Dear Jie Jie,
You will always be my special Jie Jie. Always.
It seems that you will not be coming home to us after all.
I have known for a while but I did not have the heart to put down all that is on my mind.
Basically, we had completed our entire paperchasing activities and sent it all to the Agency. They were told by China that everything was in good order. Then, it turned out that it was not.
As it happens, there were internal politics in China.
There was also a rule change in May 2007 where adoptive parents had to be married for 5 years. Your Daddy and I had only been married for 4 years. So we requested an exception which we were told would be granted. However, there were internal politics in China. Someone got promoted. Someone didn't. Someone wanted to do the right thing for you and for us. Someone else wanted to make a statement and a stand of their personal feelings.
In the end, China agreed that we were one of the best, if not The Best, family for Special Needs adoption ever. And they agreed that you should come to us. And that it was the right thing to do. But they couldn't. Instead they wanted to hold you for 10 months.
We had a decision to make. Do we fight this? Do we wait? Your Daddy and I knew ofall the delays you would encounter the longer you languished in an institution so we decided to fight. We have friends who are from China and who have a lot of very highly placed and well-connected people there. We started the process. And as the heat turned up on China by fighting their decision, they started pleading with us to stop.
I do not know if it is the Olympics or the hint of special treatment or scandal. In the end, I really do not know why they fought so hard against us. But we believe that the universe was speaking and we were not listening... just fighting and trying to make everyone bend to our will.
So we took a break from it all... and decided not to fight. You see... our belief is that we have already won. For a brief moment, you gave us hope and a chance to envision the family that we could be. You entered our lives for a reason and one day we will know it. I don't know if any of this will make sense but if you came to us and we had won our fight, your birth into our family would come out of the ashes of ruined relationships and reputations. China being communist, I don't know what would have happened to the officials that dealt with the situation. How would their lives be changed because we had won? And since your Mommy and Daddy are faceless to them, they would have no one else to spit and curse their venom at, except for you. And being born out of hate and spite is not a good way to start a new life.
We have already won. You have the positive energy of our ongoing love and prayers. And so, goodness has already triumphed. As you grow older, and have a family, get a job and go wherever life's journey takes you, our continuing love for you and thoughts of you may have a postive impact on your life. We will not know where you are physically but we are connected. Every life is connected to the other. And we will know that we are somewhere together on this rock, this planet, this world, revolving around the same sun, looking at the same moon, the same wind cooling us on hot nights.
And if you feel someone looking at you and you turn around only to see ... no one... it could be me. Or your Daddy.
You are my Jie Jie.
Our Jie Jie.
And I will always love you.
Always.
Love,
Mama
Friday, June 13, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
April Update
Dear Big Smiley,
It's been a while since we have checked in.
It's not because we are not thinking about you. It's because we are holding our breaths.
We received a note from the Agency a week ago telling us that we are DTC to China on April 1. April Fool's Day. But it was no joke. Our Dossier had been translated and was on it's way to China for logging and review.
We thought we were clear. And then we received another note from the Agency. China was planning to meet on Monday (that is this PAST Monday) to discuss ours and one other family's situation. You see, Mommy and Daddy have only been married about 4 years and the requirement is to be nmarried for 5. They were meeting to discuss a possible exception for us. We have not heard anything from them yet. We think that they wanted to see our Dossier and other eligibility requirements before making a decision on whether to let us adopt you.
If they do not, this journal will end. And I will worry that no one else will be able to love you as much as we already love you today. Sight unseen. The Director of the agency has assured us that she is advocating for us and that she is hopeful for good news so that we can be a forever family. I told her that there is no one else on this earth that we trust more than we trust her right now. And that is the truth.
So that is where we are. As soon as we know something, one way or the other we will let you know.
This weekend, we went to visit your Aunt Judi who is moving her house. She is packing and has decided to give a small sofa for your bedroom. It was your cousin Luke's and it's a perfect size for a 7 year old boy! It comes complete with cushions and it's blue! So it fits your bedroom perfectly! Cousin Luke also decided to give you a toy made up of plastic clips that collapse and expand. Cousin Luke used to stand inside of it when he was little! It will be fun to watch you do the same thing!
Nothing much else is going on right now.
We think of you every single day and we are on the edge of our seat, trying to be patient to hear the answer from China.
We love you very much.
Love,
Mommy
It's been a while since we have checked in.
It's not because we are not thinking about you. It's because we are holding our breaths.
We received a note from the Agency a week ago telling us that we are DTC to China on April 1. April Fool's Day. But it was no joke. Our Dossier had been translated and was on it's way to China for logging and review.
We thought we were clear. And then we received another note from the Agency. China was planning to meet on Monday (that is this PAST Monday) to discuss ours and one other family's situation. You see, Mommy and Daddy have only been married about 4 years and the requirement is to be nmarried for 5. They were meeting to discuss a possible exception for us. We have not heard anything from them yet. We think that they wanted to see our Dossier and other eligibility requirements before making a decision on whether to let us adopt you.
If they do not, this journal will end. And I will worry that no one else will be able to love you as much as we already love you today. Sight unseen. The Director of the agency has assured us that she is advocating for us and that she is hopeful for good news so that we can be a forever family. I told her that there is no one else on this earth that we trust more than we trust her right now. And that is the truth.
So that is where we are. As soon as we know something, one way or the other we will let you know.
This weekend, we went to visit your Aunt Judi who is moving her house. She is packing and has decided to give a small sofa for your bedroom. It was your cousin Luke's and it's a perfect size for a 7 year old boy! It comes complete with cushions and it's blue! So it fits your bedroom perfectly! Cousin Luke also decided to give you a toy made up of plastic clips that collapse and expand. Cousin Luke used to stand inside of it when he was little! It will be fun to watch you do the same thing!
Nothing much else is going on right now.
We think of you every single day and we are on the edge of our seat, trying to be patient to hear the answer from China.
We love you very much.
Love,
Mommy
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Happy Easter
Dear Big Smiley,
Happy Easter.
I wondered today if you have Easter in China.
And if you know about the Easter Bunny and the basket of goodies that he brings to children.
And the eggs. Colored eggs. Your Baba made me some colored eggs when I wasn't looking yesterday! I hope you like colored eggs.
Hmmm... Goodness... I hope you like eggs!
Your room is completely done.
Right now there is a big bed in your room. We might leave it there. We might move it and get you a cozier, smaller bed. But either way, your room is done. The windows just need shades and the floor could use a rug. But most of all, it needs you in it. Then it will be complete.
I thought about you all day today. I thought about your mei mei, too, but more about you. It might be because you are older. Or since we have known of you for shorter time, I feel a need to catch up the time so that I have thought of you as often and as much as I have thought of your mei mei.
It's different with you because I know who you are. I know what you look like, and I see the happiness on your face in the pictures. I hope you are as happy being with us as you seem to be in the pictures. I worry about that - that you will not be happy with us. I also worry that you will feel the loss of your current life acutely.
We love you.
Love,
Mama
Happy Easter.
I wondered today if you have Easter in China.
And if you know about the Easter Bunny and the basket of goodies that he brings to children.
And the eggs. Colored eggs. Your Baba made me some colored eggs when I wasn't looking yesterday! I hope you like colored eggs.
Hmmm... Goodness... I hope you like eggs!
Your room is completely done.
Right now there is a big bed in your room. We might leave it there. We might move it and get you a cozier, smaller bed. But either way, your room is done. The windows just need shades and the floor could use a rug. But most of all, it needs you in it. Then it will be complete.
I thought about you all day today. I thought about your mei mei, too, but more about you. It might be because you are older. Or since we have known of you for shorter time, I feel a need to catch up the time so that I have thought of you as often and as much as I have thought of your mei mei.
It's different with you because I know who you are. I know what you look like, and I see the happiness on your face in the pictures. I hope you are as happy being with us as you seem to be in the pictures. I worry about that - that you will not be happy with us. I also worry that you will feel the loss of your current life acutely.
We love you.
Love,
Mama
Friday, March 21, 2008
Ni Hao, Jei Jei
Dear Big Smiley,
I guess I am going to call you Big Smiley until I can come up with a more appropriate nickname for you. We call your mei mei Little Dumpling, but I am getting ahead of myself. And I see that your Baba has already written you a letter. I should have known he'd sneak in here first! But, I am getting ahead of myself yet again.
First, I want you to know that we have your pictures in our living room. I also have the same pictures of you at my office, on the bulletin board, in front and behind my monitor so that when I look up, I can see your smiling face.
And that is the defining feature - your Big Smile. Hence, the name Big Smiley. Your smile is like your Baba's. He also has a very big smile and everyone has commented on how similar you two look.
I don't know where to start really, so we will take this one day at a time.
We have been waiting for your mei mei to come home since June of 2006. The wait has been long and it will get longer. Your Baba and I have talked about maybe getting another child after your mei mei comes home. Maybe one that is older and a son. But the wait was so long! So we decided to look into other countries to see if mei mei's big brother was to be found outside of China. The more we researched and look, the more we became convinced that the agency helping us to bring home your mei mei was the right one for us. And that China was the country where are hearts lay - in you and in your mei mei.
And so, in late December, after searching for 3 months, we sat down and talked to the agency that is helping us bring home mei mei. And we asked them, "Why is it that China allows concurrent adoptions from other countries but not from China? Especially if we wanted to go through the Special Needs/Waiting Child route?"
Our agency said, "we don't know. We will ask."
And they did. Turns out that China would allows us to pursue this and the very next day the Agency found us two little boys, one of which we felt was right for us. But fate works in very strange ways. That little boy wasn't meant to be our son when we found out that China would let us switch to the SN/WC avenue but it meant that we would have to lose our place in line for your mei mei.
But you see, that was out of the question for us. At the end of our place in line is your mei mei. The little girl that is meant for us. If we left the line... well... we felt we would be abandoning her. We would be testing fate and asking for another little girl that was perfect for us. Who knows what fate would have said after all these many months of being in line and waiting patiently. So leaving line was bad for all of us. And most importantly for your sister. You see, she was abandoned at birth. And if we left our place in line, we felt that she would be abandoned a second time. It's hard to explain. I hope you understand as you get older.
Anyway, your Baba and I are funny people. Your Baba especially always wants to know "why" and "why not." It makes me crazy but it's a part of who your Baba is and his curiosity is to be cherished! So, Baba asked, "Why can't we stay in line for Little Dumpling while starting over in a new line for Our Little Fortune Cookie, whoever he may be?"
So the agency said, "we never thought of asking that question." And they went back to China and asked them "why not?"
China said, "well, we have never done that before and we must think about it and talk to many people to see if we should do this."
So we waited. The days passed with no contact from China and I was losing hope. Your Baba and I decided if it was not meant to be, we should not feel badly. But a month later, we heard from the Agency. China called. They said, "ok. Let's give this a try. If you are in line for a Non-Special Needs Child, and would like to adopt from the Special Needs/Waiting Child List then we will let you do that without losing your place in line." And they went one step further. They said, "if you want to only adopt from the SN/Special Needs List then you can adopt TWO children at the same time."
Wow. The agency thought that we would be the first family to be doing this. They said that we helped change the course of Chinese adoption in the United States. But all we know is that Fate intervened and decided that our way to you was destiny.
And the next day, the agency looked through the lists of children and they came upon your file. They called and described you. They sent us your file and your pictures. And your pictures were beautiful. You have the biggest smile on your face. And there is a less smiley one but your face is just as beautiful to me.
You were born in Beijing at the Beijing Hospital in 2001. You see, you had a cleft lip, cleft palate, and a hole in your heart. And your family decided that they could not take care of your properly so they left you at the hospital where they thought you would be in good hands. There is so much more to this story but we believe that you were loved by your foster family and the orphange and that they took very very good care of you. And your Baba and I are forever grateful for that.
You also had surgery on the cleft lip, palate and hole in your heart. Your Aunt Harriet, who is a pediatric neurologist, took a look at your file first, then told us that your development is on track. She especially loved the smile and the twinkle in your eye. She also commented on how I have to work to put some meat on your bones! Well, Aunt Harriet loves to eat! You will love her. She loves children.
We also talked to your Uncle John, who is a pediatric anesthesiologist. He reviewed your file on your heart surgery and said that you were perfect! He is also very very excited to have you home.
It turns out that Beijing Hospital is one of the best in the world, and The Best in China. The children's hospital there is supposed to be world reknown.
And so, we told the agency, you are our son and that we want you home with us.
And they put your file on "hold" in the system so you wouldn't go to some other family. And we hurried up and sent a letter to China of our intention to adopt you. Then we applied formally to the agency. After that the home study was completed and we sent off all the forms for the background and criminal checks which were sent back to the agency in record time. Next we had to gather all of the other paperwork that could NOT be reused. The agency is reusing some of the paperwork we filed for your mei mei. Some had to be redone. And then we had to ask USCIS - the immigration people - to add you to our approval in addition to your mei mei. And that was also done in record time. Now all of the information has been compiled into a Dossier which has been sent to NYC to be translated into Chinese. All of that, which usually takes about 3-6 months, took us four weeks. FOURS WEEKS! Of course, I am not holding my breath because the same thing happened with your mei mei but here we are STILL in line! Sigh...
After the Dossier is translated (about 3-4 weeks), it will be sent to China. This is our Dossier to China date (DTC) (about a week).
After China gets the Dossier, they will review it and log it in. This is called the Log In Date (LID) - about another 3-4 weeks.
Then they will send us a Letter of Acceptance (LOA) telling us that they accept us as your parents - about 3-4 months).
Then they will send us a travel authorization (TA) which is another 3-4 weeks.
Then in about 2-8 weeks, we will be traveling.
The best case is July, sometime, but that very optimistic.
The average case will be around September or October.
The worst case is any time after that.
Now, we wait. When things progress, I will report it to you.
And while we wait, we will write things down that we can't say to you yet.
Anyway, that is the story of your birth into our family.
We know that you have lost so much in your young life already.
And by coming home to us, we know that you will once again lose so much and the life you have come to know.
I hope that one day you will be able to forgive us for taking you away from your life and giving you a new one.
Well, there is more to come.
Remember that we love you and I can't wait to hold you in my arms.
Love,
Mama
I guess I am going to call you Big Smiley until I can come up with a more appropriate nickname for you. We call your mei mei Little Dumpling, but I am getting ahead of myself. And I see that your Baba has already written you a letter. I should have known he'd sneak in here first! But, I am getting ahead of myself yet again.
First, I want you to know that we have your pictures in our living room. I also have the same pictures of you at my office, on the bulletin board, in front and behind my monitor so that when I look up, I can see your smiling face.
And that is the defining feature - your Big Smile. Hence, the name Big Smiley. Your smile is like your Baba's. He also has a very big smile and everyone has commented on how similar you two look.
I don't know where to start really, so we will take this one day at a time.
We have been waiting for your mei mei to come home since June of 2006. The wait has been long and it will get longer. Your Baba and I have talked about maybe getting another child after your mei mei comes home. Maybe one that is older and a son. But the wait was so long! So we decided to look into other countries to see if mei mei's big brother was to be found outside of China. The more we researched and look, the more we became convinced that the agency helping us to bring home your mei mei was the right one for us. And that China was the country where are hearts lay - in you and in your mei mei.
And so, in late December, after searching for 3 months, we sat down and talked to the agency that is helping us bring home mei mei. And we asked them, "Why is it that China allows concurrent adoptions from other countries but not from China? Especially if we wanted to go through the Special Needs/Waiting Child route?"
Our agency said, "we don't know. We will ask."
And they did. Turns out that China would allows us to pursue this and the very next day the Agency found us two little boys, one of which we felt was right for us. But fate works in very strange ways. That little boy wasn't meant to be our son when we found out that China would let us switch to the SN/WC avenue but it meant that we would have to lose our place in line for your mei mei.
But you see, that was out of the question for us. At the end of our place in line is your mei mei. The little girl that is meant for us. If we left the line... well... we felt we would be abandoning her. We would be testing fate and asking for another little girl that was perfect for us. Who knows what fate would have said after all these many months of being in line and waiting patiently. So leaving line was bad for all of us. And most importantly for your sister. You see, she was abandoned at birth. And if we left our place in line, we felt that she would be abandoned a second time. It's hard to explain. I hope you understand as you get older.
Anyway, your Baba and I are funny people. Your Baba especially always wants to know "why" and "why not." It makes me crazy but it's a part of who your Baba is and his curiosity is to be cherished! So, Baba asked, "Why can't we stay in line for Little Dumpling while starting over in a new line for Our Little Fortune Cookie, whoever he may be?"
So the agency said, "we never thought of asking that question." And they went back to China and asked them "why not?"
China said, "well, we have never done that before and we must think about it and talk to many people to see if we should do this."
So we waited. The days passed with no contact from China and I was losing hope. Your Baba and I decided if it was not meant to be, we should not feel badly. But a month later, we heard from the Agency. China called. They said, "ok. Let's give this a try. If you are in line for a Non-Special Needs Child, and would like to adopt from the Special Needs/Waiting Child List then we will let you do that without losing your place in line." And they went one step further. They said, "if you want to only adopt from the SN/Special Needs List then you can adopt TWO children at the same time."
Wow. The agency thought that we would be the first family to be doing this. They said that we helped change the course of Chinese adoption in the United States. But all we know is that Fate intervened and decided that our way to you was destiny.
And the next day, the agency looked through the lists of children and they came upon your file. They called and described you. They sent us your file and your pictures. And your pictures were beautiful. You have the biggest smile on your face. And there is a less smiley one but your face is just as beautiful to me.
You were born in Beijing at the Beijing Hospital in 2001. You see, you had a cleft lip, cleft palate, and a hole in your heart. And your family decided that they could not take care of your properly so they left you at the hospital where they thought you would be in good hands. There is so much more to this story but we believe that you were loved by your foster family and the orphange and that they took very very good care of you. And your Baba and I are forever grateful for that.
You also had surgery on the cleft lip, palate and hole in your heart. Your Aunt Harriet, who is a pediatric neurologist, took a look at your file first, then told us that your development is on track. She especially loved the smile and the twinkle in your eye. She also commented on how I have to work to put some meat on your bones! Well, Aunt Harriet loves to eat! You will love her. She loves children.
We also talked to your Uncle John, who is a pediatric anesthesiologist. He reviewed your file on your heart surgery and said that you were perfect! He is also very very excited to have you home.
It turns out that Beijing Hospital is one of the best in the world, and The Best in China. The children's hospital there is supposed to be world reknown.
And so, we told the agency, you are our son and that we want you home with us.
And they put your file on "hold" in the system so you wouldn't go to some other family. And we hurried up and sent a letter to China of our intention to adopt you. Then we applied formally to the agency. After that the home study was completed and we sent off all the forms for the background and criminal checks which were sent back to the agency in record time. Next we had to gather all of the other paperwork that could NOT be reused. The agency is reusing some of the paperwork we filed for your mei mei. Some had to be redone. And then we had to ask USCIS - the immigration people - to add you to our approval in addition to your mei mei. And that was also done in record time. Now all of the information has been compiled into a Dossier which has been sent to NYC to be translated into Chinese. All of that, which usually takes about 3-6 months, took us four weeks. FOURS WEEKS! Of course, I am not holding my breath because the same thing happened with your mei mei but here we are STILL in line! Sigh...
After the Dossier is translated (about 3-4 weeks), it will be sent to China. This is our Dossier to China date (DTC) (about a week).
After China gets the Dossier, they will review it and log it in. This is called the Log In Date (LID) - about another 3-4 weeks.
Then they will send us a Letter of Acceptance (LOA) telling us that they accept us as your parents - about 3-4 months).
Then they will send us a travel authorization (TA) which is another 3-4 weeks.
Then in about 2-8 weeks, we will be traveling.
The best case is July, sometime, but that very optimistic.
The average case will be around September or October.
The worst case is any time after that.
Now, we wait. When things progress, I will report it to you.
And while we wait, we will write things down that we can't say to you yet.
Anyway, that is the story of your birth into our family.
We know that you have lost so much in your young life already.
And by coming home to us, we know that you will once again lose so much and the life you have come to know.
I hope that one day you will be able to forgive us for taking you away from your life and giving you a new one.
Well, there is more to come.
Remember that we love you and I can't wait to hold you in my arms.
Love,
Mama
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Hi there
JJ,
You will find that mom posts much more than dad but don't think that dad is not thinking about you. He is, often. Come quickly, there is so much I have to show you.
Dad
You will find that mom posts much more than dad but don't think that dad is not thinking about you. He is, often. Come quickly, there is so much I have to show you.
Dad
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