ starts with another bloody nose. At first it was scary. We also took another trip outside to wish on the night star. No stars, only clouds and the moon.
Nai Nai stayed a while with JJ when he was in bed. He said he was sick. Nai Nai wonders if he is lonesome for Daddy and Mommy. A few checks in the night found JJ sleeping peacefully.
Vacation at Ye Ye & Nai Nai's: April 24th
After breakfast, we all went out shopping.
JJ found a gift for Mommy. It is a surprise.
The sunshine was calling us all outdoors after lunch. We got ready to fix the garden and plant seeds. But the neighbor family also came out to play. So JJ made a new friend. His name is Vinny Jr. They played out doors, running, sliding, and with boy toys. Later, JJ and Ye Ye finally were ready to come play in the gardens.
Ye Ye dug the garden with the small roto tiller until nice and fluffy. JJ tested it by making hand prints, knees and foot prints. Later, he used the rake to smooth out between the rows.
JJ helped Nai Nai plant many different seeds. Rows of radishes, peas, carrots, and lettuces. The seeds are different shapes. A pea seed is much bigger than a carrot seed.
A nice grilled chicken for dinner finished our outside day.
But before the indoor time, Ye Ye made a small fire in the fire pit circle. We all sat around it. Nai Nai read several stories from a new book of "Toad and Frog are Friends."
The movie pick for tonight is Pinocchio. JJ said many times he has seen this movie in China. He did enjoy it. Then he hadna idea. He wanted to make a wiwsh on the Wishing Star. So Nai Nai and JJ went out after the movie in the fark to make his wish.
The wish: That Pikachu would become real!
JJ found a gift for Mommy. It is a surprise.
The sunshine was calling us all outdoors after lunch. We got ready to fix the garden and plant seeds. But the neighbor family also came out to play. So JJ made a new friend. His name is Vinny Jr. They played out doors, running, sliding, and with boy toys. Later, JJ and Ye Ye finally were ready to come play in the gardens.
Ye Ye dug the garden with the small roto tiller until nice and fluffy. JJ tested it by making hand prints, knees and foot prints. Later, he used the rake to smooth out between the rows.
JJ helped Nai Nai plant many different seeds. Rows of radishes, peas, carrots, and lettuces. The seeds are different shapes. A pea seed is much bigger than a carrot seed.
A nice grilled chicken for dinner finished our outside day.
But before the indoor time, Ye Ye made a small fire in the fire pit circle. We all sat around it. Nai Nai read several stories from a new book of "Toad and Frog are Friends."
The movie pick for tonight is Pinocchio. JJ said many times he has seen this movie in China. He did enjoy it. Then he hadna idea. He wanted to make a wiwsh on the Wishing Star. So Nai Nai and JJ went out after the movie in the fark to make his wish.
The wish: That Pikachu would become real!
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