The Adoption Review

I received a questionnaire from the Agency a month ago regarding our adoption experience. It was interesting that they sent it four months after we got back and had a chance to settle in.

My view of the adoption was widely different from the time we first arrived back home until the time I filled out the questionaire.

In addition to the many questions about our review of the agency (stellar), there were a couple of other questions. My answers surprised me:

1. Please describe your doctor’s evaluation of your child’s physical and developmental condition upon arrival in the U.S.
   
   Cleft Lip and Palate and VSD as described.
   
   Upon examination:
   - VSD was fully repaired. Slight heart murmur which means check ups every 2 years for the foreseeable future
   - Ear tags – skin around the ears – could have signified kidney disease – China told us they thought it was LUCKY! HELLLOOOO. Surgeon will cut it off. No evidence of kidney disease
   - Fluid in the ears and too much ear wax – requires ear tubes – loss of hearing in the right ear – left ear was almost 100% after they cleaned out the earwax. Right ear was not any better. Hopefully will be better once the ear tubes are put in.
   - Undescended left testicle – could lead to cancer and infertility in the future – this was fixed by us surgically - I supposed China doesn't really care if their orphans are infertile.
   - Tight foreskin – not circumcised – this was fixed and now he can urinate without issue
   - Short palate – needs to get P-Flap surgery
   - Bone-graft is required – orthodontia is needed before doing this to spread out the palate more
   - Hemifacial microsomia – this is about 10% and minor for him. It is affecting only his lower right jaw. Dr. will fix when he does the bone graft
   - No tip on the right side of the nose – flattened due to cleft along with a crooked or deviated septum – doctor will fix when he does the p-flap surgery
   - Lack of dental care – he has had 5 teeth pulled, baby teeth did not fall out when adult teeth came in – needed 2 baby teeth root canals until the cleft dentist said to pull them to prepare for surgery. He has had 6 fillings for baby teeth as well.
2. No Speech therapy at all. China did not bother to correct his bad talking habits even after he received his surgery. Found how that his Chinese is pretty bad. native Chinese can understand him about 40%. When they get used to him, they fill in the context and can understand him better. But that is not to say that his speech improves, they are just good at interpreting what he is saying. His bad habits are carrying over into English as well. Some of the issues are not bad habits but due to the short palate and lack of a p-flap.
   
   Also, he was considered developmentally aware – mostly because he watched faces and could understand cause and effect. Dr. also thought he was adjusting and bonding well.
   
   Socially slightly delayed due to having only kids at the orphanage to play with – unable to play politics in the school yard; children baiting him or setting him up either intentionally or unintentionally, etc. This is a personal observation and not from the doctor
3. Please describe any feelings you have regarding how your child might have been cared for in China
   Whatever they did was cosmetic. This little boy is so smart and had he been normal, he would have been so successful in China being raised with his bio family. It would have been a shame to have left him there because he would not have amounted to a lot societally.
   
   I think after the surgeries, that is all they would have done. I think that he would have had a speech impediment for the rest of his life. He would have had issues with his urination and could have not been able to have children – given his facial issues and his bad speech, he may not have gotten married anyway. He also could not have talked and his scars on his face as well as his speech issues would have caused him to live in the shadows of society.
   
   He also would not have any teeth eventually due to cavities. But this is only after he had TOO MANY teeth in his head because the baby teeth would not have fallen out on their own. And his teeth would have been very crooked.
   
   He is very lucky to be in America. I think he knows that too because he thanks us very single day. I hope he never forgets how fortunate he is. I used to bristle when people told me how lucky he was. I would say "no, we are the lucky ones." But after all of his pain and aggravation, yes, I will now say that he is "VERY VERY FORTUNATE."
   
   I think that more information on Cleft should be given – as it relates to all of the issues and medical care that is required and how long that it takes. We did not know much about it from the research we did. China also needs to document every single little thing. It would not have changed our decision to adopt JJ but it would have been less frustrating and irritating if we had gone into it knowing that he will have 12 specialists, most of them for non-cleft related things.
   
   I think that talking to other adoptive families of cleft would have been very helpful.

At this point, you have had a total of 6 teeth pulled.
You are using flouride every single day after brushing and flossing your teeth in the morning and at night. And this will probably continue for the next 6-12 months. All of the dental appointments are done until the 6-month checkup which is coming up in June.

Your skin is also getting better but it is still scaly and looks very very dry. I am surprised that they did not bleed in the winter. The eczema is stubborn and we are treating it off and on. The first full round of steroids helped somewhat but now we are giving you some ointment that the doctor prescribed to Mama. Maybe it is too strong for you? Who knows. It is only helping a little anyway.

You are trying to say your words more. You have a tendency to speak really fast and that makes you totally babble and I cannot understand you. Baba does a better job at listening than I do. But when reminded you do slow down.

You are starting to learn about past tense and every one in a while you do say it the right way. You are still struggling to break your bad habits of not completing your words. But you still have no issue with repeating the word 3 or 4 times to get it right. And I am very very happy about that.

And you also are trying to figure out gender. In America, not everyone is "he." You are understanding this. Sometimes you get it right, other times you get it wrong.
But I am not worried about this one; you will get it right eventually.